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OfflinePsych-Trek
The Next Intoxication


Registered: 03/23/11
Posts: 28
Last seen: 12 years, 8 months
Why couldn't I just let go?
    #14198251 - 03/28/11 02:38 PM (12 years, 11 months ago)

So last night I had the most profound spiritual experience with hallucinogens I've had so far. I took 13 HBW seeds and 500 mg of DXM. The DXM came on quicker than I expected, but the HBWS quickly caught up. Despite taking an anti motion-sickness pill, I still felt nauseated. After a while I had a feeling to vomit, but it was somehow more than that. I new it was my ego that needed to be purged, so I went to the toilet to try and purge myself, but couldn't. I tried again a little later but still couldn't, so to help with the nausea I forced myself to vomit, but still didn't let go of my ego. I kept telling myself "Let go! Everything is going to be fine! Just let go!"
  I laid down, the urge to vomit was gone, but was replaced with a new urge to let go of myself, to give control over to the universe. I could feel my ego trying to jump out of my chest, like it had to fly away.  I was petting my arm and talking to my ego like it was a kitty saying "Kitty (ego) dosen't have to go if kitty doesn't want to" over and over again. I even tried to cut the strings of my ego my going through all my arrogant habits and admitting to myself that I am wrong.

All in all I wasn't able to let go, truly let go. As much as I wanted to. I couldn't give myself up. But I have an understanding now about myself, and maybe I'll be able to let go next time.

Sorry about the long rant, feel free to not read :heart:


--------------------
"Space is big. Really big. You just won't believe how vastly, hugely, mindbogglingly big it is. I mean, you may think it's a long way down the road to the chemist's, but that's just peanuts to space"
-Douglas Adams

"Men of broader intellect know that there is no sharp distinction betwixt the real and the unreal"
-H.P. Lovecraft

"And now here's something we hope you'll really like!"
-Talking Squirrel :crazy2:

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Offlinestranger_danger
psychonaut
Male


Registered: 02/24/11
Posts: 1,738
Loc: somewhere around here
Last seen: 10 years, 8 months
Re: Why couldn't I just let go? [Re: Psych-Trek]
    #14198261 - 03/28/11 02:41 PM (12 years, 11 months ago)

im having a hard time with the connection between puking and getting rid of your ego..?

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OfflinePsych-Trek
The Next Intoxication


Registered: 03/23/11
Posts: 28
Last seen: 12 years, 8 months
Re: Why couldn't I just let go? [Re: stranger_danger]
    #14198290 - 03/28/11 02:49 PM (12 years, 11 months ago)

Quote:

stranger_danger said:
im having a hard time with the connection between puking and getting rid of your ego..?



It doesn't really have much to do with each other, just at first I thought it might be the way to let go, kinda like the purging that shamans mention with ayahuasca. I've read a couple of trip reports about it and thought it would help.

Also I was tripping, how much sense is it really supposed to make? :grin:


--------------------
"Space is big. Really big. You just won't believe how vastly, hugely, mindbogglingly big it is. I mean, you may think it's a long way down the road to the chemist's, but that's just peanuts to space"
-Douglas Adams

"Men of broader intellect know that there is no sharp distinction betwixt the real and the unreal"
-H.P. Lovecraft

"And now here's something we hope you'll really like!"
-Talking Squirrel :crazy2:

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Offlinestranger_danger
psychonaut
Male


Registered: 02/24/11
Posts: 1,738
Loc: somewhere around here
Last seen: 10 years, 8 months
Re: Why couldn't I just let go? [Re: Psych-Trek] * 1
    #14198311 - 03/28/11 02:54 PM (12 years, 11 months ago)

to me when i think of purging in a shamanistic since i think of fasting, personal sacrifice, personal journey, determination, and an open mind....

if you are really looking to break your ego, try a hero dose of cubes.... or ayahuasca/pharmauasca.... but if you want it to be real in a shamanistic since.... try fasting for a day or 2 before you trip.. do something productive involving lots of manual labor (set up a garden by hand, build something)... make yourself feel as though you have EARNED the trip.. then blast off as hard as you can (while keeping your safety in mind) and watch your ego melt off.

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OfflinePsych-Trek
The Next Intoxication


Registered: 03/23/11
Posts: 28
Last seen: 12 years, 8 months
Re: Why couldn't I just let go? [Re: stranger_danger]
    #14198342 - 03/28/11 03:00 PM (12 years, 11 months ago)

I was thinking of trying ayahuasca in the near future. But I might also try the hard work thing as well, thanks :cool:


--------------------
"Space is big. Really big. You just won't believe how vastly, hugely, mindbogglingly big it is. I mean, you may think it's a long way down the road to the chemist's, but that's just peanuts to space"
-Douglas Adams

"Men of broader intellect know that there is no sharp distinction betwixt the real and the unreal"
-H.P. Lovecraft

"And now here's something we hope you'll really like!"
-Talking Squirrel :crazy2:

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Offlinestranger_danger
psychonaut
Male


Registered: 02/24/11
Posts: 1,738
Loc: somewhere around here
Last seen: 10 years, 8 months
Re: Why couldn't I just let go? [Re: Psych-Trek]
    #14198361 - 03/28/11 03:06 PM (12 years, 11 months ago)

if u do try ayahuasca please at least consider an experienced sober sitter that has your best interest in mind and is stronger than you...

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OfflineMrPeanutButta
Stranger

Registered: 04/29/10
Posts: 643
Last seen: 5 years, 8 months
Re: Why couldn't I just let go? [Re: stranger_danger]
    #14198389 - 03/28/11 03:13 PM (12 years, 11 months ago)

IMO, use non synthetic means of achieving the results you are after. As stated above, go for some cubes....maybe 7 grams.

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OfflineCynosure
allow me to be your guide.
 User Gallery

Registered: 10/06/09
Posts: 4,228
Last seen: 1 year, 20 days
Re: Why couldn't I just let go? [Re: MrPeanutButta] * 2
    #14198398 - 03/28/11 03:16 PM (12 years, 11 months ago)

You won't be able to let go until you relinquish the want to let go.  Wanting and forcing yourself to let go is only giving you one more thing to grasp onto.

It's happened to me before.  Instead of forcing yourself to let go, just be.  Try meditating, focusing on the visuals, or absorbing yourself in some sort of activity (mine is usually thinking about philosophical/psychological concepts-sometimes I draw or dance).


--------------------
"You can peel it [language] off the ceiling and make it dance in front of you" - McKenna

<3 .

Edited by Cynosure (03/28/11 03:29 PM)

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Offlinemicrodotty
Pro darts player!


Registered: 03/01/11 Happy 13th Shroomiversary!
Posts: 1,670
Loc: England Flag
Last seen: 6 years, 11 months
Re: Why couldn't I just let go? [Re: Cynosure]
    #14198414 - 03/28/11 03:23 PM (12 years, 11 months ago)

Maybe your ego did'nt want to let go of you!
Everybody has an ego. Mine's just bigger...
and better!!
you know you got a big ego when you tape yourself masturbating and then you masturbate to your own video. :thumbup:

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Invisibleeveryman
The Rza-rector
Male


Registered: 07/01/10
Posts: 386
Re: Why couldn't I just let go? [Re: microdotty]
    #14198617 - 03/28/11 04:12 PM (12 years, 11 months ago)

Quote:

microdotty said:
Maybe your ego did'nt want to let go of you!
Everybody has an ego. Mine's just bigger...
and better!!
you know you got a big ego when you tape yourself masturbating and then you masturbate to your own video. :thumbup:



:dudewtf:


--------------------

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Offlinemicrodotty
Pro darts player!


Registered: 03/01/11 Happy 13th Shroomiversary!
Posts: 1,670
Loc: England Flag
Last seen: 6 years, 11 months
Re: Why couldn't I just let go? [Re: everyman]
    #14198704 - 03/28/11 04:27 PM (12 years, 11 months ago)

Quote:

everyman said:
Quote:

microdotty said:
Maybe your ego did'nt want to let go of you!
Everybody has an ego. Mine's just bigger...
and better!!
you know you got a big ego when you tape yourself masturbating and then you masturbate to your own video. :thumbup:



:dudewtf:



:ahahaha:

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OfflineLunaria
Stranger
Registered: 03/25/11
Posts: 56
Last seen: 11 years, 7 months
Re: Why couldn't I just let go? [Re: Psych-Trek]
    #14198813 - 03/28/11 04:50 PM (12 years, 11 months ago)

Don't force it. You say you told your ego it didn't have to go if it didn't want to, but you continued to try to make it. When the times come, it'll happen.

Quote:

Psych-Trek said:
Sorry about the long rant, feel free to not read :heart:




By the way, this doesn't work as the last sentence lol.

Quote:

microdotty said:
Maybe your ego did'nt want to let go of you!
Everybody has an ego. Mine's just bigger...
and better!!
you know you got a big ego when you tape yourself masturbating and then you masturbate to your own video. :thumbup:




I lol'd. There's nothing wrong with a little self love, you're just taking it above and beyond expectations.  :awesomenod:
...
:awewtf:

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