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InvisibleRahz
Alive Again
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Registered: 11/10/05
Posts: 9,260
Re: Jealousy/Envy [Re: giza]
    #14121790 - 03/14/11 08:49 PM (12 years, 11 months ago)

Quote:

I think as a friend we have an obligation to help our friends. And in this case I would want to help my friend to let go of jealousy. However, I have a problem because I am trying to help my friend with other things in his life (financial situation). I don't believe it is beneficial to criticise every aspect of a friend at the same time or they will just resent you.




If you have a good strategy, not involving more effort than you are willing to give, I wouldn't dissuade you from trying as a friend. But the tactics for doing that would not be so different than being fair with a non-friend. :wink:

:shrug:


--------------------
rahz

comfort pleasure power love truth awareness peace


"You’re not looking close enough if you can only see yourself in people who look like you." —Ayishat Akanbi

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Offlinenumonkei
Back! From thedigestive tractof dave theiguana!

Registered: 04/12/06
Posts: 2,500
Loc: A Tree
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Re: Jealousy/Envy [Re: giza]
    #14124529 - 03/15/11 10:49 AM (12 years, 11 months ago)

Quote:

When having a discussion don't discredit his intelligence by proving he is wrong.




"What!?! I'm just supposed to sit here and be WRONG??"

:lol:

While it's not always so great to be confrontational, it's clearly dangerous to sit along for the ride when dealing with wrong/crazy.

Shit, look at monotheistic religion. Or the Nazi's.



~Monk

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OfflineDoDahDay
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Registered: 10/10/10
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Re: Jealousy/Envy [Re: numonkei]
    #14125401 - 03/15/11 03:05 PM (12 years, 11 months ago)

This guy (envyous one) is living with a friend because he has money problems probably due to his own fuck ups (correct me if Im wrong OP). He is being somewhat fractioned by his friends because you are a likable guy(nothing wrong with that). So the envyous one is, in his male mind, is being belittled. He is looking at this as though he is failing. As a defense, to be expected from someone with pride, he is retaliating with the teasing. Teasing to bring himself back up from his own misery and distancing as a way of acceptance(fighting himself)but really I think its an underlined form or retaliation as well(sort of a "Ill show you" sort of thing).

This situation is nothing that you can fix. The envyous one must see into the fact that, yes, he is at a low point in his life to whatever degree. That his friends have similarities with you,OP, and that is not your fault or something that you can or SHOULD change (dont start being a douche or something else that you are not). Trying to sit down and explain the situation to him would do less damage to his ego then kicking him out but dont think he will be very receptive to it. That is, from what I have deducted.

What sort of relationship do you have with this guy? Meaning, how long have you known him? Must be pretty long if you are letting him stay at YOUR house. If he is that good of a friend, all you can do is help him with his problem as quickly as possible. Whether that be give advice on getting a job or showing him resources. Money managing skills or the like. Be a positive person in his life in showing compassion.  And if he is a REALLY good friend, look for stuff you the two of you can do together( not trying to be gay in the slightest)with no one else.  I have some friends that the two of us can go bowling together or go mushroom hunting for morels or whatever the local delicacy is. Mushroom hunting is a good place to "get the dirt out" in a very non-hostile environment.

I guess what Im trying to get at is that you are looking to make the dude feel better about himself. Sometimes you can, sometimes you cant, but trying helps you, spiritually, and, if he so chooses, can help him. Putting a defensive person on the spot can be devastating for both of you.

Understanding what direction the ball has been thrown will give you a better shot at catching it. I hope that this makes sense and has helped.


--------------------
"I fart in your general direction!  Your mother was a hampster and your father smelt of elderberries!"

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Offlinedurantz
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Registered: 05/09/09
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Re: Jealousy/Envy [Re: DoDahDay]
    #14127013 - 03/15/11 08:10 PM (12 years, 11 months ago)

Hi Dodahday thanks for the honest advice. I will mull this over and come up with a solution.

I think that patience will win this one over so I won't be too quick to act.

Thanks again

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