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Anonymous #1

I Feel Like Crap, Don't Know How To Fix Cycle
    #14107246 - 03/12/11 02:45 AM (12 years, 10 months ago)

Alright, I do see a psychiatrist monthly and a therapist weekly but lately things have been weird and I don't really feel that their interests in my treatment process are my own interests, everytime I try to talk about issues that bug me they seem to give me some kind of runaround and I either get distracted onto a different topic or we end up debating about stupid things.

I am a very open minded person when it comes to everything, and originally I was very open minded to anything my therapists would suggest but the more time passes the less I honestly feel safe listening to them.

First of all I was diagnosed bipolar a few years ago, and I was perscribed medication.  Heavy medication.  I felt numb and tranquilized and sick for months resulting this. I still felt fluctuations of mood, I didn't feel undepressed or anything just numb and emotionless mostly.  I lost my sex drive and ability to feel pleasure in my genitals and thats when I lost it and started trying to talk to them about the meds.

After nobody listened to me about the meds, about 5 months ago I went off them.  They both still think I am on them.  I honestly think I am better off since I haven't been on the meds except my schedule has gotten really out of whack lately due to my own actions and I don't know how to turn it around.  I will explain.

Last fall I started playing video games again, it's the winter where I live and I really really really hate the winter.  Leaving the house requires a ton of motivation, and I guess in my laziness and ability to cope with winter I started playing the games again.  I quickly got caught up with online friends and fun and started playing all night long and sleeping all day.  Since I am currently unemployed (inability to find a job that will hire me even though I have applied for many) I don't have much else to do.  I sometimes do group events with my therapists other kids but I don't find I have much in common with them aside from all being bipolar or other mental illness.

So here I am, I've been staying up all night playing video games and sleeping all day, I haven't been eating the best, and I just feel ---- worn out all the time, starting to get worried I might fall back into super depression, UNWILLING to take the medications because they literally almost pushed me to suicide last time I took them ----------

I want to start eating healthier, I want to get my house cleaner and do another zen cleaning (where I clean and sort my posessions, and get rid of the shit and clothes I haven't been using or wearing in the last year or so) as I hate to own a ton of posessions it makes me feel even more cluttered and bogged down than I already feel from my emotions sometimes.  I want to start going to the gym again (if the weather ever warms up) where I do yoga, swimming and sometimes running/weights.  I want to start eating Paleo, maybe not a full paleo but start gradually working that way, because I have heard it can have great benefits on stabilizing blood sugars (I am highly affected by sugars and caffeines and things like that, but irregardless I have still been eating like shit).

Here's the thing, I have all these good plans to turn myself around but I have a very hard time starting them.  I want to do them all at once, or I never feel like I'm accomplishing anything, I don't know how to just start easy.  I guess the main thing is that I don't have any energy right now to even DO any of this.

I need to start being awake during the daytime again, not getting sunlight is KILLING me.  The weather will be warm enough to start doing things like taking walks outdoors in about a month and a half.  I will be able to start going to the gym then so I have until then to try to get my sleep schedule back to normal.

Does anyone have any advice, or anything they can tell me that might help.  I honestly feel like my therapists and psychiatrist especially doesn't ever listen to me and what I might be trying to accomplish and just tries to push their own agenda on me.  Or no agenda at all, which can't happen either.  If I don't get out of the house for working out or working at a job soon I am going to lose my mind altogether.  Everytime I bring up work my therapist is like ARE YOU SURE YOU ARE READY FOR THIS?  WE DONT HAVE TO RUSH IT.  But I haven't worked in 2 years and I can't keep living off my parents money that just stresses me out even more.

I got in shit today from my roommate for not paying the hydro bill because everytime I have to pay bills I have to ask my parents for money.  They understand that I've been in and out of the hospital over the last couple years but I just feel like I am putting unneeded stress on them too.  Who likes begging their parents every months to ask for $800 to pay rent/bills and shit.


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Invisiblesleepy
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Re: I Feel Like Crap, Don't Know How To Fix Cycle [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #14107273 - 03/12/11 02:57 AM (12 years, 10 months ago)

you've gotta just kick yourself and do the things that will make you feel good.

cook healthy organic soup and keep it in the fridge and eat it whenver you want, that way you don't have to cook 3 meals a day and can eat healthy all the time.  second, do exercize every day.  for me, that's just going for walks and yoga.  it's hard to start out but gets easier if you get into a routine.  yoga helps me calm my mind, its like meditation and exercize and stretching all in one, and you don't have to go outside.

feeling low energy is a result of just sitting around all day.  the more energy you use, the more you have.  the less you use, the less you have.  doing some kind of exercize every day will get your appetite up and you will build strength have more and more energy as you continue.  no need to go crazy over it, just start out doing 5 minutes and do a little more every day.

keep a limit on your video games, don't play all night.

and don't expect your depression to go away completely, or for things to change overnight, but they will change if you work at your lifestyle.

see an Ayurvedic doctor, they can help you


Edited by sleepy (03/12/11 03:06 AM)


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Anonymous #1

Re: I Feel Like Crap, Don't Know How To Fix Cycle [Re: sleepy]
    #14107293 - 03/12/11 03:03 AM (12 years, 10 months ago)

I haven't been playing for the last two weeks or so, all my paid subs to things like xbox live just ran out in feb and I don't plan on renewing them until I get other life things back under control.  I've logged maybe 1 hr playing some random steam games like listening to music in audiosurf since Feb 24th and that's about it.

Does anyone have any ideas how to get my sleep under control again?  Right now I am sleeping anywhere between 5am-8am and waking up anywhere from 3pm-6pm.  Because of my weird schedule I've only been eating like 2 meals a day, which keeps me more than satisfied as far as hunger is concerned but I am sure that is not healthy for my body.

I try to go to sleep earlier and wake up earlier, but sleep earlier just results in me laying in bed for a couple hours til a regular time I fall asleep at.  Waking up earlier doesn't seem to have any effect on the time I fall asleep at.


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Invisiblesleepy
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Re: I Feel Like Crap, Don't Know How To Fix Cycle [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #14107305 - 03/12/11 03:08 AM (12 years, 10 months ago)

an ayurvedic practitioner can help you with any problem you have, in my experience


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Anonymous #1

Re: I Feel Like Crap, Don't Know How To Fix Cycle [Re: sleepy]
    #14107323 - 03/12/11 03:16 AM (12 years, 10 months ago)

As far as I know, there is none available in my area.  I live in a small rural "city" in the middle of nowhere.  The yoga classes I attend are held at the local YMCA and taught by their instructors.

I am going to look though, I am about 3 hours from a larger urban center and could maybe take a weekend trip.


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Invisiblesleepy
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Re: I Feel Like Crap, Don't Know How To Fix Cycle [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #14110270 - 03/12/11 05:56 PM (12 years, 10 months ago)

i highly reccomend it.  google up the people in that city and then google up some national centers, they sometimes have people going on tour all across the country.  the guy i saw who helped me a whole lot is actually based in New Mexico but I saw him in Boston, just called them up and said is anyone coming to my area and he was coming like the next day and he was one of their best people.


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Anonymous #2

Re: I Feel Like Crap, Don't Know How To Fix Cycle [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #14112033 - 03/12/11 11:05 PM (12 years, 10 months ago)

Quote:

I want to start eating healthier, I want to get my house cleaner




Those are both excellent things that don't take much energy and would probably give you energy.

As far as the sleep schedule, I wouldn't worry too much about it... though some would say it's bad advice. The main thing in my experience is that you don't let yourself sleep too much. Whatever time you know you will fall asleep, give yourself 7-8 hours and then get up.

Clean your house, start eating better, find a job. :shrug:


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Re: I Feel Like Crap, Don't Know How To Fix Cycle [Re: Anonymous #2]
    #14112112 - 03/12/11 11:23 PM (12 years, 10 months ago)

yeah, some people are naturally noctournal, i have intestinal parasites (many people do) and they are active at night so thats possibly why i feel more active at night.  if you stick your tounge out in the mirror and see bumps on the back part, you have parasites.  i went to a "real" doctor and they shoved a camera up my ass and didn't find them, but they admitted that they couldnt' even check the whole digestive system, only the first few feet at each end (mouth and ass) so i dunno why the fuckers wasted my time and money, oh yeah, it was for the money.  anyway the easy way to tell is to look at your tounge and that could be one reason you have low energy.  i'm gonna do a parasite cleanse when i'm feeling stronger because it puts a real strain on your system as the worms are dying they release tons of ammonia gas and can really hurt you bad, so don't do anything without some kind of professional guidance, whether it's holistic or capitalist :wink: .


Edited by sleepy (03/12/11 11:25 PM)


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Re: I Feel Like Crap, Don't Know How To Fix Cycle [Re: sleepy]
    #14113030 - 03/13/11 05:13 AM (12 years, 10 months ago)

Just go to bed 30 mins earlier for a few days, then try 30 mins earlier again, etc.

You can work if you are bipolar, i know people who are bipolar who work full time. You could just try working part time if you think that it would cause you too much stress to go full time. Being unemployed can be stressful as well.

You definitely need sunlight - bout 15 mins a day is all you need with the sun directly on the skin (no sunscreen). Otherwise your mood will suffer.

Exercise is really important if you feel like you are going down and you are not on meds. Even just walking, if you can't afford the gym yet.

Anyway, good luck.


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Re: I Feel Like Crap, Don't Know How To Fix Cycle [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #14113639 - 03/13/11 10:54 AM (12 years, 10 months ago)

Quote:

Anonymous said:
Does anyone have any ideas how to get my sleep under control again?  Right now I am sleeping anywhere between 5am-8am and waking up anywhere from 3pm-6pm.  Because of my weird schedule I've only been eating like 2 meals a day, which keeps me more than satisfied as far as hunger is concerned but I am sure that is not healthy for my body.

I try to go to sleep earlier and wake up earlier, but sleep earlier just results in me laying in bed for a couple hours til a regular time I fall asleep at.  Waking up earlier doesn't seem to have any effect on the time I fall asleep at.




As far as eating 2 meals a day. That's how many I eat and I'm healthy. I don't have an physical complaints and medical examinations indicate there's nothing wrong with me. Psychologically I'm fairly fine except for being a bit neurotic at times but that's nothing unusual. Way back when for a few years I was eating 3 meals a day and I gained heaps of weight which I've since lost after cutting back. Assuming there's nothing wrong with your hypothalamus, and you're not on medication which reduces hunger, then I reckon using hunger as an indicator for when to eat is pretty reliable for maintaining reasonable health. But I'm no dietician so hopefully someone will say if I'm wrong.

As for the sleep... I saw an interesting documentary on sleep a couple of months ago, I think it was called "10 things you should know about sleep" or something like that. It had a segment where it showed a guy in Britain who had insomnia pretty bad for a number of years. It was destroying his life, pushing him and his wife towards divorce, didn't want to hang out with his kids, he was cranky and emotional all the time, and generally wasn't a happy chap. So they got him to go to a sleep clinic where he consulted a psychologist who prescribed an interesting way to treat himself. The intervention required him simply to abide by some rules strictly.

1) He was only allowed to sleep in his bed and he was only allowed in his bedroom between 2am and 8am. He had to stay out of his bedroom at all times except when it was time to sleep. And because of that, he had to make preparations to enable that to happen.
2) He had to go to lay in bed every night at 2am, even if he wasn't tired and didn't sleep. He had to stay in bed and was only allowed to get up to use the toilet or to get a glass of water.
3) He had to get up and out of bed at 8am every morning, even if he hadn't slept and even if he was tired.

And that was it.

So when he started the new regimen, he was going to bed at 2am and taking a few hours to fall asleep. Then in the morning at 8am a part of him was aching to stay in bed a little longer but he got up any way. By about the 3rd day he was quite a physical and emotional wreck because he wasn't getting much sleep at all. By about the 5th day things started to turn around. Because the change in routine had made him so amazingly tired and zombie like by about day 5 when it was time to go to bed at 2am he didn't take long at all to drop off to sleep. Then after a few more days he was falling asleep almost immediately at 2am and sleeping all the way through to 8am.

By this stage, he is a new man. He was actually feeling really well rested for the first time for as long as he could remember. He was amazed at his own progress and at the fact he was sleeping solidly now for 6hrs straight. His mood had greatly elevated and so had his health. His relationships with his wife and kids were also much better and he hung out with them more. So over all he thought the treatment was an amazing success.


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Re: I Feel Like Crap, Don't Know How To Fix Cycle [Re: Mufungo]
    #14119930 - 03/14/11 03:25 PM (12 years, 10 months ago)

#1 PM me your WoW realm.
#2 Shard your purps and mail me your lewts.
#3 Educate yourself.

You sound like a smart guy.  You sound like you know exactly what's wrong.  You just need some motivation.  I know it can really suck not being able to get a job.  Look at it this way, TONS of people have really strong college degrees and can't land jobs.  Lots have kids to clothe and feed.  It could be a lot worse.

Now that all the cheesy motivational shit is out of the way, go steal yourself an education.  For real.  There is so much information on the internet as to what to do with yourself, it's ridiculous.  MIT has their entire cirriculum for just about every major online, freely available, including video lectures.  There are IT testing sites that are essentially a one-stop-shop for everything you could want to know about any IT field - test wise.  All the books and software for everything in the universe are available via torrent.

Pick an interest, get motivated and download yourself an education.  If you cant actually do what you want, get better at it while you wait.

Best of Luck!


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Anonymous #1

Re: I Feel Like Crap, Don't Know How To Fix Cycle [Re: shroom-jitsu]
    #14120562 - 03/14/11 05:22 PM (12 years, 10 months ago)

I'm not a guy.
I have a college degree, just living in an area where professional jobs are hard to break into and if I ever put my education on my resume I dont get call backs, likely intimidation or assuming Im overqualified and want to be paid more...I don't, I just want a job.

This thread has been pretty good for me actually, it might not seem like much but it is helping me feel a bit more like motivating myself.  Also we have been having warm weather again, the snow started melting a bit today.  If it can keep up these temperatures I will start walking again.  I do not leave the house when it is below freezing unless I absolutely have to because the cold affects me very much.


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Offlineshroom-jitsu
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Re: I Feel Like Crap, Don't Know How To Fix Cycle [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #14124305 - 03/15/11 09:45 AM (12 years, 10 months ago)

Damn.  I'm terrible with assumptions.  Probably don't even play WoW huh?


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Anonymous #1

Re: I Feel Like Crap, Don't Know How To Fix Cycle [Re: shroom-jitsu]
    #14125585 - 03/15/11 03:44 PM (12 years, 10 months ago)

I've played it, but it's not my addiction lol


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