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Invisible40oz
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Registered: 01/19/01
Posts: 30,035
Loc: Sandy Eggo. Ca.
physical,emotional, and subconscious well being...
    #1410082 - 03/26/03 12:47 AM (13 years, 8 months ago)

i went and seen my ex for the 1st time in 3 months,
not because i wanted to hook back up with her,
but because i just flat out missed her presence...
also, because of the fact that she called out of no-where,
and then called almost everynight for the past 2 weeks ...
...being with her for about 2-2? years, she was
the greatest person to have ever entered my life despite
our ending. I've never had funner experiences with anyone else....she made the best night of my life happen...
..las vegas on the strip, new years eve, millions of ppl,
and an 1/8 a piece...it was the epidome of mysticism...

so this past Saterday night i took her to a concert,
to see our favorite band, and we had a blast...
...we talked about everything, we laughed, we
talked about the ways we missed eachother...
it was great.

then we went back to her house, and her frineds were there...in almost an instant she changed into this new person, this new person i call 'fake' and/or a 'front'...
this person was very ugly to me, and it only questioned
me about how and why one could put up this 'front',
when the person ive known for 2-2? is a much happier,
beautiful, enlightening spirit...why? my only question...why would she hide who she really is inside?

later on that night, we passed out in her bed next to eachother...and i came to the realization that
i havent felt that comfortable next to anyone else...
...it was depressing but comforting at the same time.

after i had woken, smoked the morning cig,
i had asked her to walk her dog as we used to before i had
to be off for work...
and so, we walked...but everything felt gray...and our
only conversation was how i missed her smile...
the smile that i dont see anymore...
she tried to hide how she felt by saying
"i dont know what yer talking about"
but being with her for soo long, i can read past her
facaud...we used to have hour long conversations w/o
even speaking a word...thats how well i could read her,
and could totally tell she knew what i was talking about.

after she walked me to my car...we gave eachother a hug
and she said to give her a call...but i told her
its best if she calls if she wants to see me...

on the drive home, everything hit all at once,
EVERYTHING....and i couldnt help bawling the entire
drive home...
...i got home, talked on the phone with friends,
and was cheered up by the time i had to be off for work...
...work was a drag, it was sloooow, and it didnt help at all.
so when i got home, i passed out and slept it away.

the past 3 days have totally sucked ass.

emotionally i handled it pretty damn well, because i
know the difference between being depressed and being saddened....
i know for a fact im not emotionally depressed,
just saddened by the realization of who shes become
in the past 3 months; the page in life where she is at
in her book of life.
all ive ever wanted was for her happiness,
and i can tell you, she is not happy.

what gets me is the now realization of a 'sub-conscious well being', much the same as 'emotional well being' and 'physical well being'...

i never knew a 'sub-conscious' well being ever existed until
these past few days...
where i have been completely un-motivated,
i dont want to watch tv, listen to music, play guitar,
....and basically other things i would normally do that
make me happy...
the past few days have been a routine of fatigue,
restlessness, a few hours of consciousness followed by long periods of sleep...and constant eating.

its totally fucking mind boggling...kind of feel like
'if its not 1 thing, its another'...
IMO, ive mastered my 'emotional well being', being handed
the circumstances of past,present, and future in this situation and life in general...but this whole
'sub-conscious sickness' is kicking my ass...
i want to be out there, i want to have fun doing the things i love doing, i love being happily healthy...
but i feel like im in a car, all packed up with an empty gastank...
i want to be back to the person i was, me,
in my page, in my book of life
,
but shit man...i have a soul of gold,
but a vessel in a junk yard.

this to me is psychosomatic in the 3rd degree.










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tiny_rabid_birds said:
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InvisiblePeachMan
Buster

Registered: 08/15/02
Posts: 2,844
Loc: Gotta Get Back to the Min...
Re: physical,emotional, and subconscious well being... [Re: 40oz]
    #1412129 - 03/26/03 06:02 PM (13 years, 8 months ago)

every word you wrote is true. i've been there.
hell, i'm still there. becca just called tonite; i hadn't spoken to her since xmas. i remember the first time i saw her since we parted for real, about three months into a total seperation. it was much like your encounter. i ge tthe feeling i'm in for another one soon...


--------------------
Santa Claus ain't legal-- and he's around.


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OfflineFlusH
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Registered: 10/23/01
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Re: physical,emotional, and subconscious well being... [Re: 40oz]
    #1412153 - 03/26/03 06:11 PM (13 years, 8 months ago)

I have never been in this situation bevore but the best advice I can think of giving would be to take 3.5 gram's of some nice shrooms.


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Offlineresol
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Registered: 03/24/03
Posts: 10
Last seen: 13 years, 8 months
Re: physical,emotional, and subconscious well being... [Re: 40oz]
    #1413350 - 03/27/03 07:02 AM (13 years, 8 months ago)

Hour long conversations without saying a word? How does that work? I've been close enough to some people that I would consistently know what they were thinking, what they were going to say, etc. I've had moments in conversations where no words had to be spoken for us to understand eachother, but hour long conversations without saying a word? Sounds a little exaggerated...

All I can say about your situation is Let It Go. She will come to her own conclusions about what she needs to do to be truly happy again. If she doesn't then that's her problem. Let It Go.


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Invisible40oz
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Registered: 01/19/01
Posts: 30,035
Loc: Sandy Eggo. Ca.
Re: physical,emotional, and subconscious well being... [Re: PeachMan]
    #1415625 - 03/27/03 11:02 PM (13 years, 8 months ago)

hey peachman...nice ta see ya!
damn females... :smirk: ...lol...
>>i get the feeling i'm in for another one soon...

cant tell ya no...i'd be a hypocrite...
none of my friends or family knew i went and seen her,
let alone going to a concert w/ her....
they flip when she calls...
'...why the fuck is she calling you?'
they know best, and i see her anyway...and i ignore the fact that they are right...and set myself up again...

just be aware of what you're in for...
...i tried to prepare to no avail...
but owell...it passed in a few dayz and had a blast tonight
at work...(reclused for a few dayz)...
when yer on top looking down, it doesnt look soo bad...
but when yer on the bottom...shit can get pretty heavy.
good luck peachman...dont be a stranger eh?
 


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tiny_rabid_birds said:
"your avatar is dirty."


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Invisible40oz
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Registered: 01/19/01
Posts: 30,035
Loc: Sandy Eggo. Ca.
Re: physical,emotional, and subconscious well being... [Re: resol]
    #1415630 - 03/27/03 11:06 PM (13 years, 8 months ago)

Quote:

Hour long conversations without saying a word? How does that work? I've been close enough to some people that I would consistently know what they were thinking, what they were going to say, etc. I've had moments in conversations where no words had to be spoken for us to understand eachother, but hour long conversations without saying a word? Sounds a little exaggerated...




'language' is the worst form of communication...havent you ever heard that?


Quote:

All I can say about your situation is Let It Go. She will come to her own conclusions about what she needs to do to be truly happy again. If she doesn't then that's her problem. Let It Go.



its kinda hard to 'let it go' when she calls me
almost everynight at 4am...

Quote:

She will come to her own conclusions about what she needs to do to be truly happy again. If she doesn't then that's her problem. Let It Go.




its not as simple as you make it sound. not one bit.


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tiny_rabid_birds said:
"your avatar is dirty."


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Offlineenotake2
Stop Bush's war
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Registered: 01/30/03
Posts: 1,457
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Last seen: 5 years, 5 months
Re: physical,emotional, and subconscious well being... [Re: 40oz]
    #1419330 - 03/31/03 05:00 AM (13 years, 8 months ago)

I can't handle being in limbo after a relationship breaks up. I have to know one way or the other. If it was me I'd negotiate. Then I'd take a break if it was over. When I break up with someone I have to have a break, or else I find it really difficult to relate to the person as a friend, I still see them as a lover, and want to touch them etc as usual.  I've had a few relationship breakups at age 30. Only really found a good relationship now. Anyway, If someone else breaks up with me I always tell myself that in a way the person is doing me a favour by breaking up with me because I then know they are not the right person for me, because I wouldn't want to be with someone who didn't want me. if you have made it 'happen' once you can do it again :smile:. It only takes time and you feel good again - everyone grieves when they leave a relationship. Also there are hundreds of people out there who are 'right' for any one person.  I read once that the person who does the breaking up tends to feel guilty and the one who is left behind idealises the other person. I found that kinda useful because I then deliberately didn't idealise them. Actually I find it good to think of all the things I didn't like so much about the person. Hope this helps. :smile:


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Computer games don't affect kids. I mean if Pacman affected our generation as kids, we'd all be running around in a darkened room, munching pills and listening to repetitive electronic music.

"Being bitter and hateful is like drinking a vial of poison and hoping the other person gets sick" FreakQLibrium

"My motto from here on out is: If someone or something (including me) in my life is conducting themselves in such a way that they can be seen on Jerry Springer, it's time to take out the garbage!!! When you stop taking their behaviour personally and see their antics as a true reflection on their character, it becomes absolutely nauseating." Anon. on abusive relationships.


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Offlineresol
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Registered: 03/24/03
Posts: 10
Last seen: 13 years, 8 months
Re: physical,emotional, and subconscious well being... [Re: 40oz]
    #1420069 - 03/31/03 05:26 PM (13 years, 8 months ago)

Language being a poor form of communication is one thing but to have hour long conversations without saying a word is nonsense. Sorry if my opinion offends you, that's not my objective.

It's not hard to let things go. It's the easiest damn thing in the world you just have to want to do it. It's like letting go of a big bag of rocks. The journey gets much easier once you put them down...

It really is that simple. We make things so damn complicated and it frustrates the hell out of me. I see people going through shit every single day and they just don't want to here it.

It might seem like I've never been in any situations like these but the last two years of my life have been NOTHING but loss, break-ups, bullshit with the law, bullshit with friends of which I've decided I am better off without, etc. I broke up with my GF of two years after finding out she had been lying to and cheating on me. I got arrested for possesion of marijuana, dropped out of school, had to pay back over $1500.00's in financial aid. The list goes on and on and fucking on. I've let it all go. All of it and now I'm fine and everyone else.. well I hope they are too but if not then it's up to them to find whatever it is they need.

Life is simple. It's people who are complicated... oh wait no make that stupid.


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OfflineTripOnIn
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Registered: 04/02/03
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Last seen: 13 years, 7 months
Re: physical,emotional, and subconscious well being... [Re: resol]
    #1423379 - 04/02/03 04:14 PM (13 years, 8 months ago)

Well.. Hmm.. Sounds like you started acting different ever since you saw her with her friends. We all put on masks, as they are truely a part of individuality. Just because you brought out the best in her doesn't mean she can't sink to her friends level, and it doesn't mean she'll be a different person around you even if she does have a different side to her.

Just hang out with her. Like the other dude said, eat some more mushies... Just have a good time.. Remember what that was like? QUIT REMININCING AND DO IT! call her now.. or forever hold your peace..


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Invisible40oz
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Registered: 01/19/01
Posts: 30,035
Loc: Sandy Eggo. Ca.
Re: physical,emotional, and subconscious well being... [Re: enotake2]
    #1431046 - 04/05/03 11:38 AM (13 years, 7 months ago)

Quote:

I can't handle being in limbo after a relationship breaks up. I have to know one way or the other. If it was me I'd negotiate. Then I'd take a break if it was over. When I break up with someone I have to have a break, or else I find it really difficult to relate to the person as a friend, I still see them as a lover, and want to touch them etc as usual. I've had a few relationship breakups at age 30. Only really found a good relationship now. Anyway, If someone else breaks up with me I always tell myself that in a way the person is doing me a favour by breaking up with me because I then know they are not the right person for me, because I wouldn't want to be with someone who didn't want me. if you have made it 'happen' once you can do it again . It only takes time and you feel good again - everyone grieves when they leave a relationship. Also there are hundreds of people out there who are 'right' for any one person. I read once that the person who does the breaking up tends to feel guilty and the one who is left behind idealises the other person. I found that kinda useful because I then deliberately didn't idealise them. Actually I find it good to think of all the things I didn't like so much about the person. Hope this helps.




i do love her, i do miss her, but i am better off,
and much happier without her...
shes tainted me with enough emotional poison to kill an elephant...
that i couldnt hang out with her another day...
1 day/night per 3 months is just barely okay...



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:sun::heart::sun:

tiny_rabid_birds said:
"your avatar is dirty."


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Invisible40oz
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Registered: 01/19/01
Posts: 30,035
Loc: Sandy Eggo. Ca.
Re: physical,emotional, and subconscious well being... [Re: resol]
    #1431061 - 04/05/03 11:45 AM (13 years, 7 months ago)

Quote:

Poster: resol
Subject: Re: physical,emotional, and subconscious well being... 

Language being a poor form of communication is one thing but to have hour long conversations without saying a word is nonsense. Sorry if my opinion offends you, that's not my objective.



you can call it 'exagerated', ill call it 'metaphorically speaking'...and we'll agree to disagree and all is okay. :smile:

Quote:

It's not hard to let things go. It's the easiest damn thing in the world you just have to want to do it. It's like letting go of a big bag of rocks. The journey gets much easier once you put them down...

It really is that simple. We make things so damn complicated and it frustrates the hell out of me. I see people going through shit every single day and they just don't want to here it.




...and i agree 100%....
but the problem isnt getting over the relationship aspect,
its seeing her not happy that kills...


life IS simple...its only complicated when trying to deal with complicated matters...1 day out of 3 months, isnt bad IMO...

 


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:sun::heart::sun:

tiny_rabid_birds said:
"your avatar is dirty."


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Invisible40oz
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Posts: 30,035
Loc: Sandy Eggo. Ca.
Re: physical,emotional, and subconscious well being... [Re: TripOnIn]
    #1431091 - 04/05/03 12:00 PM (13 years, 7 months ago)

Quote:

Well.. Hmm.. Sounds like you started acting different ever since you saw her with her friends. 



actually i didnt...i was quiet because we were all watching movies...but when everyone was watching...i was observing...
after the movie, i actually picked up the guitar, and we (my x and i) started singing songs like we used to...

Quote:

Just because you brought out the best in her doesn't mean she can't sink to her friends level, and it doesn't mean she'll be a different person around you even if she does have a different side to her.




but she does act different to me around her friends...
around her friends, she doesnt smile...laugh,etc...
instead, she acts like she's a 'badass' or acts all hard...

Quote:


Just hang out with her. Like the other dude said, eat some more mushies... Just have a good time.. Remember what that was like? QUIT REMININCING AND DO IT! call her now..



you sound A  LOT like her friend that i met
and talked to at her house...
she said somethin along the lines of 'she's(x) lonely...misses you(me)...is confused...you should come over and call more often' etc, etc, etc...

...and you do only have 1 post...is this mere coincedence?
:shocked: 


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tiny_rabid_birds said:
"your avatar is dirty."


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