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Offlinellevitron
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Registered: 03/04/10
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She cheated on me... Not exactly "willfully"...
    #14274913 - 04/11/11 09:12 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

So...... April 26th marks our 3 year anniversary.... And this past Friday night, my girlfriend and her friends decided to go to a strip club for the first time. They had a fun time, and she came home to me about 2am COMPLETELY TRASHED... Her eyes couldn't even focus themselves she was so trashed... She told me she and a couple of friends planned on going to her half-sister's house to hang out and party - which I was cool with. I trust her completely... And she's given me every reason to.

A bit of background: Her mother is one of the worst alcoholics I know... My girlfriend had a shitty home-life growing up. She uses the idea of her mother as the antithesis of who she wants to be in life. My girlfriend used to drink heavily as a teenager, but now only drinks occasionally... She barely ever goes out anymore or anything.

Okay.... So come to find out that later on that night, everyone had gone to bed at her half-sisters house except for her and this other guy who were still awake... They sat at the kitchen table bullshitting and drinking. I'm guessing this is about 4am or so... That's the last thing she REALLY remembers.... The next thing she knew, they were on the couch kissing...... His hand was down her pants.... She says she'd said "I can't" during this (he as well knew she had a boyfriend)... but he just kept kissing her, and she kept kissing him... Then she blacked out again. She remembers him on top of her somewhat... But remembers waking up with him laying beside her on the couch, and he pants were down around her ankles... She got up, went to the bathroom, came back and told him she was just going to go to sleep, and laid down on a cot (in the same room) next to her best friend (a girl).

I found out the next day..... She called me while on a break at work.... I could tell something was wrong just by the tone of her voice. I asked if everything was okay... She said 'no'... "Bad night at work?", I said. She didn't say anything for a second.... Then she dropped the bomb.... "I have something to tell you...", she said, and my heart fucking sank. I knew.

She was scared to tell me the details, but, of course, I HAD to know... And I got them out of her... albeit slowly. She didn't think they had sex... She kept blacking in and out of consciousness and assumed she'd somehow know if they did. So tonight (this happened 2 nights ago), she txted her half-sister and had her text him to see if they did have sex. He said they did....................

Her and I basically have laid in bed the past two days holding, kissing, crying, crying, crying...... It kills me... And it kills her.... I want to beat the life out of this mother fucker...... Not simply because he slept with my girlfriend.... But because she was soooooo fucking drunk...... So obviously out of it....... The guy took advantage of her either way you look at it. Even if she were to have thrown herself at him (which I don't entertain one bit, it didn't happen like that), I'd still beat his fucking ass because HE KNEW she had a boyfriend and HE KNEW she was fucking WASTED.

I know some of you would have done the same thing and probably don't see it as that big of a deal.... Well fuck you and you're predator "let's get layed by any means" ways. I'm gonna fucking kill this kid.

I'm not exactly looking for advice, though any is appreciated. I'm doing more venting than anything. We're both very much in love... We spend every waking day together and rarely grow tired of one another..... I know she would never intentionally hurt me, and she's killing herself on the inside for what she did to me. Years ago I wouldn't have even looked at the person who cheated on me; I would have been done with them right then and there. But she's something else. And I love her.

I just hate the feeling... I playback all the information I have into what happened that night... I recreate the scene in my mind and take it all in. It's torture, I know... but part of me doesn't even feel it. Part of me just looks at her in the eyes and knows only the reality of Her and I... It doesn't matter... We are together... And we love eachother.... Nothing can get in the way of that.....

I'm dealing with this rather well.... But at times, it does eat at my insides... like a hard blow to the stomach.... I feel sick sometimes.... But I always go back to focusing on Us and it all goes away. My ego sees it as 'this kid took what was mine'... And I know that it is somewhat justified.... Like I said, I'm dealing with this very well. All except for the fact of beating this fucker within an inch of his life. What does everyone think? Should I just let it go (probably) and give this kid a break, get on with our lives together, or should I show this mother fucker how I feel - like my rage wants me to? What would you do?  Thanks guys...


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Invisibleelliev
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Registered: 04/10/11
Posts: 414
Loc: bay area
Re: She cheated on me... Not exactly "willfully"... [Re: llevitron]
    #14274941 - 04/11/11 09:18 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

i'm sorry that happened :frown: why not try to keep your mind off it abit and go out on a nice date with your girlfriend?


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Anonymous #1

Re: She cheated on me... Not exactly "willfully"... [Re: llevitron]
    #14274972 - 04/11/11 09:23 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

I would give that nancy a fuckin' good kickin'
That's borderline rape and a good ass kicking is totally justified.
Good luck brother, I can't imagine how you must be feeling right now.
Hang tuff.


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Offlinellevitron
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Registered: 03/04/10
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Re: She cheated on me... Not exactly "willfully"... [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #14274990 - 04/11/11 09:25 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

Quote:

elliev said:
i'm sorry that happened :frown: why not try to keep your mind off it abit and go out on a nice date with your girlfriend?




I've actually been thinking about something like that... It's getting a lot easier to keep my mind off it... Even though I just found out that they DID have sex.... ahhhhhh............. But I've already been thru the worst of it... that last bit just tops it off.... oh well.  Thank you!


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OfflineBuckeye Oysters
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Re: She cheated on me... Not exactly "willfully"... [Re: elliev]
    #14275011 - 04/11/11 09:28 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

Must be nice to have a girlfriend.

I am 31 and so lonely,... so lonely :frown:  But its said 'owner of a lonely heart much better than a owner of a broken heart'

Count yourself blessed to have something to patch up.


--------------------
Evolution is Lamarckism in disguise.  Adaptation never creates a new species or trait, but rather the new species/trait always existed within the parent DNA until circumstances allowed it to be activated.  For instance, every wolf has the DNA for poodles, but that DNA would never be revealed without man selectively breeding for it.


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Offlinellevitron
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Registered: 03/04/10
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Re: She cheated on me... Not exactly "willfully"... [Re: Buckeye Oysters]
    #14275091 - 04/11/11 09:42 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

Quote:

Buckeye Oysters said:
Must be nice to have a girlfriend.

I am 31 and so lonely,... so lonely :frown:  But its said 'owner of a lonely heart much better than a owner of a broken heart'

Count yourself blessed to have something to patch up.




Thank you. I do... The only thing not driving me insane is her. She's still here.... She didn't wrong me (intentionally, willfully cheat on me)... And she's killing herself for what she did.... The only thing really getting at me is some mother fucker took advantage of her..... he had his way with my semi-conscious girl..... I just want to kill him.

I'm sorry that you are lonely, my friend. Use this time to work on yourself more, maybe? Keep perfecting yourself... when you find her, there won't be many loose ends... you'll be more confident.. alive.. fun... all that. My girlfriend and I started together when I was neck deep in self-loathing depression.... I was no fun... I was a disease that would bring you down, too, if you were near me... But she saw me thru it. I was lucky... any other girl might've gotten bored, figured I was a loser, etc. but she didn't. Another reason I love her so much. She's my best friend.


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:cheerup:


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Offlinedshow
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Re: She cheated on me... Not exactly "willfully"... [Re: llevitron] * 5
    #14275261 - 04/11/11 10:07 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

so funny, your mad at  him. lol .

hes a guy looking to get laid. YOUR GIRL... Thats another story.

You dont have it backwards, but your looking at it wrong.

Look... you said early on you trusted her... but yet she hooks up and says she "blacked out". It looks like you have soo much trust in her. But bro ive seen this first hand. People cheat.  yea alcohol was involved. But you dont think it was wierd she stayed out with that guy alone?? I mean come on man


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OfflineJwlst
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Last seen: 11 years, 4 months
Re: She cheated on me... Not exactly [Re: dshow] * 4
    #14275437 - 04/11/11 10:31 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

Here is my step by step advice because I have been in the exact situation and got out ok, if not better than I was before.

1. Accept the fact she cheated on you. It was not an accident. A mistake. A rape. She just thought that another mans cock up her vagina would feel great and couldn't give a shit about how it would effect you. If your excuse for cheating was "I was really drunk, I'm sorry please give me sympathy" do you think she would care? No, she'd dump your arse in 5 minutes flat.

2. Start looking for another girl and make the jump straight to the next one to avoid pain. Pretend all is good in your current relationship while preparing to abandon ship, otherwise she will probaly just move to the guy she slept with leaving you alone and feeling stupid.

3. Cut all contact from this girl, do not attack the guy as it will not help the pain only make it worse, possibly lead to criminal charges as well as finding out your girlfriend wasn't as drunk as she claims.


If she did not know who had sex with her that night it is defintly rape.

However she stayed up all night getting really pissed with him having obviously deep convseration, enough for it to turn into sex where she even kissed him back with a few half arsed "no" instead of a healthy scream. If she was really raped, she should have called cops upon awaking. She didn't do that though, because it was not rape.

Even before she physically cheated, she was emotionally cheating. She is therefore a cheater and will cheat again.


Best of luck to you brother, trust me if you stay with her you will resent the shit out of her and slowly figure out she is lieing more than you think, it will slowly crush you, you will turn on her and she will cheat again or leave anyway.

If you insist on getting revenge, watch this guys facebook. Next time he goes overseas, report to customs he is keeping a couple of grams of coke up his anus.

They will finger his anus, then send a little message asking if he enjoyed his prostate massage.


Edited by Jwlst (04/11/11 11:01 PM)


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InvisibleyogabunnyM
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Re: She cheated on me... Not exactly "willfully"... [Re: dshow] * 1
    #14275608 - 04/11/11 11:01 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

Quote:

dshow said:
so funny, your mad at  him. lol .

hes a guy looking to get laid. YOUR GIRL... Thats another story.

You dont have it backwards, but your looking at it wrong.

Look... you said early on you trusted her... but yet she hooks up and says she "blacked out". It looks like you have soo much trust in her. But bro ive seen this first hand. People cheat.  yea alcohol was involved. But you dont think it was wierd she stayed out with that guy alone?? I mean come on man





qft.


im a girl and i can see right through this.  why was she the last one up with some other dude anyway??????  i love how she's been able to manipulate you into feeling bad for her, when she is the one in a relationship who got fucked up and cheated.


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InvisibleKid_Orgo
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Registered: 09/24/03
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Re: She cheated on me... Not exactly [Re: llevitron]
    #14275613 - 04/11/11 11:01 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

This entire thread is about to go shitstorm, between people saying that advice like dshow and Jwist's is somehow condoning rape, and probably people calling Jwist a narc for suggesting narky revenge.

I don't have anything to say about the previous.

I've been in the situation Jwist is responding to, where an ex-girlfriend pulled that stunt exactly. You'll have to take my word in my situation that it was definitely blaming cheating on alcohol, and not rape.

Still, I think this is like obesity:

The best way to stay skinny is to never get fat. Losing lots of weight is really fucking hard.

The best way to deal with this ugly situation is to never get into it. Never drink to excess with people you can't trust to tell you no if you're asking for it, meaning never drink to excess with people other than your close friends and your partner.

EDIT: And obviously having a partner that won't do these things either.

I can't say who's right or wrong here, I just know I'm never going to be in that place again.

Another thing that's for sure is that violence on OP's part is going to make everything much much worse. Hopefully what he's saying is just posturing or venting, and not an intent to actually harm someone, hopefully he won't do it. It can only get more tragic that way.

In any case, inb4 shitstorm.



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He was a cowboy in one of the seven days a week fights. No business, no hangout; no friends, nothing; just what you pick up and what you need.


Edited by Kid_Orgo (04/12/11 07:07 AM)


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InvisibleAIRDOG
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Re: She cheated on me... Not exactly [Re: Jwlst]
    #14275628 - 04/11/11 11:06 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

yeah you should probably beat the ass of this guy... and hers too...

I would completely send her flying to her moms... find another girl... non drinkers, no junkies are the best IMHO


Edited by AIRDOG (04/11/11 11:07 PM)


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Offlinethelivingfreekshow
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Re: She cheated on me... Not exactly [Re: AIRDOG]
    #14275638 - 04/11/11 11:08 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

Alcohol is a horrible substance...


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OfflineBothHands
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Re: She cheated on me... Not exactly "willfully"... [Re: yogabunny]
    #14275641 - 04/11/11 11:09 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

Quote:

yogabunny said:
Quote:

dshow said:
so funny, your mad at  him. lol .

hes a guy looking to get laid. YOUR GIRL... Thats another story.

You dont have it backwards, but your looking at it wrong.

Look... you said early on you trusted her... but yet she hooks up and says she "blacked out". It looks like you have soo much trust in her. But bro ive seen this first hand. People cheat.  yea alcohol was involved. But you dont think it was wierd she stayed out with that guy alone?? I mean come on man





qft.


im a girl and i can see right through this.  why was she the last one up with some other dude anyway??????  i love how she's been able to manipulate you into feeling bad for her, when she is the one in a relationship who got fucked up and cheated.




Agreed.  This happened to me before.  Only it was benzos she did before she cheated.  We dated for another year or so afterwards, but it was always at the back of my mind.  It caused problems right through the rest of the relationship.

And I think it's a little too convenient how she remembers staying up with him and kissing him, but not the sex.  That's the exact same story I got.


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Invisibleelliev
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Re: She cheated on me... Not exactly "willfully"... [Re: BothHands]
    #14275657 - 04/11/11 11:15 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

tbh, all i have to say

Yo Gotti – Women Lie, Men Lie


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Offlinedshow
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Re: She cheated on me... Not exactly "willfully"... [Re: elliev]
    #14275815 - 04/12/11 12:01 AM (12 years, 9 months ago)

OP im sure you have probably been thinking a little more now that you have read everyones posts.

Things that come to mind. None of know the truth, we are speculating. Let me send some quotes.

Quote:

And I think it's a little too convenient how she remembers staying up with him and kissing him, but not the sex.  That's the exact same story I got.




Quote:

im a girl and i can see right through this.  why was she the last one up with some other dude anyway??????  i love how she's been able to manipulate you into feeling bad for her, when she is the one in a relationship who got fucked up and cheated.




that is jus a couple.

NONE of the people including me are saying she meant it. ITS UP TO YOU. to decide what is right and what is wrong. We are jus looking at the side that you cant.


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OfflineJoolz
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Re: She cheated on me... Not exactly "willfully"... [Re: dshow]
    #14276275 - 04/12/11 01:51 AM (12 years, 9 months ago)

Read the first post, so I don't know where this has gone, but don't be that guy that "gets revenge" by killing someone and going to jail. I don't know how serious you were, this is text, but just saying. Time will heal most wounds but living behind bars isn't cool.


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Prohibition didn't work for God; Eve ate the fruit.


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InvisibleAIRDOG
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Re: She cheated on me... Not exactly "willfully"... *DELETED* [Re: Joolz]
    #14276684 - 04/12/11 06:23 AM (12 years, 9 months ago)

Post deleted by AIRDOG

Reason for deletion: repeat



Edited by AIRDOG (04/12/11 06:37 AM)


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InvisibleAIRDOG
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Re: She cheated on me... Not exactly "willfully"... [Re: AIRDOG]
    #14276707 - 04/12/11 06:38 AM (12 years, 9 months ago)

Quote:

AIRDOG said:
get a better girl .... and dump that tricky manipulating slut






perhaps ram her in the ass before dumping her??


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Offlinepyronym
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Re: She cheated on me... Not exactly "willfully"... [Re: AIRDOG]
    #14276717 - 04/12/11 06:46 AM (12 years, 9 months ago)

Tell her that if she doesn't file rape charges against him its just going to happen over and over again to other girls.  If she won't file it's because the sex was consensual. That should tell you all you need to know.

TBH I would like to know why they haven't been filed already?


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Later,
Tom
My first growlog


Edited by pyronym (04/12/11 06:47 AM)


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InvisibleCyclohexylamine
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Re: She cheated on me... Not exactly "willfully"... [Re: pyronym] * 1
    #14276729 - 04/12/11 06:55 AM (12 years, 9 months ago)

Quote:

yogabunny said:
Quote:

dshow said:
so funny, your mad at  him. lol .

hes a guy looking to get laid. YOUR GIRL... Thats another story.

You dont have it backwards, but your looking at it wrong.

Look... you said early on you trusted her... but yet she hooks up and says she "blacked out". It looks like you have soo much trust in her. But bro ive seen this first hand. People cheat.  yea alcohol was involved. But you dont think it was wierd she stayed out with that guy alone?? I mean come on man





qft.


im a girl and i can see right through this.  why was she the last one up with some other dude anyway??????  i love how she's been able to manipulate you into feeling bad for her, when she is the one in a relationship who got fucked up and cheated.





What they said.

Dude this happens ALL the time.
Sorry drugs are not an excuse to cheat.
Getting fucked up does not equal - losing all control.
It makes it EASIER to do stuff / lowers inhibitions but you still have free will.
She WANTED to kiss him back, she WANTED to fuck him.
Sure she was drunk, I have made a lot of stupid sex decisions drunk. But the fact is I still made that decision. Its a lot easier to do when drunk, but in the end it all comes down to her

Quote:

pyronym said:
Tell her that if she doesn't file rape charges against him its just going to happen over and over again to other girls.  If she won't file it's because the sex was consensual. That should tell you all you need to know.

TBH I would like to know why they haven't been filed already?




This.
If its what she said it was, she can file rape charges and trust me there is a good chance they will stick.
If she doesn't want to do it she is lying.


--------------------
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