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Anonymous #1

Love
    #14200868 - 03/28/11 10:28 PM (12 years, 10 months ago)

My girl asked me if I was "in love" with her today..my first & only girlfriend I have ever had. We been on & off for around 4 years or so. She is my first and only girl I have had intercourse with in my entire life. I know this sounds very lame but I am just trying to get some insight in regards to this dilemma. Anyways, I responded "I don't want to discuss this right now", which seems to me like a clear implication stating that I am perhaps in fact not "in love" with her anymore. However, she did not dwell on it for any extended period of time (to some extent). Furthermore, it has made me realized that am not "in love" with her anymore, and do indeed love her but I have long departed from being completely content with her..we often bicker and I have find myself attracted to nearly any female who is cute.

In fact, I often fantasize about falling in love with another girl and making love to her and sharing that blissful love connection. But I am rather bored with my current relationship. Although she is my first one and I could have possibly maintained this relationship if it were not for one thing. This would be of me finding out that during the major time period in which we were apart from each other (that is 'broken up') I learned that she started seeing the brother of a friend's g/f and that they were seeing each other frequently.

I foreshadowed the dreaded occurrence and eventually I found out what I most feared...she slept with that brother of my friend's girlfriend. Not only this, but the brother was also friends with my friend and they discussed details of the sexual encounter. My friend told me of it and the details were disgusting in terms of the context (e.g sexual activity, oral, etc.) It was also mentioned that he cummed in her mouth and she swallowed ([i]this is even more so heart-wrenching because she almost always refuses to swallow from me, her FIRST who took her virginity)[/i]. Keep in mind that I fell in complete love with this girl, she was my world. I know it's so cliche but it is what it us.This was a a great devastation for me and since then I just can't feel the same about her as before this occurred.

Is it stupid for me to feel this way, is it immature? Is it wrong that I now want to find another girl to share a connection with? I just want an outside perspective on this since mine would be evidently biased. Furthermore, the only thing that is currently keeping me in the relationship is primarily the sex, as shallow as that is. Also, I do not want to break it off because I don't want to hurt her. Although, would it hurt her more if I was truthful, and told her I don't feel the same and am accordingly not "in love" with her anymore? Or am I good in delaying the inevitable final "break-up"?

It took me a hell of a long time to get her back and to get comfortable enough to be intimate again. But even though it is a strong, emotional experience when we make love, it is just not the same knowing she is tainted as has been with another guy she didn't even date (I assumed they fucked several times because from what I know they saw each other for an extended period of time). Yet, it sometimes feels like she senses that I do not hold such strong feelings for her as before. Anyways, sorry for the long post, this is certainly one of the prominent problems in my life aside from not having any fucking idea as to what I would like to major in college. I would love to hear some worth while feedback regarding my current situation.
Thanks and I await your responses.
What should I do?
You may choose only one


Votes accepted from (03/28/11 10:28 PM) to (No end specified)
View the results of this poll



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Anonymous #2

Re: Love [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #14200968 - 03/28/11 10:47 PM (12 years, 10 months ago)

i didnt read everything but...  shes your first..  why let her be your last?  i tell ya..  if you feel attracted to all the cute girls, and the girl cheated on ya..  what if one of these girls actually came on to you?  i hope you would go for it!  she fucking cheated!!!  screw that cunt!  hang her from your nuts put space in between for sure imo..  you gotta "leave her hangin" man..  no commitment then give her a call and use her for poon every once and a while..  shes been using you this whole time right?  dont account for thoughts of what she might be doin or be jealous..  she will be trippin out like wtf just happened..  ignore her and only talk to her when YOU want..  if your not a total lamo you will find what your looking for..  sex isnt worth your pride..  and it feels so much better when you wear the pants..  fuck it..  maybe stay with her and cheat as much as you can..  if she breaks it off who cares..  theres more fish man... :thumbup:


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Anonymous #2

Re: Love [Re: Anonymous #2]
    #14201028 - 03/28/11 10:55 PM (12 years, 10 months ago)

you know what..  i just read the whole thing..  shes not worth it man..  do you deserve better?  sex aint worth shit..  id start ignoring her and making her think your cheating in some way.. display the symptoms and tell her you are out.. no tears nothin be ice cold..  shell still want you most likely if she says she loves you or whatever..  she dont deserve your love man...  find your new chick...  you need some new booty..


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Anonymous #1

Re: Love [Re: Anonymous #2]
    #14201109 - 03/28/11 11:07 PM (12 years, 10 months ago)

Quote:

Anonymous said:
you know what..  i just read the whole thing..  shes not worth it man..  do you deserve better?  sex aint worth shit..  id start ignoring her and making her think your cheating in some way.. display the symptoms and tell her you are out.. no tears nothin be ice cold..  shell still want you most likely if she says she loves you or whatever..  she dont deserve your love man...  find your new chick...  you need some new booty..




  Yeah, that's what I'm leaning towards man. Although, it is gonna be quite the hassle and wait until I can with another girl.


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Anonymous #2

Re: Love [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #14201295 - 03/28/11 11:33 PM (12 years, 10 months ago)

its all good man..  when i broke up with my last girl she had me tied down more than i knew..  always checkin in and getting yelled and bitched at for stupid fucking bullshit..  and whatdya know..  in 2 weeks i got my nuts off on another chick just by random chance no strings..  and never talked to her again..  man that felt good you dont even know..  if you dont think about it and enjoy your freedom youll be fine..  what most guys dont realize is you dont "need" pussy..  thats the ultimate fail dude..  girls want a guy that dont need it anyways right?  ill never put it on a pedestool again but i admit i once did and ill never do it again looking back on it..  i hope you figure it out soon..  i truly believe its like the right of passage that every real man must go thru..  trust me..  one day your gonna look back on this and LOL..


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OfflineGrok
Has Been a Bad Boy
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Registered: 12/03/03
Posts: 1,262
Loc: Greener Pastures Flag
Last seen: 9 years, 4 months
Re: Love [Re: Anonymous #2]
    #14201516 - 03/29/11 12:19 AM (12 years, 10 months ago)

Anon 2 is on the money. Break up with this chick. Eventually you'll look back and see that you were overthinking the situation when the decision to make was quite obvious. It can be hard to face the truth of a what a relationship has become, especially if it's you're first. What you describe reminds me a lot of my first relationship, and in retrospect I would have been better off if it ended a lot sooner. There's a lot out there and no need to settle for something you know you're not into anymore. The sooner the better too. You'll get over it, trust me. Clock's tickin!


--------------------
Entropy is increasing.
To send me a PM, go to my journal


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InvisibleD.C
#cultivation addict
Registered: 12/15/10
Posts: 38
Re: Love [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #14201883 - 03/29/11 01:55 AM (12 years, 10 months ago)

Quote:

Anonymous said:
My girl asked me if I was "in love" with her today.
(...)
realized that (I) am not "in love" with her anymore




Sounds like you have that answer.

Quote:

Anonymous said:
Also, I do not want to break it off because I don't want to hurt her. Although, would it hurt her more if I was truthful, and told her I don't feel the same and am accordingly not "in love" with her anymore? Or am I good in delaying the inevitable final "break-up"?




No, don't delay it. Being told the truth hurts. Being lied to hurts worse. All things are eventually made known, and if you still care about her, you'll be wise to avoid the "yeah, I'm just keeping you around for sex" bomb from being dropped on her.

If neither of those thoughts are compelling...

Quote:

Anonymous said:
In fact, I often fantasize about falling in love with another girl and making love to her and sharing that blissful love connection.




Then do it. It'll take a bit, and it'll be really scary since you've only done it once and that was years ago. You honestly don't remember what it was like. You think you do, but you don't. You'll definitely get rejected along the way. You'll probably have a time when you think you found it but it doesn't work out. Then you'll hit it, and it'll be abso-fucking-lutely fantastic. And that'll be way way better than being stuck in a relationship you've already said is boring just so you can have sex.


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InvisibleTTT
Cultivate the inside
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Registered: 08/07/06
Posts: 4,340
Re: Love [Re: D.C]
    #14202764 - 03/29/11 09:05 AM (12 years, 9 months ago)

Anon 2 is a jack-ass. However, its quite obvious you need to break up with your girlfriend since her cheating on you really fucked with your head.

I am assuming you are young. There are millions of people, of course you'll find another to love.


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Anonymous #1

Re: Love [Re: TTT]
    #14203692 - 03/29/11 01:13 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

Quote:

TTT said:
Anon 2 is a jack-ass. However, its quite obvious you need to break up with your girlfriend since her cheating on you really fucked with your head.

I am assuming you are young. There are millions of people, of course you'll find another to love.




Well, technically it wasn't 'cheating' per say. We were 'broken up' during that time period. But yes, I will begin the process as soon as possible. It's just so hard for me to talk to girls, which is probably the reason I'm still with her...in due time I guess. :feelsbadman:


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InvisibleKid_Orgo
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Registered: 09/24/03
Posts: 5,514
Loc: Hale-Bopp
Re: Love [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #14203734 - 03/29/11 01:20 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

Quote:

Anonymous said:
I have long departed from being completely content with her..we often bicker and I have find myself attracted to nearly any female who is cute.




In reference to quote above:

I love my girl as much as any man could, but I'm still attracted to other people.

Being a man and harboring a desire to fuck anything with a pulse (or, failing that, anything that hasn't gotten completely cold yet) is normal to my way of thinking, no matter who you're with.

The point is that I don't do it.

That's commitment.

If it's at the point where you're fantasizing about relationships with these people, it's probably a sign your love for her or your mental discipline are fucked. :shrug:

Quote:

the major time period in which we were apart from each other (that is 'broken up') I learned that she started seeing the brother of a friend's g/f and that they were seeing each other frequently.





If you're broken up, you don't have a say in what she does.

It's not a betrayal.


Quote:


My friend told me of it and the details were disgusting in terms of the context (e.g sexual activity, oral, etc.) It was also mentioned that he cummed in her mouth




Why the hell would you let yourself hear about this?



--------------------
He was a cowboy in one of the seven days a week fights. No business, no hangout; no friends, nothing; just what you pick up and what you need.


Edited by Kid_Orgo (03/29/11 01:28 PM)


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OfflineDave Soderberg
Stranger

Registered: 01/03/11
Posts: 76
Last seen: 12 years, 5 months
Re: Love [Re: Kid_Orgo]
    #14207767 - 03/30/11 03:50 AM (12 years, 9 months ago)

Listen to kid_orgo he makes sense of it all

If you are fantasizing about other women sexually it is normal

If you are fantasizing about having a relationship with someone else, you should move on.


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Anonymous #2

Re: Love [Re: Dave Soderberg]
    #14208440 - 03/30/11 09:20 AM (12 years, 9 months ago)

that girl is trash...  trust me..  plus shes your FIRST.. you will feel awesome once you find a new chick..  new relationships feel great!


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Anonymous #3

Re: Love [Re: Anonymous #2]
    #14208548 - 03/30/11 09:53 AM (12 years, 9 months ago)

ANGER AND PREPOSITIONAL PHRASES!!!!!!


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Anonymous #1

Re: Love [Re: Kid_Orgo]
    #14209070 - 03/30/11 11:37 AM (12 years, 9 months ago)

Quote:

the major time period in which we were apart from each other (that is 'broken up') I learned that she started seeing the brother of a friend's g/f and that they were seeing each other frequently.





If you're broken up, you don't have a say in what she does.

It's not a betrayal.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
      I never said it was betrayal, I just said our now current relationship has not felt the same ever since I found out she has slept with another person. I am well aware that I had absolutely no control over her actions when we were broken up.

Quote:


My friend told me of it and the details were disgusting in terms of the context (e.g sexual activity, oral, etc.) It was also mentioned that he cummed in her mouth




Why the hell would you let yourself hear about this?





------------------------------------------------------------
  It was in an aim conversation and it just happened really fast. He told me that they fucked and quickly told me the nasty details. I'm not sure whether it was a good thing that I found out, maybe ignorance would have been bliss in this case because it certainly feels like it has tainted the relationship.


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Anonymous #1

Re: Love [Re: Anonymous #2]
    #14209088 - 03/30/11 11:40 AM (12 years, 9 months ago)

Quote:

Anonymous said:
that girl is trash...  trust me..  plus shes your FIRST.. you will feel awesome once you find a new chick..  new relationships feel great!




Yeah, her being my first makes this situation hard. I don't want to break up with her because of that special 'first' connection, HOWEVER IT HAS BEEN TAINTED WITH HER FUCKING SOMEONE ELSE, and furthermore I am yearning something new and fresh, I can't even imagine how amazing another relationship will feel since I've only been with ONE girl my entire life.


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InvisibleKid_Orgo
 User Gallery


Registered: 09/24/03
Posts: 5,514
Loc: Hale-Bopp
Re: Love [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #14211204 - 03/30/11 06:36 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

Quote:

Anonymous said:
I never said it was betrayal, I just said our now current relationship has not felt the same ever since I found out she has slept with another person.





Eeeeh.

You sound betrayed, talking about the relationship being "tainted" in all caps, and you sound like you blame her on some barely hidden layer. Hidden enough to deny it, maybe. 

And your friend is pretty inconsiderate, then. I wouldn't tell a buddy if their ex was fucking someone else unless they asked, let alone start telling him who came where. That's pretty unkind.

By the way, you need both opening and closing quote tags to make the quotes show up. Highlight what you want to quote and hit the icon for it and it'll show you what it is. I normally wouldn't embarrass you by telling you this outside of a PM, but you're anon so I can't PM you.


--------------------
He was a cowboy in one of the seven days a week fights. No business, no hangout; no friends, nothing; just what you pick up and what you need.


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Anonymous #1

Re: Love [Re: Kid_Orgo]
    #14211551 - 03/30/11 07:37 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

Quote:

Kid_Orgo said:
Quote:

Anonymous said:
I never said it was betrayal, I just said our now current relationship has not felt the same ever since I found out she has slept with another person.





Eeeeh.

You sound betrayed, talking about the relationship being "tainted" in all caps, and you sound like you blame her on some barely hidden layer. Hidden enough to deny it, maybe. 

And your friend is pretty inconsiderate, then. I wouldn't tell a buddy if their ex was fucking someone else unless they asked, let alone start telling him who came where. That's pretty unkind.

By the way, you need both opening and closing quote tags to make the quotes show up. Highlight what you want to quote and hit the icon for it and it'll show you what it is. I normally wouldn't embarrass you by telling you this outside of a PM, but you're anon so I can't PM you.




Well, I felt betrayed in the sense that she would go off and just fuck someone else just like that. I mean, they didn't even date, just hung out and fucked. It makes me doubt how much she truly loved me.


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InvisibleKid_Orgo
 User Gallery


Registered: 09/24/03
Posts: 5,514
Loc: Hale-Bopp
Re: Love [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #14211675 - 03/30/11 08:02 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

I mean, if I broke up with my girl I'd want some cheer-up sex. Maybe she was lonely and hurt.

Also: you'd probably feel worse if she moved in with a new serious boyfriend as quickly.


--------------------
He was a cowboy in one of the seven days a week fights. No business, no hangout; no friends, nothing; just what you pick up and what you need.


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InvisibleautomanM
blasted chipmunk
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Registered: 09/18/03
Posts: 8,272
Re: Love [Re: Kid_Orgo]
    #14211853 - 03/30/11 08:34 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

K_O is giving awesome advice.

:yesnod:


--------------------
No, no, you're not thinking, you're just being logical. ~ Niels Bohr


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Anonymous #2

Re: Love [Re: automan]
    #14211906 - 03/30/11 08:47 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

dude if you have to ask this...  if you stay with her youll be miserable...  IMO...  been there..  if these things bother you they bother YOU..  and nothing could change that really..  hay KO have you ever had a girlfriend? :facepalm3:  my first relationship lasted 3 years..  i was in complete love with the girl and would give her anything..  at first..  pretty much the same thing happened to me as is happening here with anon1..  and i tell you ive had other relationships since..  and im single now.. and theres nothing wrong with that..  and now i know how things work in relationships and how things dont work..  once your unhappy theres really no going back IME..  the shine dulls and the fights start and the bitching and the chick grabs you by the balls and you feel like shit..  i know now that i will break it off before this happens..  i am yet to find a girl marriage worthy but at this point its not what im looking for.. im in my mid 20's..  i just want a cool chick to chill with..  when its not cool to chill anymore its just not cool..  no use "dragging on"  once the wheels fall off.. :nonono:


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