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Anonymous #1
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I feel like everything I perceive is breaking down?
#14305104 - 04/17/11 08:42 AM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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Quick recap: I am a daily marijuana smoker, used to be a heavy heavy drinker, have eaten the regular shrooms once, ate fly agarics once, and ate HBWR seeds (15+ at a time) twice.
Those last three (the Fly Agarics and HBWR) all just took place recently. After these experiences, I am now much more aware of my own mortality, and it's freaking me out. I don't even know how to properly explain it, but the fact that I will someday die dominates the majority of my thoughts every day. I thought that the trips had eased my anxiety initially, but now it's worse than ever. My boyfriend is into guns, and even though I'm terrified of dying, I get stuck on the idea of taking one and just pulling the trigger before I can rationalize what I'm doing. I think about doing this because I don't want to avoid the inevitable, I want to know what will happen to my mind once my body dies.
I get stuck on thinking that I will be confined to a coffin, alone with only my thoughts for eternity. Then I think that I could be cremated. But this scares me, because I think that the thoughts would be cut off if my body were effectively destroyed, and I would rather be able to think than to not be at all. Then THIS makes me think about the fact that there is no recollection of life before I was born, just nothingness. Is that how death will be? I tell myself that reincarnation would be a good alternative to believe, but it's not. I will not remember all of the people I've loved in this life, and I will not be myself, so what does it matter? It's the same as ceasing to be.
I've gotten stuck on the idea that this is all a simulation or something. I feel like everything that I perceive is glitched. Things are becoming confusing. I see rabbits dart out of the corner of my eye. The first time it happened, I was convinced that I saw a cat under my bed, and actually searched the room. At this point, I know that it's all in my head so I don't pay it much attention when it happens. I feel like I can see every individual speck of dust in the air.
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Buckthorn
Stranger

Registered: 07/25/08
Posts: 4,561
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Re: I feel like everything I perceive is breaking down? [Re: Anonymous #1]
#14305739 - 04/17/11 11:29 AM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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get in touch with your self
Edited by Buckthorn (04/17/11 11:30 AM)
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foliocb
always running



Registered: 07/14/08
Posts: 1,152
Last seen: 7 years, 1 month
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Re: I feel like everything I perceive is breaking down? [Re: Buckthorn]
#14307180 - 04/17/11 03:46 PM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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No human 'knows' what happens after death. We don't even know 100% what the next moment will bring... it is a core fundamental of being a human... to not know. There are only questions... best advice I can give would be to just enjoy life for what it is and worry about death when it looks you eye to eye. Who knows maybe it's just an illusion... death is incomprehensible to humans so I wouldn't bother speculating... it would be nothing more then credulous at best.
-------------------- ^v^
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Epigallo
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Registered: 09/17/06
Posts: 8,155
Last seen: 6 years, 10 months
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Re: I feel like everything I perceive is breaking down? [Re: foliocb]
#14307640 - 04/17/11 05:08 PM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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That sounds pretty heavy, but I must say you did a good job of describing your state.
It is true we ARE all breaking down, although very slowly. It isn't happening so fast that we cannot relax. Yes, it is inevitable, and no, there isn't really anything we can do to try to avoid it, except to age gracefully. You could just reach for a trigger, but do you really want to? It isn't going to do anything that wouldn't happen otherwise. Just wait. We're all just visitors here, hanging around until we go POOF.
It does sound like you could be in a better mental state. While you are here as yourself, be here. Make your stay on this planet as enjoyable as possible. Eat really healthy, cultivate your mind, have fun... Be like a human version of a Mandala. Beautiful one moment, gone the next...

I would also lay off the marijuana.
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bigmike7104
Stranger

Registered: 07/12/10
Posts: 1,395
Loc: USA
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Re: I feel like everything I perceive is breaking down? [Re: Epigallo]
#14307910 - 04/17/11 05:52 PM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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i think if it's impacting to your life to that degree, you should think about getting into therapy which can help over time.
Quote:
I get stuck on thinking that I will be confined to a coffin, alone with only my thoughts for eternity
try harder to not react to these thoughts and eventually it will go away on it's own. ultimately it's you that is giving these thoughts power over you.
-------------------- Over thinking, over analyzing separates the body from the mind Withering my intuition, missing opportunities and I must Feed my will to feel my moment drawing way outside the lines
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Anonymous #2
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Re: I feel like everything I perceive is breaking down? [Re: Epigallo]
#14308120 - 04/17/11 06:36 PM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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.
Edited by Anonymous (03/07/20 02:49 PM)
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