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Offlinellevitron
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She cheated on me... Not exactly "willfully"...
    #14274913 - 04/11/11 09:12 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

So...... April 26th marks our 3 year anniversary.... And this past Friday night, my girlfriend and her friends decided to go to a strip club for the first time. They had a fun time, and she came home to me about 2am COMPLETELY TRASHED... Her eyes couldn't even focus themselves she was so trashed... She told me she and a couple of friends planned on going to her half-sister's house to hang out and party - which I was cool with. I trust her completely... And she's given me every reason to.

A bit of background: Her mother is one of the worst alcoholics I know... My girlfriend had a shitty home-life growing up. She uses the idea of her mother as the antithesis of who she wants to be in life. My girlfriend used to drink heavily as a teenager, but now only drinks occasionally... She barely ever goes out anymore or anything.

Okay.... So come to find out that later on that night, everyone had gone to bed at her half-sisters house except for her and this other guy who were still awake... They sat at the kitchen table bullshitting and drinking. I'm guessing this is about 4am or so... That's the last thing she REALLY remembers.... The next thing she knew, they were on the couch kissing...... His hand was down her pants.... She says she'd said "I can't" during this (he as well knew she had a boyfriend)... but he just kept kissing her, and she kept kissing him... Then she blacked out again. She remembers him on top of her somewhat... But remembers waking up with him laying beside her on the couch, and he pants were down around her ankles... She got up, went to the bathroom, came back and told him she was just going to go to sleep, and laid down on a cot (in the same room) next to her best friend (a girl).

I found out the next day..... She called me while on a break at work.... I could tell something was wrong just by the tone of her voice. I asked if everything was okay... She said 'no'... "Bad night at work?", I said. She didn't say anything for a second.... Then she dropped the bomb.... "I have something to tell you...", she said, and my heart fucking sank. I knew.

She was scared to tell me the details, but, of course, I HAD to know... And I got them out of her... albeit slowly. She didn't think they had sex... She kept blacking in and out of consciousness and assumed she'd somehow know if they did. So tonight (this happened 2 nights ago), she txted her half-sister and had her text him to see if they did have sex. He said they did....................

Her and I basically have laid in bed the past two days holding, kissing, crying, crying, crying...... It kills me... And it kills her.... I want to beat the life out of this mother fucker...... Not simply because he slept with my girlfriend.... But because she was soooooo fucking drunk...... So obviously out of it....... The guy took advantage of her either way you look at it. Even if she were to have thrown herself at him (which I don't entertain one bit, it didn't happen like that), I'd still beat his fucking ass because HE KNEW she had a boyfriend and HE KNEW she was fucking WASTED.

I know some of you would have done the same thing and probably don't see it as that big of a deal.... Well fuck you and you're predator "let's get layed by any means" ways. I'm gonna fucking kill this kid.

I'm not exactly looking for advice, though any is appreciated. I'm doing more venting than anything. We're both very much in love... We spend every waking day together and rarely grow tired of one another..... I know she would never intentionally hurt me, and she's killing herself on the inside for what she did to me. Years ago I wouldn't have even looked at the person who cheated on me; I would have been done with them right then and there. But she's something else. And I love her.

I just hate the feeling... I playback all the information I have into what happened that night... I recreate the scene in my mind and take it all in. It's torture, I know... but part of me doesn't even feel it. Part of me just looks at her in the eyes and knows only the reality of Her and I... It doesn't matter... We are together... And we love eachother.... Nothing can get in the way of that.....

I'm dealing with this rather well.... But at times, it does eat at my insides... like a hard blow to the stomach.... I feel sick sometimes.... But I always go back to focusing on Us and it all goes away. My ego sees it as 'this kid took what was mine'... And I know that it is somewhat justified.... Like I said, I'm dealing with this very well. All except for the fact of beating this fucker within an inch of his life. What does everyone think? Should I just let it go (probably) and give this kid a break, get on with our lives together, or should I show this mother fucker how I feel - like my rage wants me to? What would you do?  Thanks guys...


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Invisibleelliev
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Registered: 04/10/11
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Re: She cheated on me... Not exactly "willfully"... [Re: llevitron]
    #14274941 - 04/11/11 09:18 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

i'm sorry that happened :frown: why not try to keep your mind off it abit and go out on a nice date with your girlfriend?


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Anonymous #1

Re: She cheated on me... Not exactly "willfully"... [Re: llevitron]
    #14274972 - 04/11/11 09:23 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

I would give that nancy a fuckin' good kickin'
That's borderline rape and a good ass kicking is totally justified.
Good luck brother, I can't imagine how you must be feeling right now.
Hang tuff.


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Offlinellevitron
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Re: She cheated on me... Not exactly "willfully"... [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #14274990 - 04/11/11 09:25 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

Quote:

elliev said:
i'm sorry that happened :frown: why not try to keep your mind off it abit and go out on a nice date with your girlfriend?




I've actually been thinking about something like that... It's getting a lot easier to keep my mind off it... Even though I just found out that they DID have sex.... ahhhhhh............. But I've already been thru the worst of it... that last bit just tops it off.... oh well.  Thank you!


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OfflineBuckeye Oysters
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Re: She cheated on me... Not exactly "willfully"... [Re: elliev]
    #14275011 - 04/11/11 09:28 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

Must be nice to have a girlfriend.

I am 31 and so lonely,... so lonely :frown:  But its said 'owner of a lonely heart much better than a owner of a broken heart'

Count yourself blessed to have something to patch up.


--------------------
Evolution is Lamarckism in disguise.  Adaptation never creates a new species or trait, but rather the new species/trait always existed within the parent DNA until circumstances allowed it to be activated.  For instance, every wolf has the DNA for poodles, but that DNA would never be revealed without man selectively breeding for it.


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Offlinellevitron
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Re: She cheated on me... Not exactly "willfully"... [Re: Buckeye Oysters]
    #14275091 - 04/11/11 09:42 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

Quote:

Buckeye Oysters said:
Must be nice to have a girlfriend.

I am 31 and so lonely,... so lonely :frown:  But its said 'owner of a lonely heart much better than a owner of a broken heart'

Count yourself blessed to have something to patch up.




Thank you. I do... The only thing not driving me insane is her. She's still here.... She didn't wrong me (intentionally, willfully cheat on me)... And she's killing herself for what she did.... The only thing really getting at me is some mother fucker took advantage of her..... he had his way with my semi-conscious girl..... I just want to kill him.

I'm sorry that you are lonely, my friend. Use this time to work on yourself more, maybe? Keep perfecting yourself... when you find her, there won't be many loose ends... you'll be more confident.. alive.. fun... all that. My girlfriend and I started together when I was neck deep in self-loathing depression.... I was no fun... I was a disease that would bring you down, too, if you were near me... But she saw me thru it. I was lucky... any other girl might've gotten bored, figured I was a loser, etc. but she didn't. Another reason I love her so much. She's my best friend.


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:cheerup:


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Offlinedshow
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Re: She cheated on me... Not exactly "willfully"... [Re: llevitron] * 5
    #14275261 - 04/11/11 10:07 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

so funny, your mad at  him. lol .

hes a guy looking to get laid. YOUR GIRL... Thats another story.

You dont have it backwards, but your looking at it wrong.

Look... you said early on you trusted her... but yet she hooks up and says she "blacked out". It looks like you have soo much trust in her. But bro ive seen this first hand. People cheat.  yea alcohol was involved. But you dont think it was wierd she stayed out with that guy alone?? I mean come on man


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OfflineJwlst
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Re: She cheated on me... Not exactly [Re: dshow] * 4
    #14275437 - 04/11/11 10:31 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

Here is my step by step advice because I have been in the exact situation and got out ok, if not better than I was before.

1. Accept the fact she cheated on you. It was not an accident. A mistake. A rape. She just thought that another mans cock up her vagina would feel great and couldn't give a shit about how it would effect you. If your excuse for cheating was "I was really drunk, I'm sorry please give me sympathy" do you think she would care? No, she'd dump your arse in 5 minutes flat.

2. Start looking for another girl and make the jump straight to the next one to avoid pain. Pretend all is good in your current relationship while preparing to abandon ship, otherwise she will probaly just move to the guy she slept with leaving you alone and feeling stupid.

3. Cut all contact from this girl, do not attack the guy as it will not help the pain only make it worse, possibly lead to criminal charges as well as finding out your girlfriend wasn't as drunk as she claims.


If she did not know who had sex with her that night it is defintly rape.

However she stayed up all night getting really pissed with him having obviously deep convseration, enough for it to turn into sex where she even kissed him back with a few half arsed "no" instead of a healthy scream. If she was really raped, she should have called cops upon awaking. She didn't do that though, because it was not rape.

Even before she physically cheated, she was emotionally cheating. She is therefore a cheater and will cheat again.


Best of luck to you brother, trust me if you stay with her you will resent the shit out of her and slowly figure out she is lieing more than you think, it will slowly crush you, you will turn on her and she will cheat again or leave anyway.

If you insist on getting revenge, watch this guys facebook. Next time he goes overseas, report to customs he is keeping a couple of grams of coke up his anus.

They will finger his anus, then send a little message asking if he enjoyed his prostate massage.


Edited by Jwlst (04/11/11 11:01 PM)


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InvisibleyogabunnyM
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Re: She cheated on me... Not exactly "willfully"... [Re: dshow] * 1
    #14275608 - 04/11/11 11:01 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

Quote:

dshow said:
so funny, your mad at  him. lol .

hes a guy looking to get laid. YOUR GIRL... Thats another story.

You dont have it backwards, but your looking at it wrong.

Look... you said early on you trusted her... but yet she hooks up and says she "blacked out". It looks like you have soo much trust in her. But bro ive seen this first hand. People cheat.  yea alcohol was involved. But you dont think it was wierd she stayed out with that guy alone?? I mean come on man





qft.


im a girl and i can see right through this.  why was she the last one up with some other dude anyway??????  i love how she's been able to manipulate you into feeling bad for her, when she is the one in a relationship who got fucked up and cheated.


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InvisibleKid_Orgo
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Re: She cheated on me... Not exactly [Re: llevitron]
    #14275613 - 04/11/11 11:01 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

This entire thread is about to go shitstorm, between people saying that advice like dshow and Jwist's is somehow condoning rape, and probably people calling Jwist a narc for suggesting narky revenge.

I don't have anything to say about the previous.

I've been in the situation Jwist is responding to, where an ex-girlfriend pulled that stunt exactly. You'll have to take my word in my situation that it was definitely blaming cheating on alcohol, and not rape.

Still, I think this is like obesity:

The best way to stay skinny is to never get fat. Losing lots of weight is really fucking hard.

The best way to deal with this ugly situation is to never get into it. Never drink to excess with people you can't trust to tell you no if you're asking for it, meaning never drink to excess with people other than your close friends and your partner.

EDIT: And obviously having a partner that won't do these things either.

I can't say who's right or wrong here, I just know I'm never going to be in that place again.

Another thing that's for sure is that violence on OP's part is going to make everything much much worse. Hopefully what he's saying is just posturing or venting, and not an intent to actually harm someone, hopefully he won't do it. It can only get more tragic that way.

In any case, inb4 shitstorm.



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He was a cowboy in one of the seven days a week fights. No business, no hangout; no friends, nothing; just what you pick up and what you need.


Edited by Kid_Orgo (04/12/11 07:07 AM)


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InvisibleAIRDOG
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Re: She cheated on me... Not exactly [Re: Jwlst]
    #14275628 - 04/11/11 11:06 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

yeah you should probably beat the ass of this guy... and hers too...

I would completely send her flying to her moms... find another girl... non drinkers, no junkies are the best IMHO


Edited by AIRDOG (04/11/11 11:07 PM)


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Offlinethelivingfreekshow
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Re: She cheated on me... Not exactly [Re: AIRDOG]
    #14275638 - 04/11/11 11:08 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

Alcohol is a horrible substance...


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OfflineBothHands
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Re: She cheated on me... Not exactly "willfully"... [Re: yogabunny]
    #14275641 - 04/11/11 11:09 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

Quote:

yogabunny said:
Quote:

dshow said:
so funny, your mad at  him. lol .

hes a guy looking to get laid. YOUR GIRL... Thats another story.

You dont have it backwards, but your looking at it wrong.

Look... you said early on you trusted her... but yet she hooks up and says she "blacked out". It looks like you have soo much trust in her. But bro ive seen this first hand. People cheat.  yea alcohol was involved. But you dont think it was wierd she stayed out with that guy alone?? I mean come on man





qft.


im a girl and i can see right through this.  why was she the last one up with some other dude anyway??????  i love how she's been able to manipulate you into feeling bad for her, when she is the one in a relationship who got fucked up and cheated.




Agreed.  This happened to me before.  Only it was benzos she did before she cheated.  We dated for another year or so afterwards, but it was always at the back of my mind.  It caused problems right through the rest of the relationship.

And I think it's a little too convenient how she remembers staying up with him and kissing him, but not the sex.  That's the exact same story I got.


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Invisibleelliev
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Re: She cheated on me... Not exactly "willfully"... [Re: BothHands]
    #14275657 - 04/11/11 11:15 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

tbh, all i have to say

Yo Gotti – Women Lie, Men Lie


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Offlinedshow
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Re: She cheated on me... Not exactly "willfully"... [Re: elliev]
    #14275815 - 04/12/11 12:01 AM (12 years, 9 months ago)

OP im sure you have probably been thinking a little more now that you have read everyones posts.

Things that come to mind. None of know the truth, we are speculating. Let me send some quotes.

Quote:

And I think it's a little too convenient how she remembers staying up with him and kissing him, but not the sex.  That's the exact same story I got.




Quote:

im a girl and i can see right through this.  why was she the last one up with some other dude anyway??????  i love how she's been able to manipulate you into feeling bad for her, when she is the one in a relationship who got fucked up and cheated.




that is jus a couple.

NONE of the people including me are saying she meant it. ITS UP TO YOU. to decide what is right and what is wrong. We are jus looking at the side that you cant.


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OfflineJoolz
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Re: She cheated on me... Not exactly "willfully"... [Re: dshow]
    #14276275 - 04/12/11 01:51 AM (12 years, 9 months ago)

Read the first post, so I don't know where this has gone, but don't be that guy that "gets revenge" by killing someone and going to jail. I don't know how serious you were, this is text, but just saying. Time will heal most wounds but living behind bars isn't cool.


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Prohibition didn't work for God; Eve ate the fruit.


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InvisibleAIRDOG
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Re: She cheated on me... Not exactly "willfully"... *DELETED* [Re: Joolz]
    #14276684 - 04/12/11 06:23 AM (12 years, 9 months ago)

Post deleted by AIRDOG

Reason for deletion: repeat



Edited by AIRDOG (04/12/11 06:37 AM)


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InvisibleAIRDOG
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Re: She cheated on me... Not exactly "willfully"... [Re: AIRDOG]
    #14276707 - 04/12/11 06:38 AM (12 years, 9 months ago)

Quote:

AIRDOG said:
get a better girl .... and dump that tricky manipulating slut






perhaps ram her in the ass before dumping her??


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Offlinepyronym
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Re: She cheated on me... Not exactly "willfully"... [Re: AIRDOG]
    #14276717 - 04/12/11 06:46 AM (12 years, 9 months ago)

Tell her that if she doesn't file rape charges against him its just going to happen over and over again to other girls.  If she won't file it's because the sex was consensual. That should tell you all you need to know.

TBH I would like to know why they haven't been filed already?


--------------------
Later,
Tom
My first growlog


Edited by pyronym (04/12/11 06:47 AM)


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InvisibleCyclohexylamine
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Re: She cheated on me... Not exactly "willfully"... [Re: pyronym] * 1
    #14276729 - 04/12/11 06:55 AM (12 years, 9 months ago)

Quote:

yogabunny said:
Quote:

dshow said:
so funny, your mad at  him. lol .

hes a guy looking to get laid. YOUR GIRL... Thats another story.

You dont have it backwards, but your looking at it wrong.

Look... you said early on you trusted her... but yet she hooks up and says she "blacked out". It looks like you have soo much trust in her. But bro ive seen this first hand. People cheat.  yea alcohol was involved. But you dont think it was wierd she stayed out with that guy alone?? I mean come on man





qft.


im a girl and i can see right through this.  why was she the last one up with some other dude anyway??????  i love how she's been able to manipulate you into feeling bad for her, when she is the one in a relationship who got fucked up and cheated.





What they said.

Dude this happens ALL the time.
Sorry drugs are not an excuse to cheat.
Getting fucked up does not equal - losing all control.
It makes it EASIER to do stuff / lowers inhibitions but you still have free will.
She WANTED to kiss him back, she WANTED to fuck him.
Sure she was drunk, I have made a lot of stupid sex decisions drunk. But the fact is I still made that decision. Its a lot easier to do when drunk, but in the end it all comes down to her

Quote:

pyronym said:
Tell her that if she doesn't file rape charges against him its just going to happen over and over again to other girls.  If she won't file it's because the sex was consensual. That should tell you all you need to know.

TBH I would like to know why they haven't been filed already?




This.
If its what she said it was, she can file rape charges and trust me there is a good chance they will stick.
If she doesn't want to do it she is lying.


--------------------
Yes this is tymo - I just changed my name

Have you ever had a dream that you were so sure was real? What if you were unable to awake from that dream? How would you know the difference between that dream world and the real world?


There is NOTHING better than feeling that warm dissociative fuzz creeping up your body from IM K
Something abut that anaesthetic rush... :inlove:

Qualitative Research Chemical Effects and Experiences
The Wonderful World of Methoxetamine
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InvisibleCyclohexylamine
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Re: She cheated on me... Not exactly "willfully"... [Re: AIRDOG]
    #14276731 - 04/12/11 06:56 AM (12 years, 9 months ago)

Quote:

AIRDOG said:
Quote:

AIRDOG said:
get a better girl .... and dump that tricky manipulating slut






perhaps ram her in the ass before dumping her??




PERFECT opportunity to DSHSB :laugh:
"Baby you kinda owe me..."
and then dump her when its over
:smile:


--------------------
Yes this is tymo - I just changed my name

Have you ever had a dream that you were so sure was real? What if you were unable to awake from that dream? How would you know the difference between that dream world and the real world?


There is NOTHING better than feeling that warm dissociative fuzz creeping up your body from IM K
Something abut that anaesthetic rush... :inlove:

Qualitative Research Chemical Effects and Experiences
The Wonderful World of Methoxetamine
The 3-Meo-PCP Chapters, Part One


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OfflineKinko
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Re: She cheated on me... Not exactly "willfully"... [Re: dshow] * 2
    #14276743 - 04/12/11 07:05 AM (12 years, 9 months ago)

if that situation constitutes as rape than most men are/were rapists in a point of their lifetime.


Edited by Kinko (04/12/11 07:06 AM)


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Offlinepyronym
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Re: She cheated on me... Not exactly "willfully"... [Re: Kinko]
    #14276749 - 04/12/11 07:10 AM (12 years, 9 months ago)

I'm just saying that if she clearly said no and was on the verge of blacking out and or actually blacking out and he was on top so he was in control then it could be considered rape. 
I'm not saying that it was rape.  I think the story sounds off.  I think that if she was at an after party and they were the last 2 up and started making out I'm sure he was all over her all night and she didn't want to lose her chance so abusing bf's trust says I'm going to my gf's house blah blah blah....


--------------------
Later,
Tom
My first growlog


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InvisibleCyclohexylamine
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Re: She cheated on me... Not exactly "willfully"... [Re: pyronym]
    #14276752 - 04/12/11 07:12 AM (12 years, 9 months ago)

Quote:

pyronym said:
I'm just saying that if she clearly said no and was on the verge of blacking out and or actually blacking out and he was on top so he was in control then it could be considered rape. 
I'm not saying that it was rape.  I think the story sounds off.  I think that if she was at an after party and they were the last 2 up and started making out I'm sure he was all over her all night and she didn't want to lose her chance so abusing bf's trust says I'm going to my gf's house blah blah blah....




Exactly. Obviously the gf is lying here, but if she really was telling the truth that she said no etc, then yes it would be rape.

But I think everyone knows thats not the case.


--------------------
Yes this is tymo - I just changed my name

Have you ever had a dream that you were so sure was real? What if you were unable to awake from that dream? How would you know the difference between that dream world and the real world?


There is NOTHING better than feeling that warm dissociative fuzz creeping up your body from IM K
Something abut that anaesthetic rush... :inlove:

Qualitative Research Chemical Effects and Experiences
The Wonderful World of Methoxetamine
The 3-Meo-PCP Chapters, Part One


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Anonymous #2

Re: She cheated on me... Not exactly "willfully"... [Re: llevitron] * 1
    #14276768 - 04/12/11 07:19 AM (12 years, 9 months ago)

RP your rage is completely misplaced.  It is your gf who is at fault here.

What probably happened:

-Drunk dude and your drunk gf up all night talking, getting into deep topics, and as the night progresses getting increasingly more flirtatious.

-Your girl starts getting more and more horny, starts touching the guy here and there he starts responding...

-They start making out. She POSSIBLY half-heatedly says "we shouldn't do this" once or twice, but by this point her pussy is wetter than niagra falls.  She has only had your dick for 3 years, and now here is this new good looking guy who she built up a connection with during the night who wants her like you haven't wanted her in years.

-She takes off his pants, and starts stroking his throbbing member....  you got the point from there


-wakes up, and immediately regrets what she did, frantically thinking how she can keep from looking at fault.  "i was in and out of blackouts" --> look when her blackouts occur, pretty convenient timing eh?



The only way I would believe her at all is if she presses charges against this guy.  And at the end of the day, your girlfriend got hammered and hung out alone with a guy she thought was attractive.  That in itself would probably be a deal-breaker for me.


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InvisibleTTT
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Re: She cheated on me... Not exactly "willfully"... [Re: Cyclohexylamine]
    #14276769 - 04/12/11 07:20 AM (12 years, 9 months ago)

I think you guys shouldn't make assumptions about something you will never experience.

Its not that easy to determine whats going on when such a situation occurs. She could be lying, but she could be telling the truth.

I got blackout drunk and my friends bf started...doing shit... It took me a while to wake up. I woke up a few times but was back out in a few seconds. I was soooooo wasted, initially, I literally thought an alien was grabbing me from under the bed, thats how rationally I was thinking. When I finally did come to enough to be like "wtffff are you doing", which was about all I could muster, I could barely hold myself up. My friend was also passed out drunk on the other side of him on the same bed the whole time. Thinking about it makes me sick to my stomach.

No one believed me and my friend continued dating him until she caught him cheating on her. No one believing me hurt so much. I didn't want to tell anyone because I felt ashamed, and dirty and disgusting. And then when I did, its like I said nothing at all. No one seemed to give a fuck or care or believe me. I hated, what happened and channeled it inward for a while.

Sooooooo, this really is too sensitive of a situation to make assumptions of based on what OP said. This is probably best left to him on whether or not he believes his girl.


Edited by TTT (04/12/11 07:23 AM)


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InvisibleCyclohexylamine
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Re: She cheated on me... Not exactly "willfully"... [Re: TTT]
    #14276781 - 04/12/11 07:25 AM (12 years, 9 months ago)

Quote:

TTT said:
I think you guys shouldn't make assumptions about something you will never experience.

Its not that easy to determine whats going on when such a situation occurs. She could be lying, but she could be telling the truth.

I got blackout drunk and my friends bf started...doing shit... It took me a while to wake up. I woke up a few times but was back out in a few seconds. I was soooooo wasted, initially, I literally thought an alien was grabbing me from under the bed, thats how rationally I was thinking. When I finally did come to enough to be like "wtffff are you doing", which was about all I could muster, I could barely hold myself up. My friend was also passed out drunk on the other side of him on the same bed the whole time. Thinking about it makes me sick to my stomach.

No one believed me and my friend continued dating him until she caught him cheating on her. No one believing me hurt so much. I didn't want to tell anyone because I felt ashamed, and dirty and disgusting. And then when I did, its like I said nothing at all. No one seemed to give a fuck or care or believe me. I hated, what happened and channeled it inward for a while.

Sooooooo, this really is too sensitive of a situation to make assumptions of based on what OP said. This is probably best left to him on whether or not he believes his girl.




Then if thats the case she should be willing to press rape charges.
And that really sucks, I can imagine how hard that would be to live with. My best friend was raped and it hurt her terribly.
:hug:


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Anonymous #2

Re: She cheated on me... Not exactly "willfully"... [Re: TTT]
    #14276785 - 04/12/11 07:29 AM (12 years, 9 months ago)

TTT what seems different in this case compared to yours, is that she admits she was still in control when they started making out and he had his hands down her pants.

While RP knows the situation best, he seems like a nice guy.  Some girls will manipulate the shit out of nice guys, so we feel like it is our duty to at least give him a heads up as to what girls are easily capable of doing in situations like this.


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Re: She cheated on me... Not exactly "willfully"... [Re: Anonymous #2]
    #14276804 - 04/12/11 07:44 AM (12 years, 9 months ago)

I know, its fucked up. Theres a reason all but one of my friends are male. I have a hard time meeting women who aren't manipulative and ruthless. Many aren't, though.

I hope shes not trying to get away with simply consciously cheating because thats the kind of shit that makes people shake their head at someone who actually was hurt. People thought I was saying it for attention. Why in the fuck would I want that kind of attention? Being in a different country made it shittier.

I wish you and your girl the best of luck, OP.


Edited by TTT (04/12/11 07:45 AM)


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Re: She cheated on me... Not exactly "willfully"... [Re: yogabunny]
    #14276958 - 04/12/11 08:52 AM (12 years, 9 months ago)

Quote:

yogabunny said:
Quote:

dshow said:
so funny, your mad at  him. lol .

hes a guy looking to get laid. YOUR GIRL... Thats another story.

You dont have it backwards, but your looking at it wrong.

Look... you said early on you trusted her... but yet she hooks up and says she "blacked out". It looks like you have soo much trust in her. But bro ive seen this first hand. People cheat.  yea alcohol was involved. But you dont think it was wierd she stayed out with that guy alone?? I mean come on man





qft.


im a girl and i can see right through this.  why was she the last one up with some other dude anyway??????  i love how she's been able to manipulate you into feeling bad for her, when she is the one in a relationship who got fucked up and cheated.



yogabunny and dshow ftw. looks like they got it taken care of.


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Re: She cheated on me... Not exactly "willfully"... [Re: TTT]
    #14276967 - 04/12/11 08:54 AM (12 years, 9 months ago)

I'm really sorry about what happened to you.  I'm lucky enough to have never been in that situation, and I can't even imagine how terrible it would be.

But you have to realize the OP said his girlfriend kissed the guy back.  That's a completely different situation.  She may have protested with her words, but her actions reciprocated his behavior.


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Re: She cheated on me... Not exactly "willfully"... [Re: BothHands]
    #14276973 - 04/12/11 08:55 AM (12 years, 9 months ago)

and we all know that actions speak louder than words:billnye:


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Re: She cheated on me... Not exactly "willfully"... [Re: JesusGoneRogue]
    #14276993 - 04/12/11 09:02 AM (12 years, 9 months ago)

"She WANTED to kiss him back, she WANTED to fuck him.
Sure she was drunk, I have made a lot of stupid sex decisions drunk. But the fact is I still made that decision. Its a lot easier to do when drunk, but in the end it all comes down to her"

This is it. Same shit happened to me man, and trust me all you can do is cut your losses and move on, because odds are it wont be the same again between you two


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Re: She cheated on me... Not exactly "willfully"... [Re: fungusfriends]
    #14277153 - 04/12/11 09:49 AM (12 years, 9 months ago)

Quote:

fungusfriends said:
"She WANTED to kiss him back, she WANTED to fuck him.
Sure she was drunk, I have made a lot of stupid sex decisions drunk. But the fact is I still made that decision. Its a lot easier to do when drunk, but in the end it all comes down to her"

This is it. Same shit happened to me man, and trust me all you can do is cut your losses and move on, because odds are it wont be the same again between you two




Once trust is lost, it is VERY hard to build back up.
And in a situation like this I don't think she is worth it.
Because its just going to happen again.


--------------------
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Re: She cheated on me... Not exactly "willfully"... [Re: BothHands]
    #14277219 - 04/12/11 10:11 AM (12 years, 9 months ago)

Quote:

BothHands said:
I'm really sorry about what happened to you.  I'm lucky enough to have never been in that situation, and I can't even imagine how terrible it would be.

But you have to realize the OP said his girlfriend kissed the guy back.  That's a completely different situation.  She may have protested with her words, but her actions reciprocated his behavior.



I understand thats what it most likely was, but I just wanted to throw in my side.

If the guy was pushy with her, it is possible to pressure someone into shit, especially while intoxicated.


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Re: She cheated on me... Not exactly "willfully"... [Re: fungusfriends]
    #14277222 - 04/12/11 10:12 AM (12 years, 9 months ago)

I've been in a similar place as you, OP.  From what you described, this does NOT sound anything like rape at all.

It sounds like alcohol helped her make bad decisions.  And she should feel guilty.  You should not.

Beating up a guy you don't know probably won't do anything remotely positive.  Maybe slightly satisfy your carnal desire for vengeance and territoriality.

This is something you and your girlfriend need to deal with.  Together you should figure out why this happened and how her behavior and/or your relationship needs to change to avoid this behavior and/or circumstance from being enabled.

I'm not the most trusting person, so I'm personally tempted to side with the folks who think she's likely being dishonest to some degree.  Try to put yourself in her position: she's probably having a Hell of a time dealing with the guilt and fact she did something that probably contradicts her morality and view of her own self-control.  The cognitive dissonance alone easily leads to dishonesty with oneself and certainly other people when speaking about the situation.  So then is it really that unlikely for someone to twist the situation around in his or her head and change a drunken mistake to a rape?

Something worth considering.


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Anonymous #3

Re: She cheated on me... Not exactly "willfully"... [Re: Society]
    #14277307 - 04/12/11 10:34 AM (12 years, 9 months ago)

I also got to chime in because I've gotten the same story before, just with minor variations of the details. At the time, the story I got made my xgirlfriend seem mostly innocent and I felt more sorry for her than anything else. It was textbook manipulation though...I loved her and wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt. I thought I took it pretty well at first and was going to let it slide. But grew into beast that played havoc on my peace of mind...it ate at me for years man, and in retrospect it was one of the most foolish decisions I've made taking her back. Things were never what they could have been. I eventually did get over it, and she regained my trust. But it took years, and shit didn't work out anyway, so what the fuck was the point?! I would have been sooooo much better off cutting loose from the start. I highly recommend you don't try to salvage this situation. The humiliation of taking back a cheater will really mess with your esteem. I feel for you man, this is a horrible thing to deal with. But it isn't on you. She made a mistake, you ain't the one who needs to pay for it.


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Anonymous #4

Re: She cheated on me... Not exactly "willfully"... [Re: Anonymous #3]
    #14277512 - 04/12/11 11:29 AM (12 years, 9 months ago)

Quote:

So come to find out that later on that night, everyone had gone to bed at her half-sisters house except for her and this other guy who were still awake... They sat at the kitchen table bullshitting and drinking. I'm guessing this is about 4am or so




-If she was so drunk, why did her friends & half-sister leave her alone with a guy who wasn't her boyfriend?

Quote:

That's the last thing she REALLY remembers.... The next thing she knew, they were on the couch kissing......




They were kissing? Kissing goes too ways. It doesn't sound like she rejected the kissing. The hand down the pants is when she said she "couldn't"

Even if she got too drunk, what is she doing hanging out with strange guys getting so wasted she cannot control herself?

If she was so drunk why didn't her friends look out for her? Did she tell them to leave her there with mystery man?

Sounds sketch to me bro. When i'm with a girl she can drink, but i dont like her getting shitty with strangers because than shit gets weird.


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Re: She cheated on me... Not exactly "willfully"... [Re: yogabunny]
    #14277556 - 04/12/11 11:40 AM (12 years, 9 months ago)

Quote:

yogabunny said:
Quote:

dshow said:
so funny, your mad at  him. lol .

hes a guy looking to get laid. YOUR GIRL... Thats another story.

You dont have it backwards, but your looking at it wrong.

Look... you said early on you trusted her... but yet she hooks up and says she "blacked out". It looks like you have soo much trust in her. But bro ive seen this first hand. People cheat.  yea alcohol was involved. But you dont think it was wierd she stayed out with that guy alone?? I mean come on man





qft.


im a girl and i can see right through this.  why was she the last one up with some other dude anyway??????  i love how she's been able to manipulate you into feeling bad for her, when she is the one in a relationship who got fucked up and cheated.




get rid of the skeez... . she boned that dude willingly... u dont get drunk then wake up with your pants off... you also dont stay up at 4 am drinking with some dude u barely know ALONE when you have a boyfriend.... sounds like your woman is the problem... although i would still WRECK that dudes face, the bitch would be gone too


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Anonymous #4

Re: She cheated on me... Not exactly "willfully"... [Re: stranger_danger]
    #14277624 - 04/12/11 11:55 AM (12 years, 9 months ago)

Quote:

I got blackout drunk and my friends bf started...doing shit... It took me a while to wake up. I woke up a few times but was back out in a few seconds. I was soooooo wasted, initially, I literally thought an alien was grabbing me from under the bed, thats how rationally I was thinking. When I finally did come to enough to be like "wtffff are you doing", which was about all I could muster, I could barely hold myself up. My friend was also passed out drunk on the other side of him on the same bed the whole time. Thinking about it makes me sick to my stomach.

No one believed me and my friend continued dating him until she caught him cheating on her. No one believing me hurt so much. I didn't want to tell anyone because I felt ashamed, and dirty and disgusting. And then when I did, its like I said nothing at all. No one seemed to give a fuck or care or believe me. I hated, what happened and channeled it inward for a while.




Why do girls get blackout drunk with sleeze bag guys?

Seriously if i was a chick i wouldn't get so drunk I couldn't tell if i was being raped.


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Re: She cheated on me... Not exactly "willfully"... [Re: Anonymous #4] * 1
    #14277646 - 04/12/11 12:03 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

Umm, it kind of just happens. I don't think I've ever planned on getting black out drunk. It usually occured when I would make a misjudgement in shots because I was already shitfaced and thought 4 shots would be nothing.

Alcohol has a way of hitting you all at once sometimes and then bam, black out.

I've only been blackout drunk twice.


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Anonymous #4

Re: She cheated on me... Not exactly "willfully"... [Re: TTT]
    #14277674 - 04/12/11 12:12 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

Quote:

TTT said:
Umm, it kind of just happens. I don't think I've ever planned on getting black out drunk. It usually occured when I would make a misjudgement in shots because I was already shitfaced and thought 4 shots would be nothing.

Alcohol has a way of hitting you all at once sometimes and then bam, black out.

I've only been blackout drunk twice.




Well girls have to watch out for each other. Generally they travel in groups. If you see one of your friends getting sloppy you try to slow them down.

You need to watch how drunk you're getting if untrustworthy guys are around. And this goes for guys too. I've heard of a few guys getting too drunk and girls getting on them. And when you're drunk and don't have / cant use a condom it leads to bad places.


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Re: She cheated on me... Not exactly "willfully"... [Re: Anonymous #4]
    #14277898 - 04/12/11 01:01 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

i'd kick her out of my life. she fucked up. you're being a sucker.


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Re: She cheated on me... Not exactly "willfully"... [Re: dummy]
    #14278008 - 04/12/11 01:23 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

OP hasnt responded? I think we talked some sense into him. Their relationship will never be the same, if she can get away with it now, she will prob do it again in the future.

hopefully you didnt go beat up that guy. That would be pointless of you. Hopefully you dropped her ass cuz she walked all over you that night she decided to fuck that guy. Goodluck and sorry man. 3 years that sucks :sad:

You will find a better girl out there bro


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Re: She cheated on me... Not exactly "willfully"... [Re: dshow] * 1
    #14281059 - 04/12/11 10:30 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

Let's get a clue here people: if she was cheating, why tell him at all? Why not just go with the "I don't remember what happened last night"....

All in all, here's the thing: you can't get fucked up with people who aren't your boyfriend/girlfriend and expect good things to happen. At least, not things that are good for your relationship.

Whether it was cheating or not, this is a lesson for the OP: ask her to curb her "let's get trashed nights", or at least, only get trashed with YOU. If she was really taken advantage of (just because a girl gets drunk with some guys does not mean she's asking for it or planned it, we all know things change once you get drunk and a lot of people think they can handle it) she will agree. If she can't agree not to get shitfaced without you then she has a drinking problem that you guys might want to address.


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Re: She cheated on me... Not exactly "willfully"... [Re: sandi]
    #14281532 - 04/12/11 11:43 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

Quote:

Let's get a clue here people: if she was cheating, why tell him at all? Why not just go with the "I don't remember what happened last night"....





lol! have you ever cheated yourself? Have you ever had someone cheat on you? The stupid people tell that they did something. I remember this girl that told my friend that she just gave me a BJ, we actually had sex. you see the lie? they feel guilty so they say something, but they fill lies in the middle.

It looks like your trying to be honest, yet your really not. Its almost like covering your tracks.


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Re: She cheated on me... Not exactly "willfully"... [Re: dshow]
    #14281536 - 04/12/11 11:45 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

you do that exact thing so that person wont find out from someone else. You come off as the "i admit it!, im sorry :sad:" shes playing with his head trying to pull something over him.


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OfflineMushroomTrip
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Re: She cheated on me... Not exactly "willfully"... [Re: dshow]
    #14282634 - 04/13/11 08:09 AM (12 years, 9 months ago)

You're all mind-readers, right?
Good ones too. :lol:


--------------------
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Re: She cheated on me... Not exactly "willfully"... [Re: MushroomTrip]
    #14286896 - 04/13/11 09:40 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

Quote:

MushroomTrip said:
You're all mind-readers, right?
Good ones too. :lol:




Why do they need to be mind readers? The whole situation the girl got herself into was super sketchy.

Getting so smashed you don't know whats going on while hanging out with a random dude while her friends run off to a different house?

I wouldn't be cool with my girlfriend pulling that shit. She can drink and chill with guys. But to get completely wasted while alone with another dude. I'm not sure I'd be ok with that shit.


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Re: She cheated on me... Not exactly "willfully"... [Re: TrustYourSelf]
    #14332959 - 04/22/11 11:43 AM (12 years, 9 months ago)

So what happened?


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Anonymous #5

Re: She cheated on me... Not exactly "willfully"... [Re: pyronym]
    #14333110 - 04/22/11 12:24 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

It's (O)k.


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Re: She cheated on me... Not exactly "willfully"... [Re: Anonymous #5]
    #14333471 - 04/22/11 01:42 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

I think it could only have been considered rape if she was completely passed out.  Like if she passed out on the kitchen counter while they were talking and he fucked her without her knowledge/consent.

Sounds like your girl had a little too much to drink, maybe to the point of "blacking out" but thats not the same thing as passing out, and slept with someone else. 

Sure, she may feel terribly about it. I am sure you mean more to her than a night of drunken sex, but she still had a choice at since she remembers kissing him back. I doubt you crossed her mind at all. But don't fool yourself into thinking that she didn't have a solid hand in it.  He was probably as drunk as she was.

I'm sorry. I hope yall work things out. People do make mistakes. But forgive her instead of forcing all the blame on to the guy.


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Re: She cheated on me... Not exactly "willfully"... [Re: llevitron]
    #14335349 - 04/22/11 08:53 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

if she wanted to she could of told him to stop and told her friend she thought she was about to get raped and leave.
thats not what happened man, she kept kissing him. She got some strange behind your back.
its over man, your relationship cant ever be the same again imo.


--------------------



[quote]KristiMidocean said:
Good now thats clear.WHO FUCKING CARES. If I am fat u all keep pointing it out like its suppose to be a secret.LIke u really have nothing better to do then make fat jokes. If o know its like I do I know yall can come up with NEW AND BETTER SHIT . This shit is old and boring . I left in the first place cause this shit got boring not because of the fat jokes . Fat jokes dont bother me but seriously its old[/quote]


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Re: She cheated on me... Not exactly "willfully"... [Re: Psychoslut]
    #14335359 - 04/22/11 08:54 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

Quote:

Psychoslut said:
if she wanted to she could of told him to stop and told her friend she thought she was about to get raped and leave.
thats not what happened man, she kept kissing him. She got some strange behind your back.
its over man, your relationship cant ever be the same again imo.





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Re: She cheated on me... Not exactly "willfully"... [Re: automan] * 1
    #14335369 - 04/22/11 08:56 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

Short story: I had an ex and we both cheated on each other on the same night. We talked about it, got over it, and dated for another like 9 months or so, but it was still hollow. Even though we were still "even" it still wasn't all there. I think that's how I would feel in your shoes OP. Just hollow.


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Re: She cheated on me... Not exactly "willfully"... [Re: Joolz]
    #14335730 - 04/22/11 10:17 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

Cheated on each other in the same night and still dated...  This would make for a cute romantic comedy starring Luke Wilson and Kate Hudson.

I'm on it.


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Re: She cheated on me... Not exactly "willfully"... [Re: Society]
    #14341817 - 04/24/11 01:44 AM (12 years, 9 months ago)

Sorry my bitch got sent away and after several months she fucked a Guy without ending it with me first I hate her for that and she turned into a bitch for no reason. I m currently ignoring her even though were chill.

My point is I can't help but feel betrayed... stupid whore has to go sleep with some Guy she just met?? I stayed faithful for over a year for her even thoughi could have easily cheated.

The relationship wont ever be the same.. Somone that loves you with all there heart dosent need anybody else but you. When I'm drinking without my bitch I think about her and how much I love her.  She planned on getting laid.


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Re: She cheated on me... Not exactly "willfully"... [Re: skiddy]
    #14342114 - 04/24/11 03:43 AM (12 years, 9 months ago)

Quote:

The relationship wont ever be the same.. Somone that loves you with all there heart dosent need anybody else but you.




I am sorry you got cheated on and that someone you trusted and loved decided to fuck with your trust in them, but from that to saying that when someone loves you they need only you is a VERY long way. Is it possible for someone to honestly love more than one person at the same time, or simply feel attracted to someone else. Thinking that someone who loves you should only constantly want and need only you can bring a lot of suffering into your life because it's not how things happen in reality and it also doesn't give you the opportunity to be in a real relationship with the person you love.


--------------------
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All this time I've loved you
And never known your face
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And searched this human race
Here is true peace
Here my heart knows calm
Safe in your soul
Bathed in your sighs

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Offlinetk3
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Re: She cheated on me... Not exactly "willfully"... [Re: MushroomTrip]
    #14342461 - 04/24/11 07:54 AM (12 years, 9 months ago)

Lots of things happen in reality.  Some of them aren't very common, like winning the lotto or finding a person who loves you as a unique individual above all others and is totally satiated by you.

still, i'd rather sift through the dirt and go home empty handed than take a bunch of rocks home with me because i couldn't find gems.


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OfflineMaverick
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Re: She cheated on me... Not exactly "willfully"... [Re: Buckeye Oysters]
    #14343074 - 04/24/11 11:14 AM (12 years, 9 months ago)

Quote:

Buckeye Oysters said:
Must be nice to have a girlfriend.

I am 31 and so lonely,... so lonely :frown:  But its said 'owner of a lonely heart much better than a owner of a broken heart'

Count yourself blessed to have something to patch up.





Eh I just kind of don't know.  Been used and lied to enough by women to know this ain't patchup material. 


Honestly with this relationship, your best bet is to wish her the best but pack your shit and hit town.  Being drunk isn't an excuse to let someone take advantage of you, and I doubt she was blacking out, there are probably plenty of lies in how she described her story.  This just comes from experience because I mean "oh I can't, but let me keep making out with you and rubbing against you."
Guys don't just walk up to a half passed out girl and stick their hands down their pants and try to make out with them.  (In the case of rapists they prefer raping and keeping their identity secret usually).  Obviously this guy was trying to get her to consensually fuck him even if she's saying no, and she's obviously letting herself go to the extent of being that fucked up in the presence of someone who's doing this to her without the ability to just say "no."

I've seen plenty of extremely drunk women still able to clearly turn down sex.  Now it could be completely true that she was blacked out, but when she regained consciousness for that moment, why would she be making out with him and not freaking out?  Coming out of a blackout and not knowing why some guy is trying to fuck you is kind of 'being raped scream' material don't you think?


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Re: She cheated on me... Not exactly "willfully"... [Re: Maverick]
    #14343530 - 04/24/11 01:37 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

ive been waiting to see what happened for almost 2 weeks now  :aweman:


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Re: She cheated on me... Not exactly "willfully"... [Re: MushroomTrip] * 1
    #14347964 - 04/25/11 08:25 AM (12 years, 9 months ago)

Quote:

MushroomTrip said:
Quote:

The relationship wont ever be the same.. Somone that loves you with all there heart dosent need anybody else but you.




I am sorry you got cheated on and that someone you trusted and loved decided to fuck with your trust in them, but from that to saying that when someone loves you they need only you is a VERY long way. Is it possible for someone to honestly love more than one person at the same time, or simply feel attracted to someone else. Thinking that someone who loves you should only constantly want and need only you can bring a lot of suffering into your life because it's not how things happen in reality and it also doesn't give you the opportunity to be in a real relationship with the person you love.





i agree with you mushroomtrip.  I don't think it's sane or healthy to seek emotional/mental/spiritual fulfillment from another human being.  find that sense of well being and wholeness within yourself first and then perhaps you can have a healthy relationship with a partner.  cheating happens so often and i don't think it's necessarily because the person is bad, mean,evil or an asshole or whore.  it's because they are not honest with themselves or their partner.  perhaps if we all talked more openly and communicated honestly about feelings and desires, there would be less cheating and deceit.  furthermore i don't know if i believe that there is ONE person who will always and forever satisfy me.  this is not a disney movie, folks, it's real life. 

the desire we have to experience closeness with another human beings is dangerous in that it causes us to stay in relationships past their expiration date, and with people we sometimes don't even really like because the alternative of being alone & lonely is such a hard pill to swallow.


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Invisiblep_walter
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Re: She cheated on me... Not exactly "willfully"... [Re: llevitron]
    #14350078 - 04/25/11 04:38 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

Seconding these two bits:


Quote:

pyronym said:
Sorry drugs are not an excuse to cheat.
Getting fucked up does not equal - losing all control.
It makes it EASIER to do stuff / lowers inhibitions but you still have free will.
She WANTED to kiss him back, she WANTED to fuck him.
Sure she was drunk, I have made a lot of stupid sex decisions drunk. But the fact is I still made that decision. Its a lot easier to do when drunk, but in the end it all comes down to her




I've blacked out, so I know what it's like to wake up and have no recollection of actions you took the night prior. But, not remembering murdering someone doesn't make me not a murderer (not that I am, just an example :p). The choice to consume as much alcohol as I did, around the people I was with, that was my choice. Anything that followed was also my choice.


Quote:

pyronym said:
Tell her that if she doesn't file rape charges against him its just going to happen over and over again to other girls.  If she won't file it's because the sex was consensual. That should tell you all you need to know.

TBH I would like to know why they haven't been filed already?




This. But, like the other guy said, she's not off the hook yet. You guys will still have to work through this. "No getting trashed around people who won't look after you", or maybe simply "No getting trashed". If she is truly sorry for what happened and cares for you, she should want something to ensure it doesn't ever happen again. You shouldn't have to force it out of her, either; it should be of her own accord.


[Edit: Oh hell, I didn't even notice this thread had 4 pages. Doh]


Edited by p_walter (04/25/11 04:41 PM)


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Re: She cheated on me... Not exactly "willfully"... [Re: p_walter]
    #14350193 - 04/25/11 05:00 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

do people even read the threads???? ive seen like 5 people post when its already been 2 weeks and no answer from OP.. read the ENTIRE THREAD BEFORE YOU POST                      :wow:


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Re: She cheated on me... Not exactly "willfully"... [Re: dshow]
    #14350222 - 04/25/11 05:06 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

yeah OP has totally left us hanging.

:kingcrankey:


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Re: She cheated on me... Not exactly "willfully"... [Re: yogabunny]
    #14350480 - 04/25/11 05:50 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

Trolled........


--------------------
"A politician is like a baby's diaper, it should be changed often and for the same reason"-Coy Turner Sr.

"what is a weed, a plant whose virtues have not yet been discovered"--Ralph Waldo Emerson

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Re: She cheated on me... Not exactly "willfully"... [Re: joe666]
    #14350717 - 04/25/11 06:31 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

:sniper:i read this whole fucking thread damn it!!:grrr:
bitch flaky RP


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OfflineBipolarbear
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Re: She cheated on me... Not exactly "willfully"... [Re: Micawber]
    #14357838 - 04/26/11 09:25 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

I want to know what happened now.  I hope you broke up with her OP.  Like so many people have said that trust will never be where it was.  That taint will always be on your relationship.  Deal with the sharp pain of getting shit on and then heal as we all do instead of staying in a withering relationship.  Some people can make these things work but I think those people are either super evolved creautres (which I doubt in 99% of the cases) or they just deal with that taint everyday for the rest of their lives which is totally unnatural and toxic. 

I can commiserate with your story quite a bit too OP at least from the ones in this thread who have shown you a different perspective, the one that your girl made a conscious choice to do what she did regardless of alcohol intake.  Too many things brought up smack strongly of covering up her actions with lesser lies.

As for my story I was dating this girl for 4 years and we had a pretty good relationship for the most part.  We both go home for Christmas and we go our separate ways to our families for break and we are on the same flight back to Cali at the end of break.  She breaks it to me in the middle of the flight from NY to San Fran that she cheated on me on New Year's with another guy.  She of course blamed the insane amounts of alcohol and drugs and other things but she didn't try and hide behind a blackout story.  I still had TWO AND A HALF HOURS of being stuck sitting next to her on a goddamn plane having to endure the heartbreak with nowhere to escape to.  aljfda;oj ao jaoi;jals jois; ajaojifaswitjkdlaj irhqw uqh uiqbh uighnqiulgnrjing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Words cannot describe the agony but you know, OP, you know.  I didn't make the mistake of trying to patch things up.  As soon as I was clear from her and that plane ride from hell I dumped her immediately and kicked her out of my place.  I was with her for 4 years but I was so shattered at the news I lost all emotion.  I was floating in a void able to make the decision without regret because I could no longer feel the pain I was just resolute in my decision to get her out of my life.  I'm so glad I did.  Don't stick around.  You'll hate yourself, grow to hate her and you'll never regain what's been lost.


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Re: She cheated on me... Not exactly "willfully"... [Re: Bipolarbear]
    #14358068 - 04/26/11 09:59 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

Quote:

  You'll hate yourself, grow to hate her and you'll never regain what's been lost.




This.


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Anonymous #6

Re: She cheated on me... Not exactly "willfully"... [Re: Cyclohexylamine]
    #14360645 - 04/27/11 11:24 AM (12 years, 9 months ago)

Personally - If a girl ever did that, I'd leave her and never look back.

When this kind of thing happens, it's not all the guys fault.

I've been drunk as fuck and knew exactly what I was doing and had complete control over my body. I know that I'm not allowed to fuck girls, or let girls touch me or that I shouldn't touch girls.

She has boundary issues and they are just more pronounced when she is drunk. This will not be the last time this kind of thing happens.

I've done different drugs, and none of them ever turned me into some kind of zombie that cant control myself.

So I say unto you. Leave this drama causing "I was raped" bitch in the dust.

You'll thank me in the future if you do.


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Re: She cheated on me... Not exactly "willfully"... [Re: Anonymous #6]
    #14375595 - 04/30/11 12:24 AM (12 years, 8 months ago)

Hey everyone....... No, I'm not trolling.

I'll update you all tomorrow. All is well.


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:cheerup:


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Re: She cheated on me... Not exactly "willfully"... [Re: llevitron]
    #14375631 - 04/30/11 12:36 AM (12 years, 8 months ago)

Dejavu. holy shit :awewtf:








I actually saw that. that was crazy. anyways. yea. cool hope to hear from you sometimes this week.:cookiemonster:


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Re: She cheated on me... Not exactly "willfully"... [Re: dshow]
    #14375657 - 04/30/11 12:45 AM (12 years, 8 months ago)

Wow man that really sucks, I hope you're ok.

To me it wouldn't be a big deal, past couple relationships I had were slightly open ones but if I were you I'd be thinking about the fact that she was up alone drinking with this guy and that's what aloud it to happen. I'm sorry but it doesn't sound like an accident to me.


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Disclaimer: All posts are completely fictional and or for educational purposes only.


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Re: She cheated on me... Not exactly "willfully"... [Re: Mr. Anderson]
    #14375697 - 04/30/11 01:04 AM (12 years, 8 months ago)

Quote:

To me it wouldn't be a big deal, past couple relationships I had were slightly open ones but if I were you I'd be thinking about the fact that she was up alone drinking with this guy and that's what aloud it to happen. I'm sorry but it doesn't sound like an accident to me.









yo omfg. read the whole thread before you post. fucking stupid brahhhhsky.
Otherwise you look kinda :wow:


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InvisibleMr. Anderson
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Re: She cheated on me... Not exactly "willfully"... [Re: dshow]
    #14375736 - 04/30/11 01:18 AM (12 years, 8 months ago)

Man I read the whole fuckn post.

And who the fk r u?

Ok so you've been waiting 2 weeks to see what happened, so fkn what.


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Disclaimer: All posts are completely fictional and or for educational purposes only.


Edited by Mr. Anderson (04/30/11 01:31 AM)


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Re: She cheated on me... Not exactly "willfully"... [Re: Mr. Anderson]
    #14375755 - 04/30/11 01:28 AM (12 years, 8 months ago)

when you wait 2 weeks... it gets annoying seeing people post when the discussion was over awhile back lol


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InvisibleMr. Anderson
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Re: She cheated on me... Not exactly "willfully"... [Re: dshow]
    #14375759 - 04/30/11 01:29 AM (12 years, 8 months ago)

So fuckn wat, I said what I felt wtf's it to you. I wasn't talkin to you.


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Re: She cheated on me... Not exactly "willfully"... [Re: Mr. Anderson]
    #14423235 - 05/09/11 06:10 AM (12 years, 8 months ago)

9 days later and still no update!


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Invisiblememes
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Re: She cheated on me... Not exactly "willfully"... [Re: AUX]
    #14423254 - 05/09/11 06:22 AM (12 years, 8 months ago)

Quote:

AUX said:
9 days later and still no update!




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Re: She cheated on me... Not exactly "willfully"... [Re: memes]
    #14423269 - 05/09/11 06:28 AM (12 years, 8 months ago)

Maybe he's in jail? lol

if it were me I'd kick his fucking ass Seabass :thumbup:

Goodluck :mushroom2:


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Re: She cheated on me... Not exactly "willfully"... [Re: automan]
    #14423276 - 05/09/11 06:31 AM (12 years, 8 months ago)

Quote:

automan said:
Quote:

Psychoslut said:
if she wanted to she could of told him to stop and told her friend she thought she was about to get raped and leave.
thats not what happened man, she kept kissing him. She got some strange behind your back.
its over man, your relationship cant ever be the same again imo.





Perfect Advice



:whathesaid::thumbup: drop her man it can only lead to more nights like this or your mind always "racing" on what she's doing when she's out. :shrug:


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Re: She cheated on me... Not exactly "willfully"... [Re: XxT1AlphaxX]
    #14426132 - 05/09/11 06:27 PM (12 years, 8 months ago)

we've been had.


:trolldance:


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Re: She cheated on me... Not exactly "willfully"... [Re: memes]
    #14427436 - 05/09/11 10:48 PM (12 years, 8 months ago)

Quote:

meams said:
Quote:

AUX said:
9 days later and still no update!







Hey now, we already at a "5am and my girlfriend is not home yet."


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Re: She cheated on me... Not exactly "willfully"... [Re: Society]
    #14427644 - 05/10/11 12:01 AM (12 years, 8 months ago)

WTF HAPPENED !!!!!!!!:minigun:


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Re: She cheated on me... Not exactly "willfully"... [Re: dshow]
    #14454646 - 05/15/11 02:11 AM (12 years, 8 months ago)

oaint?


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Re: She cheated on me... Not exactly "willfully"... [Re: dshow]
    #14847565 - 07/30/11 07:42 AM (12 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

dshow said:
WTF HAPPENED !!!!!!!!:minigun:




Hello all... I'm back. I apologize for leaving everyone on the edge of their seats there for awhile. It was not very cool of me. I planned on updating everyone at one point, but I never got around to it... I didn't really care to delve back into the thing. Hopefully some of you can understand that. It's still not cool to start a thread of this nature and bail... Sorry! :tongue:

A little update on the situation and our relationship:
Everything is good... better than I can ever remember it, actually. We've done nothing but become closer these past few months; it's beautiful. If anything, what happened was a wake up call to the both of us...

I have no doubts about her or her motives or any of that... she's not THAT type of girl. She's not some lying slut... She's not dishonest in any way. And no, I'm not a deluded, weak boyfriend that wants to believe this shit... a couple shroom sessions between us confirmed that for the both of us and helped to shed some light on some things.... I could see her.... She could see me..... and I have no doubts now. She really is the yin to my yang. She's orange and I'm blue-green. hahaha :heart:

The thought of it really doesn't bother me anymore... I don't torture myself with what happened or imagine it or any of that (like I did when it initially happened). I look at it as I do with the rest of the things of that nature in her past... She used to be a bit of a beer slut in highschool - though she's only had like 7 partners, 8 including me)... She's 21 years old now and aside from that recent "slip-up" she hasn't been unfaithful, dishonest or anything of the sort. I don't even think of that stuff, and if I do, it's only for a moment.... I focus on US, here, in the moment.

Here's something: A month or two ago, her and I went to Walmart at like 5am... We were looking around for shit and I look up, down an aisle or two and guess who I see? The kid she had the "slip-up" with.... Instantly my blood began to boil (I should mention that still, to this day when we go downtown, I'm looking for this guy.... not exactly to beat his ass... maybe, actually.... but say, if we're at a gas station or something, I scan the parking lot... I eyeball every mother fucker who I see... not in a "don't fuck with me way".... I'm just scanning and I've absolutely no fear of anything/any one since this situation happened).

Anyway, my girlfriend saw him as well and she insisted we leave... I agreed... We start walking away, I'm still shaking with rage and out of nowhere I look over and she starts sobbing... We got back to the car and she held me so tight for so long... She kept apologizing.... This type of shit is very reassuring........

My girlfriend also works at McDonald's on the night-shift.... Her half-sister (if you remember her from earlier on) comes in and sometimes brings this fucker into the store with her to order food (they're friends). One of the girls she works with is also friends with her half-sister (used to live with her too) and one night when they came in, my girlfriend started crying... the girl she worked with asked what was wrong... she told her... the girl she worked with thought it was sort of fucked up and proceeded to take my girlfriend's half-sister outside and "set her straight"... she told her she was fucked up to bring him around... My girlfriend got a txt the next day from her half-sister who apologized and said she drunk and wasn't thinking and blah, blah...

In short, this shit is reassuring to me... Whenever we talk about it or anything it becomes apparent that she beats herself up over what happened... this I kinda knew... But when it comes out it's, over course, reassuring and really cuts thru any bullshit I may be feeling and brings us together even more.

Yeah, it happened.... Yeah, she hurt me... but I forgive her entirely. It's made us both a lot more conscious of our love for one another and it is expressed a hell of a lot more. Our relationship is as good and as strong as ever and in some bittersweet way, is a blessing.

I still don't forgive the guy, though... The dude is like 26 and still parties with highschool girls and shit.... He's looking for one thing and in my case, he got it.... He knew she had a boyfriend, that didn't deter him... he didn't respect that. The guy is a scrawny fucking Facebook whore who is "one of those" who takes mirror pics of himself with his shirt off and shit... I don't like those people to begin with... but he's a predator... the type of male I fucking detest and would have half a mind to beat the shit out of anyway. I've yet to see him downtown other than with my girlfriend the day at Walmart.... but we live in a town of about 6000 people, so we're going to see eachother again at some point. I know it won't solve anything or make the situation much better, but I truly think that when that day comes, I will drop his ass... I'm human.... I still have somewhat of an animal nature in me..... and he fucked me over.... so the way I see it, I've yet to return the favor. And I honestly think it'd make me feel better on some low level.  :shrug:

Thanks for listening, guys... And sorry, again, for leaving you all hanging. I hope this update helps.


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Re: She cheated on me... Not exactly "willfully"... [Re: llevitron]
    #14847707 - 07/30/11 08:55 AM (12 years, 5 months ago)

OMFG REALLY? This is the EXACT same shit that was going on earlier  :dizope:




and i waited forever :zomgwtf:



Your still mad at this dude. A predator? Your girl is 21 years old. He is not a predator. Again he didnt do shit, it was your girl who is with you. Your girl who fucked you. Whats that one thing? sex? well yea der da der. What guy isnt? Take pictures of himself for what?? MORE SEX? well yea der da der. Nothing wrong with the dufferbro. I just cant believe your even still mad about this guy who doesnt even know you. When in reality It is your girl that betrayed you. :sad:


One thing i can see is that your girl knows EXACTLY how to play your emotions. She knows how to work you soooo gooood.


But hey its all done and over with? And your back together. Congrats. I hope things work out for the two of you. If she ever pulls anything even remotely similar again, dump her asap, because that means she didnt just make a mistake, she walks all over you cuz she can.

Again have fun in life, have fun with her. Congrats. And cool story yo. :thumbup:


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Re: She cheated on me... Not exactly "willfully"... [Re: llevitron]
    #14847738 - 07/30/11 09:07 AM (12 years, 5 months ago)

That's some funny shit.


--------------------
You cannot legislate the poor into prosperity by legislating the wealthy out of prosperity. What one person receives without working for another person must work for without receiving. The government cannot give to anybody anything that the government does not first take from somebody else. When half of the people get the idea that they do not have to work because the other half is going to take care of them and when the other half gets the idea that it does no good to work because somebody else is going to get what they work for that my dear friend is the beginning of the end of any nation. You cannot multiply wealth by dividing it. ~ Adrian Rogers


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Re: She cheated on me... Not exactly [Re: dshow]
    #14847870 - 07/30/11 09:43 AM (12 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

dshow said:
OMFG REALLY? This is the EXACT same shit that was going on earlier  :dizope:




and i waited forever :zomgwtf:



Your still mad at this dude. A predator? Your girl is 21 years old. He is not a predator. Again he didnt do shit, it was your girl who is with you. Your girl who fucked you. Whats that one thing? sex? well yea der da der. What guy isnt? Take pictures of himself for what?? MORE SEX? well yea der da der. Nothing wrong with the dufferbro. I just cant believe your even still mad about this guy who doesnt even know you. When in reality It is your girl that betrayed you. :sad:


One thing i can see is that your girl knows EXACTLY how to play your emotions. She knows how to work you soooo gooood.


But hey its all done and over with? And your back together. Congrats. I hope things work out for the two of you. If she ever pulls anything even remotely similar again, dump her asap, because that means she didnt just make a mistake, she walks all over you cuz she can.

Again have fun in life, have fun with her. Congrats. And cool story yo. :thumbup:




Sorry I couldn't deliver an entertaining story for you.... Just an update.

Not a predator like a child predator or anything... hahaha... Just the typical male predator... 26 and still going to highschool parties to get laid? That shit, to me anyway, is fucking repulsive. I don't like many people... they're full-grown children. So a lot of things that are the norm for most I find obnoxious.

This part: "One thing i can see is that your girl knows EXACTLY how to play your emotions. She knows how to work you soooo gooood."

It's funny you assume what's going on... and if it appears that way, that's my fault... but I'm sure you gather this from experience and assume this is the case. It isn't... but this is the internet... and I don't convey info as accurately with words as others can. Believe what you will.

I'm very aware that this type of thing is entirely possible, bro... I'm not an idiot. It's just not the case. I'm not trying to convince you... you'll infer what you will.

And you wouldn't be mad at the dude? Sounds like you and him may have a lot in common, maybe? I hope not... You think this type of shit is cool and alright? Mackin' on a girl who's taken? Sorry, bro, I don't. I'd have a problem even if they never hooked up. I'm old-fashioned that way. :shrug:

And the dude does know me... We live in a small town of 6000.


Edited by llevitron (07/30/11 09:46 AM)


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Re: She cheated on me... Not exactly "willfully"... [Re: dshow]
    #14847884 - 07/30/11 09:47 AM (12 years, 5 months ago)

.


Edited by memes (11/16/11 07:51 PM)


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Re: She cheated on me... Not exactly "willfully"... [Re: memes]
    #14848403 - 07/30/11 12:16 PM (12 years, 5 months ago)

Nah i had been fucked over by a guy going behind my back with my gf, and it was a friend no less. OK if the dude DOES know you. But knowing of you and knowing you are 2 different things. Either way yea its wrong. But she was too, then again if meams is right. :sad:

meams im sure you already did but read ealier posts. Meams you could easily say the opposite of what your saying. His earlier posts from months ago shows another story.


YES if she is breaking down and crying, that does seem to be pretty obvious shes hurt and maybe even a rape victem. Like i said cool you guys are back together and goodluck.


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Re: She cheated on me... Not exactly "willfully"... [Re: dshow]
    #14849507 - 07/30/11 05:36 PM (12 years, 5 months ago)

I don't think she was "raped", per se... (though meams is dead-on about how girls react to that shit) But she really doesn't know how all the kissing and shit started. She only remembers certain points throughout the whole thing... One minute they were in the kitchen talking, the next on the couch kissing, she remembers him on top of her, and had no idea (until the next day when he confirmed it) that they had sex. At certain points she even thinks she passed out, particularly around the time when she remembers him on top of her.

She had stayed up all night the night before, took an adderal... started drinking about 4pm... was incredibly drunk when she came home and I saw her (10pm or so) - before she went to her half-sisters - and continued to do numerous shots when she got there... I can only image how fucked up she was after I saw her.

And yes, dshow, she was wrong... I don't mean to make it sound like she wasn't. She betrayed me... The good thing is, she knows it... that's what seems to kill her the most.

The reason I think she continually breaks down over it is because she's ashamed that it even happened... ashamed that she hurt me/betrayed me/almost lost me... She's a very sweet, outgoing, happy-go-lucky type... and she's very emotional. Whenever she thinks of it she starts to cry... and after that cathartic shroom trip we had together, it was more than obvious how sincere she always is with me. I found out the next morning... she didn't hide it... didn't attempt to hide it... It was simply an unfortunate happening; and one she regrets, of course.

She's a great person... Totally optimistic and enthusiastic... happy-go-lucky, sensitive to others, very emotional.... If there's one word to describe her, it's 'fun'... She's the life of any party... She wants to be friends with everyone and wants everyone to have fun. I don't have to incessantly worry about her flirting with guys or fucking around on me or any of that... She considers me the 'perfect' boyfriend (not tooting my own horn here)... The only thing I worried about when she went to parties was predators preying on her, really.

Her mom is the archetype of someone she doesn't want to be. She's a terrible drunk... wasn't much of a mother figure (emotionally distant, saw her kids as roadblocks getting in the way of her having fun and so on...) and she sees that negative image in herself when she (im speaking of my girlfriend) drinks. She doesn't like seeing that part in her and doesn't drink nearly as much as she did back in her high school days.

We're still going strong nearly 3 and a half years into it... And like I said, this situation is bittersweet... It was a horrible thing to happen and to go thru for the both of us; but it made us both more conscious of each other, our relationship and helped solidify our feelings in each other.

She now only drinks when I'm around... Which, of course, makes me a happy, worry-free camper. :grin:


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Edited by llevitron (07/30/11 05:37 PM)


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Re: She cheated on me... Not exactly "willfully"... [Re: llevitron]
    #14849556 - 07/30/11 06:12 PM (12 years, 5 months ago)

.


Edited by memes (11/16/11 07:51 PM)


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Re: She cheated on me... Not exactly "willfully"... [Re: memes]
    #14849577 - 07/30/11 06:30 PM (12 years, 5 months ago)

After my gf cheated on me, she said the exact thing your gf did I have somethin to tell you.
It's honestly one of the worst feelings in the world. My gf wasnt drunk at all and drove like half an hour away to fuck some dude that had class with me.
Then he tries to make it up to me sayin he'll smoke me up:facepalm:
I told him if I ever saw him or he talked to my gf i would literally kill him(Which I probably would of gotten close to that. Woulda disfigured him none the less)


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Re: She cheated on me... Not exactly "willfully"... [Re: llevitron]
    #14850076 - 07/31/11 01:19 AM (12 years, 5 months ago)

She cheated on you then played mental gymnastics to make herself be the victim.

Tough call here... trust is broken


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Re: She cheated on me... Not exactly "willfully"... [Re: baraka]
    #14850259 - 07/31/11 02:59 AM (12 years, 5 months ago)

Your girlfriend cheated on you.

That guy is not a good friend. He is not accountable for ANYTHING and you shouldn't blame people who have NO blame.


Intoxication is not a legal excuse for any crime and it shouldn't be an excuse for cheating. I hope you work it out, but she did it. Not the guy. You have to work it out with her, and I hope you do.


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Re: She cheated on me... Not exactly "willfully"... [Re: llevitron]
    #14850402 - 07/31/11 05:09 AM (12 years, 5 months ago)

The one thing I haven't seen anybody mention in this whole thread.....

Did they use protection? Probably like 99% chance no.

What is with people these days?


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Re: She cheated on me... Not exactly "willfully"... [Re: baraka]
    #14850575 - 07/31/11 07:17 AM (12 years, 5 months ago)

Some of you critters need to read the update!


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Re: She cheated on me... Not exactly "willfully"... [Re: llevitron]
    #14850755 - 07/31/11 09:01 AM (12 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

llevitron said:
Some of you critters need to read the update!




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Re: She cheated on me... Not exactly "willfully"... [Re: withoutawire]
    #14851301 - 07/31/11 12:04 PM (12 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

withoutawire said:
Your girlfriend cheated on you.

That guy is not a good friend. He is not accountable for ANYTHING and you shouldn't blame people who have NO blame.


Intoxication is not a legal excuse for any crime and it shouldn't be an excuse for cheating. I hope you work it out, but she did it. Not the guy. You have to work it out with her, and I hope you do.



I don't know about the States, but in Canada intoxication IS a legal defense for I believe everything except for murder.


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Re: She cheated on me... Not exactly "willfully"... [Re: AIRDOG]
    #14851437 - 07/31/11 12:38 PM (12 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

AIRDOG said:
Quote:

AIRDOG said:
get a better girl .... and dump that tricky manipulating slut






perhaps ram her in the ass before dumping her??




I have done this and I approve of this message.


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Re: She cheated on me... Not exactly "willfully"... [Re: llevitron]
    #14851613 - 07/31/11 01:17 PM (12 years, 5 months ago)

She'll cheat on you again.  Except she'll learn not to tell.


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Re: She cheated on me... Not exactly "willfully"... [Re: llevitron]
    #14851722 - 07/31/11 01:43 PM (12 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

Heffy said:
The one thing I haven't seen anybody mention in this whole thread.....

Did they use protection? Probably like 99% chance no.

What is with people these days?




So if this guy is a sexual predator aren't you worried you both have the clap now?


Have you not even thought about this?


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Re: She cheated on me... Not exactly "willfully"... [Re: Heffy]
    #14851730 - 07/31/11 01:45 PM (12 years, 5 months ago)

Its the clap  :congrats:


But who cares?


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Re: She cheated on me... Not exactly "willfully"... [Re: dshow]
    #14851745 - 07/31/11 01:47 PM (12 years, 5 months ago)

5 pages of talking about feelings, and nobody bothered to consider if this guy infected her with a disease, or worse a child?

OP should care.


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Re: She cheated on me... Not exactly "willfully"... [Re: Heffy]
    #14851791 - 07/31/11 01:56 PM (12 years, 5 months ago)

Pregnancy is the worst STD.


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Re: She cheated on me... Not exactly "willfully"... [Re: pickeroo]
    #14851858 - 07/31/11 02:10 PM (12 years, 5 months ago)

Sorry Op. Sounds like a bad scene. 

As I see it, both your GF and the guy who fucked her made some poor decisions while under the influence. 

I hope that you find some resolution.


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Re: She cheated on me... Not exactly "willfully"... [Re: llevitron]
    #14851912 - 07/31/11 02:19 PM (12 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

llevitron said:
Quote:

dshow said:
WTF HAPPENED !!!!!!!!:minigun:





I still don't forgive the guy, though... The dude is like 26 and still parties with highschool girls and shit.... He's looking for one thing and in my case, he got it.... He knew she had a boyfriend, that didn't deter him... he didn't respect that. The guy is a scrawny fucking Facebook whore who is "one of those" who takes mirror pics of himself with his shirt off and shit... I don't like those people to begin with... but he's a predator... the type of male I fucking detest and would have half a mind to beat the shit out of anyway. I've yet to see him downtown other than with my girlfriend the day at Walmart.... but we live in a town of about 6000 people, so we're going to see eachother again at some point. I know it won't solve anything or make the situation much better, but I truly think that when that day comes, I will drop his ass... I'm human.... I still have somewhat of an animal nature in me..... and he fucked me over.... so the way I see it, I've yet to return the favor. And I honestly think it'd make me feel better on some low level.  :shrug:

Thanks for listening, guys... And sorry, again, for leaving you all hanging. I hope this update helps.




Some of the stuff you mention does sound reassuring.  However, I think you should be cautious about the kind of precedent it might set.  If forgiveness feels good and brings you closer, you might be setting yourself up to go through all this once again.

The graf I quote above is not reassuring.  It sounds like this kid could use a talking to.  I wouldn't go into the situation with my dukes up or a chip on my shoulder, but I would be inclined to confront him, let him know what you think of his character, and if he doesn't get it, begin to tease him about it. Regularly. Unrelentingly. Let him know who is under whose thumb.  Because that fucker had no problem bothering your girlfriend in her workplace after causing you both a lot of trouble.


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Re: She cheated on me... Not exactly "willfully"... [Re: Me_Roy]
    #14852748 - 07/31/11 05:54 PM (12 years, 5 months ago)

Yeha, i'd make it a point to tarnish this punk's reputation in your tiny little town.


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Anonymous #8

Re: She cheated on me... Not exactly "willfully"... [Re: memes]
    #14855968 - 08/01/11 11:27 AM (12 years, 5 months ago)

When I went on a class trip once, my gf went to her best friend's college (a girl) to hang out.  One night, they went to a party, and after drinking some time, she woke up in some guys' room she was talking to earlier, but with her shirt off.  She was sure they didn't have sex with her.  Upon telling me the next day, I demanded she get to a hospital.  She did, and it turns out those fuckers (or somebody) put roofies in her drink.  Fortunately, they confirmed that nobody had sex with her that night.

On another occassion, she went to hang out with 2 of her old friends from high school (both male).  They went out and then drank at the house a while (I didn't go cuz I felt one of her friends was a big douche and because I had work at 6 AM the next day).  She decided to sleep there because she drank too much to drive; although, she was nowhere near blackout drunk.  She woke up in the middle of the night with one of those friends (coincidently the one who I thought was a douche) ontop of her, trying to stick his dick in her. 

I'm not one to go split this guys skull open because I'm not one to hunt people down and because of the trouble it would land me in.  However, I pushed to have her press charges, but she was so ashamed and felt so stupid that she didn't want to pursue it.  She didn't want her name in the paper and to bear the embarrassment of everyone in her small town knowing she'd been raped.  That and this guy was her best friend all through high school.  Maybe she wanted to spare him the legal problems, maybe she felt too betrayed and confused, but she let it go. She just eliminated him from her life.  Well, if that's the way she wanted to handle it, then I decided to respect that.

But fuck, it makes you realize how many fucking sleez bag guys there are out there.  She never partied without me present again, and that was about 6 years ago now.


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Re: She cheated on me... Not exactly "willfully"... [Re: Anonymous #8]
    #14856101 - 08/01/11 11:56 AM (12 years, 5 months ago)

.


Edited by memes (11/16/11 07:51 PM)


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Anonymous #8

Re: She cheated on me... Not exactly "willfully"... [Re: memes]
    #14856164 - 08/01/11 12:13 PM (12 years, 5 months ago)

My gf, too, was raped in high school.  That was before we got together.  I never met the assailant, but she didn't pursue the matter at all then for the same reason.  Too ashamed.  That, and he threatened to kill her if she told.  I think it even happened to her multiple times by him because he was a neighbor and her mother was a drunken, negligent asshole who cared nothing for the safety and well-being of her children.  That time really seemed to scar her because I didn't get too many details from her about it.  The second time by her former best friend didn't seem to impact her as much.  Maybe she was hardened as a result of the trauma of the first incidence(s).  She is quite afraid to do anything on her own anymore, though.  And I can't blame her.


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Re: She cheated on me... Not exactly "willfully"... [Re: memes]
    #14856168 - 08/01/11 12:14 PM (12 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

meams said:
Quote:

Anonymous said:
She didn't want her name in the paper and to bear the embarrassment of everyone in her small town knowing she'd been raped.  That and this guy was her best friend all through high school.  Maybe she wanted to spare him the legal problems, maybe she felt too betrayed and confused, but she let it go. She just eliminated him from her life.  Well, if that's the way she wanted to handle it, then I decided to respect that.

But fuck, it makes you realize how many fucking sleez bag guys there are out there.  She never partied without me present again, and that was about 6 years ago now.



The same reason my girl didnt press rape charges when she was in HS.  The same reason so many women keep quiet and let their abusers live on and continue their horrible deeds.

Which is why rape laws need reformation.  IT should be illegal for police to report on any open investigations, it should be illegal for papers to publish the names of those involved.  You can't stop word of mouth, but rumors are rumors until someone is in jail - and by then its more than apparent that they belong there.




It usually is official policy to not comment on open investigations. Unfortunately it's human nature to talk and things get around fast, and by the nature of investigations anyone they interview about at can pretty quickly figure out what they're asking even if it's phrased discretely. If I remember correctly Canada does have laws against publishing victims' names in sexual assaults, would actually be nice to have that here.


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Edited by NizzyJones (08/01/11 12:17 PM)


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Offlinewithoutawire
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Re: She cheated on me... Not exactly "willfully"... [Re: pwnasaurus]
    #14857588 - 08/01/11 05:19 PM (12 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

pwnasaurus said:
Quote:

withoutawire said:
Your girlfriend cheated on you.

That guy is not a good friend. He is not accountable for ANYTHING and you shouldn't blame people who have NO blame.


Intoxication is not a legal excuse for any crime and it shouldn't be an excuse for cheating. I hope you work it out, but she did it. Not the guy. You have to work it out with her, and I hope you do.



I don't know about the States, but in Canada intoxication IS a legal defense for I believe everything except for murder.






That's great, and I will look into that more. If you rob a liquor store with a gun in Canada but you are heavily under the infulence... that's a pretty sweet law. If you are intoxicated you can use it with legal defense to rob banks and rape woman.

I doubt it's that simple.


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Re: She cheated on me... Not exactly "willfully"... [Re: memes]
    #14857870 - 08/01/11 06:13 PM (12 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

meams said:
Quote:

Anonymous said:
She didn't want her name in the paper and to bear the embarrassment of everyone in her small town knowing she'd been raped.  That and this guy was her best friend all through high school.  Maybe she wanted to spare him the legal problems, maybe she felt too betrayed and confused, but she let it go. She just eliminated him from her life.  Well, if that's the way she wanted to handle it, then I decided to respect that.

But fuck, it makes you realize how many fucking sleez bag guys there are out there.  She never partied without me present again, and that was about 6 years ago now.



The same reason my girl didnt press rape charges when she was in HS.  The same reason so many women keep quiet and let their abusers live on and continue their horrible deeds.

Which is why rape laws need reformation.  IT should be illegal for police to report on any open investigations, it should be illegal for papers to publish the names of those involved.  You can't stop word of mouth, but rumors are rumors until someone is in jail - and by then its more than apparent that they belong there.





I once had these 2 friends. Well the girl got drunk during school lunch hour in highschool (was open campus) she later went on to press charges against the guy saying he raped her. He lost all his friends including me.
4 years down the road i started hanging out with him again. And i hung out with some friends that hung out with that same girl. They invited her over to my party. I mentioned he was going to come as well. She was ok with it. He told me fuck no, that stupid bitch ruined my life, i wont fucking touch your property while that bitch is there.

The lesson i learned was she didnt get raped, she got too fucking drunk and he was drunk as well. They did some shit and half way or more through it she figured she didnt want it anymore, So she called rape.

What a fucking bitch. I know now she was the liar. He was scared to come around her, and she was totally cool with it? Yea he didnt rape her, she ruined his life.


On top of that. YES some guys are sleez bags. But women can be fucking stupid as hell. Dont fucking drink and get trashed to where shit can happen to you. On top of that they are still trashed when they wake up and they call "rape" Thats bullshit.


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Re: She cheated on me... Not exactly "willfully"... [Re: withoutawire]
    #14858285 - 08/01/11 07:53 PM (12 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

withoutawire said:
Quote:

pwnasaurus said:
Quote:

withoutawire said:
Your girlfriend cheated on you.

That guy is not a good friend. He is not accountable for ANYTHING and you shouldn't blame people who have NO blame.


Intoxication is not a legal excuse for any crime and it shouldn't be an excuse for cheating. I hope you work it out, but she did it. Not the guy. You have to work it out with her, and I hope you do.



I don't know about the States, but in Canada intoxication IS a legal defense for I believe everything except for murder.






That's great, and I will look into that more. If you rob a liquor store with a gun in Canada but you are heavily under the infulence... that's a pretty sweet law. If you are intoxicated you can use it with legal defense to rob banks and rape woman.

I doubt it's that simple.



I'm sure it's not that simple, but I'm just pointing it out.  I'm pretty sure you need to be intoxicated to the point of not remembering anything kinda deal - obviously this would be very difficult to prove in a court of law.


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Re: She cheated on me... Not exactly "willfully"... [Re: pwnasaurus]
    #14858638 - 08/01/11 09:01 PM (12 years, 5 months ago)

Forget the advice I gave before, I would cheat on you too :haha:


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Re: She cheated on me... Not exactly "willfully"... [Re: dshow]
    #14860308 - 08/02/11 06:54 AM (12 years, 5 months ago)

.


Edited by memes (11/16/11 07:52 PM)


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Re: She cheated on me... Not exactly "willfully"... [Re: memes]
    #14860412 - 08/02/11 07:31 AM (12 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

meams said:
Quote:

dshow said:

I once had these 2 friends. Well the girl got drunk during school lunch hour in highschool (was open campus) she later went on to press charges against the guy saying he raped her. He lost all his friends including me.
4 years down the road i started hanging out with him again. And i hung out with some friends that hung out with that same girl. They invited her over to my party. I mentioned he was going to come as well. She was ok with it. He told me fuck no, that stupid bitch ruined my life, i wont fucking touch your property while that bitch is there.

The lesson i learned was she didnt get raped, she got too fucking drunk and he was drunk as well. They did some shit and half way or more through it she figured she didnt want it anymore, So she called rape.

What a fucking bitch. I know now she was the liar. He was scared to come around her, and she was totally cool with it? Yea he didnt rape her, she ruined his life.


On top of that. YES some guys are sleez bags. But women can be fucking stupid as hell. Dont fucking drink and get trashed to where shit can happen to you. On top of that they are still trashed when they wake up and they call "rape" Thats bullshit.



I Love how every time theres a thread talking about countless stories of women NOT going to police because they're ashamed, some dickhole with no empathy brings up one of the MUCH LESS FREQUENT instances where some stupid bitch cries rape to get out of something.  And guess what ----- false cries of rape RARELY lead to prosecution.  Unreported rapes ALWYAS lead to years (if not decades, as with the lolve of MY life) of bad dreams, bad body memories, feeling terrible any time the word 'rape' comes up casually in conversation, etc.



So, dshow, I appreciate your side of the argument, but its shit.






lol really? This is not sometimes. This happens all the time. Tons of stupid bitches getting incredibly shit faced with guys who are also incredibly shit faced. If a chick had a stick instead of a hole you would see rape left and right. NOTE dont be a dumb little bitch and get wasted around people you dont hang out with on a regular bases. The fact that it DOES happen does not excuse it. Stop ignoring the truth. :rolleyes:


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Offlinedshow
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Re: She cheated on me... Not exactly "willfully"... [Re: dshow]
    #14860450 - 08/02/11 07:43 AM (12 years, 5 months ago)

I simply state a story like you did. Any you FLAME me for it? lol what a joke man. Grow up and accept that it happens both ways.


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Invisiblememes
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Re: She cheated on me... Not exactly "willfully"... [Re: dshow]
    #14860456 - 08/02/11 07:46 AM (12 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

dshow said:
NOTE dont be a dumb little bitch and get wasted around people you dont hang out with on a regular bases.



Dear n00b, most rapes occur by friends, family, and acquaintenances. 

There are far more unreported rapes than false rape reports.  And its sad :frown:


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Anonymous #8

Re: She cheated on me... Not exactly "willfully"... [Re: memes]
    #14860720 - 08/02/11 09:38 AM (12 years, 5 months ago)

The problem with rape is that, while it is possible to prove that there was sex and to prove who it was with, it is much more difficult to prove whether or not it was consensual.  It's just one of those terrible things.


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Re: She cheated on me... Not exactly "willfully"... [Re: dshow] * 1
    #14860746 - 08/02/11 09:44 AM (12 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

dshow said:
lol really? This is not sometimes. This happens all the time. Tons of stupid bitches getting incredibly shit faced with guys who are also incredibly shit faced. If a chick had a stick instead of a hole you would see rape left and right. NOTE dont be a dumb little bitch and get wasted around people you dont hang out with on a regular bases. The fact that it DOES happen does not excuse it. Stop ignoring the truth. :rolleyes:




Dude, alcohol is a CNS depressant, getting too drunk removes our legal ability to consent. Therefore having sex with someone who is too drunk to give consent is rape. Every rapist ever has used the "oh she really wanted it, she's just out to ruin my life" defense and some of them even really believe it.


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Re: She cheated on me... Not exactly "willfully"... [Re: NizzyJones]
    #14860756 - 08/02/11 09:49 AM (12 years, 5 months ago)

Not saying it wasnt. Just saying dont be a stupid bitch and get into a bad situation. Obviously sometimes the bad situation finds them but ey.

Alcohol is a brain depressant? ok go on.... Lots of times the girl tries to have sex or is ok with sex while drunk anyways IMO OP's girl. Then has bad thoughts later about it.


Meams i just never got raped by a family member. Thats all i ever wanted in life.


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Re: She cheated on me... Not exactly "willfully"... [Re: dshow]
    #14860770 - 08/02/11 09:53 AM (12 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

dshow said:
Not saying it wasnt. Just saying dont be a stupid bitch and get into a bad situation. Obviously sometimes the bad situation finds them but ey.

Alcohol is a brain depressant? ok go on.... Lots of times the girl tries to have sex or is ok with sex while drunk anyways IMO OP's girl. Then has bad thoughts later about it.


Meams i just never got raped by a family member. Thats all i ever wanted in life.




:maximumtrolling:

What part of legally unable to give consent is giving you a hard time? If someone isn't of a state of mind where they could legally sign a binding contract (ie drunk) they are not legally able to give consent.


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Re: She cheated on me... Not exactly "willfully"... [Re: NizzyJones]
    #14860827 - 08/02/11 10:10 AM (12 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

NizzyJones said:
Quote:

dshow said:
Not saying it wasnt. Just saying dont be a stupid bitch and get into a bad situation. Obviously sometimes the bad situation finds them but ey.

Alcohol is a brain depressant? ok go on.... Lots of times the girl tries to have sex or is ok with sex while drunk anyways IMO OP's girl. Then has bad thoughts later about it.


Meams i just never got raped by a family member. Thats all i ever wanted in life.




:maximumtrolling:

What part of legally unable to give consent is giving you a hard time? If someone isn't of a state of mind where they could legally sign a binding contract (ie drunk) they are not legally able to give consent.



There is an unbelievable amount of misinformation in this thread.

Being drunk certainly does NOT remove your legal ability to consent to sex.

Being drunk to the point of not being able to put a coherent sentence together does, however.

It gets more complicated if both parties are intoxicated, because then both of their judgments are impaired.  I don't know where the legal status stands in this scenario, but it's certainly not as cut and dry and you make it out to be.


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Re: She cheated on me... Not exactly "willfully"... [Re: pwnasaurus]
    #14860876 - 08/02/11 10:24 AM (12 years, 5 months ago)

There's still such a thing as prosecutorial discretion but from a purely theoretical standpoint it is that simple. The exact degree of intoxication is hard to define (my state's criminal code just says "substantially impaired") and the fact of both parties being intoxicated could potentially be held to be mitigating (no more so than in any other criminal case) but that's where prosecutorial and judicial discretion come in.

Edit: you seem to arguing purely from your own personal morality, I'm only speaking to what constitutes the crime of rape or sexual assault, at least in my state.


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Edited by NizzyJones (08/02/11 10:33 AM)


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Re: She cheated on me... Not exactly "willfully"... [Re: MushroomTrip]
    #14860928 - 08/02/11 10:37 AM (12 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

MushroomTrip said:
Quote:

The relationship wont ever be the same.. Somone that loves you with all there heart dosent need anybody else but you.




I am sorry you got cheated on and that someone you trusted and loved decided to fuck with your trust in them, but from that to saying that when someone loves you they need only you is a VERY long way. Is it possible for someone to honestly love more than one person at the same time, or simply feel attracted to someone else. Thinking that someone who loves you should only constantly want and need only you can bring a lot of suffering into your life because it's not how things happen in reality and it also doesn't give you the opportunity to be in a real relationship with the person you love.




If you can't restrain yourself from indulging in your own selfish wants instead of being faithful to the one you love, it's not love. Sure you can love more than one person and you can definitely be attracted to more than one person, but it's the exertion of self control that will define your love. We are horny creatures and temptation is always present, but self control can always be exercised if your love is true. Unfortuantely most people will satisfy their own desires before the desires of others.


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Re: She cheated on me... Not exactly "willfully"... [Re: Toltecatl]
    #14861288 - 08/02/11 12:02 PM (12 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

Quote:

MushroomTip said:
Thinking that someone who loves you should only constantly want and need only you can bring a lot of suffering into your life because it's not how things happen in reality and it also doesn't give you the opportunity to be in a real relationship with the person you love.



Toltecatl said:
Sure you can love more than one person and you can definitely be attracted to more than one person, but it's the exertion of self control that will define your love.



I agree with this.  Its the exercise of self control that shows your partner: "look baby, I love you so much that I'm remaining faithful, even though I want to fuck all these bitches.  You mean that much to me."

Now, if partners are both under the frame of mind that MushroomTip speaks about, then there are no issues ----- but i think "functioning open relationships" are the exception, not the rule.


Edited by memes (08/02/11 12:09 PM)


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Re: She cheated on me... Not exactly "willfully"... [Re: memes]
    #14861457 - 08/02/11 12:30 PM (12 years, 5 months ago)

:awesomenod::raphael:


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Anonymous #9

Re: She cheated on me... Not exactly "willfully"... [Re: llevitron] * 3
    #14861904 - 08/02/11 01:49 PM (12 years, 5 months ago)

I read the updates and I still think she's playing you

Quote:

llevitron said:
I don't think she was "raped", per se... (though meams is dead-on about how girls react to that shit) But she really doesn't know how all the kissing and shit started. She only remembers certain points throughout the whole thing... One minute they were in the kitchen talking, the next on the couch kissing, she remembers him on top of her, and had no idea (until the next day when he confirmed it) that they had sex. At certain points she even thinks she passed out, particularly around the time when she remembers him on top of her.





Selective memory is a real bitch huh? The human mind is a very powerful thing.

If I honestly thought some dude raped my half passed out drunk girlfriend, he would be laying in a ditch somewhere.

But the story doesn't add up. She's telling you exactly what you want to hear.

Oh it just kinda happened, all I remember is us talking, then kissing, then him on top of me... and I had no idea...... bullfucking shit.

She knew she had a BF, he knew she had a BF, she's using being drunk as an excuse for not saying NO.

She cheated on you and then didn't tell you until a day or two later, using emotion as a tool. And you are playing right into her game.

Yeah, the guy sounds like a real predator skeeze-bag type, and I would beat the living shit right out of him.

But your GF sounds like she is playing you like a fucking violin.

I hope it works out for the best, I really do. But from the looks of it she made a stupid mistake and is trying her best to cover her tracks.

How many times does a chick get drunk, fuck a guy, then the next day out of regret claim they were passed out and don't remember? Too many fucking times.

Rape DOES happen, but so does drunk bitches fucking random guys and then claiming it was rape later when they regret it.

Alcohol is not a fucking excuse. And too many people use it as a fucking excuse to do stupid shit. Trust is gone.

They are BOTH guilty. She will do it again. But she'll probably be smart enough next time to hide it better.


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OfflineSpin240
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Re: She cheated on me... Not exactly "willfully"... [Re: Anonymous #9]
    #14866405 - 08/03/11 09:15 AM (12 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

Anonymous said:
I read the updates and I still think she's playing you

Quote:

llevitron said:
I don't think she was "raped", per se... (though meams is dead-on about how girls react to that shit) But she really doesn't know how all the kissing and shit started. She only remembers certain points throughout the whole thing... One minute they were in the kitchen talking, the next on the couch kissing, she remembers him on top of her, and had no idea (until the next day when he confirmed it) that they had sex. At certain points she even thinks she passed out, particularly around the time when she remembers him on top of her.





Selective memory is a real bitch huh? The human mind is a very powerful thing.

If I honestly thought some dude raped my half passed out drunk girlfriend, he would be laying in a ditch somewhere.

But the story doesn't add up. She's telling you exactly what you want to hear.

Oh it just kinda happened, all I remember is us talking, then kissing, then him on top of me... and I had no idea...... bullfucking shit.

She knew she had a BF, he knew she had a BF, she's using being drunk as an excuse for not saying NO.

She cheated on you and then didn't tell you until a day or two later, using emotion as a tool. And you are playing right into her game.

Yeah, the guy sounds like a real predator skeeze-bag type, and I would beat the living shit right out of him.

But your GF sounds like she is playing you like a fucking violin.

I hope it works out for the best, I really do. But from the looks of it she made a stupid mistake and is trying her best to cover her tracks.

How many times does a chick get drunk, fuck a guy, then the next day out of regret claim they were passed out and don't remember? Too many fucking times.

Rape DOES happen, but so does drunk bitches fucking random guys and then claiming it was rape later when they regret it.

Alcohol is not a fucking excuse. And too many people use it as a fucking excuse to do stupid shit. Trust is gone.

They are BOTH guilty. She will do it again. But she'll probably be smart enough next time to hide it better.





^^^QFT


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Invisibleindica
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Re: She cheated on me... Not exactly "willfully"... [Re: llevitron]
    #14875279 - 08/05/11 01:50 AM (12 years, 5 months ago)

i hate bitches that pull the "i was so drunk/i dont remember/i blacked out" card

no excuse


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Offlineluckee8989
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Re: She cheated on me... Not exactly "willfully"... [Re: indica]
    #14883032 - 08/06/11 09:46 PM (12 years, 5 months ago)

Not to butt in out of nowhere, but come on, stop trying to make him unhappy when he's already resolved slash working on resolving things with his girl. Maybe I'm biased because I'm a chick, but you know what? I'm done a lot of really shitty terrible things when I've been blacked out or wasted, primarily the first, and I would hate for people to think I did them intentionally and just tried to make alcohol the excuse.

Last year I really liked this guy, wanted to spend every minute with him, blah blah blah. We were really close and it was really intense, even though it didn't last long. When I was with him I didn't want to be with anyone else; no other guy I met or knew could even touch how strongly I felt for this guy. But here's the thing you guys need to learn- girls have insecurities. All girls. I think I'm probably the least insecure out of my close girl friends, and like I said I was really, really into this guy- I don't want to say love, but probably as close as I've ever come to it. (Sorry for my stone-cold black hole of a heart.)I go out a lot when I'm at school, like twice a week minimum and usually 5-6 times a week.

Anyways, I slipped up and made a few discretions when I was drunk- every time blackout drunk, and I rarely black out. Actually, the two nights I'm referring to might be two out of only 3 or 4 times I've ever blacked out, if that many. I felt really, really awful afterwards and regretted them a lot, and it wasn't caused by me being deceitful, being angry at him, not loving him, whatever. I'm not blaming it all on the alcohol, but like I said before, all girls are insecure in some way or another. When a girl gets blackout drunk and does something awful like cheat, it's her losing control and giving into/satisfying her insecurities, to get that reassurance and confidence from another person.

I don't know if that makes sense or anything, I'm kind of rambling, it's just my opinion and two cents.


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Re: She cheated on me... Not exactly "willfully"... [Re: luckee8989]
    #14883148 - 08/06/11 10:18 PM (12 years, 5 months ago)

Let me get this straight, you're saying it's okay for a girl to cheat as long as shes drunk and insecure?  :cuckoo:


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Re: She cheated on me... Not exactly "willfully"... [Re: luckee8989]
    #14883157 - 08/06/11 10:20 PM (12 years, 5 months ago)

Nope, it doesn't make sense at all.  You just made an elaborate that started by saying it wasn't just blaming it on the alcohol, then told a story about times you have blamed it on the alcohol.

Disgusting.  Learn some fucking self control.  IMO, if you do something, no matter how drunk, you have to have subconsciously already wanted it.

I have never, ever cheated on someone, and I will never, because it's a scummy thing to do.


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Re: She cheated on me... Not exactly "willfully"... [Re: pwnasaurus]
    #14884504 - 08/07/11 08:09 AM (12 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

Smoky McPot said:
Let me get this straight, you're saying it's okay for a girl to cheat as long as shes drunk and insecure?  :cuckoo:



Quote:

pwnasaurus said:
Nope, it doesn't make sense at all.  You just made an elaborate that started by saying it wasn't just blaming it on the alcohol, then told a story about times you have blamed it on the alcohol.

Disgusting.  Learn some fucking self control.  IMO, if you do something, no matter how drunk, you have to have subconsciously already wanted it.

I have never, ever cheated on someone, and I will never, because it's a scummy thing to do.




I'm not saying it's okay, I'm just saying it's not necessarily caused by bad motives.


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Re: She cheated on me... Not exactly "willfully"... [Re: luckee8989]
    #14884519 - 08/07/11 08:18 AM (12 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

luckee8989 said:
Quote:

Smoky McPot said:
Let me get this straight, you're saying it's okay for a girl to cheat as long as shes drunk and insecure?  :cuckoo:



Quote:

pwnasaurus said:
Nope, it doesn't make sense at all.  You just made an elaborate that started by saying it wasn't just blaming it on the alcohol, then told a story about times you have blamed it on the alcohol.

Disgusting.  Learn some fucking self control.  IMO, if you do something, no matter how drunk, you have to have subconsciously already wanted it.

I have never, ever cheated on someone, and I will never, because it's a scummy thing to do.




I'm not saying it's okay, I'm just saying it's not necessarily caused by bad motives.



See, I'm saying it is.

Your post did not sufficiently justify anything.

Saying I make bad decisions when I'm drunk doesn't excuse you from said bad decisions :facepalm:.


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Re: She cheated on me... Not exactly [Re: pwnasaurus]
    #14884922 - 08/07/11 10:31 AM (12 years, 5 months ago)

Cheating shows incredibly low values and respect. That being said, if you are going to try to rebuild the relationship, you better be damn sure she is worth it - because her fundamental values aren't going to radically change. I can say with 100% confidence that no matter how intoxicated, or tempted I may be - I would never put someone I love through the anguish of infidelity. Using intoxication as a crutch is pathetic bullshit.

I am still with my girlfriend, who slept with another man a week before our one year mark. Everyday is a constant mental struggle, but I am trying my hardest to believe her when she says she is changing. She is going to have to work her hardest to show me she is worth it & completely trustworthy, because I won't forgive a second time.

Don't beat yourself up over it like I did. I used to think that some sort of personal shortcoming may have lead her to that point, but I realized it was her own fucked up issues and selfishness. Trust is incredibly hard to rebuild, and even harder is respect for that person - I'm not sure if that can ever be completely mended.


Edited by SabbraCadabra (08/07/11 10:38 AM)


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Re: She cheated on me... Not exactly [Re: SabbraCadabra]
    #14885367 - 08/07/11 12:44 PM (12 years, 5 months ago)

Guys, maybe OP is just one of those dudes who is ok or doesnt care about being cheated on. Stranger things have happened.

But He was still, 100% and completely, absolutaly cheated  on, I just hope he realizes that, becuase he sounds pretty fucking whipped and gullible about everything.


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Re: She cheated on me... Not exactly [Re: Azure Essence]
    #14886068 - 08/07/11 03:22 PM (12 years, 5 months ago)

If bad decisions are beyond your control when you get drunk, then getting drunk is a bad decision for you. 

Had your regret been deeper, you might have thought again before hitting the bottle.

If you're distracted by your iPod while driving and accidentally bump a kid on a bike and hurt him/her, or course you didn't willfully hurt this person -- you were just looking for the right song.  But the responsibility is nonetheless yours.


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Re: She cheated on me... Not exactly [Re: Me_Roy]
    #14886808 - 08/07/11 05:57 PM (12 years, 5 months ago)

Yeah you're right. And I have scaled back my drinking.


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InvisibleMe_Roy
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Re: She cheated on me... Not exactly [Re: luckee8989]
    #14888135 - 08/07/11 11:26 PM (12 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

luckee8989 said:
Yeah you're right. And I have scaled back my drinking.





I wish I knewhow to insert the hug graemlin.  Sorry for being preachy. Everyone's trying to be good.

Alright, maybe not everyone...


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Re: She cheated on me... Not exactly [Re: Me_Roy] * 1
    #14888911 - 08/08/11 06:37 AM (12 years, 5 months ago)

OP, if you think you've "hashed" things out you haven't. You will feel okay for weeks maybe a little longer. You will think about and it more and more and realize MORE and MORE what bullshit this is. it will eat away at you, and destroy how you feel about her.

Deep down inside you know this is fucked. You know she is using bullshit excuses to justify the worst thing your partner can do to you. You can resolve these things and move on, but you have just masked your feelings and you can only go so long before the truth gets to you.


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Re: She cheated on me... Not exactly [Re: llevitron]
    #14888949 - 08/08/11 06:51 AM (12 years, 5 months ago)

Ive had this happen to me and I agree that it probably was consensual on her part.

Well...I like to look at it this way...if someone says/does something while drunk that they wouldnt do sober...they are still thinking about it when they are sober, even subconsciously but arent dis-inhibited enough to act on it.


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Re: She cheated on me... Not exactly [Re: MisterMuscaria]
    #14888955 - 08/08/11 06:54 AM (12 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

MisterMuscaria said:
Ive had this happen to me and I agree that it probably was consensual on her part.

Well...I like to look at it this way...if someone says/does something while drunk that they wouldnt do sober...they are still thinking about it when they are sober, even subconsciously but arent dis-inhibited enough to act on it.




@OP, I hope everything works out with you and ur girl. But I would be wary in the future. I think she is pretty good at manipulating you


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Re: She cheated on me... Not exactly [Re: Cyclohexylamine]
    #14889062 - 08/08/11 07:43 AM (12 years, 5 months ago)

When else in life is being intoxicated EVER an excuse for wrong behavior, doing something illegal (teeny tiny exceptions and I'm talking USA), or lying.


Cheating while intoxicated is by far the LEAST excusable thing while intoxicated. You are in a relationship filled with feelings and emotions and all sorts of stuff in your subconscious that comes out and tells you DO NOT DO THIS while you're intoxicated. When it comes to a relationship, this subconscious has to scream more than any other instance.


You think you 'worked it out', but it's going to eat you away. You can't work this out the way you did. This takes a lot of effort, talking, and instances where you are going to be fluttered with emotions of anger and sadness when you are with her in sexual situations, social situations, alone situations, etc. You have to be able to talk about those emotions RIGHT AWAY otherwise they will consume you. Your woman has be prepared to talk the wrath of emotions that you are going to take out on her the next 2-4 weeks as you TRULY cope with your feelings if that's what you are actually doing.



Otherwise anger and jealously and sadness will slow come out in the most random situation. You will start fighting or not getting along, because these awful feelings WILL overwhelm you for brief moments and you relationship will slowly crumble.

The only way to have success is to talk about this a lot more and realize you are going to have to keep talking about it over and over and over for weeks maybe months.


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:tigerbunny:


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OfflineSabbraCadabra
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Re: She cheated on me... Not exactly [Re: withoutawire]
    #14889141 - 08/08/11 08:15 AM (12 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

withoutawire said:
OP, if you think you've "hashed" things out you haven't. You will feel okay for weeks maybe a little longer. You will think about and it more and more and realize MORE and MORE what bullshit this is. it will eat away at you, and destroy how you feel about her.

Deep down inside you know this is fucked. You know she is using bullshit excuses to justify the worst thing your partner can do to you. You can resolve these things and move on, but you have just masked your feelings and you can only go so long before the truth gets to you.



I lost every bit of respect I once had for my girlfriend when I found out she had slept with another man, and trying to rebuild that has been the hardest part of all.

So many deliberate decisions go in to cheating - and no matter how much says she is changing her ways, she already showed me how little respect she has for me.


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Invisiblememes
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Re: She cheated on me... Not exactly [Re: SabbraCadabra]
    #14889499 - 08/08/11 09:53 AM (12 years, 5 months ago)

I'm surprised this thread is still alive.  I don't think any unique advice has been offered since like the 2nd page.


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Offlinedshow
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Re: She cheated on me... Not exactly [Re: memes]
    #14889544 - 08/08/11 10:06 AM (12 years, 5 months ago)

It will never endd




:wtfsonic:





Show yourself again OP. Lol


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OfflineBig Worm
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Re: She cheated on me... Not exactly [Re: dshow]
    #14889583 - 08/08/11 10:19 AM (12 years, 5 months ago)

ha i honestly doubt OP wants to keep being reminded of this thread or that night.


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OfflineBillahat
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Re: She cheated on me... Not exactly "willfully"... [Re: Big Worm]
    #14889595 - 08/08/11 10:21 AM (12 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

Anonymous said:
I would give that nancy a fuckin' good kickin'
That's borderline rape and a good ass kicking is totally justified.
quote]

Agree, I feel ya I have unfortunatly been there, exactly where you are. It hurts but the pain is only there if you focus on it. If you two are meant to be together then it wont hold you two back from that. :smile: Best of luck, let us know how it pans out.


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::DEMAPPING & REMAPPING::

     


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Invisiblepwnasaurus
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Re: She cheated on me... Not exactly [Re: SabbraCadabra]
    #14889977 - 08/08/11 12:09 PM (12 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

SabbraCadabra said:
Quote:

withoutawire said:
OP, if you think you've "hashed" things out you haven't. You will feel okay for weeks maybe a little longer. You will think about and it more and more and realize MORE and MORE what bullshit this is. it will eat away at you, and destroy how you feel about her.

Deep down inside you know this is fucked. You know she is using bullshit excuses to justify the worst thing your partner can do to you. You can resolve these things and move on, but you have just masked your feelings and you can only go so long before the truth gets to you.



I lost every bit of respect I once had for my girlfriend when I found out she had slept with another man, and trying to rebuild that has been the hardest part of all.

So many deliberate decisions go in to cheating - and no matter how much says she is changing her ways, she already showed me how little respect she has for me.



You know, you've brought this up in like 8 threads.  You need to break up with her.


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Offlinedshow
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Re: She cheated on me... Not exactly [Re: pwnasaurus]
    #14891237 - 08/08/11 04:04 PM (12 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

pwnasaurus said:
Quote:

SabbraCadabra said:
Quote:

withoutawire said:
OP, if you think you've "hashed" things out you haven't. You will feel okay for weeks maybe a little longer. You will think about and it more and more and realize MORE and MORE what bullshit this is. it will eat away at you, and destroy how you feel about her.

Deep down inside you know this is fucked. You know she is using bullshit excuses to justify the worst thing your partner can do to you. You can resolve these things and move on, but you have just masked your feelings and you can only go so long before the truth gets to you.



I lost every bit of respect I once had for my girlfriend when I found out she had slept with another man, and trying to rebuild that has been the hardest part of all.

So many deliberate decisions go in to cheating - and no matter how much says she is changing her ways, she already showed me how little respect she has for me.



You know, you've brought this up in like 8 threads.  You need to break up with her.






:lol:


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