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XUL
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Registered: 03/16/05
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Im a fool!!! A damn FOOL!
#14197396 - 03/28/11 11:44 AM (12 years, 10 months ago) |
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I got this good looking girl on my plate. She makes 60,000 a year, shes fun, shes nice, we have alot in common, she loves fitness and she likes me!! What else could I possibly look for? Yet I still write letters to my ex girlfriend and she still never replies.
Im not in pain anymore nor am I depressed. After all the pain and sadness washed away I realized that its been 7 months and I STILL love the girl who shat on my heart. Why??
I continue to see this new girl because... well. I know deep down she is really nice but on the other hand im still in love with my ex. How the hell do I get myself in situations like this! lol.
People keep telling me that I need to date girls in order to get over my ex. Well, thats exactly what im doing and I have not forgotten her one bit.
What is a guy supposed to do? Its so hard for me to quit trying for my ex. We shared a relationship that was so heart warming. She was my toast and I hers. I loved the toast as it tasted so good. I even loved the black burnt crumbs and every imperfection. I loved to see her sweet face in the morning, I loved her without makeup, without fancy cloths, and even in the morning when she would roll over and kiss me with her dragon breath! How do I turn my back on that?
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Anonymous #1
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Re: Im a fool!!! A damn FOOL! [Re: XUL]
#14197488 - 03/28/11 12:05 PM (12 years, 10 months ago) |
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Best advice - true love hurts. And it takes in my experience a LONG time to get over true love. But thats life. You just have to do it.
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yogabunny
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Registered: 11/01/09
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Re: Im a fool!!! A damn FOOL! [Re: XUL]
#14198022 - 03/28/11 01:49 PM (12 years, 10 months ago) |
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we want what we can't have?
curious what happened with the ex girl....
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XUL
OTD Janitor



Registered: 03/16/05
Posts: 28,261
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Re: Im a fool!!! A damn FOOL! [Re: yogabunny]
#14198107 - 03/28/11 02:05 PM (12 years, 10 months ago) |
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Quote:
yogabunny said: we want what we can't have?
curious what happened with the ex girl....
I am not even entirely sure what happened. We were in the midst of hot, romantic, passionate love and then BAM she decided to leave me.
She kept hinting to me how bad she wanted to marry me. She even had our whole wedding planned and she told me the kind of rings she liked. I picked her out the most beautifull ring, bought it and payed for a room on the outerbanks where I was going to propose to her on the beach. A week before we were supposed to leave for the beach she left me.
I dont know really why. She started melting down over the summer when we were apart. She couldnt hear me very well over phone calls and got really annoyed because of it. She started hanging up on me because she would get bitchy and have a fit. Eventually it started to irritate me and twice I went to see her and try to fix things. The second time she left me. She said I was pushy, and she couldnt try anymore. Meh..
sex was an issue too. She also was a kinky sex freak like me. She started changing though. She began to tell me sex was not as important to her which is fine. But she would lead me on, let me get hot, then tell me she wasnt in the mood.
The bitch played with me alot. She even admitted to toying with me.
And she also told me when we first started dating that she had a terrible habit of eventually pushing her lovers away after so long. I didnt listen. I should have.
meh! meh. ah.
Yet im here writting letters to her.
bah.
End
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yogabunny
fancy cat



Registered: 11/01/09
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Re: Im a fool!!! A damn FOOL! [Re: XUL]
#14198236 - 03/28/11 02:34 PM (12 years, 10 months ago) |
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she sounds very manipulative and you're probably going to keep getting more of the same if you continue to pursue her/let your thoughts dwell upon her.
i think it's probably not fair to keep leading the other girl on if you still have such feelings for your ex.
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Complexicated
Super Eyes Surprise



Registered: 02/12/11
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Re: Im a fool!!! A damn FOOL! [Re: XUL]
#14198526 - 03/28/11 03:49 PM (12 years, 10 months ago) |
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Your ex knows she can have you any time she wants and that's why she stopped trying. You are no longer a challenge to her so she's lost all interest in you and she's probably out looking for a new challenge. That's how most women work at least. They enjoy the hunt much more than the kill.
I bet if you stop writing letters and completely ignore her she'll come back around. It's almost guaranteed.
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XUL
OTD Janitor



Registered: 03/16/05
Posts: 28,261
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Quote:
Complexicated said: Your ex knows she can have you any time she wants and that's why she stopped trying. You are no longer a challenge to her so she's lost all interest in you and she's probably out looking for a new challenge. That's how most women work at least. They enjoy the hunt much more than the kill.
I bet if you stop writing letters and completely ignore her she'll come back around. It's almost guaranteed.
I dont know about that. I think she is just a bitch to be honest.
When I was with her I know that her ex boy of 2 years ignored her for months then called her one day and tried to get her back. She wouldnt have it because she was with me. She also left somone to be with me too. Heh.. I guess that says alot right there.
She may just be a player.
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yogabunny
fancy cat



Registered: 11/01/09
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Re: Im a fool!!! A damn FOOL! [Re: XUL]
#14199587 - 03/28/11 07:27 PM (12 years, 10 months ago) |
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classic. would i be right in guessing that she's 19-22 years old? probably has major issues that relate to how she grew up that have lead to a lack of self-esteem and confidence. she hops from one relationship to the next because she feeds off the attention of a new guy and the magic energy of a new relationship. feeling that connection fulfills her and makes her happy and when it starts to dwindle, as it does, she seeks it anew.
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Cyclohexylamine
Turn on, Tune in, Drop out



Registered: 09/08/10
Posts: 14,327
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Re: Im a fool!!! A damn FOOL! [Re: yogabunny]
#14200985 - 03/28/11 10:49 PM (12 years, 10 months ago) |
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Quote:
yogabunny said: classic. would i be right in guessing that she's 19-22 years old? probably has major issues that relate to how she grew up that have lead to a lack of self-esteem and confidence. she hops from one relationship to the next because she feeds off the attention of a new guy and the magic energy of a new relationship. feeling that connection fulfills her and makes her happy and when it starts to dwindle, as it does, she seeks it anew.
This. And if you ignore her she will come back. However its best to completely cut it off and not look back, not let her come back.
-------------------- Yes this is tymo - I just changed my name Have you ever had a dream that you were so sure was real? What if you were unable to awake from that dream? How would you know the difference between that dream world and the real world? There is NOTHING better than feeling that warm dissociative fuzz creeping up your body from IM K Something abut that anaesthetic rush... Qualitative Research Chemical Effects and Experiences The Wonderful World of Methoxetamine The 3-Meo-PCP Chapters, Part One
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XUL
OTD Janitor



Registered: 03/16/05
Posts: 28,261
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Last seen: 4 years, 2 months
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Re: Im a fool!!! A damn FOOL! [Re: yogabunny]
#14201501 - 03/29/11 12:15 AM (12 years, 10 months ago) |
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Quote:
yogabunny said: classic. would i be right in guessing that she's 19-22 years old? probably has major issues that relate to how she grew up that have lead to a lack of self-esteem and confidence. she hops from one relationship to the next because she feeds off the attention of a new guy and the magic energy of a new relationship. feeling that connection fulfills her and makes her happy and when it starts to dwindle, as it does, she seeks it anew.
WOW!
Downright fucking ........WOw...................
She is 22. She has low self esteem because of her weight. Her father was a drunk and a shity father during her childhood. She thrives on romance novels.
How the hell did you? How did you call that?
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D.C
#cultivation addict
Registered: 12/15/10
Posts: 38
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Re: Im a fool!!! A damn FOOL! [Re: XUL]
#14201915 - 03/29/11 02:03 AM (12 years, 10 months ago) |
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Quote:
XUL said: How the hell did you? How did you call that?
When you've dated one, you recognize them. I'm willing to bet that both yogabunny and tymoteusz3 have one of those girls in their past. Spot on with my ex, except her mom was the drunk.
That being said, I'm gonna disagree with them on one point... I wouldn't hold any hope on her coming back if you ignore her. I wouldn't have any expectation of her coming back at all. I tried that with mine, it didn't work, and I was even more crushed because of it. Those kind of relationships are delightful while you're in them, but they fucking KILL on the way out.
Dating her definitely helped me decide that I don't want to find some person with a missing piece that I fit and complete her. I want a woman who's already complete, already happy. Then we can both be complete and happy together.
(P.S. XUL, was she also a redhead? )
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Cyclohexylamine
Turn on, Tune in, Drop out



Registered: 09/08/10
Posts: 14,327
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Re: Im a fool!!! A damn FOOL! [Re: D.C]
#14202272 - 03/29/11 04:26 AM (12 years, 10 months ago) |
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Quote:
D.C said:
Quote:
XUL said: How the hell did you? How did you call that?
When you've dated one, you recognize them. I'm willing to bet that both yogabunny and tymoteusz3 have one of those girls in their past. Spot on with my ex, except her mom was the drunk.
That being said, I'm gonna disagree with them on one point... I wouldn't hold any hope on her coming back if you ignore her. I wouldn't have any expectation of her coming back at all. I tried that with mine, it didn't work, and I was even more crushed because of it.
(P.S. XUL, was she also a redhead? )
Don't know about yogabunny but yeah I had a girl friend like that. Its sad because its because of the fucked up child hood they have had, they are so messed up. But as I realized its not your responsibility to "fix" or take care of the issues, you deserve a normal relationship. And once you find a girl who is complete, you will be surprised how amazing it can actually be.
But in my experience (dated 2 like that, didn't learn the first time lol) they kept coming back. But I would NOT count on them coming back. That is not fair to you. Just cut all ties and don't look back.
Quote:
Those kind of relationships are delightful while you're in them, but they fucking KILL on the way out.
Dating her definitely helped me decide that I don't want to find some person with a missing piece that I fit and complete her. I want a woman who's already complete, already happy. Then we can both be complete and happy together.
QFT. Because she has that missing piece, it makes a crazy fucking connection. But because of that it always ends in hurt.
-------------------- Yes this is tymo - I just changed my name Have you ever had a dream that you were so sure was real? What if you were unable to awake from that dream? How would you know the difference between that dream world and the real world? There is NOTHING better than feeling that warm dissociative fuzz creeping up your body from IM K Something abut that anaesthetic rush... Qualitative Research Chemical Effects and Experiences The Wonderful World of Methoxetamine The 3-Meo-PCP Chapters, Part One
Edited by Cyclohexylamine (03/29/11 04:27 AM)
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yogabunny
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Registered: 11/01/09
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Re: Im a fool!!! A damn FOOL! [Re: D.C]
#14202812 - 03/29/11 09:24 AM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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Quote:
XUL said:
Quote:
yogabunny said: classic. would i be right in guessing that she's 19-22 years old? probably has major issues that relate to how she grew up that have lead to a lack of self-esteem and confidence. she hops from one relationship to the next because she feeds off the attention of a new guy and the magic energy of a new relationship. feeling that connection fulfills her and makes her happy and when it starts to dwindle, as it does, she seeks it anew.
WOW!
Downright fucking ........WOw...................
She is 22. She has low self esteem because of her weight. Her father was a drunk and a shity father during her childhood. She thrives on romance novels.
How the hell did you? How did you call that?
cuz i used to be that girl. she's got A LOT of growing up to do, and the best option for you is to let her go completely and move on.
do you really want to be with someone that, in order to get their attention, you must IGNORE. these are silly games and child's play and if you continue to pursue her you are going to continue to get hurt. the choice is yours.
Quote:
D.C said:
That being said, I'm gonna disagree with them on one point... I wouldn't hold any hope on her coming back if you ignore her. I wouldn't have any expectation of her coming back at all. I tried that with mine, it didn't work, and I was even more crushed because of it. Those kind of relationships are delightful while you're in them, but they fucking KILL on the way out.
i think you must have misunderstood me, because i completely agree with you on this.
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TTT
Cultivate the inside


Registered: 08/07/06
Posts: 4,340
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Re: Im a fool!!! A damn FOOL! [Re: yogabunny]
#14202831 - 03/29/11 09:30 AM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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I don't think its all games, yoga. Some men are able to see through that kind of manipulation and call a girl out on it. Being someone like that, I bet you anything thats what she wants. She doesn't want to get away with things, she wants someone to call her out on it. Guys can be too easy and just cave in when they like a girl and let her do whatever. Not all girls like that.
I'm not saying she doesn't have issues to grow out of, but there are other people that may be better equipped to call her out on her shit and maybe not stand for it and leave her.
I've just decided not to look for a relationship until I find someone that can see through what I do. I tend to value the traits of people that notice that kind of behavior and not hate on someone for it.
Edited by TTT (03/29/11 09:31 AM)
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yogabunny
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Registered: 11/01/09
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Re: Im a fool!!! A damn FOOL! [Re: TTT]
#14202908 - 03/29/11 09:53 AM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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Quote:
TTT said: I don't think its all games, yoga. Some men are able to see through that kind of manipulation and call a girl out on it. Being someone like that, I bet you anything thats what she wants. She doesn't want to get away with things, she wants someone to call her out on it. Guys can be too easy and just cave in when they like a girl and let her do whatever. Not all girls like that.
i do see what you're saying but i the notion of needing someone to ignore you and manipulate you for you to want to be with them, is kind of twisted. i consider that game playing, and i personally don't think relationships should involve so much calculated deception and manipulation. i think they should be about two beings being completely their beautiful selves, evolving and growing together and as individuals. all of what you describe sounds like what happens in co-dependent relationships where one person is more in love than the other.
the person you describe who "doesn't want to get away with things" sounds like a child who needs a parent, not an adult human being who wants a lover/partner.
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XUL
OTD Janitor



Registered: 03/16/05
Posts: 28,261
Loc: America
Last seen: 4 years, 2 months
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Re: Im a fool!!! A damn FOOL! [Re: D.C]
#14203003 - 03/29/11 10:24 AM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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Quote:
D.C said:
Quote:
XUL said: How the hell did you? How did you call that?
When you've dated one, you recognize them. I'm willing to bet that both yogabunny and tymoteusz3 have one of those girls in their past. Spot on with my ex, except her mom was the drunk.
That being said, I'm gonna disagree with them on one point... I wouldn't hold any hope on her coming back if you ignore her. I wouldn't have any expectation of her coming back at all. I tried that with mine, it didn't work, and I was even more crushed because of it. Those kind of relationships are delightful while you're in them, but they fucking KILL on the way out.
Dating her definitely helped me decide that I don't want to find some person with a missing piece that I fit and complete her. I want a woman who's already complete, already happy. Then we can both be complete and happy together.
(P.S. XUL, was she also a redhead? )
She was a brunette.
All of your posts actually made a difference to me.
She made me feel like I was a piece of shit and told me that I wrong about most everything. For the past 7 months I have been feeling guilty and bad about myself for letting her down.... but I think that I am starting to look at things a little differently now. It was not my fault. I was not the one melting down. She was. I treated her right and its her loss.

I appreciate your replies. Thanks everyone!!!
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yogabunny
fancy cat



Registered: 11/01/09
Posts: 11,281
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Re: Im a fool!!! A damn FOOL! [Re: XUL]
#14203006 - 03/29/11 10:25 AM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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Quote:
XUL said:
Quote:
D.C said:
Quote:
XUL said: How the hell did you? How did you call that?
When you've dated one, you recognize them. I'm willing to bet that both yogabunny and tymoteusz3 have one of those girls in their past. Spot on with my ex, except her mom was the drunk.
That being said, I'm gonna disagree with them on one point... I wouldn't hold any hope on her coming back if you ignore her. I wouldn't have any expectation of her coming back at all. I tried that with mine, it didn't work, and I was even more crushed because of it. Those kind of relationships are delightful while you're in them, but they fucking KILL on the way out.
Dating her definitely helped me decide that I don't want to find some person with a missing piece that I fit and complete her. I want a woman who's already complete, already happy. Then we can both be complete and happy together.
(P.S. XUL, was she also a redhead? )
She was a brunette.
All of your posts actually made a difference to me.
She made me feel like I was a piece of shit and told me that I wrong about most everything. For the past 7 months I have been feeling guilty and bad about myself for letting her down.... but I think that I am starting to look at things a little differently now. It was not my fault. I was not the one melting down. She was. I treated her right and its her loss.

I appreciate your replies. Thanks everyone!!!
rock on!!!!
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TTT
Cultivate the inside


Registered: 08/07/06
Posts: 4,340
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Re: Im a fool!!! A damn FOOL! [Re: yogabunny]
#14203072 - 03/29/11 10:46 AM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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Quote:
yogabunny said:
Quote:
TTT said: I don't think its all games, yoga. Some men are able to see through that kind of manipulation and call a girl out on it. Being someone like that, I bet you anything thats what she wants. She doesn't want to get away with things, she wants someone to call her out on it. Guys can be too easy and just cave in when they like a girl and let her do whatever. Not all girls like that.
i do see what you're saying but i the notion of needing someone to ignore you and manipulate you for you to want to be with them, is kind of twisted. i consider that game playing, and i personally don't think relationships should involve so much calculated deception and manipulation. i think they should be about two beings being completely their beautiful selves, evolving and growing together and as individuals. all of what you describe sounds like what happens in co-dependent relationships where one person is more in love than the other.
the person you describe who "doesn't want to get away with things" sounds like a child who needs a parent, not an adult human being who wants a lover/partner.

I have to disagree. I test people because I know what works for my personality type. I know I am easily impressionable and very quickly catch on to bad habits. Having someone let you get whatever you want and satisfying your every whim is not healthy and doesn't encourage realistic expectations or traits. I am not saying this girl sees shit like that, but thats what I see. I also can't say I understand the relationship you guys had, OP.
Yoga, manipulation goes on allllllllllll the time but it doesn't mean its cruel and deceptive. I don't "toy" with people for selfish reasons or to get what I want. I don't like getting whatever I want, and I dislike men who just throw things at me and satisfy my every whim. Its not what I see as healthy. I like men who have a passion(s) that come before me. I never want to be someones everything, I want to just compliment someones life and personality. That comes with someone being able to see when I'm not behaving rationally or considerately and call me out on it. If they compliment my personality then they will. I value people who do that and keep them close to me. Otherwise, its easy to get tangled in your perspective of things and no longer see out.
Thats why I left my ex.
However, I understand there are a lot of people who mindlessly manipulate and use people for personal gain. I am an introvert. I spend all my time lost in thought and the way I've come to evolve social traits is through making it a game. That doesn't mean I use people or play them though I probably could. I use my analytical thought process to weigh gains and losses from every relationship. I know who I want to be and I try to place myself amongst people who are beneficial to me becoming my ultimate self (which is ever evolving).
Ramble ramble off topic
Op, I think its wrong to lead on the girl you're with now unless she isn't looking for anything serious.
Edited by TTT (03/29/11 10:48 AM)
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yogabunny
fancy cat



Registered: 11/01/09
Posts: 11,281
Loc: Nasty Women Get Shit Done
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Re: Im a fool!!! A damn FOOL! [Re: TTT]
#14203124 - 03/29/11 11:00 AM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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Quote:
TTT said:
Quote:
yogabunny said:
Quote:
TTT said: I don't think its all games, yoga. Some men are able to see through that kind of manipulation and call a girl out on it. Being someone like that, I bet you anything thats what she wants. She doesn't want to get away with things, she wants someone to call her out on it. Guys can be too easy and just cave in when they like a girl and let her do whatever. Not all girls like that.
i do see what you're saying but i the notion of needing someone to ignore you and manipulate you for you to want to be with them, is kind of twisted. i consider that game playing, and i personally don't think relationships should involve so much calculated deception and manipulation. i think they should be about two beings being completely their beautiful selves, evolving and growing together and as individuals. all of what you describe sounds like what happens in co-dependent relationships where one person is more in love than the other.
the person you describe who "doesn't want to get away with things" sounds like a child who needs a parent, not an adult human being who wants a lover/partner.

I have to disagree. I test people because I know what works for my personality type. I know I am easily impressionable and very quickly catch on to bad habits. Having someone let you get whatever you want and satisfying your every whim is not healthy and doesn't encourage realistic expectations or traits. I am not saying this girl sees shit like that, but thats what I see. I also can't say I understand the relationship you guys had, OP.
Yoga, manipulation goes on allllllllllll the time but it doesn't mean its cruel and deceptive. I don't "toy" with people for selfish reasons or to get what I want. I don't like getting whatever I want, and I dislike men who just throw things at me and satisfy my every whim. Its not what I see as healthy. I like men who have a passion(s) that come before me. I never want to be someones everything, I want to just compliment someones life and personality. That comes with someone being able to see when I'm not behaving rationally or considerately and call me out on it. If they compliment my personality then they will. I value people who do that and keep them close to me. Otherwise, its easy to get tangled in your perspective of things and no longer see out.
Thats why I left my ex.
However, I understand there are a lot of people who mindlessly manipulate and use people for personal gain. I am an introvert. I spend all my time lost in thought and the way I've come to evolve social traits is through making it a game. That doesn't mean I use people or play them though I probably could. I use my analytical thought process to weigh gains and losses from every relationship. I know who I want to be and I try to place myself amongst people who are beneficial to me becoming my ultimate self (which is ever evolving).
Ramble ramble off topic
Op, I think its wrong to lead on the girl you're with now unless she isn't looking for anything serious.
hmmm, ok well more power to you for exploring what works and doesn't work for you. i just don't understand the concept of not getting what you want? this seems twisted to me. everything else makes sense to me, and i see where you're coming from in terms of your experience with the ex. i think you want someone who challenges you and can keep up with you mentally, spiritually and emotionally, and that is perfectly normal. the more i type the more i think we're on the same page but just saying different words.
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TTT
Cultivate the inside


Registered: 08/07/06
Posts: 4,340
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Re: Im a fool!!! A damn FOOL! [Re: yogabunny]
#14203396 - 03/29/11 12:01 PM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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Yeah, I think thats it. Because as I was typing I found common ground but I fail at turning my thoughts into simple words and made it more complicated than it needed to be.
:threadhijack:
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