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bonnahoo
A Friend



Registered: 03/06/06
Posts: 371
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How to get over a lost lover?
#14259672 - 04/08/11 04:57 PM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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Well I hate to make two threads relating to my problems but the other one's title wouldn't fit this question very well. What do you do to get over an ex, especially one you still really love? My first girlfriend I had to totally erase her from my life, destroyed every picture, clothing, or gift she had ever given me. It worked, I no longer love her, but it also helped that she got fat after the breakup. I know this would work for me now, but it feels so wrong to do, we ended on good terms and she still cares, just says we can't be together right now. If I destroyed everything that reminded me of her, and two weeks from now she says she wants another go, then I would feel awful. Au meme temps I would still feel awful if she never came back , because she is very sweet and caring and everything I have from her is out of love. Also I have about 10,000 pics from Europe, where we lived together for a year, and about 90% of them are of the two of us... it would be a shame to throw out that many pics and memories. So my question to you all, is there some other way? How do I get over her without erasing the past 1.5 years of my life from my memory?
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waves

Registered: 04/03/10
Posts: 2,213
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Re: How to get over a lost lover? [Re: bonnahoo]
#14259766 - 04/08/11 05:17 PM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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Edited by waves (04/22/11 12:28 AM)
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bonnahoo
A Friend



Registered: 03/06/06
Posts: 371
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Re: How to get over a lost lover? [Re: waves]
#14259810 - 04/08/11 05:29 PM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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Quote:
TheDukeofLizards said: In the mean time, it sounds like you are still hoping she might come back to you. I hate to say it man, but in my experience when a girl says something like "we just can't be together right now", it is usually because they are trying to break it off politely and kindly, but really they are pretty much over you.
Well I honestly don't have much hope for that... the only reason it still exists in my mind at all is because we have broken up once before ( I know I know, if it didn't work out before it probably never will... but the reason we had been having problems is because she was still married and her husband had left her by telling her he fucked another girl, so she has trust issues and problems giving her whole heart) and after a few days she came back begging for me and things were great for a while.
Also I asked her, so does this mean you are waiting for me? She said, "I'm waiting for both of us to be happy and emotionally stable, whatever that means, I know I CAN be happy with you, it just isn't going to work now." And then she went on to say that she isn't going to date,flirt, or fuck anyone else while we aren't talking because she is not healthy emotionally and that doing so would be an insult to me... whether she will live up to that is anyone's guess.
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tk3
wobbly zombie

Registered: 02/22/11
Posts: 225
Last seen: 12 years, 8 months
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Re: How to get over a lost lover? [Re: bonnahoo]
#14260142 - 04/08/11 06:34 PM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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Its dumb to hold onto memories IMO.
Everyday i look to the future and hold onto the present. The girl is gone, let it go and embrace the empty space. Empty space is beautiful and nurturing. looking back only blinds you to that.
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Atlantis
Stranger


Registered: 10/02/09
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Re: How to get over a lost lover? [Re: bonnahoo]
#14261374 - 04/08/11 11:59 PM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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Hey Bonna, sounds like quite a predicament. Maybe one way: keep all the good memories and try to focus on that whenever you are bugged by desire. Think of it in terms of whenever a thought comes up of how happy you become when you are with her... you can subdue your desire of being with her by remembering the great times you did have the opportunity to enjoy.
You could also shift your focus to the new found freedom you have outside of your relationship with her. Perhaps you will find great joy in pursuing what makes you happy, and if that thing that makes you happy is still her, spend some time figuring a way to get her back. If that doesn't work, you will find that what you worked on was giving yourself a chance to get what you want, and sometimes in life, we don't always get what we want. It sure helps to keep trying if it is worthwhile. At least you will have given your best shot.
And if you couldn't keep trying, maybe you really didn't desire her, but maybe you desired being happy and feeling great because that's what a good relationship does for people. Think of being in a relationship, even when you aren't together physically, you still feel great right? It's that type of psychology methinks.
No doubt, there are countless people out there that will make you feel the same way and people can even find some way to provide that for themselves. Hope this helps in any way. Time always helps too. And so does doing something fun and engaging. As always, talking and hanging out with people and meeting new people too. Good luck finding what you want friend.
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TTT
Cultivate the inside


Registered: 08/07/06
Posts: 4,340
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Re: How to get over a lost lover? [Re: tk3]
#14262068 - 04/09/11 07:46 AM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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tk3 said: Its dumb to hold onto memories IMO.
Everyday i look to the future and hold onto the present. The girl is gone, let it go and embrace the empty space. Empty space is beautiful and nurturing. looking back only blinds you to that.
I disagree. To keep your past experiences close is to learn and constantly evolve from the lessons they instilled. Turning your back on your past an focusing only on whats ahead is denying what you know.
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basqueshaman
Todays scapegoat



Registered: 04/01/11
Posts: 6,258
Loc: Washington State
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Re: How to get over a lost lover? [Re: TTT]
#14262690 - 04/09/11 11:24 AM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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once love is there its never gone. it will fade. it will change. but its never gone if you truely loved them. unfourtunatly most love is unrequited. just move on mabye youll find it was lust insted of love, but sometimes that takes years to realize
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JesusGoneRogue


Registered: 10/24/10
Posts: 9,495
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Re: How to get over a lost lover? [Re: waves]
#14263380 - 04/09/11 02:59 PM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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TheDukeofLizards said:
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but it also helped that she got fat after the breakup.

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bonnahoo said:
too. hard!
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bonnahoo
A Friend



Registered: 03/06/06
Posts: 371
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Quote:
JesusGoneRogue said:
Quote:
TheDukeofLizards said:
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but it also helped that she got fat after the breakup.

Quote:
bonnahoo said:
too. hard!
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JT


Registered: 02/28/07
Posts: 7,027
Loc: athens
Last seen: 4 years, 6 months
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Re: How to get over a lost lover? [Re: bonnahoo]
#14266316 - 04/10/11 10:20 AM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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not talking works the best.
i'm in a shit hole because i still text her fairly often in hopes of gettin back together. then she'll throw a curveball at me and i'll find out she's hangin with another guy and that brings so much hate. it's not healthy.
don't forget the good times, but don't contact her at all. eventually it will fade brotha.
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Joolz


Registered: 09/19/10
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Last seen: 11 years, 2 months
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Re: How to get over a lost lover? [Re: JT]
#14267155 - 04/10/11 01:38 PM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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I just broke up with a girl of over a year. Dropping all contact is definitely the best way, especially if she just hurt you. Its hard to drop contact if you go out on a date and have a great time, but if you break up and find out she's with other dudes, you generally get pissed. If you leave that last vision of her in your head its easy to not contact her.
Later on, of course, you can think of the good times and smile. But for the first little bit you can't really go "oh man, all those good times" because that will just cause you to spiral right back to her.
-------------------- Prohibition didn't work for God; Eve ate the fruit.
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bonnahoo
A Friend



Registered: 03/06/06
Posts: 371
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Re: How to get over a lost lover? [Re: Joolz]
#14267989 - 04/10/11 05:11 PM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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Oh man if I knew she was dating or fucking other guys already I would be able to forget about her in a second. I told her too, that if she ever wanted to get back together after her dating/fucking another guy she could forget it. There's just something that doesn't feel right about knowing some other dudes penis has been in your girl's vag after you have been with her.
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TTT
Cultivate the inside


Registered: 08/07/06
Posts: 4,340
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Re: How to get over a lost lover? [Re: bonnahoo]
#14270882 - 04/11/11 06:53 AM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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bonnahoo said: Oh man if I knew she was dating or fucking other guys already I would be able to forget about her in a second. I told her too, that if she ever wanted to get back together after her dating/fucking another guy she could forget it. There's just something that doesn't feel right about knowing some other dudes penis has been in your girl's vag after you have been with her.
She deserves better, sounds like.
I fucking hate the Shroomery now. I'd say a good 80% of everyone who posts on here is a tool. Good bye place I used to love.
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JT


Registered: 02/28/07
Posts: 7,027
Loc: athens
Last seen: 4 years, 6 months
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Re: How to get over a lost lover? [Re: TTT]
#14270900 - 04/11/11 07:01 AM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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Overreact much? Unless you're into polygamy I think that's a pretty natural sentiment not to want the person you're in love with having sex with someone else...
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TTT
Cultivate the inside


Registered: 08/07/06
Posts: 4,340
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Re: How to get over a lost lover? [Re: JT]
#14270914 - 04/11/11 07:09 AM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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JT said: Overreact much? Unless you're into polygamy I think that's a pretty natural sentiment not to want the person you're in love with having sex with someone else...
I don't want my ex to be fucking mad bitches but he can do what he pleases despite my feelings for him. I don't own anyone. People don't get tainted if they fuck other people. I'm going to guess that the same poster has no issues fucking other girls to forget his ex (hypothetically). But his girl has to remain pure and untainted after his cock. Its pretty fucking dick if you ask me.
In fact, if a guy so much as implied that he felt that way it'd be grounds to leave him. Look back throughout human history and mythology, its such a typical male expectation.
The rant about the Shroomery is what goes through my head everytime I read things people post.
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JT


Registered: 02/28/07
Posts: 7,027
Loc: athens
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Re: How to get over a lost lover? [Re: TTT]
#14270948 - 04/11/11 07:27 AM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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Oh yeah, I agree with you. It's not really about control, just that once that point comes a barrier has been crossed in a relationship. For guys, yeah, there is kind of a taint. Even if it's just mental.
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Cyclohexylamine
Turn on, Tune in, Drop out



Registered: 09/08/10
Posts: 14,327
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Re: How to get over a lost lover? [Re: TTT]
#14271103 - 04/11/11 08:24 AM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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Quote:
TTT said:
Quote:
bonnahoo said: Oh man if I knew she was dating or fucking other guys already I would be able to forget about her in a second. I told her too, that if she ever wanted to get back together after her dating/fucking another guy she could forget it. There's just something that doesn't feel right about knowing some other dudes penis has been in your girl's vag after you have been with her.
She deserves better, sounds like.
I fucking hate the Shroomery now. I'd say a good 80% of everyone who posts on here is a tool. Good bye place I used to love.
Quote:
TTT said:
Quote:
JT said: Overreact much? Unless you're into polygamy I think that's a pretty natural sentiment not to want the person you're in love with having sex with someone else...
I don't want my ex to be fucking mad bitches but he can do what he pleases despite my feelings for him. I don't own anyone. People don't get tainted if they fuck other people. I'm going to guess that the same poster has no issues fucking other girls to forget his ex (hypothetically). But his girl has to remain pure and untainted after his cock. Its pretty fucking dick if you ask me.
In fact, if a guy so much as implied that he felt that way it'd be grounds to leave him. Look back throughout human history and mythology, its such a typical male expectation.
The rant about the Shroomery is what goes through my head everytime I read things people post.
QFT. It drives me nuts how controlling and petty some people are. Seriously.
-------------------- Yes this is tymo - I just changed my name Have you ever had a dream that you were so sure was real? What if you were unable to awake from that dream? How would you know the difference between that dream world and the real world? There is NOTHING better than feeling that warm dissociative fuzz creeping up your body from IM K Something abut that anaesthetic rush... Qualitative Research Chemical Effects and Experiences The Wonderful World of Methoxetamine The 3-Meo-PCP Chapters, Part One
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bonnahoo
A Friend



Registered: 03/06/06
Posts: 371
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It has nothing to do with control for me... I know she would feel the same way. I do love her more than my own life, and I'm sorry if it makes me feel bad if I knew she was letting other guys be as intimate with her as she was with me because that intimacy was special. Sex means more than just fucking to me. It is something that two people should do that are in love. It has NOTHING to do with control... sure she can go fuck whoever she wants, thats not up to me, im just saying if she did I wouldn't feel as bad about losing her...
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Cyclohexylamine
Turn on, Tune in, Drop out



Registered: 09/08/10
Posts: 14,327
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Re: How to get over a lost lover? [Re: bonnahoo]
#14271797 - 04/11/11 11:36 AM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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bonnahoo said: It has nothing to do with control for me... I know she would feel the same way. I do love her more than my own life, and I'm sorry if it makes me feel bad if I knew she was letting other guys be as intimate with her as she was with me because that intimacy was special. Sex means more than just fucking to me. It is something that two people should do that are in love. It has NOTHING to do with control... sure she can go fuck whoever she wants, thats not up to me, im just saying if she did I wouldn't feel as bad about losing her...
It has everything to do with control / jealousy. Trust me man, I used to deal with MAD jealousy, but I saw what it did and was thankfully able to get rid of it. If you truly love someone, you want them to be happy and have fun. Thats
-------------------- Yes this is tymo - I just changed my name Have you ever had a dream that you were so sure was real? What if you were unable to awake from that dream? How would you know the difference between that dream world and the real world? There is NOTHING better than feeling that warm dissociative fuzz creeping up your body from IM K Something abut that anaesthetic rush... Qualitative Research Chemical Effects and Experiences The Wonderful World of Methoxetamine The 3-Meo-PCP Chapters, Part One
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bonnahoo
A Friend



Registered: 03/06/06
Posts: 371
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Re: How to get over a lost lover? [Re: JT]
#14271798 - 04/11/11 11:36 AM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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JT said: For guys, yeah, there is kind of a taint. Even if it's just mental.
Truth... it's not that we can help it. I don't feel good about it.
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