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InvisibleZelse
Now with more Vitamin P!


Registered: 01/26/11
Posts: 205
2nd trip gone wrong, thankfully short.
    #14176017 - 03/24/11 02:05 PM (12 years, 11 months ago)

Hey all,

About a month or so ago I had my first trip on 3.7 grams dried GT. It was amazing, and there's a link to the thread in my sig.

Yesterday, for my 2nd time I thought I'd push the envelope and try to explore more, and instead received a psychedelic spanking. Definitely the most difficult experience of my life.

It started with me waking up and preparing the closet with blanketts, pillows, and a mat I use for exercise/judo practice. I also had a lamp and ipod in there just in case, but I was shooting for 5 grams in silent darkness.

5.1 grams dried, and had some juice for calories since i hadn't eaten since last night(totally forgot about the citric acid thing). I took them the first time with cheez-its and we didn't have any, so I asked my girlfriend if she would go with me to the store to get some. She didn't feel like it and seemed irritable. I should have stopped there.

The taste of raw shrooms makes me really sick, and most of my stems are hollow, so they can get kinda chewy, so I used croutons instead,  which didn't work out so well. My girl's best friend lives with us, and there is a bit of awkwardness between the three of us, but it's buried deep.

I started to come up MUCH quicker than the first time, at about the 15 minute mark (thinking it was the damn juice), and started to feel uneasy, so my girlfriend helped me into the closet, and left the door slightly cracked so I wouldn't have to fumble with a doorknob if I wanted out. I never got to the full 5 grams. Maybe 4.

The very second the door closed, I was gone. I felt like I was sucked forward and up through a tube, the familiar insect-like alien sounds or music whirring in my head as I tried to let go of everything and ride the waves.

"Show me, I am holding on to nothing" I thought. There was a feeling that didn't come from me saying "are you sure?" It felt as though it was giving me pulses to test me... one last chance to stay out. I should have taken it.

Stubborn as I am, I stuck with it, and the intensity and uneasiness began. I saw strange shapes and prisms filled with black, but made of a few minimalistic neon lines. The prisms moved as my head did, and I laid down on the mat, and floated away. I was lost in psychedelia for awhile, but way too uncomfortable. I decided to leave the closet and sit with the two girls in my living room.

As I crawled out of the closet, My bedroom was awash in a blue-green color, though it was dark, I could make out two or three shadowy shapes across the room from me.  They were humanoid in outline, but featureless and transparent. I felt a presence, a feeling like "Little Ape, you know not the powers with which you trifle!" This scared the shit out of me, naturally. Later on during the trip I did have the realization that despite that, you cannot begrudge a monkey his curiosity. :smile:

I entered the living room and they asked me if everything was alright. I said yes, but I wanted a bucket in case I threw up. They got me one and I laid there turning into a desert lizard, and watching southwestern themed patterns, like a mosaic. I then imagined the lizard self vomiting, and I threw up into the bowl. Kind of gross, but my vomit had patterns in it.

By this time I knew they were both concerned for me. I just wanted out. I felt awful, like I was dying, the only thing I wanted in the world was for it to stop. I railed against my mental prison to no avail. I was an animal. reverted to my primal feelings and I was stuck in a cage I didn't want to be in, forced to deal with my issues. In my cage being agitated, I felt violent and angry and confused and upset. My girlfriend hugged me and I told her to call an ambulance.(Beforehand I instructed he that no matter what, as long as my vitals are there, do NOT call an ambulance. No matter how bad I beg or plead) She wouldn't, and kept telling me I was fine.

I didn't believe her and felt so betrayed that she would let me die. I told her "If you love me you will call an ambulance, I don't care what I told you before, I want this to STOP." She tied her best to keep her composure, but started crying. This made me feel horrible, and she still refused to call 911.  I felt like I was dying. "Goodbye, L" I said. "You let me die."

"But you're not dying." she said. I could feel her checking my pulse and it was reassuring.

She laid and cuddled me on the floor for an hour, my shirt stained with vomit, while I drifted in and out of consciousness, desperate to cling to my sanity. She told me I had all of her love, and everything was okay. This was the only thing that saved me. What a keeper.

Finally, I returned to "normal" and came down into a contemplative euphoria, and feeling VERY psychically cleansed. I understood my message. Before I can dive deeper, I must get over myself completely. I cannot cling to whatever shreds of my old inhibitive indoctrinations still remain. I cannot live one way and believe another because it is self destructive. I still feel that psychedelics are for me, and that I would like to continue taking them, but MUCH less often.

While coming down I took a shower and listened to "Eulogy" by Tool, and found a personal meaning in the words and music.

"He had a lot of nothing to say." I'm a preachy person when it comes to society and the way we are, but it's really just empty words.

"Ranting and pointing his finger at everything but his heart" speaks of my personal hypocrisy that I feel caused the trip to sour.

"Not all martyrs see divinity, but at least you tried." I mean well, but maybe I missed the point.

"Get off your fucking cross. We need the fucking space to nail the next fool martyr." What is the point of me being a bleeding heart for humanity and preaching? They are too far gone to listen to me, and what credibility do I really have that they will listen to anyway? Most of us nowadays are far too closed minded.

In all, I felt good to have had that experience, and I learned a lot. There are many things I need to get over, before I can even think about calling myself enlightened, or can soar through hyperspace learning and doing. I'm just not ready to let that much of myself go yet, and I need to get over myself.

Sorry for the wall of text.

TL;DR: Too much, too fast, not ready enough.

I hope this can be of some help to other newbies out there. There ARE bad trips, and they ARE unpleasant and they CAN ruin lives if you aren't careful. I could have ended up in handcuffs and lost my job and more had I not had the presence of mind to educate my sitter and have someone I can trust. I can't stress how important it is to have a sitter enough if you are exploring new limits. You cannot begrudge the monkeys their curiosity, be we are playing with fire. I should have known better, but at least I was able to learn from it and still say the experience was positive.


--------------------


Feed my will to feel this moment, urging me to cross the line.
Reaching out to embrace the random.
Reaching out to embrace whatever may come.

Taking the Plunge: My First Trip

The Tao te Ching

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InvisibleDawks
Jolly African Potato


Registered: 06/09/10
Posts: 4,935
Re: 2nd trip gone wrong, thankfully short. [Re: Zelse]
    #14176121 - 03/24/11 02:21 PM (12 years, 11 months ago)

That seemed a bit intense for only 3.7g.

Anyway, that part where you wanted an ambulance and your girlfriend was comforting you, did you have any music playing at the time?

Because I've been in terrible states before and my sitter couldn't talk me out of it [for approximately 45 minutes], but then he stuck on some music (the Beatles) and after a few minutes most of my fear had subsided and I was groovin' to the music.

If you find yourself with bad vibes again, try this. Get your girl to put on some happy music before trying to talk you out of your bad trip, it will go a long way.

Anyway good luck with future trips.

Edited by Dawks (03/24/11 02:21 PM)

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InvisibleZelse
Now with more Vitamin P!


Registered: 01/26/11
Posts: 205
Re: 2nd trip gone wrong, thankfully short. [Re: Dawks]
    #14176181 - 03/24/11 02:31 PM (12 years, 11 months ago)

Thanks for the advice. Though the trip was an attempt at 5 grams, I think I had more like 4.2-ish.

3.7 was my first trip, which I mentioned was linked in my sig. Sorry for the confusion.


--------------------


Feed my will to feel this moment, urging me to cross the line.
Reaching out to embrace the random.
Reaching out to embrace whatever may come.

Taking the Plunge: My First Trip

The Tao te Ching

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InvisibleDawks
Jolly African Potato


Registered: 06/09/10
Posts: 4,935
Re: 2nd trip gone wrong, thankfully short. [Re: Zelse]
    #14176197 - 03/24/11 02:33 PM (12 years, 11 months ago)

Quote:

Zelse said:
Thanks for the advice. Though the trip was an attempt at 5 grams, I think I had more like 4.2-ish.

3.7 was my first trip, which I mentioned was linked in my sig. Sorry for the confusion.




ooo :facepalm: my bad. I just glanced over the first bit :P

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InvisibleZelse
Now with more Vitamin P!


Registered: 01/26/11
Posts: 205
Re: 2nd trip gone wrong, thankfully short. [Re: Dawks]
    #14176213 - 03/24/11 02:35 PM (12 years, 11 months ago)

All good. and no, no music at all this time. Maybe that would have helped. I actually felt the feeling like "I need soothing music", and asked for it, but then immediately revoked the request.


--------------------


Feed my will to feel this moment, urging me to cross the line.
Reaching out to embrace the random.
Reaching out to embrace whatever may come.

Taking the Plunge: My First Trip

The Tao te Ching

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OfflineEvolution
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Re: 2nd trip gone wrong, thankfully short. [Re: Zelse]
    #14176498 - 03/24/11 03:20 PM (12 years, 11 months ago)

I like the way you evaluated your trip.

Tripping is a way of learning to let go and flow, at least, that's one of the things I keep getting confronted with.
The biggest value for me, I find in psychedelics, is that they confront me with 'things' which I can hold on to and have a hard time or let go and just flow.

They have a (big?) influence on my everyday functioning since I'm able to let go more easily in all kinds of situations. I thank this to the fact that I'm constantly aware that a lot of situations are what I make out of it.

I'm well aware of the fact that I've also been able to learn this without psychedelics, but since they confront me with such heavy emotions they have to potential to let me learn how to deal with these kinds of situations in a much faster way then I would've not taking these substances.


--------------------
- Convictions are more dangerous enemies of truth than lies - F.W. Nietzche

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OfflineMaharishi_2_U
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Re: 2nd trip gone wrong, thankfully short. [Re: Evolution]
    #14176559 - 03/24/11 03:27 PM (12 years, 11 months ago)

Take the good with the bad my friend.  Way to be.
:smile:
bc

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InvisibleZelse
Now with more Vitamin P!


Registered: 01/26/11
Posts: 205
Re: 2nd trip gone wrong, thankfully short. [Re: Maharishi_2_U]
    #14176634 - 03/24/11 03:38 PM (12 years, 11 months ago)

Thanks for all the input so far. Glad you guys enjoyed the report.


--------------------


Feed my will to feel this moment, urging me to cross the line.
Reaching out to embrace the random.
Reaching out to embrace whatever may come.

Taking the Plunge: My First Trip

The Tao te Ching

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OfflineXeR0
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Re: 2nd trip gone wrong, thankfully short. [Re: Zelse]
    #14177808 - 03/24/11 06:53 PM (12 years, 11 months ago)

Wow dude. Your trip sounded a lot like my first trip...only much stronger. I completely understand when you said that even though it was bad, you're happy that it happened and you learned from it. That is exactly how I felt after my first trip. I also felt the same euphoria....realizing that I was still alive and that everything was OK.

Psychedelics are tools that both hurt and please. Either way, they teach you something. I think the higher the dosage, the more the subtle things surface and explode when you're tripping. I was anxious and nervous the first time and I think that greatly influenced my first trip.


--------------------
Drug Experience: Caffeine, Codeine/Morphine, Psilocybin/Psilocin, Dream Herb (Calea Zacatechichi), Melatonin, N,N-DMT, LSD, Pramiracetam, Piracetam, Cannabis

ToDo: Galantamine, Hydergine

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OfflinepsilocybinjunkieM
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Re: 2nd trip gone wrong, thankfully short. [Re: XeR0]
    #14178401 - 03/24/11 08:30 PM (12 years, 11 months ago)

Bad trips can't ruin your life unless you're weak minded from the gate.
I had an awful trip last week on 2.6 or so of Brazilians. Me and my friend were both caught in nightmare mode, I took a Valium 5 and the bad trip laughed at it :mad2:

Was fine later that night and i've had real bad trips on mega doses, all good once they ear off :cool:

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InvisibleZelse
Now with more Vitamin P!


Registered: 01/26/11
Posts: 205
Re: 2nd trip gone wrong, thankfully short. [Re: psilocybinjunkie]
    #14178464 - 03/24/11 08:39 PM (12 years, 11 months ago)

I meant that comment more about being unable to control your fear. Fear is natural, especially in the face of the unknown. If I had called an ambulance myself, I could have gone to jail, I would have lost my job, I would then have to move and uproot myself, which would put a strain on my relationship.

There were also things I wanted to say, but knew they would be too hurtful and could ruin my relationship.

Thank you for sharing though, and I agree that once they wear off it gets much better, though it's definitely enough to scare you off if you can't look at it and learn.


--------------------


Feed my will to feel this moment, urging me to cross the line.
Reaching out to embrace the random.
Reaching out to embrace whatever may come.

Taking the Plunge: My First Trip

The Tao te Ching

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Offlinethormaxim
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Re: 2nd trip gone wrong, thankfully short. [Re: Zelse]
    #14179050 - 03/24/11 10:17 PM (12 years, 11 months ago)

First, great report. I was there with you while reading.

I know that feeling of separation from the world that shrooms can take you to. It's very lonely out there sometimes. I had a similar experience with an 1/8 of lemon tekd  aborts. I thought I was dying as my peak hit me. This heat wave started rushing up my back and everything started melting anytime I would be still. I had to run to the sink every minute and splash myself to cool off. After doing this a few times it didn't work anymore and Swear I was dying. I just threw myself on the couch and gave in to it and it went away. But not I lost all connection with everything. I could see, still but there was no thought, I was just observing. I could see different scenariors playing out before my eyes such as my mother my birth and my funeral. But I had no stake in it, I didn't care. No thoughts no emotion just objective perspective.

I'm not sure how long it lasted but I remember at some point I sorta snapped back into it, looked at my girlfriend and was able to tell her I was ok. I entered a state of total peace and clarity after this. We played scrabble until 8am. I will never forget this night.

My point is, if you want to do these drugs they will not always be fun. Sometimes they will take you to hell and back but it just makes heaven all the more worth it. And I don't mean heaven and hell as in physical locations but rather a state of being.

I believe that when you are having a bad trip the worst thing you can do is fight it. You will only make things worse and sometimes this where he real danger is with taking these drugs. Have a benzo handy to bring it down a notch if you have too.

Buy the ticket take the ride. :mushroom2:

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OfflinepsilocybinjunkieM
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Re: 2nd trip gone wrong, thankfully short. [Re: Zelse]
    #14179109 - 03/24/11 10:27 PM (12 years, 11 months ago)

Quote:

Zelse said:
I meant that comment more about being unable to control your fear. Fear is natural, especially in the face of the unknown. If I had called an ambulance myself, I could have gone to jail, I would have lost my job, I would then have to move and uproot myself, which would put a strain on my relationship.

There were also things I wanted to say, but knew they would be too hurtful and could ruin my relationship.

Thank you for sharing though, and I agree that once they wear off it gets much better, though it's definitely enough to scare you off if you can't look at it and learn.



Ah gotcha...

It can be enough to scare you off, but those kind of trips are to be expected on higher doses. Stick to 3.5 an under and you'll have control even if it goes into bad trip territory.

When you take too much, reality and reason go out the window, along with your sanity.

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InvisibleZelse
Now with more Vitamin P!


Registered: 01/26/11
Posts: 205
Re: 2nd trip gone wrong, thankfully short. [Re: thormaxim]
    #14181593 - 03/25/11 11:31 AM (12 years, 11 months ago)

Thanks for the input and I agree, although sometimes the price of the ticket can be steep.


--------------------


Feed my will to feel this moment, urging me to cross the line.
Reaching out to embrace the random.
Reaching out to embrace whatever may come.

Taking the Plunge: My First Trip

The Tao te Ching

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OfflineDiacetylmentlegen
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Re: 2nd trip gone wrong, thankfully short. [Re: Zelse]
    #14182013 - 03/25/11 12:55 PM (12 years, 11 months ago)

These stories are the kind of things that make me nervous about even my low 1.5-2.0g trips that have so far brought me nothing but peace and clarity :mushroom2:.

But 3.7 first trip and 4.2 second trip? Wow, I know I'm a very cautious person... more than most... hesitant etc. etc. but that seems a very adventurous move when someone's still so inexperienced. I went for 20g fresh the first time and still haven't gone any higher or even equalled that. I suppose that's mostly from an irrational fear of them being stronger than expected, since we all know that 2 mushrooms growing together can be very different in potency or so we're told, which stands to reason.

When I read about people taking so much more, even for their first time, I suppose it also sometimes reassures me, given that they didn't end up so bad and I'm being far more cautious. So there's that too :thumbup:
Still afraid of "losing control" or just freaking out like you hear though. Can't imagine 20g fresh is anything to worry about, it's just the off chance of some strange genetic freakage that made them some kind of super shrooms:tongue2:


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"When I recall it and when I recall various other symptoms... I think the simplest explanation is... that I had these experiences, that they were real... and that they took place outside time." - Christopher Mayhew

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OfflineNunbuh_Chrubble
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Re: 2nd trip gone wrong, thankfully short. [Re: Zelse]
    #14182056 - 03/25/11 01:05 PM (12 years, 11 months ago)

:ilold:

I don't mean to trivialize your bad trip... but it's a textbook case of "n00b enjoys tripping, takes too much and freaks out"

You are SO fucking lucky that your GF listened to your instructions and didn't call an ambulance. You would have had a REALLY fucking bad trip if medics and cops showed up!

why the fuck did you want to go for 5g on your second trip anyways? They don't call it a heroic dose for nothing! LOL!

I guess it's good that you learn that lesson early and approach tripping with a little more caution and respect in the future.

Some advice:
1. Don't have people around who aren't your sitter and/or aren't tripping. This = bad vibes.

2. Having an emergency chill-out playlist can really help to calm down a bad trip. I recommend music by Bonobo, Emancipator, Aphex Twin (ambient mix), Thievery Corporation, or generally any music that is super chill and doesn't have lyrics (lyrics can trigger too many thoughts).

3. Gain more experience on lower doses, maybe with eyes open or just not in total silent darkness before you try to do really deep exploring. Silent Darkness can be REALLY intense.



Wait until you feel okay to trip again. In the mean time try to process/integrate what happened to you this last trip. Practice meditation or maybe even yoga so that you can learn to explore your mind sober before throwing yourself into a trip. Then when you feel ready to have another go at it, pick a time/space where you can be totally by yourself. Take like 1g or 2g and put on some chill tunes and get a drawing pad. I would recommend during the day. Learn to just navigate and manage a low level trip. Draw, close your eyes and explore that way, listen to music, and just chill.

Try that a few times until your familiar with the psychedelic head space before upping the dose and doing more intense exploration.


--------------------


"This day is a lover..."

~Rumi

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InvisibleZelse
Now with more Vitamin P!


Registered: 01/26/11
Posts: 205
Re: 2nd trip gone wrong, thankfully short. [Re: Nunbuh_Chrubble]
    #14182738 - 03/25/11 04:26 PM (12 years, 11 months ago)

Quote:

Nunbuh_Chrubble said:
:ilold:

I don't mean to trivialize your bad trip... but it's a textbook case of "n00b enjoys tripping, takes too much and freaks out"

You are SO fucking lucky that your GF listened to your instructions and didn't call an ambulance. You would have had a REALLY fucking bad trip if medics and cops showed up!

why the fuck did you want to go for 5g on your second trip anyways? They don't call it a heroic dose for nothing! LOL!

I guess it's good that you learn that lesson early and approach tripping with a little more caution and respect in the future.

Some advice:
1. Don't have people around who aren't your sitter and/or aren't tripping. This = bad vibes.

2. Having an emergency chill-out playlist can really help to calm down a bad trip. I recommend music by Bonobo, Emancipator, Aphex Twin (ambient mix), Thievery Corporation, or generally any music that is super chill and doesn't have lyrics (lyrics can trigger too many thoughts).

3. Gain more experience on lower doses, maybe with eyes open or just not in total silent darkness before you try to do really deep exploring. Silent Darkness can be REALLY intense.



Wait until you feel okay to trip again. In the mean time try to process/integrate what happened to you this last trip. Practice meditation or maybe even yoga so that you can learn to explore your mind sober before throwing yourself into a trip. Then when you feel ready to have another go at it, pick a time/space where you can be totally by yourself. Take like 1g or 2g and put on some chill tunes and get a drawing pad. I would recommend during the day. Learn to just navigate and manage a low level trip. Draw, close your eyes and explore that way, listen to music, and just chill.

Try that a few times until your familiar with the psychedelic head space before upping the dose and doing more intense exploration.




Not at all, that's exactly what it was. Too much too fast. Trying to fly before I can walk. I definitely need to keep the doses at an eighth and under for a while. I imagine it is like someone who never rode a skateboard in his life tried to enter the x-games and be competitive.

And as for it being an adventurous move, I agree, but I believe they were both positive learning experiences in the end.


--------------------


Feed my will to feel this moment, urging me to cross the line.
Reaching out to embrace the random.
Reaching out to embrace whatever may come.

Taking the Plunge: My First Trip

The Tao te Ching

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Invisibleotherwhitemeat
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Re: 2nd trip gone wrong, thankfully short. [Re: Zelse]
    #14189476 - 03/26/11 10:48 PM (12 years, 11 months ago)

so, you won't be dosing every morning with breakfast after all? http://www.shroomery.org/forums/showflat.php/Number/14065978#14065978

CLASSIC arc. i repeat: it's not just dosage. you've already said it: much less frequency, more and more perfect respect. it's a blessing that in the space of less than a month, with just 2 journeys, you've had both ecstatic and horrifying experiences, and both times you learn how grateful you should be for your girlfriend. you've gotten one shove from the right yelling "WHEEE!" and a slam back from the left screaming "NOOOOO!" and together they tell you it's a ropewalk: ahead, little steps, no rush, no arrogance, no fear.

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InvisibleFleshCap
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Re: 2nd trip gone wrong, thankfully short. [Re: otherwhitemeat]
    #14189541 - 03/26/11 11:07 PM (12 years, 11 months ago)

I think you handled it quite well. That was smart of you to have prepared your girlfriend for a possible "flip-out" on your part.

Over the years I've had many "difficult" trips. I have found such trips to be very insightful. You may find it difficult to go back, but I encourage you to do so.

There is much to be learned.


--------------------

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OfflineJoolz
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Re: 2nd trip gone wrong, thankfully short. [Re: FleshCap]
    #14190181 - 03/27/11 01:58 AM (12 years, 11 months ago)

Definitely shouldn't heroic dose on your 2nd trip man. Take everything with a grain of salt, as its only as useful and relevant as you want it to be, but you are correct (imo) about "humanity is so far gone they won't listen to me" or whatever it is you said.

Respect the drug and they will treat you well.


--------------------
Prohibition didn't work for God; Eve ate the fruit.

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