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Offlinefbi365
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How to beat the 'Just Friends' Syndrome? * 1
    #14314569 - 04/18/11 10:57 PM (12 years, 10 months ago)

Thread dedicated to the intolerable purgatory that is "just friends." :puke:  I literally throw up a little when I say it.  If you are like me, you can't seem to break the friends barrier.  Consistently throughout my life I become the good trusted friend; Mr. Nice Guy, Ol'Reliable, shoulder to cry on.  When, what I really want is to be some type of relationship with her, be it sexual, bf/gf, long-term, or whatever.

The people here helped me.  So feel free to post your questions, frustrations, experiences, or advice.   

I need to get this sorted out in my head. 

Okay, so Sarah and I hang out a bunch, we go to the bars, we grab lunch together, and go out on dinner dates, we work together.  We generally have a good time together. 

This has been going on for probably six months now.  When I really started to notice she liked me, she would put her hands on my legs and just being really hands on.  But whenever I tried reciprocating or making the moves she would tell me "thats not okay."  We ended up kissing one night, but after that everything stopped.  We still hung out, but the physical element had obviously cooled.  Weird, I thought, until I found out she had a boyfriend all along.

Well, now the boyfreind is out of the picture, and I am turning things up a bit.  We have been going on formal dates (nice restaurants, getting dressed up, etc) and have soft plans for PF Changs sometime later this week. 

No kissing yet, but she told my friend that she likes me, trusts me, and was open to the idea of dating me.  I got drunk and told her the other night that i liked her after our date.  She just said "I know." and then we talked about the one time we kissed, but DIDN'T kiss again (WTF) and she never said that she liked me too or anything. kind of disappointing :frown: 

She has been acting a little douchy lately though.  She told me about how she made out with a guy at the bar on Thursday, ditched out on plans Saturday, and last night she was kind of holding hands with some guy she knew at the bar and left with him, right in front of me.  But oh, she was sure to remind me of our PF Changs plans on her way out with him.  Why would she do these things or tell me about them if she knows I like her and proclaims to others to like me?

Bottom line, I really like this girl, and it is driving me crazy that she is so casual with me.  She is absolutely beautiful, and I just melt around her.  I will do anything to be around her.  I would literally do anything for her. 

Thanks for reading. I know it is long.  Please help me with your opinions about this up and down relationship with the understanding that I want to make this work with her.  I am not looking to blow it up.  I am not sure if I could do that anyway...


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Edited by fbi365 (04/20/11 03:27 PM)

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Anonymous #1

Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: fbi365]
    #14314585 - 04/18/11 11:01 PM (12 years, 10 months ago)

It's not something I would invest your feelings in too much.

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InvisibleMisterMuscaria
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: fbi365] * 1
    #14314596 - 04/18/11 11:02 PM (12 years, 10 months ago)

shit test

I never heard of it until someone brought it up in another thread but apparently it's what girls really do. They treat you like shit to see what they can get away with and if you let them do that they deem you not worthy. At the same time if you blow up violently they deem you not worthy. They want to gauge your reaction.

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Offlinefbi365
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Registered: 02/07/11
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: MisterMuscaria]
    #14314612 - 04/18/11 11:06 PM (12 years, 10 months ago)

Quote:

MisterMuscaria said:
shit test




Not sure I get it, I can't really stop her from doing anything if she wants to do it.  What is the response to the shit test?


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OfflineChellePepper
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Registered: 02/12/11
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: fbi365] * 1
    #14314613 - 04/18/11 11:06 PM (12 years, 10 months ago)

If I was interested in a guy, I wouldn't tell him about other exploits. Even if they might be there some. I wouldn't want him to become discouraged. I think if someone likes you, they want to foster good, romantic feelings. She might just see you as a friend.

I would try to distance yourself from her and see how that goes. Don't cut off contact completely, but don't take her out to dinner or treat her lavishly.

BUT If you really like spending time with her and looking at her beautiful person, then continue to hang around and see where it goes. Seems to me you are just a friend to her.

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Invisibleelliev
(ノ´∀`*)ノ


Registered: 04/10/11
Posts: 414
Loc: bay area
Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: fbi365] * 2
    #14314616 - 04/18/11 11:06 PM (12 years, 10 months ago)

Quote:


We have been going on formal dates (nice restaurants, getting dressed up, etc) and have soft plans for PF Changs sometime later this week. 




free movies, food, and dates. sounds like youre a tool


Quote:


She told me about how she made out with a guy at the bar on Thursday, ditched out on plans Saturday, and last night she was kind of holding hands with some guy she knew at the bar and left with him, right in front of me.




getting under your skin. obvious she likes you for the attention



Quote:


I will do anything to be around her.  I would literally do anything for her. 




stop being whipped


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InvisibleTTT
Cultivate the inside
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Registered: 08/07/06
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: elliev] * 3
    #14314624 - 04/18/11 11:08 PM (12 years, 10 months ago)

Stop being whipped is how you pass the shit test.

Show you have your own personal drive, motivation and desires in life. Show you want to include her in your lifestyle, not have her be the center of it.

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OfflineChellePepper
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: TTT]
    #14314645 - 04/18/11 11:12 PM (12 years, 10 months ago)

I haven't heard of this shit test. I looked it up.  Interesting. Seems to jive.

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InvisibleMisterMuscaria
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: TTT]
    #14314650 - 04/18/11 11:12 PM (12 years, 10 months ago)

Yeah girls seem not to like needy little boys who put them on a pedestal and come at them with this "you are my everything, I have to have you" energy. It's overwhelming. When girls come at me like that it freaks me out.

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Offlinereidzilla
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: fbi365] * 1
    #14314651 - 04/18/11 11:12 PM (12 years, 10 months ago)

She's just using you for attention. Put as much distance as you can between you and her. Especially if you work together. If She's telling you about how she's hanging out with other guys, that's her way of saying, she won't be doing that with you. Do yourself a HUGE favor; call the phone company and have her number blocked, (you can now block texts too) destroy any and all mementos you have of her (pictures, gifts, cards, all of it) and ignore her at work. The only way you can save your sanity is to end this toxic relationship as soon as you're done reading this very sentence. As long as you have friends that are women, you will not ever be able to have a real girlfriend. Be friends with the woman that you are already having sex with. Many women just can't get enough attention and they will get it ANY way they can. Don't let it get you down, you are not the only guy she's done this to, and you wont be the last.

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Offlinefbi365
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Registered: 02/07/11
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: elliev]
    #14314697 - 04/18/11 11:20 PM (12 years, 10 months ago)

I have two jobs and am getting a masters degree, she is nowhere near the center of my life.  If fact we only spend time together maybe once a week sometimes twice, as little as once every two weeks.  We text not regularly, but enough, she usually initiates text conversation
Quote:

elliev said:

We have been going on formal dates (nice restaurants, getting dressed up, etc) and have soft plans for PF Changs sometime later this week. 




free movies, food, and dates. sounds like youre a tool



Not sure how you hang out with somebody if you dont go somewhere and do something :shrug: 

I can try the distance thing, but we work together, so its hard...

I was actually going to just ask her strait up "You already know I like you, do you like me?  Prob a bad idea?


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Invisibleelliev
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Registered: 04/10/11
Posts: 414
Loc: bay area
Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: fbi365]
    #14314722 - 04/18/11 11:24 PM (12 years, 10 months ago)

Quote:

fbi365 said:

Not sure how you hang out with somebody if you dont go somewhere and do something :shrug: 






well if you're paying for all her shit youre a tool

going out somewhere and eating doesn't always count as a date btw

just sayin cause whenever i chilled with a guy, it'd piss me off when they were like "soooo is this a date?" because it was like... dude it's just hanging out and eating.

edit: i dont think its a bad idea to tell her how you feel about it. at most she'll probably fake freak out about not using you etc, or be cool and straight up tell you that she enjoys your company (aka attn and free foodz/dates) and tell ya that she doesnt feel the same way.


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Edited by elliev (04/18/11 11:26 PM)

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Offlinereidzilla
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Registered: 02/13/11
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Last seen: 12 years, 3 months
Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: fbi365]
    #14314779 - 04/18/11 11:34 PM (12 years, 10 months ago)

Quote:

fbi365 said:

I was actually going to just ask her strait up "You already know I like you, do you like me?  Prob a bad idea?




BAD idea. End it now. You sound like you have really built this up in your mind but it's obvious to everyone else that has read your own words, she does not want anything to do with you in a normal relationship. If she's the kind of woman that has the capacity to treat a person like you, the way she has been, for this long, should be a major red flag! GET OUT NOW!

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Offlinefbi365
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Registered: 02/07/11
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: elliev]
    #14314819 - 04/18/11 11:40 PM (12 years, 10 months ago)

tabs are generally split, but not always.  I buy her things sometimes, but she also buys me things sometimes...

Yeah, I suppose we could just be going out to restaurants to "chill."  Seems a little weird, but not too far out there...


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InvisibleFragment

Registered: 04/18/11
Posts: 896
Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: elliev]
    #14314828 - 04/18/11 11:42 PM (12 years, 10 months ago)

Distance yourself. Distance...

Also do not let it affect you simply because it doesn't matter. Stop caring you know how she wants to play and you know what you need to do. Stand up for yourself. Period. Also grab yourself a back up.

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OfflineChellePepper
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Registered: 02/12/11
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: fbi365]
    #14314845 - 04/18/11 11:46 PM (12 years, 10 months ago)

Quote:

fbi365 said:
tabs are generally split, but not always.  I buy her things sometimes, but she also buys me things sometimes...

Yeah, I suppose we could just be going out to restaurants to "chill."  Seems a little weird, but not too far out there...




Even more to the point that you are probably this chicks friend.  I've been the girl in the situation before.  I enjoyed hanging out and spending time with him, but the chemistry wasn't there. I would tell him about my other dates or romantic interests because I treated him the way I would a friend. We'd go out to dinner, but I would insist on paying - something I don't do on a "date". If he bought me things, I would surprise him with something just to even out the efforts. Eventually, it just got to be too much. He said he was okay with just being friend - but he really wasn't.

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Offlinefbi365
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: Fragment]
    #14314869 - 04/18/11 11:49 PM (12 years, 10 months ago)

Well this is all very bad news, not what I wanted to hear at all. 

I wanted to stay positive about the whole situation...


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Offlinefbi365
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: ChellePepper]
    #14314876 - 04/18/11 11:51 PM (12 years, 10 months ago)

Well this is all very bad news, not what I wanted to hear at all. 

I wanted to stay positive about the whole situation...

Quote:

ChellePepper said:
Quote:

fbi365 said:
tabs are generally split, but not always.  I buy her things sometimes, but she also buys me things sometimes...

Yeah, I suppose we could just be going out to restaurants to "chill."  Seems a little weird, but not too far out there...




Even more to the point that you are probably this chicks friend.  I've been the girl in the situation before.  I enjoyed hanging out and spending time with him, but the chemistry wasn't there. I would tell him about my other dates or romantic interests because I treated him the way I would a friend. We'd go out to dinner, but I would insist on paying - something I don't do on a "date". If he bought me things, I would surprise him with something just to even out the efforts. Eventually, it just got to be too much. He said he was okay with just being friend - but he really wasn't.




This sounds about right, unfortunately.


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Offlinefbi365
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Registered: 02/07/11
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Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: fbi365]
    #14314899 - 04/18/11 11:57 PM (12 years, 10 months ago)

PS..  This "friends" situation has happened to me several other times  :suicide:
It is a constant recurring theme in my life.
I need to know how to break out of it.
I just want to be a nice person, and I am honestly just being myself.  I don't know how to, or really want to act any other way...


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InvisibleFragment

Registered: 04/18/11
Posts: 896
Re: Does she like me or is she fucking with me? Next move? [Re: fbi365]
    #14314907 - 04/18/11 11:59 PM (12 years, 10 months ago)

O-O

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