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OfflineHippster
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My desire to trip and a rant about my wife's friend
    #14307543 - 04/17/11 04:49 PM (12 years, 10 months ago)

Hi I've been lurking around these forums for the past week. I found this place about a year ago and started trying to grow shrooms. That came to nothing. Anyway, I'm expecting a delivery from an old source I used many years ago and am looking forward to tripping and having another 'life check'.

I'm a 27 year old man and I've tripped 4 times in my life. The first time was when I was 23 and it left me with this massive feeling of 'Shit! I've got to get on with my life, what I want to happen is not going to happen if I keep following my friends'. It really prompted me into going for things I wanted and I was really greatful that they helped me realise this.

Since that time, I've come quite far. I've gone from being a shy intravert who held on to the coat tails of his friends in the hope of finding a good time to falling in love with a beatiful girl, marrying her, starting a business, earning an income I'm happy with and now starting a family.

I'm pretty happy with everything, but I have lost touch with my friends, and I work from home and it has left me feeling isolated alot of the time. I'm not so sad about losing touch with my friends, I know where they are, I can contact them anytime I want and vice versa, but we all choose not to, they take alot of substances and stay out all night and crash on sofas and I feel that is a part of my past now.

I was always of the opinion that when I grew up (married + kids) that drugs would not be in my life any more and to be honest I had let go of drugs in my mind. I haven't consumed anything since January 2008 when I had some speed (which was a boring waste of time), but I got this email from an old source a couple of weeks ago and I got really excited about the possibility of tripping again.

I've spoken about it with my wife and she is OK with it. She has tripped on mushrooms twice before, but has said she probably wouldn't ever do it again. This is fine, I would love to trip with her, as we have never tripped together before, but I completely respect this. I DO want to trip again though personally, maybe just one more time, but maybe not, maybe more.

Anyway I'm writing this because like I said earlier, I'd like to trip to get some form of 'life check'. So I figured I'd describe my situation and getting some feedback on what others make of the situation would interest me. So if you don't mind reading a little more I'd like to describe an uncomfortable situatiion that has reered it's head in my life recently and see if how I'm dealing with it is reasonable as I do find it quite distressing.

So when I first met my wife and we started dating I was introduced to one of her friends, who's face I already knew via other mutual friends. I live in a relatively small town I guess. I got off on the wrong foot with this girl, as she made a joke which I just found inappropriate. It was nothing terrible, she just threatened to kill me if I ever hurt her friend (now my wife). She wasn't serious but it was just a really off thing to say, and when she said it to me she said it to me privately and I found the whole thing a bit peculiar.

This happened again maybe a couple of weeks later at another social meet. She waited for a moment where she could tell me privately and said it again quietly. I lost my cool a little bit this time as it quite upset me, even though I knew it wasn't a serious threat.

I told my wife what had been said for a 2nd time and she tried to tell me that she's just mucking about, which I said I knew but my wife could see I was upset and went to have a word with her friend.

So I think it's pretty clear that I'm quite a sensitive soul. But so what? That's how I am and people should speak to me in an appropriate manner if they want to get on with me.

Anyway I've been with my wife for almost 4 years now and this friend is an old friend of hers. They've known each other for 16 years and suffice to say there have been numerous social meets that we've both attended over those years. I've only grown to dislike this girl more and more. I find her behaviour inappropriate and she always makes me feel uncomfortable. As an example we'd be out watching some local bands, me and my wife are together being affectionate, nothing like dirty dancing just holding hands or putting my arm around her, this woman deems it appropriate to stick her tongue between her two fingers (simulating cunnilingus) make a noise and aim it towards us. Maybe I'm a prude but I find this completely disgusting.

Anyway after that incident (there had been many others prior) I decided I didn't need to see her ever again. She's my wife's friend not mine, and our mutual friends we'll see separately. This may be naive of me but I'll ask ahead if she'll be at any social meets and avoid her. No problem. So I delete her from facebook and that's that.

Then 2 months after I deleted her she sends a facebook message to my wife but 'addresses' it to both of us. She first states that she realises I've deleted her and it's very rude and then goes on to offer us her old baby clothes for our soon to be newborn.

My wife was made to feel really uncomfortable from this she didn't know how to respond. So I said I could send her a message and my wife would OK it before I sent it. But I was really unhappy about having to contact her again and I'm not sure why my wife OK'd the message as it basicly said "I'm sorry I deleted you but I care nothing about the stuff you post about (your life), please don't take offence".

So I've upset her by sending this message to her and that's how it's been left. I don't like the fact that I've upset her. I just want to dissassociate myself from her. I guess it's inevitable that her feelings are hurt but the thing is she's still inviting me to social meets, indirectly of course, via my wife, but it just makes me grrrr because it's such a tricky situation.

It's not just my wife's feelings that I care about but a whole host of mutual friends that make this situation so uncomfortable for me. Her husband is a decent guy too. Aggghhh I don't know what else to do other than sigh.

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Offlinemeatcakeman
the search for bodhisattva
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Registered: 07/03/07
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Re: My desire to trip and a rant about my wife's friend [Re: Hippster]
    #14308569 - 04/17/11 08:10 PM (12 years, 10 months ago)

you need to talk to her one-on-one. having others become mediators between the two of you only complicates it. talk with her and being honest about everything. if she continues to make you feel uncomfortable, you should tell her, and then avoid her. that way she understands what exactly bothers you about her and why she is responsible for you reprimanding her.


btw, have fun on your trip! hopefully you find what you are looking for.


--------------------
大开眼界

:awegroove:
:fbsnugs::fbsnugs::fbsnugs:
Hasta siempre, comandante.
:mattz:

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InvisibleChampion des Champignons
long standing member;)

Registered: 07/26/00
Posts: 2,680
Loc: Alba
Re: My desire to trip and a rant about my wife's friend [Re: meatcakeman]
    #14310147 - 04/18/11 01:43 AM (12 years, 10 months ago)

It's avoiding shit like this that makes me glad I'm a hermit. (almost)


--------------------
---------------------------------------------------
hmmm........

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OfflineHippster
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Re: My desire to trip and a rant about my wife's friend [Re: Champion des Champignons]
    #14310341 - 04/18/11 03:00 AM (12 years, 10 months ago)

Quote:

meatcakeman said:
you need to talk to her one-on-one. having others become mediators between the two of you only complicates it. talk with her and being honest about everything. if she continues to make you feel uncomfortable, you should tell her, and then avoid her. that way she understands what exactly bothers you about her and why she is responsible for you reprimanding her.





I don't like the thought of confronting her about the reasons I dislike her. After all it only seems to be me that is made to feel uncomfortable around her. It feels like I'm the one with the problem and I'm afraid confronting her about it would seem more like an attack.

As it stands at present it's understood that I don't like her, although the reasons are not clear (except to my wife) and since I sent her a message the girl has formed a lower opinion of me and one of her close friends has sided with her on this. Which is no big deal really.

The main shame is that I've known this girl's husband for longer. I don't know him well but he has ties to my cousin and he's a decent bloke who I've made small talk with on many occasions since I was just 16. I've accepted that any sort of relationship I have with this man is likely to be severely dented and I've come to terms with that.

I can accept these changes in opinion of me as I know I have my reasons and I just want to avoid conflict.

Do you really think that contacting this girl and explaining to her that I don't like her because her vulgarity makes me feel uncomfortable and I've been avoiding her for these reasons is really the best way to handle the situation?

Quote:

btw, have fun on your trip! hopefully you find what you are looking for.




Thanks, I've still got to hope the source comes good. Should be any day now.
Quote:

Champion des Champignons said:
It's avoiding shit like this that makes me glad I'm a hermit. (almost)



Ever seen Shawshank? "Get busy livin' or get busy dying". I promote the former.

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Offlinemeatcakeman
the search for bodhisattva
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Registered: 07/03/07
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Re: My desire to trip and a rant about my wife's friend [Re: Hippster]
    #14310496 - 04/18/11 05:15 AM (12 years, 10 months ago)

Quote:

Hippster said:
Do you really think that contacting this girl and explaining to her that I don't like her because her vulgarity makes me feel uncomfortable and I've been avoiding her for these reasons is really the best way to handle the situation?





yes. you might be planting a bad seed that could easily spread due to the fact that you and your wife share an interconnected mutual friend base. you wouldn't want to hinder your marriage in any shape or form down the road either. your wife's friend is still your wife's friend so you might as well just make peace with her and leave it at that. so tell her how you feel. if she loves her friend, aka your wife, then she'll be more receptive to your opinions. she might not change her personality for you, but she might stay out of your life without any bad blood.


--------------------
大开眼界

:awegroove:
:fbsnugs::fbsnugs::fbsnugs:
Hasta siempre, comandante.
:mattz:

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OfflineHippster
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Re: My desire to trip and a rant about my wife's friend [Re: meatcakeman]
    #14310590 - 04/18/11 06:35 AM (12 years, 10 months ago)

Would asking my wife to pass on the message be ok? I really don't like the thought of contacting someone out the blue and saying this to them.

You're going to tell me to grow a pair aren't ya? :smile:

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OfflineKamoopstinoops
Reality is my BITCH!!!
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Registered: 06/08/10
Posts: 191
Loc: Cunti, Angola
Last seen: 10 years, 9 months
Re: My desire to trip and a rant about my wife's friend [Re: Hippster]
    #14311361 - 04/18/11 10:55 AM (12 years, 10 months ago)

Quote:

Hippster said:
Would asking my wife to pass on the message be ok? I really don't like the thought of contacting someone out the blue and saying this to them.

You're going to tell me to grow a pair aren't ya? :smile:




Honestly, just talk to her alone. You'd be surprised at how respectful people can be if you have a 1 on 1 with them. It seems you and this girl are just from different worlds, she's a joker and you seem like a well... serious guy.

But if you just went up to her and said "hi" and told her what the deal was, WHILE treating her with respect, you would receive it back. Sure, often her actions may seem disrespectful to you but I doubt thats her intent. Its just a case of bad chemistry, I'm sure we all get that with people. But as meatcakeman said, she's apart of your life whether you like it or not, so its important to make peace in one way or another.

Now I know this is gonna be difficult, but just tell her "sorry about the way I've been but these are the reasons why I've been like this..." Even though you're NOT sorry, it will just take you out of the "bad guy" spotlight. But you NEED to talk to her one on one to sort it out. If shes human and not a sociopath, she'll respect you for it and hopefully be more considerate of you.

Try having that trip while thinking about this, might give you some perspective as ro how to go about it. It doesn't sound like she's a bad human being at all. In this case, it seems a psychedelic release may help put things in perspective.


--------------------
Through the Spintrinfinty of the all Tremongstanooloop, we realise that infinity may after all amount to nothing... space merely being an illusion.

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OfflineHippster
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Registered: 05/04/10
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Re: My desire to trip and a rant about my wife's friend [Re: Kamoopstinoops]
    #14311428 - 04/18/11 11:15 AM (12 years, 10 months ago)

Quote:

Kamoopstinoops said:
Quote:

Hippster said:
Would asking my wife to pass on the message be ok? I really don't like the thought of contacting someone out the blue and saying this to them.

You're going to tell me to grow a pair aren't ya? :smile:




Honestly, just talk to her alone. You'd be surprised at how respectful people can be if you have a 1 on 1 with them. It seems you and this girl are just from different worlds, she's a joker and you seem like a well... serious guy.

But if you just went up to her and said "hi" and told her what the deal was, WHILE treating her with respect, you would receive it back. Sure, often her actions may seem disrespectful to you but I doubt thats her intent. Its just a case of bad chemistry, I'm sure we all get that with people. But as meatcakeman said, she's apart of your life whether you like it or not, so its important to make peace in one way or another.

Now I know this is gonna be difficult, but just tell her "sorry about the way I've been but these are the reasons why I've been like this..." Even though you're NOT sorry, it will just take you out of the "bad guy" spotlight. But you NEED to talk to her one on one to sort it out. If shes human and not a sociopath, she'll respect you for it and hopefully be more considerate of you.

Try having that trip while thinking about this, might give you some perspective as ro how to go about it. It doesn't sound like she's a bad human being at all. In this case, it seems a psychedelic release may help put things in perspective.




Thanks for that. You hit the nail on the head. I don't think she's a bad person, I just dont care for her behaviour. I agree with what you have said.

Reaching out to her is going to be difficult though. I suppose I'll have to do it when the situation arises for us to both be in the same vacinity. Which will involve us being around others. I'll keep thinking on about it.

Thanks to everyone for their input.

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