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Raven Gnosis
π°π’π―ππ’π«π±π¦π π¦π‘π


Registered: 02/10/11
Posts: 1,311
Loc: Necoc Yaotl
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I can never be the "same".
#14112875 - 03/13/11 03:04 AM (12 years, 10 months ago) |
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I can never be the same...
I find this statement in itself to be wildly absurd and almost redundant, given the universe and life are in a constant ever flowing stream of change, despite any perceived stagnancy.
To make more clear what I am saying, I can never be the same on an ordinary level accepted as societal norm.
I have seen too much, In life, in the face of my death and the many I have grieved. In my several years in constant touch with nature, searching for understanding and meaning. In my search for truth at all costs, In the deconstructing and reconstructing and manipulation of my emotional, behavioral, paradigmatic and perceptual constructs and patterns. In objectively observing the world and my fellow hominids within it. In my many hardships.
Sometimes, I long for the silly blissful animalistic ignorance I witness in so much of the world and people I love around me or am too aware of myself to really engage in without peering inward at the inwardness I am externalizing.
I often feel unfit for this world, or for the silly distraction of a game we call society and it's praxis, rather.
Yet, I would never trade it for the wisdom in my bones.
Sometimes, I long for my death I have peacefully and happily accepted as inevitable and nigh at any moment.
The only things that seem worth while are the things I am passionate about and the deep love me and my women feel for one another, reflected in one another's eyes, that wordless warmth that flutters between us without our flesh touching, my deep desire to create a family with her, grow old and die with her. Food in my belly, good music and friends. Fresh air on my flesh, smelling the wind that sends the trees into a dancing cacophony, so satisfying to my senses. A towhee quietly hopping from branch to branch, eyeballing me in curiosity. The soft chirping of crickets on a warm summer evening while staring at the soft glow of the orange hued moon while it swims across the sky, hauntingly illuminating any trace of cloud it passes, only to sink behind the mountains, leaving nothing exposed but the dark abyss of space to peer into, solemnly with wonder.
So primordially satisfying and real... So human.
It feels as if in a way, I have become and am already in that howling maw of death. I have been robbed of what makes a man alive, stripped of my senses, of my humanity, I have died. So now, I desire nothing but to live. It feels as if In a way I have become and am already in that howling maw of death. I have died. So now I desire nothing but to live.
I am sure there are some, or many here perhaps, who feel me.
-------------------- To be human is to be fettered, to endure what one is, in perpetuum, no matter what the debility or perversity.
Edited by Raven Gnosis (03/13/11 07:29 PM)
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llevitron
oΒ€o



Registered: 03/04/10
Posts: 84
Loc: Northeastern USA
Last seen: 12 years, 5 months
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Re: I can never be the 'same'. [Re: Raven Gnosis]
#14112950 - 03/13/11 03:51 AM (12 years, 10 months ago) |
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I hear that loud and clear. oΒ€o
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JackofSpades
Peace



Registered: 03/01/09
Posts: 2,897
Last seen: 10 years, 6 months
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Re: I can never be the 'same'. [Re: llevitron] 1
#14113062 - 03/13/11 05:55 AM (12 years, 10 months ago) |
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yeah i totally understand that. you went from being an extremely attached person (ignorant) to a person slowly detaching (awakening) which is a difficult process. I'm going through the same thing. The one thing I've noticed is the more you detach the easier it gets and once you get over that first stage of panic I think its all downhill. good luck
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 If you're frightened of dying and you're holding on, you'll see devils tearing your life away. But if you've made your peace, then the devils are really angels, freeing you from the earth.
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Withinity
Untitled

Registered: 04/11/10
Posts: 1,357
Loc: CΓ΄te dβIvoire
Last seen: 1 year, 10 months
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Re: I can never be the 'same'. [Re: JackofSpades] 1
#14113530 - 03/13/11 10:25 AM (12 years, 10 months ago) |
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I can totally relate , and this post is completely relevant to my day ,nice coincidence.
i feel you bro
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Edited by Withinity (03/13/11 10:26 AM)
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Icelander
The Minstrel in the Gallery



Registered: 03/15/05
Posts: 95,368
Loc: underbelly
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Re: I can never be the 'same'. [Re: Raven Gnosis] 1
#14114138 - 03/13/11 12:54 PM (12 years, 10 months ago) |
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Yes, The price paid is separation from the tribe. From the comfort of mass consensus agreement on comforting lies.
The heaviest blow ime comes when one realizes that however separate from that culture one feels oneself and alienated from humanity at large one is forever a product of that humanity and that culture. The awareness of being part of a very (subjectively) flawed and dysfunctional species is there when you wake up and there when you fall into sleep. There will never again be a black and white image of the "bad guys" without seeing your face in the mirror.
-------------------- "Don't believe everything you think". -Anom. " All that lives was born to die"-Anom. With much wisdom comes much sorrow, The more knowledge, the more grief. Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC
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deranger

Registered: 01/21/08
Posts: 6,840
Loc: off the wall
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Re: I can never be the 'same'. [Re: Icelander]
#14114279 - 03/13/11 01:36 PM (12 years, 10 months ago) |
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Raven Gnosis
π°π’π―ππ’π«π±π¦π π¦π‘π


Registered: 02/10/11
Posts: 1,311
Loc: Necoc Yaotl
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Re: I can never be the 'same'. [Re: Icelander]
#14115015 - 03/13/11 04:44 PM (12 years, 10 months ago) |
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Quote:
Icelander said: Yes, The price paid is separation from the tribe. From the comfort of mass consensus agreement on comforting lies.
The heaviest blow ime comes when one realizes that however separate from that culture one feels oneself and alienated from humanity at large one is forever a product of that humanity and that culture. The awareness of being part of a very (subjectively) flawed and dysfunctional species is there when you wake up and there when you fall into sleep. There will never again be a black and white image of the "bad guys" without seeing your face in the mirror.
Definitely true, Icelander, that gnosis makes me feel more at home. I find serenity and beauty in the nightmare of knowing, more so than I do the tranquility of ignorance.
"Yet, I would never trade it for the wisdom in my bones." Not in a million years.
-------------------- To be human is to be fettered, to endure what one is, in perpetuum, no matter what the debility or perversity.
Edited by Raven Gnosis (03/13/11 07:13 PM)
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