Home | Community | Message Board


This site includes paid links. Please support our sponsors.


Welcome to the Shroomery Message Board! You are experiencing a small sample of what the site has to offer. Please login or register to post messages and view our exclusive members-only content. You'll gain access to additional forums, file attachments, board customizations, encrypted private messages, and much more!

Shop: Original Sensible Seeds Feminized Cannabis Seeds   Kraken Kratom Red Vein Kratom

Jump to first unread post Pages: 1
OfflineAmonalous
Stranger
Registered: 04/05/11
Posts: 3
Last seen: 12 years, 10 months
Suicide
    #14241533 - 04/05/11 12:04 PM (12 years, 10 months ago)

Basically, for the last 3-4 years I've always been in and out of suicidal thoughts. I act very tough and emotionally secure in front of others but at times I feel relatively bipolar.

I lost my virginity to someone who used me, and in turn the next 2 girls did the same thing. As soon as I care about someone I get hurt, so for around a year and a half I stopped caring about everything and everyone in my life - and it was good. I wasn't happy, but I wasn't suicidal and that was the main thing for me.

However, I've always been so close to my best friend's sister and she's the kindest, most gorgeous and incredible girl I've ever had the good fortune to meet. I started seeing her around 6 weeks ago but out of no where she's decided she doesn't want to see me anymore; and our relationship to be kept secret. This has upset me grately, I can barely function at school, I feel like an empty shell. In fact, not even an empty shell, a shell filled to the brim with the misfortune that plagues me so. Now after a year of going by with the only satisfaction coming from good exam results, losing her has been abysmal to me well-being. I've told myself I will certainly kill myself if I do not get into Leeds University, and my exams are less than 3 months away. But now I am thinking, why should I wait? Even if I do make a fresh start, it's quite likely that I'll be used and messed about once again - I can't even have a sucessful relationship with the one girl I thought everything could actually work with! I don't mean like marridge, but a long lasting relationship or even a relationship in which I felt like someone needed me would at least make me feel like I matter to someone.

There are other girls out there I know, but the only ones available to me are the ones I am not attracted to. I have tried to be but I don't feel comfortable, which is fine as not everyone is compatable with everyone - it would ruin romance altogether.

Basically, I'm wondering if anyone has had similar experiences and maybe gotten through them? If not then I take it I'm just a massive loser and should take this as a sign to jump off a bridge.

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
OfflineXUL
OTD Janitor
Male User Gallery


Registered: 03/16/05
Posts: 28,261
Loc: America Flag
Last seen: 4 years, 3 months
Re: Suicide [Re: Amonalous]
    #14241685 - 04/05/11 12:34 PM (12 years, 10 months ago)

You seem like a genuine kind of guy to me. You seem to be concerned about all the right things. You care about lasting relationships (obviously that means you care about respect and honesty), you are striving to get into a school, and you make good grades. Those are all great things man!

I just had a bout with depression a month or two back. I had a similar experience. I was in true love with my girl and she was with me. She kept telling me how much she wanted to marry me and spend her life with me. I felt the same way so I spent my summer buying a 2,000 dollar engagement ring and a vacation to the beach where I would propose to her. We had our entire trip planned and life was AMAZING!! I was happier than I ever had been in my entire life! But then she left me a week before our trip, changed her phone number, wouldn't talk to me, and on top of all that I had signed a lease/rental agreement to live with her brother and best friends during my last semester of college.

To say the least the following 6 months were not good. Not good at all. As soon as she left I lost 15 pounds in 2 weeks, became sad, depressed, anxious to the point of social withdraw, and eventually suicidal.

I understand how you feel about women fucking you over. I feel the same way. At this point in time I dont feel like I can over love again. And its been 7 months. You said you had a time in your life where you didnt give a fuck. I feel like I almost want to revert back to my old ways too. meet women, date them, fuck them twice, leave them. Thats what I used to do. Of course, like you said, I was not happy, but I was not sad either.

Anyways... The two things that saved me were friends and Klonopin. My friends helped me keep my mind straight and cheered me up. Klonopin helped me relax about the situation, take a step back, and eventually see things a little more clearly. I admit that I am still bitter as fuck about women, but at least the suicidal thoughts went away. I took Klonopin for 2 months. I started with one mg and then weened off the second month. Im not saying you should take Klonopin, but maybe you should consider it treatment before you end up killing yourself. Women are not worth dying over.

It sounds like you had a rough couple situations and you also sound like a really strong person. I think you will make it through this, get into your school, and eventually find a really nice girl who wants you around! You will find someone as long as you keep trying.:thumbup:


--------------------
TRUMP 2020

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Anonymous #1

Re: Suicide [Re: XUL]
    #14242051 - 04/05/11 01:53 PM (12 years, 10 months ago)

Why don't you talk to your best friend about his/her sister?
I'm sorry about what you're going through and can relate. Though, I don't have any answer for you.:frown:

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
OfflineAmonalous
Stranger
Registered: 04/05/11
Posts: 3
Last seen: 12 years, 10 months
Re: Suicide [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #14242135 - 04/05/11 02:09 PM (12 years, 10 months ago)

Thanks, although I don't know if I'm that nice or otherwise I don't think I'd be having this problem.

I would tell my friend but I can't as we agreed not to tell anyone about the relationship =/ so I'm just so unsure about what to do.

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Anonymous #1

Re: Suicide [Re: Amonalous]
    #14242194 - 04/05/11 02:21 PM (12 years, 10 months ago)

Quote:

Amonalous said:
I would tell my friend but I can't as we agreed not to tell anyone about the relationship =/ so I'm just so unsure about what to do.




LOL you're not in any position to compromise then. If you can't trust your best friend, then WHY are they your best friend? It sounds as if it's entirely up to the sister then, huh. Good luck.

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
OfflineAmonalous
Stranger
Registered: 04/05/11
Posts: 3
Last seen: 12 years, 10 months
Re: Suicide [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #14242208 - 04/05/11 02:25 PM (12 years, 10 months ago)

He is my best friend, it's just he's been to university for a while and only just got back, I guess I should have told him, but she really didn't want too.

Also, she hasn't spoken to me or seen me in person for a few days, she broke up with me by text so I'm not too thrilled about that.

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Anonymous #2

Re: Suicide [Re: Amonalous]
    #14244530 - 04/05/11 09:15 PM (12 years, 10 months ago)

I love you man. I genuinely do. And it breaks my heart to see you in such a state... I've tried to kill myself. I was at the lowest low. But I built my way back up in life, slowly but surely. Do you prescribe to the belief in energy? You need to raise your vibrations. The most important thing, above all else, is to love yourself.

There are plenty of people to connect to in life, but the most essential one is yourself. Once you begin to love yourself, the world blossoms, I promise. Your love for yourself will lead you on a path of learning.

Do you believe in purpose? I do. And I believe that the very fact that you are here means you have purpose. I don't believe that fate is determined though... meaning, I could have purpose to be fulfilled later in life, but choose not to. If you kill yourself, you may be causing not only yourself but the whole world to suffer the loss of your potential. Maybe all your pain will someday allow you to be an excellent father, to know of the harshness and coldness that can exist in the world. Maybe your future child will have it so rough that he'll want to kill himself, but you, being a father and human with years of wisdom, will be able to show him the silver lining to life.

I suggest you take up some form of meditation, as this is how I raised myself out of the deepest, most desperate roots of depression. I would recommend beginning by focusing only on your breath. Eventually, I think you should practice visualizing roots stretching from your seat far into the world, absorbing love from mother earth and giving you place in the world. I think, from experience, that someone who wants to kill themselves has a poor system of "roots" so to speak, and needs to learn to feel connected to this world, and welcome. The world can seem like this cold place where you're just an unwanted stranger when you want to die. But once you learn love and connection to the world, suddenly it becomes a garden for you, a grove where you feel safe and secure, and able to live up to your fullest potential. Again, this is from my experience, having once been at the lowest point.

Trees are everywhere, and I believe they are a metaphor for life in general. They are deeply rooted in the earth, and stretch out towards the heavens. You may not be ready to aspire for your grandest dreams, but you certainly should think about the roots of trees. Your own roots. What are you rooted in? What do you believe and feel? What do you love about yourself? Your life has so much potential and you can live so happily if you just find some way to raise your energy.

I'm sorry since I have no idea what your beliefs are, and it's possible you think all this energy stuff is hooey-phooey. But this is the path I took, and it took me from the pits of self-hate and being an unwanted stranger in life, to feeling like a pillar of the universe. I think we're all pillars of the universe, and we'll all have to withstand some weight, but once you realize how important you are and that you certainly have worth and value in life, everything can and will change, for the better.

As stated, I love you, and I want to reach out since I know the feelings which can drive you to want to kill yourself. I feel happiness sharing my thoughts with you and I hope that amongst all this odd, possibly "out-there" talk of energy, that you felt some truth and that I have helped.

There's a time to connect and to love others, but before you start reaching out to others for love, you need to be confident in your own love, and know that you always have a best friend within yourself, and that your life worth relies not on some female, or friend, or anyone, but is always there, innate. You are worth something, and I feel it strongly enough to share my thoughts and reach out and show you the path I took to happiness.

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Offlineshroomie_glen
RedHotPussyLiquor
Male User Gallery


Registered: 03/01/06 Happy 18th Shroomiversary!
Posts: 4,296
Loc: Narf Carolina Flag
Last seen: 11 years, 4 months
Re: Suicide [Re: Anonymous #2]
    #14244680 - 04/05/11 09:39 PM (12 years, 10 months ago)

How in the heck do you post anonymously?  Thats soo effing kool.  You'd think after more than five years on here I would know a few of the bells and whistles, but I JUST figured out how to do this:gaystapo:


--------------------

No. No, man. Shit, no man.  I believe you'd get your ass kicked sayin' somethin' like that man.

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Jump to top Pages: 1

Shop: Original Sensible Seeds Feminized Cannabis Seeds   Kraken Kratom Red Vein Kratom


Similar ThreadsPosterViewsRepliesLast post
* How to respond to a suicidal person
( 1 2 3 4 5 all )
tomk 41,498 92 03/08/13 12:50 AM
by Grizzlysnizzly
* 10 Golden Keys to Effective and Harmonious Romantic Relationships DoctorJ 1,782 3 06/14/06 04:07 PM
by MOTH
* Suicide
( 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 all )
Locus 16,119 143 03/28/06 08:07 PM
by Liz
* Totally lost it. Psychedelics = suicide? leery11 3,989 19 04/10/06 08:10 AM
by leery11
* To those who ever wished to commit suicide.
( 1 2 3 all )
Fliquid 64,972 52 09/30/18 12:31 AM
by danish322
* when is suicide an answer? Heliosphan 2,641 10 05/19/03 11:04 PM
by Anonymous
* Complitating Suicide
( 1 2 3 4 all )
Anonymous 11,037 76 03/06/05 01:17 PM
by RTate
* Suicidal thoughts... *DELETED*
( 1 2 all )
Druginduced 4,953 23 11/20/04 10:12 PM
by Druginduced

Extra information
You cannot start new topics / You cannot reply to topics
HTML is disabled / BBCode is enabled
Moderator: CherryBom, Rose, mndfreeze, yogabunny, feevers, CookieCrumbs, Northerner
437 topic views. 0 members, 1 guests and 0 web crawlers are browsing this forum.
[ Show Images Only | Sort by Score | Print Topic ]
Search this thread:

Copyright 1997-2024 Mind Media. Some rights reserved.

Generated in 0.025 seconds spending 0.009 seconds on 15 queries.