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Offlinegoblue89
Pychedelia Brittanica
Male


Registered: 08/15/08
Posts: 63
Last seen: 7 years, 6 months
My psychedelic experience
    #14182176 - 03/25/11 01:34 PM (12 years, 10 months ago)

So this is going to be a very long post but it has been a long time coming so here goes.
Just to give a frame work of my psychology I grew up as a pretty straight arrow type of kid. No influence from drugs or alcohol in the family. But of equal importance no background of religion except for the rare exposure to Christianity. I thought I had a pretty solid path as to where I was going in life. Then when I was fifteen my mother died from the evil beast that is cancer. She was my rock and without her influence in my life I grew up on my own very fast.
So fast forward to my senior year. Finally got some mushies. After mysteriously finding erowid while browsing the internet and reading about it my interest sparked from trip reports talking about the deep thought and mystical nature of it. My experience was a bunch of distortions of my visual field, free flow of very liberal thoughts for the first time in my life and I loved it.
30 trips and two years later I finally found lucy. My first experience was very superficial with no connection with the universe or deep thought. Just intense visuals of no meaning. But I had a bunch of it so about 5 trips later my soon to be wife and I went to the beach and I took a couple of hits. This was the first time I had done any psychedelic without pot. It was amazing. I had so much mental clarity and making love was amazing to say the least. There was nothing holding me back from just intensely good thoughts and euphoria of just being alive. Even when I cried about bad stuff I had done in my life it seemed to just purge my soul and I felt way better afterwards.
So after becoming somewhat more experienced like ten trips later, two friends and I decided to do eight hits each. The most we had done before was 4. We felt the rush almost instantly after taking it. I threw up after eating some panda express before the trip.(Stupidest idea ever). So I was having a pretty out of this world time but my buddy wasnt. He thought there was cops coming after us and he tried to jump the fence in the back yard. We got him seated and he just kept on talking about death, he was dying, we were all dead. I tried to think of something to calm him down and for the first time on lucy I had what felt like an outside source of wisdom. The message was love. I told him this and he felt better but would then loop back to death and this cycle went on for about an hour and he finally leveled out.
I never really got a chance to focus on my own trip until he leveled out. We all agreed to smoke some pot to tone it down. After smoking I started crying about how beautiful the world was but my mind was uneasy at the same time. Everything was happening so fast and I was starting to see and feel how the universe worked and our place in it. My wife saw that I was going down a pretty deep rabbit hole so we went upstairs to talk it through. I tried to convey what I was feeling but it came out very incoherent. What happened next was the first religious experience of my life. I visualized and heard the outside influence of the devil and God both at the same time. I was at a crossroad. The devils voice grew louder and all of a sudden I thought my wife was the devil herself. Everything she said made me feel like I was going to spend eternity in my own hell alone for being such a self indulging person in my life. I was freaking out. It made her so sad that I was talking to her like that. This went on for maybe another hour and I was just in a bad state of mind to say the least. Then came the light. I was visualizing the death of Jesus on the cross and I thought about how he died for all the wrongdoing I had done in my life. I had never thought about this before which is what really weirds me out about this experience. So I started wishing that I could come back to life to ammend all the wrong I had done. I missed my life. I laid down and tried to go to sleep as I was just mentally exhausted and still peaking. My brain felt like it was overloaded. I heard echoing of the song echoes by Pink Floyd that was just taking over my sense of self. It had not even played for hours and yet it was clear as day to my ears. I descended deeper and deeper into this sound loop with no escape  I could think of. I finally fell asleep and woke up the next morning changed but in a limbo of sorts.
So now two years later I have taken lucy a few times since and have tried to avoid smoking during trips and I try to just think about how I have already been forgiven for still being the way I am, even though it was clear that God/Jesus did not want drugs in my life. My trips are still good feeling but meaningless to my spirit. Just pleasing to the body and senses. That is until I smoke at the end of the trip and those same  bad feelings of being dead in my choices come back.
Anyway thats my story and thats where I am right now. I "love" psychedelics so much for what they have taught me about myself and our world, yet there is such an emptiness about them now. I feel I have already experienced the peak trip but yet I long for more. I never even thought of Jesus before that night and yet that experience had a very strong influence on me to this day. I believe what happened.  Anybody else care to elaborate


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Perception is not limited to what is biologically or socially useful.


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Offlinethedream
The Most High

Registered: 12/25/10
Posts: 592
Last seen: 7 years, 2 months
Re: My psychedelic experience [Re: goblue89]
    #14182255 - 03/25/11 01:47 PM (12 years, 10 months ago)

If you got the message, hang up the phone...........

But for real sounds like you've been doing a lot of tripping searching for something? You started at a young age and by the sounds of it didn't take much time off between trips. Tripping so often can render the psychedelic experience rather hollow and meaningless if not done with proper intentions. Take some time off and integrate all the lessons you've learned and just enjoy life without drugs for awhile. Start up a new hobby, do some volunteer work to help others, go to the gym, etc...

Eventually a time will come when the phone rings again and you will be well prepared to receive the message this time around.....


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Offlinegoblue89
Pychedelia Brittanica
Male


Registered: 08/15/08
Posts: 63
Last seen: 7 years, 6 months
Re: My psychedelic experience [Re: thedream]
    #14182329 - 03/25/11 02:01 PM (12 years, 10 months ago)

Well I agree that The phone is not ringing on the spiritual side anymore. Now when I do it I just want to dance and be intimate. It has gone from a spiritual experience to an MDMA like experience(Empathy, increased feelings of love, decreased anxiety). I guess thats not a horrible thing. Can anyone relate to losing the spiritual side of lucy or the correlation of smoking pot while on it and having a completely different experience.


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Perception is not limited to what is biologically or socially useful.


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