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OfflineXUL
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What would you do?
    #14087404 - 03/08/11 03:43 PM (12 years, 11 months ago)

My dad just exploded on me. I swear he is Bi-Polar. He freaked out because I left a couple dishes downstairs before I ran the dishwasher, then he freaked out again because I was eating dinner and I couldnt give him a haircut.

I have been living at home because he has cancer. Its not well. It seems like im driving him crazy and I am definatly depressed, feeling confined, hating the lack of privacy and I cant fucking take it anymore.

I dont have money. My parents support me and I am supposed to start job training tommarow. I want to leave this place. I want to go stay with my friends and ditch this shit. I want to find a job somewhere where I have friends and I can have privacy.

If I leave there will be no support for me. No food, no money. I have been through it before though. I have lived on food stamps for 2 months while finding a job. The job interview that I have is okay. Nothing special, but its better than fast food. If I stay I can have free rent, free food and a job, but at what price? Loads of anxiety, depression, and a constant state of being uncomfortable.

What would you do?

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Invisible4runner
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Re: What would you do? [Re: XUL]
    #14087439 - 03/08/11 03:48 PM (12 years, 11 months ago)

Get a job and bounce.

In the mean time just talk to your dad like an adult. He has cancer, I am sure he is pretty damn stressed out, that would make any anyone explode at stupid shit once and a while.

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InvisibleCrasher
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Re: What would you do? [Re: XUL] * 2
    #14087454 - 03/08/11 03:52 PM (12 years, 11 months ago)

If I was dying of cancer, I'd expect my kids to help out around the house, and support me like I supported them for their entire life.

Love is the law bro. He gave you life, help him out, get a job, and take care of your family. I can't think of anything more important.


--------------------
Give me silence, water, hope;
Give me struggle, iron, volcanoes...

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OfflinePeterGriffin467
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Re: What would you do? [Re: XUL]
    #14087474 - 03/08/11 03:56 PM (12 years, 11 months ago)

Im stuck at home to and depserately want out but have no job despite the fact ive been applying at places for awhile now.  My situation isnt as bad as yours with your dad having cancer (sorry about your dad man thats gotta be hard) but I still feel like Ive overstayed my welcome and I know my parents care but I feel like they dont deserve to have to keep supporting a 25 year old drug addict loser when they should be retiring.  I would just stay at home and save up some money since you are starting work tomorrow that way you can have a bit of money when you finaly decide to try and go out on your own.  Leaving home with nothing inevitabley sp? will end up with you having to return home if you have nowhere to go.  I hope your situation gets better man.


--------------------
"I just need to check inside ya asshole SIR.... Asshole clear!"

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Offlinenice1
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Re: What would you do? [Re: XUL]
    #14087493 - 03/08/11 04:01 PM (12 years, 11 months ago)

The eternal - life

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Invisibleifoundwaldo


Registered: 09/28/10
Posts: 8,389
Loc: Denver, CO Flag
Re: What would you do? [Re: Crasher]
    #14087547 - 03/08/11 04:11 PM (12 years, 11 months ago)

Quote:

Crasher said:
If I was dying of cancer, I'd expect my kids to help out around the house, and support me like I supported them for their entire life.

Love is the law bro. He gave you life, help him out, get a job, and take care of your family. I can't think of anything more important.




It's his job not to treat his son like an asshole.

If my dad (or anyone for that matter) was treating me like an asshole, I'd bounce.
That's not love. That's taking advantage of the person.

EDIT: Admittedly though, you should think back to your teenage days and the angst you gave your parents then.
Is this a bit of karma coming full circle?


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Edited by ifoundwaldo (03/08/11 04:13 PM)

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InvisibleCrasher
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Re: What would you do? [Re: ifoundwaldo]
    #14087561 - 03/08/11 04:13 PM (12 years, 11 months ago)

Quote:

ifoundwaldo said:
Quote:

Crasher said:
If I was dying of cancer, I'd expect my kids to help out around the house, and support me like I supported them for their entire life.

Love is the law bro. He gave you life, help him out, get a job, and take care of your family. I can't think of anything more important.




It's his job not to treat his son like an asshole.

If my dad (or anyone for that matter) was treating me like an asshole, I'd bounce.
That's not love. That's taking advantage of the person.





you've ever actually dealt with an aging adult approaching death?

forgiveness and compassion are pretty radical ideas. if you can't feel them for your own family, how the fuck are you going to help anyone else?


--------------------
Give me silence, water, hope;
Give me struggle, iron, volcanoes...

Edited by Crasher (03/08/11 04:13 PM)

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Invisibleifoundwaldo


Registered: 09/28/10
Posts: 8,389
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Re: What would you do? [Re: Crasher]
    #14087575 - 03/08/11 04:16 PM (12 years, 11 months ago)

Quote:

Crasher said:
you've ever actually dealt with an aging adult approaching death?





Well, my grandmothers. But all old people are different.
If you were nice and carefree in life, so you are in old age.
If you were a miserable dick in life, so you are in old age.

Quote:

forgiveness and compassion are pretty radical ideas. if you can't feel them for your own family, how the fuck are you going to help anyone else?




I just expect some basic human decency.
From everyone. Unequivocally.

Otherwise, have fun in the old folks' home. :shrug:
I mean, they don't NEED me, so why would I stick around for abuse?


--------------------

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Invisiblevirus1824
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Re: What would you do? [Re: ifoundwaldo]
    #14087590 - 03/08/11 04:19 PM (12 years, 11 months ago)

Quote:


What would you do?




I'd go back to bed.


--------------------
A weekend wasted is never a wasted weekend

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OfflineRebirtha
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Re: What would you do? [Re: virus1824]
    #14087745 - 03/08/11 04:51 PM (12 years, 11 months ago)

I think you should talk to him about it, and how you don't want to be treated unfairly. If his cancer is terminal you should really focus on how to make the best of the time you have with you father. It sounds like he really does need your help, but it also sounds like you are getting treated poorly. Open an honest line of communication with him in a tone that won't inflict backlash. Personally for me moving out of the house instead of taking care of your potentially dying father is not something I could live with. If you do get the job then you are able to save money which you won't be able to do on you probably wouldn't do on your own. my 2 cents..

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OfflineAzure Essence
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Re: What would you do? [Re: virus1824]
    #14087800 - 03/08/11 05:02 PM (12 years, 11 months ago)

I can see turning into a dick after being diagnosed with cancer or something and my lazy shit head kids wont clean up the house. I mean how many years did he support you for?

Maybe go to a ballgame or something fun with your dad. I'm sure as isolated and depressed as you feel, he feels it 100 times worse because he cant understand why his son(daughter?), knows full well he will be dead in a few short years, but would rather hang out with his friends then spend a bit of time with him, and make his short remaining life a little easier by picking up the dishes so he doesnt have to and he can do more fulfilling things.

Weather your dad is a dick or not, you should still be compassionate and caring with him. And not for his sake. If you are compassionate or caring FOR anyone else, you're doing it for the wrong reasons, because you can only really do it for yourself.

In a few years, do you want to look back and feel even worse because you cant go back and spend more time with him, tell him how much you appreciate him supporting you all your life and just for being your dad? Or are you going to look back with a smile, knowing that your dad knew you loved him, and you did what you could to make his time here pleasant when we all really have so little time anyways.

Just the fact that you can read and get onto a computer, onto the internet, and have a place to live means you are so much more blesses than a massive fucking percentage of the people on earth.

Start fucking acting like it.

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Offlinerealfuzzhead
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Re: What would you do? [Re: Azure Essence]
    #14087825 - 03/08/11 05:06 PM (12 years, 11 months ago)

RP it sucks your dad is taking some of his anger out on you and youre being put into a very tough situation,  i cannot even imagine what it would be like to be in your dads position...

damn crazyness.. ive always thought about asking my parents if they would want to try psilocybin mushrooms before they die, as it is now being tested as a treatment for depression and anxiety especially in terminally ill patients..
i dont even know how id start that convo though:shrug:

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OfflineAzure Essence
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Re: What would you do? [Re: realfuzzhead]
    #14087839 - 03/08/11 05:08 PM (12 years, 11 months ago)

You start that conversation like this, "So about that Spaghetti I fixed you guys..."

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OfflineXUL
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Re: What would you do? [Re: Azure Essence]
    #14088828 - 03/08/11 08:22 PM (12 years, 11 months ago)

Quote:

Azure Essence said:

Weather your dad is a dick or not, you should still be compassionate and caring with him. And not for his sake. If you are compassionate or caring FOR anyone else, you're doing it for the wrong reasons, because you can only really do it for yourself.





I dont know. Its a good point to think about. I dont think im selfish though. When I was a fireman I never wanted a spotlight or a thanks. I just wanted to care for people and help them. The same with my friends too. We are there for eachother.

On the other hand. I never talk to my dad. We speak, but we never talk. EVER. We are strangers. It has always been like this. Even when I was a kid I remember him yelling alot. One time he was yelling because I lost a hammer and so I hid in the woods.


Quote:

Azure Essence said:
You start that conversation like this, "So about that Spaghetti I fixed you guys..."




Its not that I dont want to do something nice like that, but its impossible to me. I show no affection to my family at all and I never have. When I say impossible, I mean that. I am extremely emotionally withdrawn. The first person I ever said I love you to is my ex girlfriend at the age of 24.



Either way I just rode it out in the basement and watched a movie. I saw the Last Three Days with Russel Crowe. It was damn good.

Thanks for the replies.

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OfflineAzure Essence
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Re: What would you do? [Re: XUL]
    #14089147 - 03/08/11 09:03 PM (12 years, 11 months ago)

My conversation was in response to the poster right before me. it was a joke about feeding his parents mushrooms without them knowing.

Well it's not like you dont know your doing it, so you should start trying to fix it. I can think of a better place to start. just talk to your dad. Not that difficult. You can be stubborn and remain withdrawn, or you can just open your heart, be compassionate, and get to know him

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