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Offlineyessir
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Registered: 12/23/10
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Re: Depressed dads more likely to spank [Re: PreparationH]
    #14125039 - 03/15/11 01:52 PM (12 years, 10 months ago)

I think those who spank their children simply don't have patience. It's amazing how patronizing some people can be. Children will understand if you simply explain to them in words they can understand as to why.

As for "quick dicipline," I don't know what that means. I can't think of a scenario that couldn't be dealt with without spanking.


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OfflineKada
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Registered: 02/15/05
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Re: Depressed dads more likely to spank [Re: yessir]
    #14125054 - 03/15/11 01:55 PM (12 years, 10 months ago)

Do you have a kid?


--------------------
~The Cultivators Motherload~

"I am free, no matter what rules surround me. If I find them tolerable, I tolerate them; if I find them too obnoxious, I break them.
I am free because I know that I alone am morally responsible for everything I do." -Robert A. Heinlein

"There is no need for temples, no need for complicated philosophies.
My brain and my heart are my temples; my philosophy is kindness."-Dalai Lama

Live long and prosper.



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Offlineyessir
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Registered: 12/23/10
Posts: 212
Loc: Pudget Sound
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Re: Depressed dads more likely to spank [Re: Kada]
    #14125164 - 03/15/11 02:18 PM (12 years, 10 months ago)

No. But I have a brain. And I have experience in disciplining children. Many parents successfully raise their kids without spanking. What makes you so different?


Edited by yessir (03/15/11 02:20 PM)


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OfflineKada
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Re: Depressed dads more likely to spank [Re: yessir]
    #14125441 - 03/15/11 03:14 PM (12 years, 10 months ago)

If you don't have a kid then you have no idea what your talking about.


--------------------
~The Cultivators Motherload~

"I am free, no matter what rules surround me. If I find them tolerable, I tolerate them; if I find them too obnoxious, I break them.
I am free because I know that I alone am morally responsible for everything I do." -Robert A. Heinlein

"There is no need for temples, no need for complicated philosophies.
My brain and my heart are my temples; my philosophy is kindness."-Dalai Lama

Live long and prosper.



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Offlineyessir
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Registered: 12/23/10
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Re: Depressed dads more likely to spank [Re: Kada]
    #14125448 - 03/15/11 03:14 PM (12 years, 10 months ago)

Quote:

Kada said:
If you don't have a kid then you have no idea what your talking about.




That's quite the cop out.


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OfflineKada
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Re: Depressed dads more likely to spank [Re: yessir] * 1
    #14125477 - 03/15/11 03:20 PM (12 years, 10 months ago)

Your entitled to your opinion.


--------------------
~The Cultivators Motherload~

"I am free, no matter what rules surround me. If I find them tolerable, I tolerate them; if I find them too obnoxious, I break them.
I am free because I know that I alone am morally responsible for everything I do." -Robert A. Heinlein

"There is no need for temples, no need for complicated philosophies.
My brain and my heart are my temples; my philosophy is kindness."-Dalai Lama

Live long and prosper.



Edited by Kada (03/15/11 03:49 PM)


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Offlineiluvfungi
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Re: Depressed dads more likely to spank [Re: Choix Sinaloa]
    #14125612 - 03/15/11 03:49 PM (12 years, 10 months ago)

Quote:

Choix Sinaloa said:
Lots of information has been collected on the effects of depressed moms on their children, but very little on sad dads. Now a study published in the current issue of Pediatrics finds that fathers who suffer from depression are more likely to hit their children than fathers who are not depressed.

Researchers looked at a group of 1,700 fathers of 1-year-old children. They found 7 percent of the men had a diagnosis of  depression. Compared with non-depressed dads, fathers who suffered from depression were nearly four times more likely to report spanking their child and less likely to be involved in day-to-day parent/child activities, such as reading a book. Surprisingly, the most depressed fathers, along with non-depressed dads, reported regularly playing games and singing and talking to their kids. Researchers say this suggests that these activities may be more routine behaviors for fathers than reading.

But there is room for communication. Authors of the research say, because 77 percent of the depressed fathers in the study reported talking to their child’s pediatrician, visits to the little ones’ doctors may provide an excellent opportunity for physicians to discuss parenting habits with fathers and refer any depressed dad for appropriate treatment, if necessary.

"Fathers' active roles in families and their mental health clearly influence child development and well being," the study states. "The field of pediatrics is now faced with finding ways to support fathers in their parenting roles much in the same way we support mothers."

http://thechart.blogs.cnn.com/2011/03/14/depressed-dads-more-likely-to-spank/?hpt=T2

Marijuana would salve that




That would seem obvious given alcohol is a depressant / escape from reality and is linked to higher rates of child abuse.


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Offlinemakaveli8x8
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Re: Depressed dads more likely to spank [Re: Prisoner#1]
    #14127437 - 03/15/11 09:25 PM (12 years, 10 months ago)

Quote:

Prisoner#1 said:
what's fucked up is the fact that people want to equate a spanking with
rape, aggression and abuse, when my kids get spanked I dont do it out of
anger or frustration, I do it out of necessity to deliver a message
quickly, one example is when I'm in public with my kids and one decides to
create a disruption, that draws my attention to the thing I need to do in
order to ensure their safety as well as the comfort of those around us

my daughter asked for a candy bar while I was in a checkout at the grocery
store one day, she had already been misbehaving and had been warned that
her behavior was unacceptable, she grabbed the candy and put it up with
the rest of my purchase and I put it back, she did it a second time and I
returned it to the rack and told her not to do it again, she grabbed it,
started to throw a fit so I took it, put it back on the rack and popped
her butt in front of a dozen people, she no longer pushed the issue and
the lady behind me commented on the fact that it's a shame that more
parents aren't willing to stand up tot heir children, that they give in




Remember when i said it wasn't a debate about which was worse?  Thats because that wasn't my point, so when you say I was trying to say spanking was as bad as rape thats simply not the case.  I said I couldn't see much of a difference based on how widely they very which surely we should all understand. What that means is that it has the potential, there's no guide that parents get on how to properly spank there child.  And from my experience with my hillbilly bible thumping relatives the way they spank a child will cause some problems.  Not only do the kids not have any clue why they are being spanked, its always has yelling and screaming along with it.  These parents clearly enjoy spanking there child, and ive seen them actively bait there children into misbehaving so that they had a reason to spank them. 

Overall spanking is about power, it puts parents who can't handle it into a power trip, they begin to enjoy it, and from what ive seen it usually progresses from more than just spankings.  Ive seen bitch slaps that sent there kids crying and bleeding for at least an hour from the nose.  And what followed this event?  The kid attempting to run away...

So when I say spanking, we can't just assume everyone does it exactly the same, or even for the right reasons, or in a way the kid understands why it happened.  However in either case, over time these spankings/beatings can build up in the mind.  Just because your children don't seem affected learning wise, doesn't mean it doesn't or can't happen, or that they arn't affected by it in other ways.  There's a growing trend that women do better in school, and overall girls are raised different than boys, so there should be some correlation seen here that the way they are raised can affect how they learn.

And i know exactly what its like to raise children, saying you have to have children to know is bullshit.  You merely need to be around a household long enough to see.  I know you can tell them things over and over, but there not stupid, it might take 20 questions to fully explain something, and alot of times it takes so many questions because the rule your trying to inforce is just simply stupid and mainly just to conform to stupid rules of society.  Its usually when you find yourself spanking your child saying "because i said so".

And you want to know how i know my way works, because i actually used it on my hillbilly bible thumpers children and i call them that because everyone knows at least 1 person like that, and there sitting there saying why the fuck do they listen to him but not us, they just looked shocked, and it really set in when there children told them they wished I was there dad.  Now are they going to listen to everything most likely not, but when they don't there's more than just "yelling and spanking" to resolve the issue, 1 example is distraction.  Maybe some cases where the issue can't be solved, thats when you just let it happen and let fate take its course.

As for your candybar scene, thats a prime example, there's a few different ways that could have went down.  And one that works well, compeletely ignoring them, there's a reason they cry for what they want, because you taught them to:shrug:  you need a system, if your system has holes the kids will find it.  is it easy no of course not, can it be done...yes, yes you can raise a child without ever spanking or yelling at them, and if you ever manage such a task, they will be better for it, thats my point and thats what parents should be trying there dammest to do, why would that not be everyone's goal.

Your kids want to stay up, let them, they miss school, home school them then. Eventually they might say ok i want to go back to public school. There's fixes for just about everything then the kid will grow up being what they truely wanted to be,not some molded playdoe, and without ever making enemies with there parents.  And a time will come when they arn't kids anymore, and when that day comes, something strange will happen, not only will they listen, they'll believe you.  Instead the first thing they do is gtfo, join the army, jump off a cliff,...why.


--------------------
We were sent to hell for eternity :hellfire: Ø:omgawesome:h®
We play on earth to pass the time :foreheadslap:

Over-population the root of all Evil-brings the Elites Closer to the gates.


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OfflineKada
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Re: Depressed dads more likely to spank [Re: makaveli8x8]
    #14127508 - 03/15/11 09:39 PM (12 years, 10 months ago)

You have no idea what it's like to be a parent. You have no idea what it takes to actually raise another person. You can look at it from the outside, but until you have been there you have no clue. You sound like you are good with kids, but that is in no way being a parent at all. Your on a good start to learning it sounds like. Go find a girl and knock her up. Come back in 6-7 years and talk to me then. I'll be the one laughing.


--------------------
~The Cultivators Motherload~

"I am free, no matter what rules surround me. If I find them tolerable, I tolerate them; if I find them too obnoxious, I break them.
I am free because I know that I alone am morally responsible for everything I do." -Robert A. Heinlein

"There is no need for temples, no need for complicated philosophies.
My brain and my heart are my temples; my philosophy is kindness."-Dalai Lama

Live long and prosper.



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OfflinePreparationH
apply daily


Registered: 03/28/05
Posts: 18,306
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Re: Depressed dads more likely to spank [Re: Kada]
    #14127519 - 03/15/11 09:41 PM (12 years, 10 months ago)

A challenge!

I see you're a supporter again, nice.


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Offlinemakaveli8x8
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Re: Depressed dads more likely to spank [Re: Kada]
    #14127587 - 03/15/11 09:50 PM (12 years, 10 months ago)

Quote:

Kada said:
You have no idea what it's like to be a parent. You have no idea what it takes to actually raise another person. You can look at it from the outside, but until you have been there you have no clue. You sound like you are good with kids, but that is in no way being a parent at all. Your on a good start to learning it sounds like. Go find a girl and knock her up. Come back in 6-7 years and talk to me then. I'll be the one laughing.




so tell me what exactly is the difference between being a parent and being a non biological parent?


--------------------
We were sent to hell for eternity :hellfire: Ø:omgawesome:h®
We play on earth to pass the time :foreheadslap:

Over-population the root of all Evil-brings the Elites Closer to the gates.


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OfflineKada
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Re: Depressed dads more likely to spank [Re: makaveli8x8]
    #14127991 - 03/15/11 10:55 PM (12 years, 10 months ago)

People have written books on what it means to be a parent. I couldn't possibly describe everything. I didn't say you had to be the kids biological father, just his or her's father. 24/7, 365 days a year raising the kid yourself. It takes more work than imaginable and is demanding. It is dedicating your life to someone and being responsible for the person they turn into. The first 5 years of a childs life is the roughest in my experience. There are thousands of situations that I never have thought I would ever have to deal with with my boys. You wouldn't believe some of the things kids try to pull or get away with. Kids are irrational and unpredictable at times. A swat on the butt here and there isn't going to fuck up a kid.

I have spanked both of my boys before and I will again if they need it. One of the few times I have spanked my 2 year old was because he hit his brother in the face with his giant metal dump truck. That was the 3rd time in two days he hit him in the face with something and it was the 3rd pair of glasses he broke in 2 weeks. My oldest son was bleeding and had to go to redimed. You better bet I put the 2 year old over my knee and gave him a good spanking right when it happened. Obviously all the reasoning and talking didn't work the first two times he did this. Sending him to his room obviously didn't work. I spanked him and then explained in a very firm voice that he was to never do that again and why. I told him about how he shouldn't hurt his brother and if he did it again he would get another spanking. He felt horrible that he did it and he said sorry and then hugged everyone. We all got over it and things got back to normal within minutes. He has never smashed in his brothers face with one of his toys again.

Spanking works when you use it as a last resort and sparingly. I have never had anyone tell me my kids are anything but well mannered happy kids. No one I know with kids would have handled that situation any differently than I did. Did I want to spank him? No. Will I do it again if needed? Hell yes I will and my wife stands behind me on it if she isn't the one spanking them in the first place. No spanking it isn't a common around here but it will happen if it is needed.

When I say spank I don't mean beat the crap out of them. When I spank it isn't any harder than when we play fight. It isn't abuse in any way whatsoever.


--------------------
~The Cultivators Motherload~

"I am free, no matter what rules surround me. If I find them tolerable, I tolerate them; if I find them too obnoxious, I break them.
I am free because I know that I alone am morally responsible for everything I do." -Robert A. Heinlein

"There is no need for temples, no need for complicated philosophies.
My brain and my heart are my temples; my philosophy is kindness."-Dalai Lama

Live long and prosper.



Edited by Kada (03/15/11 11:08 PM)


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