Home | Community | Message Board

Magic-Mushrooms-Shop.com
This site includes paid links. Please support our sponsors.


Welcome to the Shroomery Message Board! You are experiencing a small sample of what the site has to offer. Please login or register to post messages and view our exclusive members-only content. You'll gain access to additional forums, file attachments, board customizations, encrypted private messages, and much more!

Shop: Unfolding Nature Unfolding Nature: Being in the Implicate Order   Bridgetown Botanicals CBD Concentrates   PhytoExtractum Kratom Powder for Sale

Jump to first unread post Pages: 1
Offlinemorrowasted
Worldwide Stepper
Male User Gallery


Registered: 10/30/09
Posts: 31,383
Loc: House of Mirrors
Last seen: 16 hours, 42 minutes
Grown Adult Actually Expects To Be Happy
    #14100103 - 03/10/11 07:40 PM (12 years, 11 months ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/grown-adult-actually-expects-to-be-happy,19442/

NORMAL, IL—According to incredulous sources, local hardware store employee and grown adult human being Rob Peterson, 37, actually expects to be happy in life.

Despite possessing a fully developed brain and a general awareness of the fundamental nature of existence, sources said Peterson apparently continues to believe that achieving long-lasting happiness is somehow possible.

"It's almost like he thinks reaching a place of enduring contentment with yourself and your life is some sort of obtainable outcome," friend Brian McDougal said of Peterson, who reportedly lives on Earth, has experienced life, and is not mentally disabled or abusing narcotics of any kind. "He even gets upset sometimes when things don't go his way, as if misery and disappointment weren't a foregone conclusion. And then, on top of that, he'll cheer himself up by saying that 'it's all going to work out in the end.'"

"I just want to shake him and scream, 'Wake up!'" McDougal added. "Jesus Christ, he's such a downer."

Sources confirmed that while Peterson has been supplied over the years with a glut of compelling evidence that life is a zero-sum game at best—including a thwarted career as a graphic designer, multiple failed relationships, and limited financial mobility—he nevertheless continues to cling to the misguided expectation that he can and will experience real serenity and joy in the long term.

The baffling man has also reportedly read a newspaper before, interacted with coworkers, knows how economies and political systems work, and is undergoing the process of aging, yet has made no effort to revise his original assumption.

"What really gets me is the confidence he seems to have that one day he will be able to shed all of the fears and anxieties that are hardwired into his DNA and the modern world will decide to stop being unrelentingly brutal and allow him some happiness," said coworker Miles Sagal, adding that the delusional Peterson inexplicably presumes that this not only could, but should, occur. "Whenever he's feeling low, he'll allude to some time down the road when he'll have it all 'figured out.' When exactly does he think that will happen?"

"Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with this guy?" Sagal added. "He's aware that he's going to die, right?"

Stunned sources told reporters that Peterson recently expressed genuine disappointment when something he hoped would happen did not happen, despite the fact that such a scenario is an elegant microcosm of life itself. He has also been heard to say on numerous occasions that he "just [wants] to be happy," as though returning to a state of childlike bliss were a reasonable request and not something human beings had already tried and failed to do for many thousands of years before he was born.

While modern psychiatric science maintains that long-term happiness is possible only in the realm of fairy tales, Hollywood romantic comedies, and the naïve imaginings of the youthful mind, experts said Peterson has not picked up on this universally acknowledged truth and may be suffering from the severe misapprehension that life can be what he makes of it.


"Frankly, science cannot explain this man," confirmed noted psychologist Dr. Eli Wasserbaum, adding that most people have their first realization that enduring happiness is an utter fallacy sometime in their late teens or early '20s, when their dreams for the future endure the first fissure in the process of eventual disintegration. "Anyone with the smallest degree of perceptiveness knows that happiness is, at best, a temporary emotional phenomenon. Seeing as Peterson is a college-educated adult, and not a 5-year-old kid on Christmas morning, he should really know better than to think otherwise. We're all just barely hanging on for our entire lives."

"Hell, I'm a respected doctor who makes over $300,000 a year," Wasserbaum added. "You think I'm happy?"

At press time, Peterson was still under the mistaken impression that anything really matters at all in the end.
:bobmarley:

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Offlinesunset_mission
Entheonaut
Male User Gallery


Registered: 01/22/11
Posts: 5,767
Loc: NYC (Intra Deitate...)
Last seen: 5 years, 6 months
Re: Grown Adult Actually Expects To Be Happy [Re: morrowasted] * 1
    #14100199 - 03/10/11 07:55 PM (12 years, 11 months ago)

ONN fucking wins :lolsy: :highfive:


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Offlinemorrowasted
Worldwide Stepper
Male User Gallery


Registered: 10/30/09
Posts: 31,383
Loc: House of Mirrors
Last seen: 16 hours, 42 minutes
Re: Grown Adult Actually Expects To Be Happy [Re: sunset_mission]
    #14100303 - 03/10/11 08:11 PM (12 years, 11 months ago)

:werd:

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
OfflineRonaldFuckingPaul
Our Dear Leader
Male User Gallery


Registered: 10/31/07
Posts: 13,617
Loc: Straight Outta Compton Flag
Last seen: 9 years, 6 months
Re: Grown Adult Actually Expects To Be Happy [Re: sunset_mission]
    #14100345 - 03/10/11 08:15 PM (12 years, 11 months ago)

Quote:

sunset_mission said:
ONN fucking wins :lolsy: :highfive:





:rofl:


--------------------

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Offlinetwighead
mͯó
I'm a teapot


Registered: 08/27/08
Posts: 29,830
Loc: Glenn Gould's Fuck Windmill Flag
Last seen: 12 hours, 3 minutes
Re: Grown Adult Actually Expects To Be Happy [Re: RonaldFuckingPaul]
    #14100381 - 03/10/11 08:21 PM (12 years, 11 months ago)

I like this one :lol:

Responsible, Thoughtful Nation Decides To Ignore Charlie Sheen Situation

http://www.theonion.com/articles/responsible-thoughtful-nation-decides-to-ignore-ch,19647/


--------------------
¿Check out some art m8?


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Offlinemorrowasted
Worldwide Stepper
Male User Gallery


Registered: 10/30/09
Posts: 31,383
Loc: House of Mirrors
Last seen: 16 hours, 42 minutes
Re: Grown Adult Actually Expects To Be Happy [Re: twighead]
    #14100396 - 03/10/11 08:23 PM (12 years, 11 months ago)

Quote:

twighead said:
I like this one :lol:

Responsible, Thoughtful Nation Decides To Ignore Charlie Sheen Situation

http://www.theonion.com/articles/responsible-thoughtful-nation-decides-to-ignore-ch,19647/



:lolsy:

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
OfflineBothHands
Dog Coffee
Female User Gallery


Registered: 10/28/09
Posts: 13,177
Loc: Flag
Last seen: 4 years, 11 months
Re: Grown Adult Actually Expects To Be Happy [Re: sunset_mission]
    #14100471 - 03/10/11 08:37 PM (12 years, 11 months ago)

:rofl:


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Offlinetwighead
mͯó
I'm a teapot


Registered: 08/27/08
Posts: 29,830
Loc: Glenn Gould's Fuck Windmill Flag
Last seen: 12 hours, 3 minutes
Re: Grown Adult Actually Expects To Be Happy [Re: BothHands]
    #14100560 - 03/10/11 08:47 PM (12 years, 11 months ago)

Me riikke :awesome:


--------------------
¿Check out some art m8?


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Offlinesunset_mission
Entheonaut
Male User Gallery


Registered: 01/22/11
Posts: 5,767
Loc: NYC (Intra Deitate...)
Last seen: 5 years, 6 months
Re: Grown Adult Actually Expects To Be Happy [Re: BothHands]
    #14100635 - 03/10/11 08:57 PM (12 years, 11 months ago)

Quote:

BothHands said:
:rofl:






:rotfl: :lmafo: :rofldrunk: Osama Bin Laden himself is a member of Team Jacob :lol:

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Offlinesunset_mission
Entheonaut
Male User Gallery


Registered: 01/22/11
Posts: 5,767
Loc: NYC (Intra Deitate...)
Last seen: 5 years, 6 months
Re: Grown Adult Actually Expects To Be Happy [Re: sunset_mission]
    #14100665 - 03/10/11 09:01 PM (12 years, 11 months ago)

Scientists Baffled By Man's Incredible Ability To Fuck Up Every Time

:dielaughing:

Quote:

"Our theory is that Erik approaches fucking up unconsciously, his mind automatically creating a fractal model of screwing the pooch that is not unlike the infinite images contained within facing mirrors," Moore said. "If Erik has to make a withdrawal at an ATM, for example, he begins with a simple fuckup, such as accidentally selecting the Chinese language option. Then, instead of starting from the beginning the way an average individual would, he instinctively plows forward, creating concentric rings of fucking-it-up within his original mistake until eventually the machine has confiscated his debit card and his account has been frozen—and that's just the beginning of a weeks-long mega-fuckup that continues once he attempts to call his bank."



Edited by sunset_mission (03/10/11 09:03 PM)

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
InvisiblePrisoner#1
Even Dumber ThanAdvertized!
 User Gallery

Registered: 01/22/03
Posts: 193,665
Loc: Pvt. Pubfag NutSuck
Re: Grown Adult Actually Expects To Be Happy [Re: sunset_mission]
    #14100666 - 03/10/11 09:01 PM (12 years, 11 months ago)


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Offlinemorrowasted
Worldwide Stepper
Male User Gallery


Registered: 10/30/09
Posts: 31,383
Loc: House of Mirrors
Last seen: 16 hours, 42 minutes
Re: Grown Adult Actually Expects To Be Happy [Re: sunset_mission]
    #14103699 - 03/11/11 12:17 PM (12 years, 11 months ago)

Quote:

sunset_mission said:
Scientists Baffled By Man's Incredible Ability To Fuck Up Every Time

:dielaughing:

Quote:

"Our theory is that Erik approaches fucking up unconsciously, his mind automatically creating a fractal model of screwing the pooch that is not unlike the infinite images contained within facing mirrors," Moore said. "If Erik has to make a withdrawal at an ATM, for example, he begins with a simple fuckup, such as accidentally selecting the Chinese language option. Then, instead of starting from the beginning the way an average individual would, he instinctively plows forward, creating concentric rings of fucking-it-up within his original mistake until eventually the machine has confiscated his debit card and his account has been frozen—and that's just the beginning of a weeks-long mega-fuckup that continues once he attempts to call his bank."






:bobmarley:

Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Jump to top Pages: 1

Shop: Unfolding Nature Unfolding Nature: Being in the Implicate Order   Bridgetown Botanicals CBD Concentrates   PhytoExtractum Kratom Powder for Sale


Similar ThreadsPosterViewsRepliesLast post
* too happy? too friendly?
( 1 2 all )
kaiowas 5,404 29 08/16/04 07:00 PM
by SkorpivoMusterion
* VERDICT on the Scott Peterson Trial!
( 1 2 all )
Delyrium 2,653 28 01/12/16 12:21 AM
by Mad_Larkin
* doh, I didn't notice this was already posted *DELETED* Civ 993 7 11/12/04 05:53 PM
by norwegian1
* happy fuckin mardi gras cortex 813 6 01/19/05 02:44 PM
by vinsue
* Happy Acid Day
( 1 2 all )
Che_Night_Soil 3,600 22 04/18/03 11:02 AM
by Che_Night_Soil
* Happy Hallows Eve and a question ;) Silven 982 9 10/31/04 04:19 AM
by funkymonk
* Hi (almost) new here and happy holidays Green_Snake 465 3 12/24/04 09:16 AM
by sui
* Adult swim! TheSlapnCapn 1,547 12 08/30/04 01:18 AM
by CybinMonde

Extra information
You cannot start new topics / You cannot reply to topics
HTML is disabled / BBCode is enabled
Moderator: Entire Staff
809 topic views. 7 members, 41 guests and 21 web crawlers are browsing this forum.
[ Show Images Only | Sort by Score | Print Topic ]
Search this thread:

Copyright 1997-2024 Mind Media. Some rights reserved.

Generated in 0.026 seconds spending 0.005 seconds on 12 queries.