Home | Community | Message Board

World Seed Supply
This site includes paid links. Please support our sponsors.


Welcome to the Shroomery Message Board! You are experiencing a small sample of what the site has to offer. Please login or register to post messages and view our exclusive members-only content. You'll gain access to additional forums, file attachments, board customizations, encrypted private messages, and much more!

Shop: PhytoExtractum Maeng Da Thai Kratom Leaf Powder   Kraken Kratom Red Vein Kratom   North Spore North Spore Mushroom Grow Kits & Cultivation Supplies   Original Sensible Seeds Bulk Cannabis Seeds

Jump to first unread post Pages: < Back | 1 | 2  [ show all ]
OfflineCursive
I AM
Male User Gallery


Registered: 04/18/10
Posts: 376
Loc: Georgia, United States of... Flag
Last seen: 12 years, 3 months
Re: Love and mental breakdown.. I want help. [Re: jivJaN]
    #14228812 - 04/02/11 10:53 PM (12 years, 10 months ago)

You telling me to leave her is what really hurts. Why can't I just get rid of all the devil ideas and use her as a way to do that? She 'challenges' my anger, but not on purpose, it's just my deal to the way I view the world. After all I've told her I would do for her.. If I left her it would distress her so much, I don't want to hurt her THAT bad, she loves me too much. And I have broke up with her before but she just doesn't have the ability to get over it, so I went back to her, this time to find the REAL love in all of this, strengthen it, give it life, give it God, peace, patience, acceptance, happiness.. I want more from it without having to change her, but instead change myself to fit around/with her inside myself.


--------------------
I am up above all that I am down below..



Extras: Filter Print Post Top
OfflinejivJaN
yes
Male User Gallery

Registered: 08/09/08
Posts: 4,245
Last seen: 10 years, 10 months
Re: Love and mental breakdown.. I want help. [Re: Cursive]
    #14228902 - 04/02/11 11:09 PM (12 years, 10 months ago)

Do you plan on staying with this person for the rest of your life ?


--------------------



---------------------

All my posts in this forum are strictly fictional.
They are derived from an acute mental illness , from which i am forced to lie compulsively.
I have never induced any kind of mind altering substance in my life  and i have no intentions whatsoever of doing anything illegal.
If I have ever suggested such a thing it would have most likely been , due to my personality disorder and i probably do not remember it at all..

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
OfflineBlueCoyote
Beyond
Male User Gallery

Registered: 05/07/04
Posts: 6,697
Loc: Between
Last seen: 3 years, 1 month
Re: Love and mental breakdown.. I want help. [Re: Cursive]
    #14229779 - 04/03/11 03:04 AM (12 years, 10 months ago)

It's not healthy to bend so much to fit another one. Even for love.
She has to accept your true self as you do and you have to accept her true self as she does. As far I see, there is no way around.
The thing is, as said before, first, in romantic love, you focus on the others good side and replace her bad side with your own fantasies and expectations.. Biologically after about 9 months or a bit longer, the romantic love starts to fade away and you recognize her bad sides stronger.
In the end it counts if her good sides, subjectively to you, overbalance her bad sides. This happens, if you find more similarities within her to you than differences. All that postulates that you know yourself, which only can be done the older you become.
I'm in a similar position right now, and all I can say is that I try to let the relation slip back into a friendship.
:2cents:


--------------------
Though lovers be lost love shall not  And death shall have no dominion
......................................................
"Our scientific power has outrun our spiritual power. We have guided missiles and misguided men."Martin Luther King, Jr.
'Acceptance is the absolute key - at that moment you gain freedom and you gain power and you gain courage'

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
InvisibleDisoRDeR
motional
 User Gallery


Registered: 08/29/02
Posts: 1,158
Loc: nonsensistan
Re: Love and mental breakdown.. I want help. [Re: BlueCoyote]
    #14230256 - 04/03/11 08:52 AM (12 years, 10 months ago)

Quote:

I try to let the relation slip back into a friendship.




This is difficult but can be very rewarding after sufficient time has passed.

I've also been in a relationship which soured and lingered.  Hopeful and fixed on a fantasy, I tried to hold the pieces together.  In the end it helped that we were both able to recognize how much we restricted each other's growth with our faulty dynamic.  Honest communication is key. 

When trying to transition a romantic relationship back into a friendship, I found that the old attachments lingered and were sustained with communication, even from a distance.  It took a period of many months of zero contact to overcome the old bonds; no new fuel on the fire.  Once a new romance sparked and grew elsewhere, it became easier to return to the charred remains of the old relationship and find the treasure amongst the ashes without getting burned.

Your mileage may vary...

I second redgreenvines' advice.  Examine yourself.  If you have no space to do so, get away and examine yourself.  It can be difficult to find a foothold in peace and patience if you are constantly being poked.  Consider solitude and a change of scenery to be a potential investment in finding the REAL love in all of this, if it is to be.

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
OfflineCursive
I AM
Male User Gallery


Registered: 04/18/10
Posts: 376
Loc: Georgia, United States of... Flag
Last seen: 12 years, 3 months
Re: Love and mental breakdown.. I want help. [Re: DisoRDeR]
    #14230785 - 04/03/11 11:34 AM (12 years, 10 months ago)

Quote:

jivJaN said:
Do you plan on staying with this person for the rest of your life ?




Yes.

Quote:

BlueCoyote said:
It's not healthy to bend so much to fit another one. Even for love.
She has to accept your true self as you do and you have to accept her true self as she does. As far I see, there is no way around.
The thing is, as said before, first, in romantic love, you focus on the others good side and replace her bad side with your own fantasies and expectations...




The "bending" is more like getting rid of the negativity I feel for her when a 'black spark' happens inside of me. I feel if I can at least get rid of all that it'll make her totally happy, and I'll just grow to her like she's a sister or best friend. She totally accepts me. And what do you mean by "fantasies?" My expectations of her rarely are met by her, which is why I'm trying to accept her better, and have more patience. I feel the more Godly qualities I give myself for her, the easier I can break away from all the bad things that would normally begin flowing through my head.

Quote:

DisoRDeR said:
When trying to transition a romantic relationship back into a friendship, I found that the old attachments lingered and were sustained with communication, even from a distance.  It took a period of many months of zero contact to overcome the old bonds; no new fuel on the fire.  Once a new romance sparked and grew elsewhere, it became easier to return to the charred remains of the old relationship and find the treasure amongst the ashes without getting burned.




She has no problem being with me, if we were to stop seeing each other it would be on my psychology, not hers. She absolutely loves me, romantically, friendly, she has it all for me. I don't know if she could possibly hold back from kissing me or any of that to try and be more of friends - it would take a lot from me to do this. And if we did leave or stop seeing each other, she would only be heart broke because she can't be the right one for me, and I don't want her to feel like that. She NEEDS me. Those are her words. She thinks I'm a God, she worships me, she craves me almost every hour of the day. It's as if I complete her. Yet I have this void in me for her sometimes, and I found the only way to get myself out of the negativity is to fill the void with... Well, myself. My own knowledge, but that gives no love, it gives peace, the stillness, not the active-moving love.


--------------------
I am up above all that I am down below..



Extras: Filter Print Post Top
InvisibleDisoRDeR
motional
 User Gallery


Registered: 08/29/02
Posts: 1,158
Loc: nonsensistan
Re: Love and mental breakdown.. I want help. [Re: Cursive]
    #14231101 - 04/03/11 01:08 PM (12 years, 10 months ago)

You've characterised your treatment of and general attitude towards her as quite negative and abusive, but outside of the immediate encounter you seem to care about her well being.

What are you getting out of this?  Why do you want to be with her?  Do you consider her engagement in this relationship to be healthy for her?  Because this...

Quote:

She NEEDS me. Those are her words. She thinks I'm a God, she worships me, she craves me almost every hour of the day. It's as if I complete her.



...doesn't sound very healthy to me.  But I'm a fairly independent person and I generally see attachment as something to be overcome.

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
OfflineCursive
I AM
Male User Gallery


Registered: 04/18/10
Posts: 376
Loc: Georgia, United States of... Flag
Last seen: 12 years, 3 months
Re: Love and mental breakdown.. I want help. [Re: DisoRDeR]
    #14231322 - 04/03/11 02:10 PM (12 years, 10 months ago)

Basically all I'm getting out of your responses is that if I continue this with her then I'm going to continue to remain unhappy, that there's no REAL change to offer. If that's the case, why does she love me yet my ability to love is gone?

What is there to gain from any relationship, besides attachment?

I feel like I can't even grow attached to her or love her period, that she's hogging it all and I wanna slap her for feeling that way all the time instead of acting like a normal person. And that makes me want to break away because of her deep attachment.

It's as if I want her to hate me so I can love her, so I do all the worst things I can and when I see that it doesn't work, that I only made her upset instead of mad, it makes me even more detached from her.


--------------------
I am up above all that I am down below..



Extras: Filter Print Post Top
OfflineSimms
Fuckwit
Male User Gallery

Registered: 11/17/08
Posts: 1,109
Loc: Somewhere in Europe
Last seen: 2 years, 7 months
Re: Love and mental breakdown.. I want help. [Re: Cursive]
    #14231468 - 04/03/11 02:54 PM (12 years, 10 months ago)

Quote:

Cursive said:
I don't know exactly where to begin. I'm not exactly me at the moment, you could call my presence the devil. For some reason, there's a strong attachment for being unattached to my girlfriend. I want to love her, but there's only a tiny sliver of love's light for me. She feels it so much it hurts her, but why can't I feel that? If she loves me, why don't I love her?

After certain subtle 'armaggeddons' with each other (so small theyre unnoticable) the ego in me takes a grip and dictates everything. I've never felt love for this girl, only resentment, regret, and everything else. Why? It's not like I did anything to make this happen... I just want to love her, but the closest I can get to that is me crying over the fact that I can't feel the love. Why do I have such a bitter mentality against her? Her psychology attracts similar people to her to make her go through the type of stuff i put her through - expressing my inner hatred for her.

I seriously want to know what's wrong with me, and every time I desire to snap out of it, like now, and just realize that I'm being self-centered, it has no effect on the way I feel and it makes me want to continue what I was just doing. I can't go on like this, I spent so much time and effort into trying to build a love for her but nothing seems to work.

I call her names, I get jealous when shes around other guys, I get pleasure from treating her poorly. This isn't love, so why does she love me?? It makes NO sense, and I can't figure out a way to express it and make it stick.

When I got back with her, I fell a bit farther away from God than I had initially expected. Don't get me wrong, I know my spiritual stuff, but what the fuck is love?? Why is it already chosen and unchangable? I thought love was transcendence and constant change, and the way ive felt about her has never changed. I always fall into the same exact patterns as if for no reason. As if she creates a bipolar disorder upon me at times without realizing.

I call her out for how imperfect she is and how unwilling I am to progress because of my present attitude. I'll feel bad, sit there and cry about how evil I am, beg for another chance inside myself, and it all clears. And then I picture her and - ...nothing. Why do I feel nothing. The spark is so small that I can't possibly feel anything even if that spark wanted to show me itself. I just want to live with her in love because I know she is right for me. God is also a major part of it. She doesn't love god as much as i do, she loves me more than god, and I wonder to myself how a person can love another person more than their grand creator?

Please if anybody out there has answers, be the light for my glimmer of hope.




Comfort is not always warm and cozy thing. Comfort is also any kind of security, even from ones own thoughts. People also have a need to be judged, as well as a need to be respected, which is also a form of judging. This is also comfort, seeing that someone is caring so much he/she is willing to take drastic measures.
Remember when you were kid, and did something bad, then your mother/father admonished you and you were angry. But deep down it gave you some comfort, that someone is judging what is wrong and what is right. Heck, that is probably the reason people invented God and turn to religion mid way through their lives even to this day!

From what I read, I can't really say if you love her or not, especially since love is very abstract undefined thing "out there" but she keeps your mind occupied and you in some level care about her, a lot. And somehow, she is the reflection of you, the judger of you. She does something that annoys you, you punish her, judge her, she gets annoyed, you feel bad, you have been judged and feel repulse, then you both forgive each other. It is sort of attention crave with ones actions. I can't say that this is ultimately the right, but it can't be wrong either. You both need some form of judgement, since you both seem uncertain and lack confidence, probably a reason why you search help and explanation in these forums right now.

In this point, concerning your relatiosnhip with this She, it is up to you to decide and make up your mind. Some people are meant to be alone. Some people are meant to have a partner. Maybe you are both meant to be alone until you don't need those drastic ways of judgement?

Maybe with your last post you answered your own question: what is there to be found in relationships besides attachment? Maybe that is the hint that there isn't anything found in relationships that satisfies you completely and it is better to search ones self, inner happiness? Find something that you love to do?


--------------------

Edited by Simms (04/03/11 03:01 PM)

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
InvisibleDisoRDeR
motional
 User Gallery


Registered: 08/29/02
Posts: 1,158
Loc: nonsensistan
Re: Love and mental breakdown.. I want help. [Re: Simms]
    #14235500 - 04/04/11 10:22 AM (12 years, 10 months ago)

Each of your responses helps in giving us a more accurate understanding of you and your relationship, yet my perspective may still be way off.  I can't claim to know you.

I have shared some of my experiences which could be relevant.  Given sufficient reflection, I appreciate all the turbulence of past relationships, as it has become the fodder for my self-learning and growth.  I'm trying to steer clear of direct advice and rather suggest that you take a good look at your actions and what is motivating them.

Quote:

What is there to gain from any relationship, besides attachment?




My analogy... People tie themselves together with razor wire and rubber bands.  We can catch another gently when they fall, spring them forward, play, give space and draw back together with great energy.  Or we can cut, restrict, control with fear, from fear.  There's bound to be a bit of one or both binding most of us, though it's hard to expand a rubber band 'round one with blades in their hands...


...*disclaimer*... this might be bs.

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Jump to top Pages: < Back | 1 | 2  [ show all ]

Shop: PhytoExtractum Maeng Da Thai Kratom Leaf Powder   Kraken Kratom Red Vein Kratom   North Spore North Spore Mushroom Grow Kits & Cultivation Supplies   Original Sensible Seeds Bulk Cannabis Seeds


Similar ThreadsPosterViewsRepliesLast post
* Love ViBrAnT 812 10 08/30/02 01:22 PM
by whiterastahippie
* ViBrAnT is dead...
( 1 2 3 4 5 all )
sTePpInGoNsToNeS 7,920 98 09/29/03 04:55 AM
by fireworks_god
* Remembering ViBrAnT Astrok 1,228 16 02/28/04 11:46 AM
by Astrok
* The BreakDown of Society
( 1 2 all )
Ego Death 1,914 20 08/21/03 12:33 AM
by whole9
* ViBrAnT's Obituary
( 1 2 all )
Earth_Droid 3,111 30 07/23/03 02:05 PM
by Azmodeus
* Path vs. Love the_Landotter 2,300 19 01/16/03 10:21 AM
by In(di)go
* Love Thy Enemy
( 1 2 3 4 5 6 all )
silversoul7 8,997 109 09/21/03 09:33 AM
by shakta
* Let's talk about love. Revelation 2,258 11 06/15/02 03:56 PM
by ctsbgx

Extra information
You cannot start new topics / You cannot reply to topics
HTML is disabled / BBCode is enabled
Moderator: Middleman, DividedQuantum
2,955 topic views. 1 members, 9 guests and 6 web crawlers are browsing this forum.
[ Show Images Only | Sort by Score | Print Topic ]
Search this thread:

Copyright 1997-2024 Mind Media. Some rights reserved.

Generated in 0.024 seconds spending 0.004 seconds on 13 queries.