Home | Community | Message Board

MushroomMan Mycology
This site includes paid links. Please support our sponsors.


Welcome to the Shroomery Message Board! You are experiencing a small sample of what the site has to offer. Please login or register to post messages and view our exclusive members-only content. You'll gain access to additional forums, file attachments, board customizations, encrypted private messages, and much more!

Kraken Kratom Shop: Red Vein Kratom

Jump to first unread post Pages: 1
Anonymous #1

Aint trying to test suicide again..
    #14120969 - 03/14/11 06:30 PM (12 years, 10 months ago)

I don't know what to do. Im so sick of typical bullshit that goes on through my head. I've been to the psych ward 4 times, rehab once. "Attempted" suicide twice. I have social anxiety, low self esteem, im assuming depression. Anyways... I feel like i can't escape my mind.. the thoughts, the worries. My little brother is slowly entering the same situation as me, i can see it. i guess mad at the world .. mentally confused and abused at that age, trying to express one's self .. not knowing how. (Still dont to this day, other than music). I dont know what to say to him, i dont know what i wanted people to say to me at that age, i dont know if its a cry for sympathy or what. It drives me insane, i think the only reason i didnt kill myself when i was in that position is because of my little brothers, i feel i HAVE to be here to guide them. I dont even think i love myself honestly.. Waiting to cop me some perc 10s here soon but thats irrelevant. (no im not going through withdrawal) blah blah blah im not that ignorant. Ive been on all kinds of fucking bullshit medication it hasn't helped. I have no motivation at all, i have friends, im not that unpopular, im just your typical outgoing vivid thinking down to earth type of dude. Misunderstood is all, i realize this. Ive tried counseling, all that shit. I feel like i have no real friends i can open up to and talk to, i met this awesome counselor i was seeing for a few months then i ended it because it would just end up us talking casually, not focusing on my problems. IM am terrified to open up to anyone fully, as in bawling my fucking eyes out which i need to do clearly but felt i have lost the ability to. Im not that close with my mother or father which makes it harder. Im sick of bottling all the emotions up, trying to live a healthy life. I want to help my brothers thats all i care about at this point .. but i know its impossible if i dont help myself first... I need help, i dont know what to do honestly. I have a feeling if it keeps going like this and i keep that "oh suck it up" attitude im going to end it eventually. I dont know.. sorry for the un organization of my thoughts here had to vent to people ill never see in person or continue contact with, so i dont feel vulnerable to judgmental people. If you have more questions ask, im not even expecting responses back, just had to get this out there somehow.. music cant express everything to those who dont listen. there has to be another outlet rather than self medicating .. exercising and all that


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Offlinedoses
Obsessive Purist
Male


Registered: 11/21/10
Posts: 1,049
Last seen: 9 years, 5 months
Re: Aint trying to test suicide again.. [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #14121034 - 03/14/11 06:41 PM (12 years, 10 months ago)

PM me (yes, I have pure intentions).


--------------------
:atom: :tripmolecule: :lsdabc: :tripmolecule: :atom:


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
OfflineXUL
OTD Janitor
Male User Gallery


Registered: 03/16/05
Posts: 28,261
Loc: America Flag
Last seen: 4 years, 2 months
Re: Aint trying to test suicide again.. [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #14121697 - 03/14/11 08:35 PM (12 years, 10 months ago)

If you need to let your emotions out then you should find a way. My last semester was hard for me in college due to some bad circumstances. I went to see a school counselor (therapist) for the first time ever in my life. As soon as I went in she said to me... "You dont have to hold anything back here." I immediatly started crying and in result I felt better.

It didnt solve everything so I found other ways to vent my sadness, anger, and frustration. Im not recommending anything but this is what I did. I got some old furniture from my room and broke the shit out of it. I broke alot of household items that semester. Toasters, tiki drums, chairs, desks, lamps, and more. It actually made me feel better. Mostly because those items I broke were given to me by my ex girl.

If you have a car it wouldnt be a bad idea to drive around and belt out some lyrics. Its great to unleash in privacy. Sometimes I drive and sing for hours. I totally unleash all my emotions.

There is of course exercise. You probably heard that one a million times. Running would be a good one.

As far as social anxiety goes I feel you man. I have it very bad too. We just gotta try out best. One time I had job training in a small room for 3 days. Each day was as hard as climbing a mountain for me. I couldnt look the instructor in the eye and I had a panick attack for about 4-5 hours a day for 3 days. I just forced myself through the pain and I got the job.

Its not as bad on dates but I still have the same problem. I always find eye contact hard. It sucks but its life. We are who we are. There is ways to deal with it.


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Offlineeris
underground
Male User Gallery

Registered: 11/17/98
Posts: 48,024
Loc: North East, USA
Last seen: 4 months, 19 days
Re: Aint trying to test suicide again.. [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #14121780 - 03/14/11 08:48 PM (12 years, 10 months ago)

A lot of your thoughts sound familiar.. it's probably something that a lot of people go through at times or certain stages of their lives. I know I can relate to a lot of it. Maybe it's just about finding the right people to be able to feel comfortable with actually opening up to more. You aren't looking in the wrong places or anything. It will become more clear who you can trust and open up to the closer you get to such a person. Had similar problems with opening up in the past. Luckily I've found at least a few friends that I would call "true" or that have no other motives than genuine concern. Just having a friend like that can make all the difference.

The mind can be complicated as hell. I know at least from my own experience that it can be. I tend to get too caught up in my own deep thoughts often as well. It's almost like I wish there was an "off switch" to shut it down for a little while. Just the over analyzing of everything going on. I think it's just normal for certain people with active minds to think too much about things. Sometimes just finding an outlet for it all, or something to distract yourself can make a big difference to it. These issues also have a way of working themselves out over time. If I looked back at the times when I was really worn down by my thoughts, I notice that over time my mind almost found its own way of dealing with them.. I can notice a big difference at least from the way I am now and was then. In other words it is worth it to just keep going. Finding a way to just laugh it off and say "fuck it". Just getting through the rough times is really all it's about. Things get good eventually on their own.


--------------------
Immortal / Temporarily Retired
The OG Thread Killer
My mushroom hunting gallery


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Offlinedarkstar3616
gaining.one's.defintion
Male

Registered: 06/19/10
Posts: 156
Loc: Central PA Flag
Last seen: 11 years, 3 months
Re: Aint trying to test suicide again.. [Re: eris]
    #14124193 - 03/15/11 09:00 AM (12 years, 10 months ago)

Yeah if it wasnt for my good sense of humor id be fucked to be honest. Having the ability to laugh things off makes it easier at least. I just hate feeling like this, i dont like bitching about it though i feel like im crying out for attention which i dont like sympathy.


--------------------
"To weird to live, to rare to die":psychsplit:
“(He)Who looks outside, dreams; (He) who looks inside, awakens.” - Carl Gustav Jung


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Offlineshroom-jitsu
Divine Triangler
Male


Registered: 01/24/10
Posts: 439
Loc: Here
Last seen: 10 years, 7 months
Re: Aint trying to test suicide again.. [Re: darkstar3616]
    #14124259 - 03/15/11 09:22 AM (12 years, 10 months ago)

Stand for something or fall for anything.

You, my friend, need a purpose.  Rather, REQUIRE a purpose.  The beautiful thing about purpose is that you get to choose it.  Unfortunately, the biggest component required is confidence.  You may have trouble with this due to your history, but please remember that it is exactly that: history.  In the past.  The secret is, you don't need to do anything to gain confidence.  That's the misconception.  You don't succeed at stuff to gain confidence.  You succeed at stuff because you are confident.  It's a mental gimmick that's worth it's weight in gold.  Just BE it.  Practice.  Feel silly for a while, but ultimately you are confident if you believe it.  It will be your experience.

Remember it's your life.  You can choose to live it by reacting to everyone else thought, words and action.  In fact, that's not choice at all.  It's the forfeit of choice.  Without the power to choose, the spirit quickly withers.  This is why freewill and freedom alike are so important.  This is why people need to fight for them, or shut up and take their medication.

Stop playing THEIR games.  Stop looking at the world the way THEY say you should.  It's your life, your eyes and your world that you're looking at through them.  You don't need material of any sort.  You don't need acceptance.  You don't need support.  You only need to know that you have a spiritual core that is completely unassailable and indestructible by any force known to mankind.  This can not be hurt.  The only things that can be hurt are the useless sensibilities that people wrap around themselves to fit in to a society that is fundamentally flawed and ultimately doomed to failure.

If your experiencing emotional pain, all you need to do is change how you're looking at things.  Emotional pain is almost universally an indicator that YOU are looking at something, or are having expectations of something, that are contradictory.  Change it.  For example, you can't go through life bitching that money is the root of all evils, than be pissed off because you never have any cash.  I'd suggest taking a thorough accounting of your beliefs and see where they contradict.

But, before any of that, find some people to help.  THIS is the surest way to get out-of-head and feel good about yourself.  Spiritual currency is BY FAR the most powerful sort.  Every time you help someone, there is an exchange of "spiritual currency" that benefits both the giver and receiver.  There are plenty of folks here with your problems.  Find one.  Take the time to explain to that person all the things that YOU know YOU should be doing, thinking and feeling.  This is the first step to a life that is REALLY happy.

Best of Luck!


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Offlinedarkstar3616
gaining.one's.defintion
Male

Registered: 06/19/10
Posts: 156
Loc: Central PA Flag
Last seen: 11 years, 3 months
Re: Aint trying to test suicide again.. [Re: shroom-jitsu]
    #14125602 - 03/15/11 03:47 PM (12 years, 10 months ago)

A lot of this advice makes alot of sense to me, but its hard to sort my thoughts to know what i need to do. I thank all of you, for giving me different perspectives, and also a higher sense of hope that came along with that.


--------------------
"To weird to live, to rare to die":psychsplit:
“(He)Who looks outside, dreams; (He) who looks inside, awakens.” - Carl Gustav Jung


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Jump to top Pages: 1

Kraken Kratom Shop: Red Vein Kratom


Similar ThreadsPosterViewsRepliesLast post
* The third largest psychological problem in the world
( 1 2 3 all )
Fungi_x 11,443 44 06/01/04 10:32 AM
by MOTH
* Complitating Suicide
( 1 2 3 4 all )
Anonymous 11,037 76 03/06/05 01:17 PM
by RTate
* Meth addict on the verge of suicide Gumby 4,165 13 07/23/04 06:11 PM
by UncleMike
* when is suicide an answer? Heliosphan 2,641 10 05/19/03 11:04 PM
by Anonymous
* Mostly Suicidals? ShittakeHead 1,940 12 06/08/07 11:59 AM
by Icelander
* My brother shot himself 8 days ago and he died in my arms
( 1 2 all )
Adden 3,402 20 07/11/13 08:48 PM
by Adden
* Contemplating Suicide daba 1,821 7 05/20/03 08:34 PM
by daba
* Booze problem... nofind_um 1,222 7 05/07/04 06:53 PM
by Dreamer987

Extra information
You cannot start new topics / You cannot reply to topics
HTML is disabled / BBCode is enabled
Moderator: CherryBom, Rose, mndfreeze, yogabunny, feevers, CookieCrumbs, Northerner
424 topic views. 0 members, 2 guests and 3 web crawlers are browsing this forum.
[ Show Images Only | Sort by Score | Print Topic ]
Search this thread:

Copyright 1997-2024 Mind Media. Some rights reserved.

Generated in 0.024 seconds spending 0.007 seconds on 15 queries.