Very Powerful Trips, that is. Last night, I must have ate the equivalent of 5 to 6 grams dry. Ego loss. The Most Intense, Craziest, Profound, Revealing, and All-Knowledgeable Trip I have ever experienced In My Entire Life.
Yesterday I felt like it was time. I knew that this moment was approaching, just ready to take me in, so I can be ripped from the world as I know it, and be tossed into the subconscious world of influences, motivations, and pure thought process.
At 5:00pm, I ate a cheesesteak. At 5:30p, I ate four or five small 1.5" shrooms, whose stems were so blue, almost black, with oxidized actives. This told me, these shrooms were picked in their prime, with the alkaloids encapsulated in condensed mycelial matter just waiting to be consumed and experienced.
6:00p. Nothing at all yet. Set and setting is chosen, perhaps not the smartest to choose <i>after</i> eating the shrooms. Setting is agreeable, chilling with a friend at his house. He eats a large fresh 10g shroom. Not a lot of shroom for the trip he was given. Me, I ate some more. Some larger ones. I was snacking on shrooms like magic trail mix.
6:30p Still nothing. Dutchies get smoked.
7:00p Nothing. Maybe the slightest oddities, but the cheesesteak was holding the trip off. I knew that any second, I could suddenly plunge into the alter-reality of an intense trip, having not realized myself slipping away. We start watching Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas.
8:30p Tripping. It's coming on slow, but already at this point I'm tripping very hard. The movie swishes around in flowing patterns. The walls of the room, and the ceiling, adapt to the posters hung on them, and transform with the writing that decorates the ceiling.
My friend decides he doesn't want to watch the rest of the movie. He had never seen it before, and was tweaking a little. Maybe starting to succumb to The Weakness. He had tripped once before with me, and probably touched insanity, but safely returned. This time he was at his house, safe, in the right environment to explore the trip in the way he had wanted.
Now things became more blurry. The mental excitement hadn't set in yet, even though the visuals were very apparent. But suddenly it clicked. Some thought process started, supposedly when the psilocybin leaked into my conscious, and started dissolving my ego like salt in boiling water.
I decided to go outside and spark a dutchie, and chill in my car listening to music. The expression on my face must have been so odd, when I walked downstairs and glanced at my friend's family member (Was it his brother? Or mother? Maybe it was his father. Concepts of individuality and identity were dissolving here). As I was leaving, I got stuck at the door, trying to figure out the lock. I soon realized that the hook-and-loop lock wasn't actually holding the door shut. Hmm.
I stumbled to my car. The 30 seconds while I did this seemed strange. I wandered around, with random direction changes, weaving in and out from between the cars. Eventually I remembered where I left my car (30 feet away), and made it there. The blunt was extremely difficult to get out and light, as reality was quickly slipping away from my strong grasp. But this met no resistance, and the transition in consciousness dissimilated smoothly.
11:54pm. I was laying back, listening to Shpongle, thinking about a lot of things. I decided to utilize my digital voice recorder to attempt to comprehend the profound moment I was having at a later time. My voice was extremely dishevelled, unorganized, and indistinguished. Coming up with any type of language was becoming difficult, as the concepts of "normal" language became twisted and converted into some strange psychedelica world of unobscured, all-knowing communication.
I remember looking over the tape recorder, trying to find the record button. But the strong effects of this drug were taking away reality. The recorder no longer had markings. There was no written language. This recorder was just a sleek, silver piece of plastic with no sharp distinguishing characteristics. It no longer had any writing on it, and I could not remember how to operate it. I was completely gone.
With my eyes closed, I could see the universal connectedness of everything. Large geometric shapes, taking triangular angles, twisted and changed, turning inside out and reversing itself. This time, it wasn't red green and blue. This time, I saw cyan, magenta, and yellow. Alternating colors, in a distinguishable pattern, this was the fabric of life I was looking at. I hit ego death, and no longer held any baggage or conceptions about who I was.
All of the things I had associated to be myself, had disappeared. I realized, it was all in my head. What anyone thinks about me, is just what I think they think about me. This huge transforming device with all these facets reflected what God was to me. I could feel the commonness, the things we all share, and the origins of the way we are. Morals and values all made sense now. The reason why I am gifted with knowledge became apparent to me.
Now completely out of touch with reality, I began rebuilding my ego. I believe that since I reached ego loss, I now had to rebuild it, as if being born again. I took an objective eye and re-evaluated my life, to form an opinion which left me happy with myself. I realized that this was a lesson that will effect me throughout my life, in learning key emotions and the way humans relate and interact.
So much was learned last night. I have never tripped that hard, and what I was shown scared the hell out of me. It showed me how much I don't know, which gives me a respect for the knowledge I already have but a hunger for more. I'de say this was a pure dose of motivation. I can see it as this: With my ego stripped away, all doubts, fears, and worries dissociated themselves with any goals, values, motives, and views I held. Once in this pure, clean mindset, I could evaluate my motives and see them for what they are.
My friend came out a few hours later. He also had a very intense trip, even with the low dose he took. He had talked to his dad for a while, and felt comfortable letting him know he was tripping. I think this is cool for my friend, because it made him have a very good trip. He learned a lot from it, as did myself.
While completely gone, it had seemed like my consciousness took on more than one "thread". Instead of having a clearly defined stream of thought, it was as if all thoughts were active at the same time. Maybe your consciousness is a network of all the associations you have made in your life, and when you think of something you are causing that neuron to fire, which in turn instates the emotions, thoughts, and sensory information associated with that thought. Similar thoughts reach their action potential, and stimulate that portion of your consciousness.
When tripping, your brain is flooded with an analogue of the neurotransmitter serotonin. I would think that because this happens, many thoughts can be triggered. It would make the action potential of any given thought much lower, since there is much more stimulation bringing it closer to firing and entering your consciousness. Therefore, ideas and thoughts, memories and associations, all come to mind much easier, and with much greater intensity since it is amplified by the psilocybin.
And instead of that one "thread", your consciousness is being presented with everything that is going on underneath. That filter is removed, so that multiple thoughts can draw your attention, without getting confused or losing it.
Trying to speak is great, since the body's timing mechanisms are probably thrown off too. A stream of words that we call a "sentence" is so hard formulating, because there is so much noise in the brain in this state. My mind could not pump out a sequence of words. Instead they merged together, and took on one blob of words.
Eventually I went home (at 2:00a) and tried to sleep. Even at this time, I was still seeing mild visuals. I eventually made it to sleep, sometime around 4 or 5 am. Wow.
Quite a trip. And if you read this whole thing and sift through the onslaught of information pounding my head, props because it is a long one. Whew.
Edited by poke smot! (09/07/20 01:22 PM)
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