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meatcakeman
the search for bodhisattva



Registered: 07/03/07
Posts: 8,380
Loc: el sol
Last seen: 10 years, 9 months
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maybe they think you're poor?
LOL jk
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Hasta siempre, comandante.
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Silversoul
Rhizome


Registered: 01/01/05
Posts: 23,576
Loc: The Barricades
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Re: any Poly-couples? [Re: Hakim0777]
#14119828 - 03/14/11 03:02 PM (12 years, 10 months ago) |
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Quote:
Hakim0777 said: Its def an eye opener with the main theme being that monogamy doesn't really fit with our nature.
Yes, I've seen a lot of buzz about that book, and obviously people aren't purely monogamous, but monogamy has been with us for at least a few thousand years and worked relatively well. Personally, whatever someone wants to say about how "unnatural" monogamy is, it's never felt unnatural to me. Though I'm currently single, I've never had any trouble staying faithful in my past relationships. And more than anything, I just want to be with one woman for the rest of my life. There's a whole army of post-modern, edgy thinkers who want to tell me that that desire goes against my biology and that the only reason I would want that is because it's been culturally programmed into me. All I know is that I've seen how monogamy can work. My grandparents got married in their early 20's and they're still together. My parents are still together as well. Now, I'm all for people exploring polyamory and open relationships if that's what they're into, but I get a little sick of the people who try to denounce as unnatural a system which has worked for millenia.
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yogabunny
fancy cat



Registered: 11/01/09
Posts: 11,281
Loc: Nasty Women Get Shit Done
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that's weird. i feel like the dude should pay on the first date, especially if HE asked ME, which is usually how it goes.
sorry for hijacking your thread ellen. i thought it was kind of on topic, but anyway, polyamory.....
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yogabunny
fancy cat



Registered: 11/01/09
Posts: 11,281
Loc: Nasty Women Get Shit Done
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Quote:
Silversoul said:
Quote:
Hakim0777 said: Its def an eye opener with the main theme being that monogamy doesn't really fit with our nature.
Yes, I've seen a lot of buzz about that book, and obviously people aren't purely monogamous, but monogamy has been with us for at least a few thousand years and worked relatively well. Personally, whatever someone wants to say about how "unnatural" monogamy is, it's never felt unnatural to me. Though I'm currently single, I've never had any trouble staying faithful in my past relationships. And more than anything, I just want to be with one woman for the rest of my life. There's a whole army of post-modern, edgy thinkers who want to tell me that that desire goes against my biology and that the only reason I would want that is because it's been culturally programmed into me. All I know is that I've seen how monogamy can work. My grandparents got married in their early 20's and they're still together. My parents are still together as well. Now, I'm all for people exploring polyamory and open relationships if that's what they're into, but I get a little sick of the people who try to denounce as unnatural a system which has worked for millenia.
i gotta say i agree with that 100%. sometimes monogamy works for some people, sometimes it doesn't. same with polyamory. all these lifestyles are completely natural if everyone involved is open, honest, communicative and loving.
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MisterMuscaria



Registered: 05/13/08
Posts: 27,646
Loc:
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Re: any Poly-couples? [Re: yogabunny]
#14119922 - 03/14/11 03:23 PM (12 years, 10 months ago) |
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Whenever I ask out girls they always flake out on me.  Usually the dates that actually DO end up happening are the ones where she asked me.
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Hakim0777
aka RACKBONE!!!




Registered: 08/25/06
Posts: 8,071
Loc: PNW
Last seen: 1 year, 3 months
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Quote:
Silversoul said:
Quote:
Hakim0777 said: Its def an eye opener with the main theme being that monogamy doesn't really fit with our nature.
Yes, I've seen a lot of buzz about that book, and obviously people aren't purely monogamous, but monogamy has been with us for at least a few thousand years and worked relatively well. Personally, whatever someone wants to say about how "unnatural" monogamy is, it's never felt unnatural to me. Though I'm currently single, I've never had any trouble staying faithful in my past relationships. And more than anything, I just want to be with one woman for the rest of my life. There's a whole army of post-modern, edgy thinkers who want to tell me that that desire goes against my biology and that the only reason I would want that is because it's been culturally programmed into me. All I know is that I've seen how monogamy can work. My grandparents got married in their early 20's and they're still together. My parents are still together as well. Now, I'm all for people exploring polyamory and open relationships if that's what they're into, but I get a little sick of the people who try to denounce as unnatural a system which has worked for millenia.
Im not saying it doesn't work, but fo4r the majority of people I dont think it does. And monogamy has been the "regular for 2000ish years but we (just counting homo sapiens) have 35000+ years of living in poly tribes.
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ifoundwaldo


Registered: 09/28/10
Posts: 8,389
Loc: Denver, CO
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Re: any Poly-couples? [Re: Hakim0777] 3
#14120015 - 03/14/11 03:45 PM (12 years, 10 months ago) |
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Quote:
Hakim0777 said: but we (just counting homo sapiens) have 35000+ years of living in poly tribes.
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koraks
Registered: 06/02/03
Posts: 26,672
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Re: any Poly-couples? [Re: Hakim0777]
#14120019 - 03/14/11 03:46 PM (12 years, 10 months ago) |
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Personally, I think that many (most?) people are in fact monogamous. But they are so in a serial fashion; you could say we are serial monogamists. Socially speaking, there's a lot to be said for strict monogamy (i.e. life-long monogamy) as it acts as a stabilizing factor in a society. But I believe that in a biological or evolutionary sense, mating with consecutive partners is a more 'natural' behavior. So I suppose we meet somewhere in the middle and end up sticking to one partner for a couple of years, and then move on to the next. Recent trends (i.e. since the 1950s) in marital practices (marriages and divorces) seem to offer some support for this view. I also believe that some polyamorists may in fact be serial monogamists with a relatively high switching frequency and a tendency to return to partners they've been with in the past. I guess there's a grey area there that allows for lots of discussion and (hopefully) fruitful and happy experimentation (although I'm still convinced that frustration is at least as likely to be a result).
Pure, life-long monogamy, now that's a story I really don't believe in anymore. But there is something deeply beautiful in those 90-year old couples who married in 1946 and then just stuck together.
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Silversoul
Rhizome


Registered: 01/01/05
Posts: 23,576
Loc: The Barricades
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Re: any Poly-couples? [Re: koraks]
#14120054 - 03/14/11 03:52 PM (12 years, 10 months ago) |
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Actually, the divorce statistics are skewed by serial divorces, i.e. people who've been married and divorced 2, 3, 4 times and so on. A majority of first marriages still succeed, and then if you factor in the percentage of second marriages that succeed, then you get a rather large majority who eventually find someone they can spend the rest of their life with. On the other hand, if someone's been married 5 times, maybe they ought to just reconsider the whole marriage thing altogether.
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koraks
Registered: 06/02/03
Posts: 26,672
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I agree with you; it's definitely not a 100% correlation. But correct me if I'm wrong: those who do marry, do so at a later age, after having been with more partners than was the case in the past.
Quote:
On the other hand, if someone's been married 5 times, maybe they ought to just reconsider the whole marriage thing altogether.
Yeah, alright, but if they don't mind getting divorced 5 times, then why stop them? I don't really care if people just decide to live together and the part their ways, or if they marry and divorce on top of that. Marriage has transformed from a built-to-last asset to a consumer good.
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Silversoul
Rhizome


Registered: 01/01/05
Posts: 23,576
Loc: The Barricades
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Re: any Poly-couples? [Re: koraks]
#14120154 - 03/14/11 04:14 PM (12 years, 10 months ago) |
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Quote:
koraks said: I agree with you; it's definitely not a 100% correlation. But correct me if I'm wrong: those who do marry, do so at a later age, after having been with more partners than was the case in the past.
It's true that couples who marry after the age of 25 are more likely to stay together than those who marry before then, but I haven't seen any data to suggest that this is related to the number of partners they've had.
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pwnasaurus
Stranger



Registered: 07/16/08
Posts: 12,317
Loc: Canada
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Re: any Poly-couples? [Re: yogabunny] 1
#14121296 - 03/14/11 07:26 PM (12 years, 10 months ago) |
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Quote:
yogabunny said: that's weird. i feel like the dude should pay on the first date, especially if HE asked ME, which is usually how it goes.
sorry for hijacking your thread ellen. i thought it was kind of on topic, but anyway, polyamory.....
Wow that's weak as fuck. I'm glad my girl has the decency to consider herself my equal, and doesn't feel that I 'owe' her anything.
I don't get how women can expect to have equal rights to men in some senses, but then will almost all cases not ever ask a man out, and assume the date should be paid for by the man .
Talk about double standards.
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Hakim0777
aka RACKBONE!!!




Registered: 08/25/06
Posts: 8,071
Loc: PNW
Last seen: 1 year, 3 months
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Re: any Poly-couples? [Re: koraks]
#14121305 - 03/14/11 07:28 PM (12 years, 10 months ago) |
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Quote:
koraks said: Personally, I think that many (most?) people are in fact monogamous. But they are so in a serial fashion; you could say we are serial monogamists. Socially speaking, there's a lot to be said for strict monogamy (i.e. life-long monogamy) as it acts as a stabilizing factor in a society. But I believe that in a biological or evolutionary sense, mating with consecutive partners is a more 'natural' behavior. So I suppose we meet somewhere in the middle and end up sticking to one partner for a couple of years, and then move on to the next. Recent trends (i.e. since the 1950s) in marital practices (marriages and divorces) seem to offer some support for this view. I also believe that some polyamorists may in fact be serial monogamists with a relatively high switching frequency and a tendency to return to partners they've been with in the past. I guess there's a grey area there that allows for lots of discussion and (hopefully) fruitful and happy experimentation (although I'm still convinced that frustration is at least as likely to be a result).
Pure, life-long monogamy, now that's a story I really don't believe in anymore. But there is something deeply beautiful in those 90-year old couples who married in 1946 and then just stuck together.
Yea Serial monogamy is my preferred relationship pattern.
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yogabunny
fancy cat



Registered: 11/01/09
Posts: 11,281
Loc: Nasty Women Get Shit Done
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If a guys asks me out to dinner he better be paying. I will buy the drinks or cab after but yeah I think that is standard etiquette
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Beanhead
IS IRONIC PARADOX


Registered: 10/11/08
Posts: 17,257
Loc: Geospatial inversion.
Last seen: 3 years, 5 months
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Re: any Poly-couples? [Re: yogabunny]
#14121410 - 03/14/11 07:45 PM (12 years, 10 months ago) |
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How could I have missed that pansexuality thread, I didn't know there was a name for such sexual orientation.
A bit too much to read now to put up a more decent reply . Love the way you think Ellen
Edited by Beanhead (03/14/11 07:46 PM)
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thoughts
imagining.


Registered: 10/06/07
Posts: 16,816
Loc: here.
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Re: any Poly-couples? [Re: yogabunny]
#14121418 - 03/14/11 07:47 PM (12 years, 10 months ago) |
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Yeah, only douchebags invite girls to dinner and try to pull the "Oh, i forgot my wallet" move.
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AlmostAsCoolAs


Registered: 11/14/09
Posts: 7,215
Loc: California
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How is that weak? If I ask a girl on a date I definitely wouldn't expect her to pay. Man up dude.
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yogabunny
fancy cat



Registered: 11/01/09
Posts: 11,281
Loc: Nasty Women Get Shit Done
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Quote:
pwnasaurus said:
Quote:
yogabunny said: that's weird. i feel like the dude should pay on the first date, especially if HE asked ME, which is usually how it goes.
sorry for hijacking your thread ellen. i thought it was kind of on topic, but anyway, polyamory.....
Wow that's weak as fuck. I'm glad my girl has the decency to consider herself my equal, and doesn't feel that I 'owe' her anything.
I don't get how women can expect to have equal rights to men in some senses, but then will almost all cases not ever ask a man out, and assume the date should be paid for by the man .
Talk about double standards.
Why can't equal rights and chivalry co-exist???
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Hakim0777
aka RACKBONE!!!




Registered: 08/25/06
Posts: 8,071
Loc: PNW
Last seen: 1 year, 3 months
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Re: any Poly-couples? [Re: yogabunny] 1
#14121764 - 03/14/11 08:46 PM (12 years, 10 months ago) |
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Quote:
yogabunny said:
Quote:
pwnasaurus said:
Quote:
yogabunny said: that's weird. i feel like the dude should pay on the first date, especially if HE asked ME, which is usually how it goes.
sorry for hijacking your thread ellen. i thought it was kind of on topic, but anyway, polyamory.....
Wow that's weak as fuck. I'm glad my girl has the decency to consider herself my equal, and doesn't feel that I 'owe' her anything.
I don't get how women can expect to have equal rights to men in some senses, but then will almost all cases not ever ask a man out, and assume the date should be paid for by the man .
Talk about double standards.
Why can't equal rights and chivalry co-exist???
Lol because its unrealistic?
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yogabunny
fancy cat



Registered: 11/01/09
Posts: 11,281
Loc: Nasty Women Get Shit Done
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Re: any Poly-couples? [Re: Hakim0777]
#14122850 - 03/14/11 11:32 PM (12 years, 10 months ago) |
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i just want to thank the universe that i live in a city where it seems like they do, quite harmoniously too.
or maybe i just manifest the type of guy who understands i am a strong and independent woman, who also likes a bit of old fashioned romance.
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