|
ciaran
Using my wings to fly


Registered: 02/24/11
Posts: 76
Last seen: 12 years, 5 months
|
Depression Creeping In
#14096531 - 03/10/11 07:01 AM (12 years, 10 months ago) |
|
|
I have dealt with depression on and off for about 15 years. I can usually get it under control but these past 2 years it has been really, really bad. I am getting ready to loose everything: my house, car, food, warmth, EVERYTHING and I cannot handle it anymore. It is offically to much for me now. I keep having these dreams where I kill myself and I wake up right before I do it. I do not have anybody to talk to about this. My wife is a lazy bitch and wont go get a job even though she knows we are about to loose everything. I have a job but it's not enough to make it on. I take care of her kids, her, and myself. I get no respect, no love, no understanding. My car quit the other day and no I have to walk to work in the pouring ass rain for 15 fucking miles with cars passing me throwing road spray all over me and my clothing. If I manage to make it to work I will probably be fired for looking like shit when I come in with dripping wet, dirty, greasy clothing. I cannot call in because I am still in training and will definitely get fired. I have 3 weeks to come up with rent, bills, etc. and it is not going to happen this time. I do not see the light at the end of the tunnel and haven't for 2 or 3 years. Up until this morning I had just enough in my savings to get a bus ticket to anywhere in the US(300$) but she withdrew it and spent it on god knows what. I am just tired of it all. I do not get any enjoyment out of life anymore. Nothing makes me happy. I do a damn good job of holding it all in and putting on a good face but even that is starting to slip. I really see no reason to not take a shit ton of blood pressure pills or muscle relaxors and go to sleep. I cannot believe it has come to this in my life but it has.
|
irie.one
I Respect I Eternally



Registered: 03/07/11
Posts: 157
|
Re: Depression Creeping In [Re: ciaran]
#14097146 - 03/10/11 10:59 AM (12 years, 10 months ago) |
|
|
Have you tried therapy? Do you exercise on a regular basis? And I hate to suggest it, but have you considered the possibility of taking medication (SSRIs) to help you through this?
Getting in cycles of depression like the one you're in causes loops of negative thinking. I'm not pointing out your flaws, I'm just going to give my perspective based off of what you're saying, take it or leave it, but do understand that I've been there before (not in your life situation, but letting depression control me).
The first thing I would recommend is to try to integrate some form of exercise into your life if you don't already (which I suspect is the case, because exercise is incredible for depression and positive thinking). Take three days a week to go for a run around your neighborhood, it won't cost you a thing and as soon as those endorphins start flowing you might find that it gets easier to roll with the punches. Keep it consistent if you find that it's working for you, and the benefits will keep coming. Keep the body healthy and the mind will follow.
Next, talking to a therapist (or psychiatrist, or psychologist, or your GP) about what's going on could really help get you in the right direction with your thinking. I know right now it seems like life fucking sucks. An optimist could be in your same situation and still find things about their life that are great. The hardest thing to do here is to be able to shift your way of thinking from a negative thought loop into a positive thought loop, and you'll get a lot of help with some exercises for that if you're able to go to therapy of any sort. I understand that this might not be financially doable and if that's the case I don't know what to recommend. Along those lines is SSRIs, which can really make life easier when you're in a time like this. It takes some time for them to kick in, but it really lubricates the mind for positive thinking to get you out of that rut.
And killing yourself? Don't be selfish, that's a very permanent solution to a temporary problem. I promise you it's temporary to some degree, life has a funny way of changing without notice. If you really feel that your situation is so shitty you'd rather be dead, please consider your other options, even if they're drastic they're never as bad as the end of your life.
-------------------- gettin' high to balance out the lows
|
Azure Essence


Registered: 10/03/10
Posts: 8,272
Loc:
Last seen: 7 months, 5 days
|
Re: Depression Creeping In [Re: irie.one]
#14112178 - 03/12/11 11:34 PM (12 years, 10 months ago) |
|
|
Why havent you told her this and then demanded and ultimatum? She'll be fucking fine, stick up for yourself. Tell her she gets a job in two weeks or you're on that bus.
|
XUL
OTD Janitor



Registered: 03/16/05
Posts: 28,261
Loc: America
Last seen: 4 years, 2 months
|
|
Quote:
Azure Essence said: Why havent you told her this and then demanded and ultimatum? She'll be fucking fine, stick up for yourself. Tell her she gets a job in two weeks or you're on that bus.
|
Uzziel
O_o


Registered: 12/30/10
Posts: 11,689
Last seen: 4 years, 1 month
|
Re: Depression Creeping In [Re: XUL]
#14113531 - 03/13/11 10:25 AM (12 years, 10 months ago) |
|
|
Hey man, don't kill yourself. You can change this and make things better. Its just going to take some REAL change, and you're gonna have to give her up. It's going to be hard, its not easy, life is never easy like that.
First and foremost, tell that bitch off and tell her to get the fuck out. If you are taking care of her, the kids, and yourself, what the fuck is she doing all day? She refuses to get a job and treats you like shit? Well what are you doing? You are just going to let a lazy piece of shit walk right over you? Is it because she has a vagina you want to fuck? Well?
You're poor. It happens. Try and apply for government assistance, it'll save you some money. Call your parents if you have them, ask for help even if it kills your pride.
Next, open a PRIVATE bank account, and don't let her have access to it. She is blowing your money when you don't even have enough money for rent? Really? I mean, I don't want to insult you, but that is fucking stupid that you let her do that shit. You can make her return whatever the fuck she bought.
Make the change man. I know it is difficult and you don't want to, but you're depressed on how life is now and things need to CHANGE. Change is the key for a better life..
|
Humility
Working on it



Registered: 10/07/08
Posts: 6,745
Last seen: 6 years, 11 months
|
Re: Depression Creeping In [Re: Uzziel]
#14114901 - 03/13/11 04:16 PM (12 years, 10 months ago) |
|
|
Sounds like you have a finite amount of resources and you're expending greater than your income or stockpiled reserves.
For the record, I'm not talking about money here. I'm talking about vigor, emotional and mental health. You're running out bro, it's coming through pretty clearly.
Her kids aren't your responsibility nor do you have the right (imo) to take them from her. You may love them, but life has separated your two parties. They will always be HER kids.
That said, if your woman won't do her part, leave her. She's *been* acting like this because you've been letting her. Maybe you're a nice guy, I can sympathize with that because I am too. That doesn't mean you can permit yourself to be naive.
If you've got this love in your heart and you want to make something happen here in the world, that's great man. You want to take care of some kids, even if they aren't yours, I'm overjoyed. The world can really use a person like you, but you can't continue to ignore the neglect and sloth that is ruining your relationship and quite frankly, seems to be ruining *your* life.
Try to find the root again. Tell her how you love her and why you guys got together and how you want things to be like they were whenever you two were really hitting it off. If she can't snap out of it though then you really ought to part yourself from this situation.
--------------------

|
An Octopus
cephalopod


Registered: 03/11/11
Posts: 73
Loc: Indiana
Last seen: 12 years, 4 months
|
Re: Depression Creeping In [Re: Humility]
#14115220 - 03/13/11 05:22 PM (12 years, 10 months ago) |
|
|
Serious question, not trying to be rude...
If your wife is a "lazy bitch," why is she your wife? It seems like you're having enough trouble making your own ends meet without having to deal with supporting 2+ other human beings.
-------------------- vibes and stuff
|
Azure Essence


Registered: 10/03/10
Posts: 8,272
Loc:
Last seen: 7 months, 5 days
|
Re: Depression Creeping In [Re: An Octopus]
#14115440 - 03/13/11 05:59 PM (12 years, 10 months ago) |
|
|
Yeah dude if anything just go through all the legal mumbo jumbo and leave her in a civil way.
|
shroom-jitsu
Divine Triangler



Registered: 01/24/10
Posts: 439
Loc: Here
Last seen: 10 years, 7 months
|
Re: Depression Creeping In [Re: ciaran]
#14119428 - 03/14/11 01:26 PM (12 years, 10 months ago) |
|
|
Hey guy, I feel your pain. I'm in very much the same boat, though much different circumstances. The bottom line is, it will eventually be history. Of course, that doesn't make it any easier to go through. The promise is, it will pass. One foot in front of the other.
Now would be a great time to make personal changes. Look at it this way: Everything solid that was you has just been completely melted down - that's why we call it a meltdown. Use the raw material left over to shape a new you. I know it sounds corny as hell, but sometimes only the type of pain your going through now can provide the motivation necessary to affect true change.
I do assume you are looking for change? Now's the time to do it. If you have kids, as you mentioned, THERE would be a MOST rewarding place to start. No matter how shitty life is, my kids being happy makes me happy. All the rest is a waiting game!
Best Luck!
|
|