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OfflineLZip
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Registered: 03/27/11
Posts: 54
Last seen: 12 years, 6 months
How easily do you forgive??
    #14298060 - 04/15/11 09:14 PM (12 years, 10 months ago)

How easily do you forgive and what actions must be taken for you to forgive somebody?

My situation is where I just found out my ex made out with my first cousin when we were dating. We've been broken up for 9 months and she just now told me. I broke up with her and she made me feel like the bad person the whole time. I think I can forgive her because she actually told me because I didnt even expect this happened, she just came out and told me because she thought I needed to know. And I really do believe she is sorry and if she had the chance to go back she wouldnt have done it. She done it when we were fighting as well, even though that doesnt make it excusable.

Second person, is obviously, my first cousin. Not only is he my first cousin, I considered him my best friend while growing up. I knew he was like this (didnt care about doing stuff with a girl if they were dating somebody), but honestly never thought he would do that to me. He hasnt even tried to apologize yet, he is the type of person who has never really had to step up and be held accountable in his life. I do suspect he will try to apologize at one point....I just dont see how I can ever forgive him.

Third person is one of my other best friends from home (sad, I know). He was there that night and heard about it..but he never said anything because he said he didnt want to start anything, and he apologized. He is also good friends with my cousin, so I can see how he would want to protect him as well. Looking at his situation, it is a tough situation because he was in the middle and no matter what somebody would be pissed at him. Im pretty sure that I will forgive him.

also, this wasnt just some relationship.. I was with this girl pretty much 2 years

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InvisibleautomanM
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Registered: 09/18/03
Posts: 8,272
Re: How easily do you forgive?? [Re: LZip]
    #14298329 - 04/15/11 10:15 PM (12 years, 10 months ago)

I almost never forgive breaks of trust. They do it once and they prove they have it in them.

If my first cousin did that to me (he was my best friend growing up), I'd still love him and I'd tell him that. I would try to treat him the same as I always did
... but I would never fully trust him again.

The other dude, I'd forgive.

The girl, never. She isn't family and violated trust. I'm not saying I'd be mad at her forever, but I would never put my trust in her again.


--------------------
No, no, you're not thinking, you're just being logical. ~ Niels Bohr

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OfflineAzure Essence
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Registered: 10/03/10
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Re: How easily do you forgive?? [Re: automan]
    #14298402 - 04/15/11 10:33 PM (12 years, 10 months ago)

I have been trying to forgive more easily lately, but forgiving someone doesnt mean everything is just peachy either.

You should forgive to rid YOURSELF of the burden and free yourself. If you forgive for someone else, it isnt genuine, and it's bullshit all around. Forgive to relieve yourself, but just because they're forgiven doesnt mean you have to be best buds or anything. It just means you gave yourself the OK to be free from that situation to be happy.

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Anonymous #1

Re: How easily do you forgive?? [Re: LZip]
    #14300274 - 04/16/11 10:14 AM (12 years, 10 months ago)

Forgiving is understanding, if you can see the situation from their point of you and understand it, it should be easy to forgive.

Your are probably pretty young, shit hormones and desire flare up sometimes and one does things without thinking, you have probably been in such situations yourself, and if you haven't you probably wished sometimes that you could stop overanalyzing everything and just go with it.

So basically, some people just go more fore the short term pleasure and follow their feelings, other use the head bit more. Hence some do get more pleasure but also do more stupid shit, other do less stupid shit but might loose out on the opportunities.

Just life, different people, there is't even anything to forgive or not forgive, it is just so.

Now having this said, having people around you that don't give a fuck about you when pursuing their own pleasures, i.e. girlfriend, cousin making out, that shit is hard to deal with. Obviously they are not people to be trusted no matter how hard that might sound, especially when it is your cousin.

Forget the girlfriend, it is not that the making out perhaps was very evil as such, but it demonstrated that you can't trust her, and she doesn't care about you (and probably anyone else) enough to abstain when the temptation is there, continuing or starting again a relationship with her would be a mistake.

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OfflineTrustYourSelf
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Registered: 04/13/11
Posts: 271
Last seen: 12 years, 9 months
Re: How easily do you forgive?? [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #14300409 - 04/16/11 11:06 AM (12 years, 10 months ago)

Just remember you can forgive, you can't forget.

Even after i forgave my ex i didn't forget what she did to me.

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OfflineLZip
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Registered: 03/27/11
Posts: 54
Last seen: 12 years, 6 months
Re: How easily do you forgive?? [Re: TrustYourSelf]
    #14300474 - 04/16/11 11:31 AM (12 years, 10 months ago)

Quote:

TrustYourSelf said:
Just remember you can forgive, you can't forget.

Even after i forgave my ex i didn't forget what she did to me.



did you get back with her? The reason I think it is such a big deal for me is because I was considering trying to get back with her.

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OfflineAzure Essence
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Re: How easily do you forgive?? [Re: LZip]
    #14300483 - 04/16/11 11:33 AM (12 years, 10 months ago)

Dont consider it. If its something thats going to happen and actually work, you will have to put in time with other girls and take a lot of time off her. The sole fact your asking is a red flag, dont you think? You're just experiencing 'fairytale syndrome' or 'end of highschool syndrome' where something that is just marginally average is blown up to epic proportions and you think you must have it.

You dont. Just work on yourself for a little while. Get yourself to a point where you're so content with yourself, someone kissing someone isnt a big deal

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OfflineTrustYourSelf
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Registered: 04/13/11
Posts: 271
Last seen: 12 years, 9 months
Re: How easily do you forgive?? [Re: LZip]
    #14308269 - 04/17/11 07:04 PM (12 years, 10 months ago)

Quote:

LZip said:
Quote:

TrustYourSelf said:
Just remember you can forgive, you can't forget.

Even after i forgave my ex i didn't forget what she did to me.



did you get back with her? The reason I think it is such a big deal for me is because I was considering trying to get back with her.




I did get back with her and eventually had a much harder time breaking up. We were both way more upset after trying again.

The whole time i forgave her i kept thinking "is she going to do it all again". I forgave, but did not forget. The whole time you remember how bad she hurt you. Then i just got hurt again.

If its something serious and it really showed she wasn't there for your or didn't care its going to eat at you. Maybe if she held up her end for a really long time it wouldn't eat at you. But in my situation it was just the usual "people dont change" & me getting twice as upset.

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