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Offlinelil_demented
Loner will lone
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Registered: 09/11/06
Posts: 6,146
Last seen: 1 month, 9 days
Re: My door keeps freaking me out [Re: Envix]
    #14302986 - 04/16/11 07:49 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

I don't hang out with anyone anymore.
I had one friend and I hung out with his friends sometimes.
But then he hooked up with an alcoholic manic depressed girl and now she controls his life.

She's crazy, last time I was there they got drunk and started arguing which led to smashing things.
Then they flipped over the cluttered coffe table and commenced to running around the house playing
the age old couple games of "Who can scream the loudest?" and "How hard can you slam the door?"
Which he won BTW.  :hehehe:

I can make jokes about it, but nobody want to be around that shit. It brings you down.

So now I trip alone. I also drink alone too though, which is  :feelsbadman:

But I enjoy not having anyone else there to distract me from my good times.


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Invisiblerackem
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Registered: 11/27/09
Posts: 14,024
Re: My door keeps freaking me out [Re: lil_demented]
    #14303021 - 04/16/11 07:58 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

ya wtf is wrong with drinking alone?

and you can always go meet new people.


--------------------


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InvisibleWise Toad
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Registered: 06/08/10
Posts: 2,690
Re: My door keeps freaking me out [Re: lil_demented]
    #14303142 - 04/16/11 08:18 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

Its both awesome and depressing, awesome in that I am fully enveloped in myself and able to embrace my world, yet, the thought that I can find noone like me is disconcerting, almost deleterious to my mental health; of course mental health is relative to, I really don't mind losing it. For all I know I could be, and probably am, criminally insane right now.

All those of this type, whatever that may be, consolidate themselves by introversion and isolation therefore exacerbating the problem as there is noone to mentor us, no others of our type remaining in society so we go the way they do and leave all the rest alone in a society of idiocracy. Perhaps there could have been hope for all if seclusion was impossible, however, they would probably drag the rest down.

I find it beautiful though, the ultimate form of individualism lies in completely embracing oneself. When I sought friends I found that I was just seeking myself in them, I found very little of me so I turned away. That little that I did find was more in the skills that others sought that I was interested in, or envious of, I cant tell which; perhaps there is no difference. When I say that I was looking for myself Im not looking specifically for some replica who shares the same hobbies or understandings but rather one who isnt a record. Day after day others say the same things over and over again allowing me no opportunity for expansion of understanding or intellect; I have only one good friend online whom I can talk to day after day and always find something new in.

Someone open minded enough to let me be myself is all I really seek, someone who is a complete individual; maybe thats impossible though, would bringing that one into society destroy the individualism and therefore defeat the purpose? All others seem to be interested power/control/machines/systems while I would much rather spend it all in me, lucid dreams and tripping defines me in what that past of mine allows them to be. If I would go into politics, finance, history, or mathmatics I would find much the same thing as everybody else; It would be so severly limited; Lucid dreaming and psychedelia are endless, moreover, I have never once experienced the same thing or come again and again to some realization. Day after day I come to new realizations for they wouldn't be realizations if I had already realized them.

"Too strange to live, Too rare to die"


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OfflineEnvix
Avoidant Disorder
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Registered: 11/04/08
Posts: 18,206
Last seen: 9 months, 25 days
Re: My door keeps freaking me out [Re: Wise Toad]
    #14303179 - 04/16/11 08:28 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

i wish i had friends but no one seems to be interested in strangers :shrug:


--------------------
smack a hoe out this dimension
continue my ascension
-bhad bhabie

rip. todcasil, acid sloth, st1llnox, zappaisgod, big worm (sketch), tim b


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InvisibleThe Whale

Registered: 11/01/10
Posts: 2,384
Loc: Flag
Re: My door keeps freaking me out [Re: Wise Toad]
    #14303207 - 04/16/11 08:33 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

Quote:

Wise Toad said:
When I sought friends I found that I was just seeking myself in them,




That's most of our interactions with the world - trying to glimpse ourselves.

Quote:

Day after day others say the same things over and over again allowing me no opportunity for expansion of understanding or intellect; I have only one good friend online whom I can talk to day after day and always find something new in.




If I send an email to the dozens of people in my contact list and ask, "quick, how's the here and now? It's beautiful on my side of the river!" - The majority will reply with an empty response; a pattern of behavior, a mimicry.

But life is worth living if you receive a reply from that one person who types:

Red

Roses

Silently

Fall

From

The

Sky

In

The

Shape

of

Delicate

Moments



I'm still looking for that person. But the search is fun!


--------------------


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InvisibleWise Toad
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Registered: 06/08/10
Posts: 2,690
Re: My door keeps freaking me out [Re: The Whale]
    #14303525 - 04/16/11 09:35 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

Im not sure
Quote:

Envix said:
i wish i had friends but no one seems to be interested in strangers :shrug:



How so and why, by why I mean why do you wish and what sort of friends do you wish for.

Quote:

The Whale said:
But life is worth living if you receive a reply from that one person who types:

Red

Roses

Silently

Fall

From

The

Sky

In

The

Shape

of

Delicate

Moments



I'm still looking for that person. But the search is fun!




I cant discern the experience of the search from my end of the river, and for that matter what river; on what axis, It could be on another planet for all I know. Perhaps it is worth it for that one person.


Come to think of it there are many on the shroomery like me, I can easily tell you guys are. I misspoke earlier in saying that introverts remove themselves from society, they remove themselves from direct interaction society but not from all levels of societies. That may have been true in the olden days when there was no internet but what we have now is us connected throughout the world teaching one set in stone knowledge and guiding each other, RR is a good example of a teacher and you guys are guiding me right now by giving me a chance to express myself. That does not take away the fact that there is a problem, the problem is that it is so difficult to find and interact with another of this sort in everyday life. We all seem to be seeking some sort of "teacher for life" at least I feel I am, and while I may be talking to you three right now and feel a powerfull sense of connection but that doesn't mean I will ever talk to any of you again. People have a way of losing one another when the interactions are purely online; its very unlikely that any of us will forego our daily lives to meet one another.

Without that direct interaction there is little chance for discoveries, which is why I created the discoveries thread earlier today hoping that some would bring together things we have found. Multiple, prolonged interactions are mutually beneficial in that two learn from one another; I say two because I find having a third in an actual conversation limits it. Iv noticed in female interactions the third usually gets spited by the other two whereas in male interaction the third usually limits the conversation of the other two as they don't want to hurt that one by leaving them out. I love xbox live because it is one of the few "places" I have found that these sort of interactions can occur. On here it is too difficult to spend all our time going back and forth sending messages as that would consume the whole day as opposed to searching through and cataloging our own info and interests but on XBL friends are more set in stone and more easily able to communicate and share discoveries.

XBL takes away several aspects of direct interaction(body language, natural human needs interrupting, place/activity/destination) and makes things easy. When having a daily interaction you may be as enthusiastic as possible about it and tell that other person that you want to chill with them again soon but afterwards almost regret it as you just want to do your own thing and live in the now as opposed to going out of your way to do something with another. Still XBL lacks something as it doesn't allow those real objects and places to lead to conversations and feelings of the area; the area and the things(the beach and shrooms being an example) in a way synchronizing the two's emotional state and by proxy their thoughts where the purest level of interaction, discovering, and expression can occur.


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Invisible4runner
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Registered: 07/16/10
Posts: 15,406
Loc: State of Jefferson
Re: My door keeps freaking me out [Re: Psil]
    #14303717 - 04/16/11 10:28 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

My wife keeps laughing every time she sees this topic. Yes she saw the pic and she actually knew the comic which I didn't.

She basically said you are a sissy.


:shrug:


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InvisibleBodhi of Ankou
*alternate opinion blocks path*
Other


Registered: 06/02/09
Posts: 24,778
Loc: Soviet Canukistan Flag
Re: My door keeps freaking me out [Re: 4runner] * 1
    #14303736 - 04/16/11 10:34 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

Stare at the door and watch it for a good twenty minutes next time your tripping, you'll realize fear is only a mental problem


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Offlinestimpson
a superhero buddha
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Registered: 02/08/05
Posts: 1,331
Loc: ny
Last seen: 1 month, 6 days
Re: My door keeps freaking me out [Re: 4runner]
    #14303738 - 04/16/11 10:35 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

there are girls out there that will impress u.

they won't always be as nice as you'd like tho.


--------------------
uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhmmmm... ... ...


ok.


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OfflineEnvix
Avoidant Disorder
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Registered: 11/04/08
Posts: 18,206
Last seen: 9 months, 25 days
Re: My door keeps freaking me out [Re: stimpson]
    #14303966 - 04/16/11 11:28 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

Quote:

How so and why, by why I mean why do you wish and what sort of friends do you wish for.




it can get boring being alone for too long. i've been alone most my life but the brief moments i've spent with others have been enjoyable \


--------------------
smack a hoe out this dimension
continue my ascension
-bhad bhabie

rip. todcasil, acid sloth, st1llnox, zappaisgod, big worm (sketch), tim b


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Invisible4runner
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Registered: 07/16/10
Posts: 15,406
Loc: State of Jefferson
Re: My door keeps freaking me out [Re: stimpson]
    #14304046 - 04/16/11 11:51 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

Quote:

stimpson said:
there are girls out there that will impress u.

they won't always be as nice as you'd like tho.




Lol, she is nice.


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InvisibleWise Toad
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Registered: 06/08/10
Posts: 2,690
Re: My door keeps freaking me out [Re: Envix]
    #14304284 - 04/17/11 01:09 AM (12 years, 9 months ago)

Quote:

Envix said:
Quote:

How so and why, by why I mean why do you wish and what sort of friends do you wish for.




it can get boring being alone for too long. i've been alone most my life but the brief moments i've spent with others have been enjoyable \



I love just being alone and interacting like this, Iv had quite the opposite situation; surrounded by people wanting to hang out every free moment in order to do something I would consider pointless like go out drinking. Last year I became fed up with it and decided it was time to focus completely on my own interest which could be quickly facilitated through online reading, downloading, watching, and interaction so I began to isolate myself "losing" my phone; telling everyone that I couldn't have friends over any more because my parents were pissed over all the drugs. Now I spend my time preparing for college this fall; cant wait to go where noone knows my name. The only friend like me got mixed up in some shit and was lost along the way, our personalities were so similar the only example I can give is a personality test we took for fun, we both came out INFP:tongue:; thats rare, especially where I live. I can spot someone of this personality quickly.

Whats kept you from interacting as you please? I could see having friends like you would most definitely be fun but there is noone left of our sort around my town but me:sad:


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OfflineEnvix
Avoidant Disorder
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Registered: 11/04/08
Posts: 18,206
Last seen: 9 months, 25 days
Re: My door keeps freaking me out [Re: Wise Toad]
    #14304549 - 04/17/11 02:58 AM (12 years, 9 months ago)

im just lazy. and have some lingering confidence/inferiority issues leftovver from 12 years of surreal catholic school life


i'm INFP too. used to be INTP until i started doin' a shitload of dmt


--------------------
smack a hoe out this dimension
continue my ascension
-bhad bhabie

rip. todcasil, acid sloth, st1llnox, zappaisgod, big worm (sketch), tim b


Edited by Envix (04/17/11 02:59 AM)


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InvisibleWise Toad
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Posts: 2,690
Re: My door keeps freaking me out [Re: Envix]
    #14304589 - 04/17/11 03:25 AM (12 years, 9 months ago)

Your telling me, well I only had to go through 5 years of catholic school but still it was hell; damn is that ironic

First day of school last year I was sent home three times, once for having a stain on my shirt and twice for my hair being too long; fucking idiots couldn't tell me to go get my hair cut and get my shit changed at the same time; what a waste of gas. They were all power tripping hard as cops. I eventually got kicked out for failing a drug test for smoking weed; Its kinda funny I bought some shampoo detox from a local headshop and completely stopped smoking for the month, I went in and asked what they wanted. I thought they caught me for PCP because I had tried robotripping the week before:puke: and one of my friends told me that shows up as PCP on drug tests. Turns out thats only piss tests. Seriously though how did the school expect me to get high, on God probably:bs: all that crap sent me pretty close to atheism; these days Im just keeping an open mind and looking at all the possibilities.

Now I go to a school where I can use my laptop all day and still get A's with no trouble. I just use Tor and a few other programs to break through their security and I can chat with you guys for the majority of the day; and hey Iv already gotten accepted into a good college so fuckit everything worked out. I don't even smoke anymore, except for special occasions, just tripping.

What do you mean by surreal? I believe that the two, INFP & INTP, are interchangeable. Iv taken the test about every year through high school and showed up once as INTP and 3 times as INFP. Iv read about all 16 personalities on wiki and found the two very close but identify much more with the INFP; Its all preference anyways. INTP seems to set in stone on the logic wheras INFP seems much less limited because it seeks out those interests that are limitless; exploring all there is to explore, the true mental adventurer


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OfflineEnvix
Avoidant Disorder
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Registered: 11/04/08
Posts: 18,206
Last seen: 9 months, 25 days
Re: My door keeps freaking me out [Re: Wise Toad]
    #14304624 - 04/17/11 03:47 AM (12 years, 9 months ago)

surreal as in a cheesy fake version of reality. i didn't fully realize until i graduated just how insane it all was. every day was exactly the same. same teachers, same schedule, same people, same routine, same everything. even the students acted the fucking same

it was a pretty small school and there were only about 90 people in my class and everyone just copied eachother it was nuts. being around the same people every single day was just stagnating i had no room to grow or expand everyone thought i was "weird" for being agnostic and doin drugs and my "friends" would always tell me i was going to hell whenever i would make a sarcastic remark about religion or play fun on a topic that was SERIOUS BUSINESS

we took that myers briggs personality test in theology class and i was the ONLY intp in the entire class :mad:

(except the teacher he was intp also and was cool as hell & really open minded.. the only person in that school i really respected)


--------------------
smack a hoe out this dimension
continue my ascension
-bhad bhabie

rip. todcasil, acid sloth, st1llnox, zappaisgod, big worm (sketch), tim b


Edited by Envix (04/17/11 03:55 AM)


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InvisibleWise Toad
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Posts: 2,690
Re: My door keeps freaking me out [Re: Envix]
    #14304827 - 04/17/11 06:16 AM (12 years, 9 months ago)

The only thing that changed where I went was the classes week by week since they were on the block schedule.

Everybody was completely brainwashed:mindcontrol: where I went. I had four friends in my grade, the only four who saw anything wrong with it two of them didn't smoke, and two of them did but they spent a lot of their time at concerts for metal and such. They are all cool guys but I cant handle hanging out with them much; they're far too different. I still have close contact with one of them, I can tell he is an ISTP.  He is so unenthusiastic though, his house is where all the mushrooms are grown but I do all the work, still beats having anything here. The only thing done at my place is the agar pouring, grain jar prep, and inoculation so its clean. I had another very intelligent friend who hadn't tried drugs yet who seemed to me to be an INTJ, didactic and Machiavellian; he is the one thing I truly miss as I lost contact with him before I could introduce him to Mary.

I felt like I was living through Orwells 1984, authoritarian/totalitarian control and everybody loves it and plays into it, just me and a few other stragglers on the outside trying to screw with them as much as possible. The one thing I enjoyed was messing with them, getting one of the teacher to say "I am sofa king wee todd edd"(I am sofucking wetawded) in front of his class, scewing with all the kids who thought they were cool dating obese bitches, had a dude there we called the fresh prince; all he did was sing afroman and talk about football, come to think of it most of them were like that in one way or another.

I loved it when we talked about drugs around them "your doing drugs, I hear they make you want to kill yourself", "isn't acid addictive", "moving on up the ladder". I liked the fact that they started steering clear of us after tenth grade, I think they were afraid, fearful of the unknown.

Had several teachers who were amazing, one per year, most of them left by the time I did though as they were too smart, drug loving, and free for such a hellhole.

Im gonna go catch some :sleep: Iv been up all night doing Lions Mane transfers, pouring petri dishes, and making culture tubes which I just finished; typing this allowed me to get through this and stay awake long enough to finish my work


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Invisiblemrckb
Bob Sacamano
I'm a teapot User Gallery


Registered: 11/03/10
Posts: 2,852
Loc: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Flag
Re: My door keeps freaking me out [Re: Wise Toad]
    #14304845 - 04/17/11 06:30 AM (12 years, 9 months ago)

this thread... :foreveralone:

I couldn't live with out my mates.


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OfflineEnvix
Avoidant Disorder
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Registered: 11/04/08
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Re: My door keeps freaking me out [Re: mrckb]
    #14304867 - 04/17/11 06:42 AM (12 years, 9 months ago)

yeah the only kid i was really ever close to & could relate to @ my highschool i think was istj.. really into metal music & conservative/anarchist/atheist/deist

he hadnt done psychs but smoked weed & was open to psychs. we stopped talking after HS though he had his band thangs and i have my whatever it is i'm doin' thangs

basically my highschool peers could be broken down into 2 groups.. the rich kids, and the jock kids. since i was neither, there were only about a handful of 5 or so students who didn't fit into either of those categories. my oldest of friends turned into jocks and i tried to get into that scene.. played lacrosse for a few years, i just wasn't into it. too much work and i didn't see a point. it was fun at first until everyone started taking the game seriously and got really competitive about it. i just wanted to have fun. then i started smoking weed and everyone looked down on me for it. i was "the kid who was always high" even though i wasnt. i only smoked weed on the weekends.

i dont like thinking about highschool it was a pretty lame experience for me :bored:


--------------------
smack a hoe out this dimension
continue my ascension
-bhad bhabie

rip. todcasil, acid sloth, st1llnox, zappaisgod, big worm (sketch), tim b


Edited by Envix (04/17/11 06:47 AM)


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Offlinemeatcakeman
the search for bodhisattva
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Registered: 07/03/07
Posts: 8,380
Loc: el sol
Last seen: 10 years, 9 months
Re: My door keeps freaking me out [Re: lil_demented]
    #14304890 - 04/17/11 06:50 AM (12 years, 9 months ago)

Quote:

lil_demented said:
Quote:

Envix said:
lol why not? i talk to my furniture all the time when im tripping :feelsgoodman:


try it out, sometimes they have some really cool stuff to say




Do you really? cause my buddy caught me the one time I was tripping hard enough to communicate with inanimate objects and now he tells everyone we hang out with.




sounds like your buddy is a douche bag.


--------------------
大开眼界

:awegroove:
:fbsnugs::fbsnugs::fbsnugs:
Hasta siempre, comandante.
:mattz:


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Invisiblemrckb
Bob Sacamano
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Registered: 11/03/10
Posts: 2,852
Loc: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Flag
Re: My door keeps freaking me out [Re: Envix]
    #14304896 - 04/17/11 06:52 AM (12 years, 9 months ago)

Quote:

Envix said:
then i started smoking weed and everyone looked down on me for it. i was "the kid who was always high" even though i wasnt. i only smoked weed on the weekends.






Yeah I have a mixed bunch of friends. Some love weed, others had the pot heads and then there is a couple who like weed but dont do it often due to it being 'social taboo'. I stay in the middle, smoking often at home but not bragging about it "I was sooo baked last night".

clubbing isnt the same without a gang of 10 friends to club with.:shrug:


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