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Anonymous #1
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Has anyone here lost a parent at a young age?
#14313181 - 04/18/11 04:28 PM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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I lost my mom when I was 17. My brother and I lost our mom to suicide when we discovered our Dad was gay. She slowly went nuts and eventually killed herself, leaving us speechless.
At the time, I hate to admit it, but I felt free. I felt free from all of the rules and regulations of being a teenager and I thought it was my new calling. Right now, however, I know that if my mom was still alive we'd be best friends right now. I'm having a hard time dealing with this. Since then it's just been my Dad and I struggling to maintain this household. My brother developed a problem with heroin, got arrested a bunch of times, and went to live on his own by order of his probation officer. Since then it's just been my Dad and I struggling to pay this or that, trying to live normal lives and I feel like it's too much to handle. The pressure to pull my family out of this is growing ever intense and I don't know how to continue.
What would you do in my situation? I'm way above average IQ and I'm constantly reminded that I should be doing better for my family and myself, but I honestly don't see it happening and I worry how things would turn out if I turn out too weak to handle this all on my own.
I've talked about this with my closest friend and he always reminds me that everything will be fine even if things explode for me, but I just feel like I should be doing so much better for family despite by ability to do so.
Is anyone here in a similar position, and if so, how did you deal with it?? This shit ain't no joke and I'd like nothing more than to carry this family into a new era of existence, but with the way it's going, I don't see that happening. Just failure piled on top of more failure.
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fbi365
Captain of the Sinking Ship



Registered: 02/07/11
Posts: 2,857
Loc: Nowhere
Last seen: 4 months, 10 days
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Re: Has anyone here lost a parent at a young age? [Re: Anonymous #1]
#14313244 - 04/18/11 05:31 PM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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My dad shot himself in the heart with a 12-gauge when I was 8 years old, twenty years ago now. Honestly, I don't know how I dealt with it. I have the same problems he did; alcoholism, depression, anger, jealousy. I tend to keep myself pretty twisted up on drugs and alcohol which is probably the best way to deal with it.
After it happened, I learned later, I lost a year of my life, like no memories or recollection whatsoever for a year after it happened. It is like that year never happened. Apparently all I did, though, was lay on the couch and watch tv. So, not much to remember, I guess...
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Anonymous #2
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Re: Has anyone here lost a parent at a young age? [Re: Anonymous #1]
#14315937 - 04/19/11 07:40 AM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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Quote:
Anonymous said: I lost my mom when I was 17. My brother and I lost our mom to suicide when we discovered our Dad was gay. She slowly went nuts and eventually killed herself, leaving us speechless.
At the time, I hate to admit it, but I felt free. I felt free from all of the rules and regulations of being a teenager and I thought it was my new calling. Right now, however, I know that if my mom was still alive we'd be best friends right now. I'm having a hard time dealing with this. Since then it's just been my Dad and I struggling to maintain this household. My brother developed a problem with heroin, got arrested a bunch of times, and went to live on his own by order of his probation officer. Since then it's just been my Dad and I struggling to pay this or that, trying to live normal lives and I feel like it's too much to handle. The pressure to pull my family out of this is growing ever intense and I don't know how to continue.
What would you do in my situation? I'm way above average IQ and I'm constantly reminded that I should be doing better for my family and myself, but I honestly don't see it happening and I worry how things would turn out if I turn out too weak to handle this all on my own.
I've talked about this with my closest friend and he always reminds me that everything will be fine even if things explode for me, but I just feel like I should be doing so much better for family despite by ability to do so.
Is anyone here in a similar position, and if so, how did you deal with it?? This shit ain't no joke and I'd like nothing more than to carry this family into a new era of existence, but with the way it's going, I don't see that happening. Just failure piled on top of more failure.
Yes, I lost my father to a car and bike crash when I was turning 13. Shortly after that I lost my grandmother from my fathers side, grandfather was already gone.
I said some really bad things to my father when he was alive due to nervous ambience caused by difficult financical times. That was the only time I have seen my father cry. And not long after that, he was gone. To this day I wonder if he did it on purpouse or not... Fuck.
So, when this was happening, I was in shock, and did not know what should I do. But after that, there was some form of relief, calmness and I too felt free. Due to some circumstances prior to his death, we gained better financical basis. But to this day I feel disgusted because its like we gained something from his death. The ONLY truth is, that I Love Him to death, he was the only person really with whom I could be completely open to, I miss the good times with my dad.
When my grandmother died, right before that I was going through teenage problems and wanted to be alone for a while. So I kind of fantasized what if she wasn't there... And bam. And she was the best grandmother I had, I spent best summertimes at her place, she taught me how to work and stand up in social situations, she even taught me to read.
Few years later, my mother started to turn crazy and attempted suicide. She is the sort of person who always needs support. But luckily now we are best friends with my mom.
But for whole my life, there have been financical hardships. This has taught me to keep my money and really calculate my living. Some people around me do not understand this, how can I be so calulative when I make decisions and think I am kind of slow and hard decisionist.
What I am trying to say to you, is this: Feeling of freedom is normal after someones death. After that, you start to miss them. At least with me it has been so.
How old are you now? I want to say this: Do not sacrifice your future life for your family. Your family made you, and you are their future. If you ruin your future, you ruin everything. Do what YOU want to do, and don't feel insecure about it.
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Le_Canard
The Duk Abides


Registered: 05/16/03
Posts: 94,392
Loc: Earthfarm 1
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Re: Has anyone here lost a parent at a young age? [Re: Anonymous #1]
#14316648 - 04/19/11 11:02 AM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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I lost my dad when I was 12 due to a heart attack, and my mom at 16 due to breast cancer, so i feel for you. Having said that, you can't carry your family. Try to help your brother and try to understand your dad, but remember that the burden of carrying them completely cannot be done.
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Mufungo
Coming at ya


Registered: 04/03/07
Posts: 2,743
Loc: Knowhere
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Re: Has anyone here lost a parent at a young age? [Re: Anonymous #1]
#14321673 - 04/20/11 06:31 AM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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I don't know your circumstances, of course, but based on how you're talking, my only advice would be to be careful about how much responsibility you take on. Best thing I reckon is to look after yourself, lead by example with respect to how you things should be, and support and show your family love while they work out their own stuff. It's not necessarily easy to do, especially when some of the answers seem hypothetically obvious, but letting people get a grip of their own autonomy is useful to the group as a whole. That's my 2c.
My Dad died when I was 5 years old. He was an old man though, 82, and died of natural causes. I would have like to know him, but that was never really going to be an option.
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Anonymous #1
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Re: Has anyone here lost a parent at a young age? [Re: Mufungo]
#14329627 - 04/21/11 07:48 PM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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It helps to hear these stories from you guys, thanks for the responses.
@fbi365: I'm 25.
I'm already kind of accepting the fact that I don't really have a future. I rely on my friends now to keep going, and they're a huge help. They spot me beer all the time, food when we eat out.. I'm not a total mooch though, when my Dad doesn't need most of my paycheck I supply the fun, but it really helps having friends that understand my situation.
I guess I really didn't realize how big of an impact my Dad's mood has on me. He spends his non working time in his room watching TV, only comes down to cook dinner and eat. Some days I can tell he's been crying all day and it instantly turns whatever fantastic day I'm having into shit. I just feel so bad for him and there's not much I can do to console him.
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Adam3295
Devil Dog



Registered: 11/28/10
Posts: 49
Loc: Cloud Nine
Last seen: 2 years, 9 months
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Re: Has anyone here lost a parent at a young age? [Re: Anonymous #1]
#14329811 - 04/21/11 08:19 PM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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I feel for you man. When I was a freshman in high school, I had two brothers die in a horrific car accident. After that my parent’s relationship went to hell and my father was diagnosed with severe clinical depression. Following their divorce, my dad bounced around from whores to bar skanks living a reckless lifestyle. He finally ended it all when he stood in front of big ass Peterbuilt on the highway after an argument with his current skank. On one side I was relieved that he would not suffer anymore, but on the other I felt that I could have done something more.
I hope you decide to help your father out as much as possible over the grief that you both share. I always look back with regret, and I hope you don't make the same mistake as me.
Good luck and PM me if you want to chat.
-------------------- "People sleep peaceably in their beds at night only because rough men stand ready to do violence on their behalf." -- George Orwell --
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fbi365
Captain of the Sinking Ship



Registered: 02/07/11
Posts: 2,857
Loc: Nowhere
Last seen: 4 months, 10 days
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Re: Has anyone here lost a parent at a young age? [Re: Anonymous #1]
#14330213 - 04/21/11 09:41 PM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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Quote:
Anonymous said: It helps to hear these stories from you guys, thanks for the responses.
@fbi365: I'm 25.
I'm already kind of accepting the fact that I don't really have a future. I rely on my friends now to keep going, and they're a huge help. They spot me beer all the time, food when we eat out.. I'm not a total mooch though, when my Dad doesn't need most of my paycheck I supply the fun, but it really helps having friends that understand my situation.
I guess I really didn't realize how big of an impact my Dad's mood has on me. He spends his non working time in his room watching TV, only comes down to cook dinner and eat. Some days I can tell he's been crying all day and it instantly turns whatever fantastic day I'm having into shit. I just feel so bad for him and there's not much I can do to console him.
Yeah, I don't know bro. I wish I had advice for you. There just really is no way to get around it. Your life is going to be different from here on out. It just depends on how you choose to deal with it. Fun people help, but you have to be alone sometimes. Its a good thing that you are stepping up for your family. They need you...
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Anonymous #1
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Re: Has anyone here lost a parent at a young age? [Re: fbi365]
#14389482 - 05/02/11 03:59 PM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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My Dad just picked up a part time job at the local Micky D's. I worked there for 5 years from 14-19, and it's funny that he's going there now. His spirits are a lot higher now that there's more income, and it'll be nice now that I'll see a lot more of my own $$....
Just thought you guys might enjoy a positive update.
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Adam3295
Devil Dog



Registered: 11/28/10
Posts: 49
Loc: Cloud Nine
Last seen: 2 years, 9 months
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Re: Has anyone here lost a parent at a young age? [Re: Anonymous #1]
#14390360 - 05/02/11 06:24 PM (12 years, 8 months ago) |
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That's great man. Keeping busy helps the grieving process. A little extra money doesn't hurt either.
-------------------- "People sleep peaceably in their beds at night only because rough men stand ready to do violence on their behalf." -- George Orwell --
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