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OfflineTrippyHippie74
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Registered: 11/21/09
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Losing my psychedelic idenity
    #14279573 - 04/12/11 06:48 PM (12 years, 10 months ago)

I was not really sure were to post this thread, but I figured I would get some good feedback here.

My history: Growing up I was always a really good girl. I went to church, hung out with the preppy girls, played sports, never got in trouble, got good grades, and was really involved in my school. When I hit about 14 my parents got divorced, this left a huge hole in my heart. I started drinking every weekend with my older brother. I made a habit out of it, but some how found a way to keep my innocent stigma with my friends. It was almost like my secret. When I turned 16 I met a boy at my first job, he soon became my boyfriend. I lost every ounce of innocence to him. First it was my virginity, then weed and slowly working my way up to psychedelics. Which I feel in love with all three of them and him. We dated for 3 years, and to be honest that is where I have most of my psychedelic experience from. I had some of the best times of my life and swear I would one day marry him. My last 2 years of high school were spent fucked up and having endless amounts of sex. All well some how keeping my grades up and being in National Honors Society all of this would eventaully lead to me getting into a private advance course nursing school. Things eventually got bad and he started getting into other drugs such as coke, and xanax. I believe this totally changed who he was on the inside. He started ditching me constantly to get extremely fucked up with his friends. Needless to say our relationship soon failed. About a month later he wanted to get back together and told me he changed. I had just started my first semester of nursing school, and did not want to be around that, so I say no. Some times I believe that may have been a mistake. Although there is a lot more detail to this I am going to move on to my real point.

My current situation: Now I am 20. I have let almost all of my drug use go besides tripping maybe every 6 months. I am going into my last semester of nursing school and will soon find myself being thrown into the real world. This is a very hard concept for me to grasp. I feel that me having a career will throw away my identity. Especially being a nurse I cannot mess around with any type of drug. When I graduate in December I feel as if i will no longer be myself. I will be a robot to this world and have to work just like everyone else. One of the only reasons I am willing to give up my identity is because I do not know how else to make it in this world. I must be able to make money to move out of my mom's house and take care of myself. I feel as if I can not find a balance between who I am and what the world expects me to be. I have a really normal life right now as if I went back to the life I lead before I took any psychedelic. Boyfriend that has never touched a drug, good grades, part time job, yet I am missing the most important thing my true happiness. I have a hard time taking in that I can live the life that I want to without psychedelics. I don't believe I can. They have embedded into me all that I am. I know if I go on like this I will end up severely depressed because I am already starting to see a onset on sadness in my heart. It really kills me to have a "normal" boyfriend. He treats me so good and I could spend the rest of my life with him, if I have never jumped down the psychedelic hole. He doesn't truly understand my love for the world and all it's beauty. Don't get my wrong he's not a bad guy he's just never been there. I am just so lost in what I want to do and the expectations I have for myself and others around me. I do not feel like I am ready to transition out of my hippie-like self into a body that is foreign. I don't want to give it up, but I feel as if I have no other choice.

I am sorry if this is really long and ranting, but I truly believe someone on here has been in a similar situation or could provide me with great advice.
Thank you for reading. :heart:


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:peace:Go see the sounds of the universe:peace:

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Offlinebholzer
quasi-scientist


Folding@home Statistics
Registered: 03/22/11
Posts: 2,409
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Re: Losing my psychedelic idenity [Re: TrippyHippie74]
    #14279605 - 04/12/11 06:55 PM (12 years, 10 months ago)

People always worry about living a successful life with a career and not being able to do psychedelics. I live a very successful life and I can still indulge in psychedelics frequently enough to keep me sane. I, like you, love psychs and I would never want to give them up, and I dont think I have to


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Use these substances wisely, they have the ability to cause life altering realizations.

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InvisiblelasdR
nostalgic sci-fi
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Registered: 08/09/10
Posts: 802
Loc: In your mind
Re: Losing my psychedelic idenity [Re: TrippyHippie74]
    #14279646 - 04/12/11 07:01 PM (12 years, 10 months ago)

I dont see the reason you would need to throw out something you love in your life because of being a nurse. psychedelic isnt a drug like any other. non addictive and less harmful to your body than a cup of coffee in most cases. (different substances you know..) what you should keep away from in your career would be snatching pills and getting into anything else than weed really. thats what most in the health sector burn themselves with.

Introduce your current guy into trippin'. why not? share the love, spread the love. just keep it rational.. just get into the research and have a good life.


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:crazyeyes::eek: :thirdeyeani:

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InvisibleSynth Ethics
substitution


Registered: 05/18/09
Posts: 5,525
Re: Losing my psychedelic idenity [Re: TrippyHippie74]
    #14279658 - 04/12/11 07:03 PM (12 years, 10 months ago)

why do you think you won't be able to trip while being a nurse? you'll have days off you know.

but I know how you feel because right now I have Acid and suspected 2C-X pills that I can't enjoy. why? I'm a construction plumber but my company also does service call and I'm the only one in the (small)cie that can do them so I'm stand-by 24/7.

just a few hours ago I was with a friend debating wheter or not I would do some E when the damn phone rang.... so glad it didn't rang an hour or 2 later or I would have been in some shit

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Offlinebholzer
quasi-scientist


Folding@home Statistics
Registered: 03/22/11
Posts: 2,409
Last seen: 11 years, 8 months
Re: Losing my psychedelic idenity [Re: lasdR]
    #14279664 - 04/12/11 07:04 PM (12 years, 10 months ago)

Quote:

lasdR said:
I dont see the reason you would need to throw out something you love in your life because of being a nurse. psychedelic isnt a drug like any other. non addictive and less harmful to your body than a cup of coffee in most cases. (different substances you know..) what you should keep away from in your career would be snatching pills and getting into anything else than weed really. thats what most in the health sector burn themselves with.

Introduce your current guy into trippin'. why not? share the love, spread the love. just keep it rational.. just get into the research and have a good life.




    :whathesaid: Exactly, if something is an important part of your life, and not dangerous, don't let it go.


--------------------


Use these substances wisely, they have the ability to cause life altering realizations.

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Invisiblejoemolloy
DMT is Bullshit


Registered: 04/12/09
Posts: 6,525
Re: Losing my psychedelic idenity [Re: bholzer]
    #14279760 - 04/12/11 07:24 PM (12 years, 10 months ago)

Your first paragraph had me sad, waiting for the trainwreck to come.  Your second paragraph is a testament to your intelligence, good decision-making abilities, and dedication to carving out a healthy life for yourself.  Bravo.

Damn, that's a tough question you are asking us and I am sure you will get some thoughtful, heartfelt, and honest answers.  I really don't know where to begin in answering it, but I suggest that you consider seeking input from places other than forums dedicated to the celebration of the psychedelic lifestyle.


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Don't PM me with bullshit.  I don't sell or trade cactus and I don't know where you can get any, other than your mother's ass.

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Offlinesmokin427
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Registered: 07/27/09
Posts: 603
Last seen: 7 years, 8 months
Re: Losing my psychedelic idenity [Re: bholzer]
    #14279863 - 04/12/11 07:41 PM (12 years, 10 months ago)

Hey, I read your post and I think I can feel for you. I'm 20 as well, and I'm getting whacked in the face by the real world. It's all really overwhelming and extremely confusing; life is a trip. I'm trying to decide whether I can and should follow through with engineering, or live a little and save some money. Being so self aware at a young age leaves me with so many questions about my future and the direction of my life. All I know for sure, is that I want to be happy; right now, drugs make me happy.


--------------------
I know exactly what you mean. Let me tell you why you're here. You're here because you know something. What you know you can't explain, but you feel it. You've felt it your entire life, that there's something wrong with the world. You don't know what it is, but it's there, like a splinter in your mind, driving you mad. It is this feeling that has brought you to me. Do you know what I'm talking about?

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Offlinefloatingwater
இலைலைலைஇ

Registered: 01/06/09
Posts: 2,699
Last seen: 10 years, 6 months
Re: Losing my psychedelic idenity [Re: TrippyHippie74]
    #14279872 - 04/12/11 07:42 PM (12 years, 10 months ago)

TrippyHippie..

I'll keep it short and concise here..

I've met a handful of really awesome, solid women that are in the medical field- women I admire and am attracted to because of their compassion towards helping others and their ability to handle the situation at hand. Very attractive qualities! Just because you like to have fun and spend your recreational time delving into the psychedelic realm doesn't make you any sort of weirdo.

With that said.. Do what feels right with reason and sensibility and find your own personal balance


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================

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OfflineTrippyHippie74
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Female


Registered: 11/21/09
Posts: 764
Loc: Ohio is for Lovers
Last seen: 10 years, 4 months
Re: Losing my psychedelic idenity [Re: lasdR]
    #14279899 - 04/12/11 07:45 PM (12 years, 10 months ago)

Quote:

lasdR said:
I dont see the reason you would need to throw out something you love in your life because of being a nurse. psychedelic isnt a drug like any other. non addictive and less harmful to your body than a cup of coffee in most cases. (different substances you know..) what you should keep away from in your career would be snatching pills and getting into anything else than weed really. thats what most in the health sector burn themselves with.

Introduce your current guy into trippin'. why not? share the love, spread the love. just keep it rational.. just get into the research and have a good life.





I have tried really hard to even get a spark of interest in psychedelics with him. His mind is really shut out towards them.

I guess my biggest worry is the drug testing the comes along with the medical field. I know it's really hard to piss test for psychedelics but hair testing kind of scares me. I'm really paranoid about getting caught and possibly messing up my entire life over it.

After I wrote this I took a shower and I thought to myself maybe it wouldn't be so bad if every year I took a vacation to a new place for a week and one day out of the week just took a hit of acid to refind myself, the continue on building my life. I really do want to get my PHD eventually. Gaining knowledge and helping others is what I pride myself on.


--------------------
:peace:Go see the sounds of the universe:peace:

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OfflineTrippyHippie74
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Female


Registered: 11/21/09
Posts: 764
Loc: Ohio is for Lovers
Last seen: 10 years, 4 months
Re: Losing my psychedelic idenity [Re: smokin427]
    #14279916 - 04/12/11 07:48 PM (12 years, 10 months ago)

Quote:

smokin427 said:
Hey, I read your post and I think I can feel for you. I'm 20 as well, and I'm getting whacked in the face by the real world. It's all really overwhelming and extremely confusing; life is a trip. I'm trying to decide whether I can and should follow through with engineering, or live a little and save some money. Being so self aware at a young age leaves me with so many questions about my future and the direction of my life. All I know for sure, is that I want to be happy; right now, drugs make me happy.





If I wasn't so far into my school I may consider taking some time off to travel the world, and if i had the money. Neither one is a true option for me. Isn't that to ultimate goal in life happiness? Drugs make me happy too but theres a point in my opinion that they shouldnt be your soul source of happiness.


--------------------
:peace:Go see the sounds of the universe:peace:

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Offlineant61
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Registered: 10/26/03
Posts: 1,186
Loc: colorado
Last seen: 1 month, 17 days
Re: Losing my psychedelic identity [Re: TrippyHippie74]
    #14279934 - 04/12/11 07:50 PM (12 years, 10 months ago)

follow your heart or you'll never be happy,once your a little older you'll look back with regret if you dont follow your heart,,,,,,,,,,,tomorrow's promised to no one,,,,,,,,,,,,, good luck

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OfflineSynapses-R-Us
Perspective is Subjective


Registered: 04/11/11
Posts: 70
Last seen: 12 years, 4 months
Re: Losing my psychedelic idenity [Re: smokin427]
    #14279970 - 04/12/11 07:54 PM (12 years, 10 months ago)

I feel really bad for you to be honest.... I would recommend getting him into psychedelics lol, if that doesn't work idk deal wiht the fact that you picked a boyfriend that will never understand what you've seen and felt and experienced and that you're going to be stuck as a cog in the machine for the rest of your life.... Unless you decide to sneak in some psychedelic use haha, if he's cool with you partaking that would work too but then you'll be sad that you won't be able to share each wondrous experience with him!!


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"Every individual is at once the beneficiary and the victim of the linguistic tradition into which he has been born - the beneficiary inasmuch as language gives access to the accumulated records of other people's experience, the victim in so far as it confirms him in the belief that reduced awareness is the only awareness and as it bedevils his sense of reality, so that he is all too apt to take his concepts for data, his words for actual things."

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OfflineTrippyHippie74
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Female


Registered: 11/21/09
Posts: 764
Loc: Ohio is for Lovers
Last seen: 10 years, 4 months
Re: Losing my psychedelic identity [Re: ant61]
    #14279982 - 04/12/11 07:55 PM (12 years, 10 months ago)

As of right now I have my heart set on graduating, getting a traveling nursing job, leaving everything in my life behind and seeing every place i can in the world


--------------------
:peace:Go see the sounds of the universe:peace:

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OfflineTrippyHippie74
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Female


Registered: 11/21/09
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Loc: Ohio is for Lovers
Last seen: 10 years, 4 months
Re: Losing my psychedelic idenity [Re: Synapses-R-Us]
    #14280008 - 04/12/11 07:58 PM (12 years, 10 months ago)

I feel really bad for myself too, but when we first started dating I thought that he was a pothead. I did not know until 2 moths after we were dating that he's never touched a drug in his life. Then I thought for sure that I could convince him to take something with me, its been almost 6 months and still nothing. Although it took me almost a year with my ex before I finally said yes to mushrooms. I have not given up on him yet. He has so much potential and I can see it in his heart. I just have to dig it out.

PS I really like you signature


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:peace:Go see the sounds of the universe:peace:

Edited by TrippyHippie74 (04/12/11 07:59 PM)

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Invisiblejoemolloy
DMT is Bullshit


Registered: 04/12/09
Posts: 6,525
Re: Losing my psychedelic identity [Re: TrippyHippie74]
    #14280015 - 04/12/11 07:58 PM (12 years, 10 months ago)

Traveling is a great substitute for the psychedelic experience. :thumbup: And it might scratch that itch you have.


--------------------
Don't PM me with bullshit.  I don't sell or trade cactus and I don't know where you can get any, other than your mother's ass.

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OfflineTrippyHippie74
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Female


Registered: 11/21/09
Posts: 764
Loc: Ohio is for Lovers
Last seen: 10 years, 4 months
Re: Losing my psychedelic identity [Re: joemolloy]
    #14280061 - 04/12/11 08:05 PM (12 years, 10 months ago)

Maybe what I'm looking for is exactly what I want to do and I just have to wait to do it.


--------------------
:peace:Go see the sounds of the universe:peace:

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OfflineSynapses-R-Us
Perspective is Subjective


Registered: 04/11/11
Posts: 70
Last seen: 12 years, 4 months
Re: Losing my psychedelic identity [Re: TrippyHippie74]
    #14280092 - 04/12/11 08:08 PM (12 years, 10 months ago)

Quote:

TrippyHippie74 said:
Quote:

smokin427 said:
Hey, I read your post and I think I can feel for you. I'm 20 as well, and I'm getting whacked in the face by the real world. It's all really overwhelming and extremely confusing; life is a trip. I'm trying to decide whether I can and should follow through with engineering, or live a little and save some money. Being so self aware at a young age leaves me with so many questions about my future and the direction of my life. All I know for sure, is that I want to be happy; right now, drugs make me happy.





If I wasn't so far into my school I may consider taking some time off to travel the world, and if i had the money. Neither one is a true option for me. Isn't that to ultimate goal in life happiness? Drugs make me happy too but theres a point in my opinion that they shouldnt be your soul source of happiness.



Quote:

TrippyHippie74 said:
As of right now I have my heart set on graduating, getting a traveling nursing job, leaving everything in my life behind and seeing every place i can in the world




Well then do that!! if that's really what your heart wants there shouldn't even be a question about it.

I absolutely love learning, same as you, but I don't see myself ever quitting psychedelics (at least that's what my heart wants lol), even if I go to college and get a demanding job. I see people like timothy leary, ram dass, aldous huxley, terence mckenna and I see TRULY smart people. They not only have an abundance of book smarts, but they're full of such wisdom and sagacity, they are so happy and give off such a light that I can't help but hope for the same for myself. they are the shamans of today!
That's quite the pickle you're in tho lol


--------------------
"Every individual is at once the beneficiary and the victim of the linguistic tradition into which he has been born - the beneficiary inasmuch as language gives access to the accumulated records of other people's experience, the victim in so far as it confirms him in the belief that reduced awareness is the only awareness and as it bedevils his sense of reality, so that he is all too apt to take his concepts for data, his words for actual things."

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OfflineTrippyHippie74
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Re: Losing my psychedelic identity [Re: Synapses-R-Us]
    #14280118 - 04/12/11 08:12 PM (12 years, 10 months ago)

If I'm not mistaken Timothy Leary did get his PHD at Harvard. What if I get mine and make some wonderful advancements in psychedelic research just like him. That would be amazinggggggggggg


--------------------
:peace:Go see the sounds of the universe:peace:

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OfflineSynapses-R-Us
Perspective is Subjective


Registered: 04/11/11
Posts: 70
Last seen: 12 years, 4 months
Re: Losing my psychedelic identity [Re: TrippyHippie74]
    #14280172 - 04/12/11 08:20 PM (12 years, 10 months ago)

Quote:

TrippyHippie74 said:
If I'm not mistaken Timothy Leary did get his PHD at Harvard. What if I get mine and make some wonderful advancements in psychedelic research just like him. That would be amazinggggggggggg



mhmm ram dass got his phd too, aldous didn't but is recognized as one of the most intelligent people of this century, and terence mckenna is just the best, most interesting philosopher I've ever seen or heard.

I'm obsessed with these 4 people lol


--------------------
"Every individual is at once the beneficiary and the victim of the linguistic tradition into which he has been born - the beneficiary inasmuch as language gives access to the accumulated records of other people's experience, the victim in so far as it confirms him in the belief that reduced awareness is the only awareness and as it bedevils his sense of reality, so that he is all too apt to take his concepts for data, his words for actual things."

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OfflineTrippyHippie74
Lover
Female


Registered: 11/21/09
Posts: 764
Loc: Ohio is for Lovers
Last seen: 10 years, 4 months
Re: Losing my psychedelic identity [Re: Synapses-R-Us]
    #14280181 - 04/12/11 08:22 PM (12 years, 10 months ago)

About 2 years ago I was too and now all I read is nursing books which saddens me :frown:


--------------------
:peace:Go see the sounds of the universe:peace:

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