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Envix
Avoidant Disorder



Registered: 11/04/08
Posts: 18,206
Last seen: 9 months, 25 days
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Re: feeling empty all the time. rambling. [Re: elliev]
#14275916 - 04/12/11 12:22 AM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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its not so mindfucky once u wrap ur brains around it
wouldn't life be boring if everything worked out exactly as u expected it to?
the most exciting thangs in life are the thangs that happen unexpectedly!
those are called Jamais vu (the opposite of deja vu)
anyways jus go w/ the flow. theres no need for expectations
in the end, the universe tends to unfold as it should
-------------------- smack a hoe out this dimension continue my ascension -bhad bhabie rip. todcasil, acid sloth, st1llnox, zappaisgod, big worm (sketch), tim b
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elliev
(ノ´∀`*)ノ

Registered: 04/10/11
Posts: 414
Loc: bay area
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Re: feeling empty all the time. rambling. [Re: Envix]
#14279325 - 04/12/11 05:56 PM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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c'est vrais envix
shit sucks cause i can't really relate to anyone in real life, other than my ONE positive friend
i told my sister i was considering lookin inta Buddhism, all she did was snarl at me and tell me it was fake/false. lol. fucking christians.
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Kickle
Wanderer


Registered: 12/16/06
Posts: 17,856
Last seen: 1 hour, 5 minutes
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Re: feeling empty all the time. rambling. [Re: elliev]
#14279578 - 04/12/11 06:49 PM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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You should give her the book Denial of Death by Ernest Becker... Btw I'm just kidding, that would likely be cruel. Except that she probably would never read it...
-------------------- Why shouldn't the truth be stranger than fiction? Fiction, after all, has to make sense. -- Mark Twain
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Raw
Muslim



Registered: 03/23/10
Posts: 1,419
Loc: USA West Coast
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Re: feeling empty all the time. rambling. [Re: elliev]
#14279779 - 04/12/11 07:28 PM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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Raw
Muslim



Registered: 03/23/10
Posts: 1,419
Loc: USA West Coast
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Re: feeling empty all the time. rambling. [Re: Raw]
#14279837 - 04/12/11 07:38 PM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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So I take it you have Asian parents and you don't live up to their expectations and you are taking it out on yourself.
Hmmmm.. Maybe I'm talking about myself.
anyways... Yeah, I dunno... I feel I'd get along with you.
But ehhh... oh well. Maybe move out and be yourself. Get in a fight with your folks, storm out, grow weed and shrooms for 10 years, look back and say fuck it.
I know you have thought about it but that isn't gonna happen unless you face your demons. You have to start living your own life. don't live someone elses. That is why you are pissed. And a lot of people are... Do what you aspire to not your baby boomer parents. I'm talking to myself before anyone else...
~Raw
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Envix
Avoidant Disorder



Registered: 11/04/08
Posts: 18,206
Last seen: 9 months, 25 days
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Re: feeling empty all the time. rambling. [Re: Raw]
#14280143 - 04/12/11 08:15 PM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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eh being on your own is cool but you gotta learn to be creative with your life or else you get bored
i'm still workin' on that
i got a laptop, a tennis ball, some big speakers, and a window that leads onto the roof of the nxt building that i can go out & chill on
annnnd a cat.
that's basically been the highlight of my life ATM
glad it's finally gettin warmer out tho so i can finally go outside without the breeze turning my skin into sandpaper. winter sucks ballz having to stagnate in my tiny room for months playing w/ my fingers
-------------------- smack a hoe out this dimension continue my ascension -bhad bhabie rip. todcasil, acid sloth, st1llnox, zappaisgod, big worm (sketch), tim b
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elliev
(ノ´∀`*)ノ

Registered: 04/10/11
Posts: 414
Loc: bay area
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Re: feeling empty all the time. rambling. [Re: Envix]
#14280240 - 04/12/11 08:29 PM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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raw, yeah my parents are asian hahaha. it does kind of suck because they think so highly of my eldest sibling! but my parents know im very different compared to her, so i can't really change that.
i'd really, really like to be on my own! but i mentioned in one of my posts that i don't have the money, really. .. otherwise i'd totally move out in a heart beat.
i do go out often every week and go up and about in san francisco (my favorite place ever) alone. i love the city so much, and the lifestyles that people live in over there.
i went to panhandle/golden gate park with a friend on saturday. i saw all these young people just enjoying the fuck out of themselves. it looked like they didn't really give a shit where they were going, and didn't have a care in the world. i was kind of envious!
agh cats envix. seriously? ;_; whatev because i've only ever met ONE lovely cat who wasn't a complete asshole.
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Envix
Avoidant Disorder



Registered: 11/04/08
Posts: 18,206
Last seen: 9 months, 25 days
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Re: feeling empty all the time. rambling. [Re: elliev]
#14280366 - 04/12/11 08:50 PM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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my cats not a asshole hes awesome he comes to me whenever i call him and never uses his claws when we play fisticuffs

i dont have any money either i dont even have a job that's why i'm in school the financial aid i get has been enough to cover all my expenses and rent & food and everythang its 
still though theres not much to do around here. there's like a a gas station and a couple headshops and thats about it
-------------------- smack a hoe out this dimension continue my ascension -bhad bhabie rip. todcasil, acid sloth, st1llnox, zappaisgod, big worm (sketch), tim b
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elliev
(ノ´∀`*)ノ

Registered: 04/10/11
Posts: 414
Loc: bay area
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Re: feeling empty all the time. rambling. [Re: Envix]
#14280398 - 04/12/11 08:55 PM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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a challenger appears
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akira_akuma
Φύσις κρύπτεσθαι ὕψιστος φιλεῖ


Registered: 08/28/09
Posts: 82,455
Loc: Onypeirophóros
Last seen: 4 years, 1 month
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Re: feeling empty all the time. rambling. [Re: elliev]
#14288150 - 04/14/11 01:51 AM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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elliev
(ノ´∀`*)ノ

Registered: 04/10/11
Posts: 414
Loc: bay area
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Re: feeling empty all the time. rambling. [Re: elliev]
#14300781 - 04/16/11 12:56 PM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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more emo rambling..
i really want to go to college and move out. fucking blows how money is everything.
being home is kind of depressing. i cant really go to college because my family isnt stable financially, i tried to talk to my parents about it but theyre really negative about it and keep telling me to wait... i turn 20 in june. almost everyone i know is in their early 20's and almost finished with college.
they're still paying off my sister's UC college shit as well (she's graduated in july) i dont really have friends to bum a house from either.
i told my parents i'd take out loans and pay it off myself if i ever get a fucking job. all they told me is that i don't understand. i really want to move out and be independent.
life is a journey and i'd like to experience more of it on my own. my parents have never really respected my mindset.
jesus fucking christ lol. how does one move out with... no money. ):
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bigmike7104
Stranger

Registered: 07/12/10
Posts: 1,395
Loc: USA
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Re: feeling empty all the time. rambling. [Re: elliev]
#14300904 - 04/16/11 01:17 PM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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Quote:
i told my parents i'd take out loans and pay it off myself if i ever get a fucking job. all they told me is that i don't understand
i don't see what's not to understand, as long as you don't take out too much where it will be hard to pay back when you graduate.
-------------------- Over thinking, over analyzing separates the body from the mind Withering my intuition, missing opportunities and I must Feed my will to feel my moment drawing way outside the lines
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Shroomism
Space Travellin



Registered: 02/13/00
Posts: 66,015
Loc: 9th Dimension
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Re: feeling empty all the time. rambling. [Re: elliev]
#14301044 - 04/16/11 01:32 PM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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Bruce Lee once said...
Quote:
Empty your mind, be formless, shapeless - like water. Now you put water into a cup, it becomes the cup, you put water into a bottle, it becomes the bottle, you put it in a teapot, it becomes the teapot. Now water can flow or it can crash. Be water, my friend.”
A goal is not always meant to be reached, it often serves simply as something to aim at.
Notice that the stiffest tree is most easily cracked, while the bamboo or willow survives by bending with the wind.
A wise man can learn more from a foolish question than a fool can learn from a wise answer.
All fixed set patterns are incapable of adaptability or pliability. The truth is outside of all fixed patterns.
Always be yourself, express yourself, have faith in yourself, do not go out and look for a successfull personality and duplicate it.
As you think, so shall you become.
Ever since I was a child I have had this instinctive urge for expansion and growth. To me, the function and duty of a quality human being is the sincere and honest development of one's potential.
I fear not the man who has practiced 10,000 kicks once, but I fear the man who has practiced one kick 10,000 times.
I'm not in this world to live up to your expectations and you're not in this world to live up to mine.
If you always put limit on everything you do, physical or anything else. It will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them.
If you love life, don't waste time, for time is what life is made up of.
If you spend too much time thinking about a thing, you'll never get it done.
It's not the daily increase but daily decrease. Hack away at the unessential.
Knowledge will give you power, but character respect.
If you want to learn to swim jump into the water. On dry land no frame of mind is ever going to help you
Take no thought of who is right or wrong or who is better than. Be not for or against.
Love is like a friendship caught on fire. In the beginning a flame, very pretty, often hot and fierce, but still only light and flickering. As love grows older, our hearts mature and our love becomes as coals, deep-burning and unquenchable.
using no way as a way, using no limitations as a limitation.
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elliev
(ノ´∀`*)ノ

Registered: 04/10/11
Posts: 414
Loc: bay area
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Re: feeling empty all the time. rambling. [Re: bigmike7104]
#14301179 - 04/16/11 01:54 PM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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Quote:
bigmike7104 said:
Quote:
i told my parents i'd take out loans and pay it off myself if i ever get a fucking job. all they told me is that i don't understand
i don't see what's not to understand, as long as you don't take out too much where it will be hard to pay back when you graduate.
strict ass asian parents. lol. they think im hell-sent for not being an aspiring __insert__, and for doing drugs lol. probably understandable since i still live under their roof, but i don't do it everyday and i do it... moderately?
student loans are so god damn fucking awful in the states.
@Shroomism ;d bruce lee is a wise man. i did not know that, if that was legit
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Envix
Avoidant Disorder



Registered: 11/04/08
Posts: 18,206
Last seen: 9 months, 25 days
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Re: feeling empty all the time. rambling. [Re: elliev]
#14301238 - 04/16/11 02:03 PM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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you can't get financial aid or anything? i get like 2grand a semester not counting all the tuition/school fees it covers
but i dont have parents so i get like the highest aid possible in nys
-------------------- smack a hoe out this dimension continue my ascension -bhad bhabie rip. todcasil, acid sloth, st1llnox, zappaisgod, big worm (sketch), tim b
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elliev
(ノ´∀`*)ノ

Registered: 04/10/11
Posts: 414
Loc: bay area
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Re: feeling empty all the time. rambling. [Re: Envix]
#14301256 - 04/16/11 02:07 PM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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Quote:
Envix said: you can't get financial aid or anything? i get like 2grand a semester not counting the tuition it pays for
but i dont have parents so i get like the highest aid possible in nys
i'm not sure how much i'd be able to get out of it cuz parents got bad credit n shit as of last/this year, apparently. was thinking to find a job, save $, move out and say c u mom and dad ilu tho. and move on from there to deal w/ school n stuff on my own. so much fuckin $.
you live in NY? ;__; so lucky. dream city for me.
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Envix
Avoidant Disorder



Registered: 11/04/08
Posts: 18,206
Last seen: 9 months, 25 days
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Re: feeling empty all the time. rambling. [Re: elliev]
#14301262 - 04/16/11 02:08 PM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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there's more than 1 city in nys u know.
and no i dont live in that one
-------------------- smack a hoe out this dimension continue my ascension -bhad bhabie rip. todcasil, acid sloth, st1llnox, zappaisgod, big worm (sketch), tim b
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elliev
(ノ´∀`*)ノ

Registered: 04/10/11
Posts: 414
Loc: bay area
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Re: feeling empty all the time. rambling. [Re: Envix]
#14301311 - 04/16/11 02:13 PM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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lmao im soz
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Buckthorn
Stranger

Registered: 07/25/08
Posts: 4,561
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Re: feeling empty all the time. rambling. [Re: elliev]
#14303967 - 04/16/11 11:28 PM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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Don't rely on anyone, become totally dependent on your self for your happiness
Let go of anyone who's holding you back from achieving your goals and following your dreams.
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elliev
(ノ´∀`*)ノ

Registered: 04/10/11
Posts: 414
Loc: bay area
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Re: feeling empty all the time. rambling. [Re: Buckthorn]
#14304077 - 04/17/11 12:01 AM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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Enpo, reminds me of this
"if you want to achieve greatness, stop asking for permission"
meh. what you said is true, so is the quote i mentioned above.
i feel blocked off, you know?
also, my parents totally think that i'm just day dreaming and going against them. fuckinglol that im 19 and turning 20 in june. ): i still feel like i'm 15 being in this house.
i feel really pathetic for complaining and being nineteen. no job. no school. no money. i don't really know where to start :c
i don't really have friends to talk about this shit to, cause i hate bringing on emotional baggage. i'd like ta visit a shrink again as well, but it's tiring to hear them say that i need anti-depressants. lol.
SUCH AS LIFE~ and i guess that's what i get for being asian. dohohoh.
Edited by elliev (04/17/11 12:05 AM)
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