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astral_stardust
Stranger


Registered: 10/02/09
Posts: 263
Loc: California
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Best way to get over someone
#14080045 - 03/07/11 08:40 AM (12 years, 10 months ago) |
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Basically, I met a guy and felt a connection but didn't stay in touch. I thought I wouldn't see him again but found him on Facebook and ended up getting back in touch for a while. We got along well and seemed to be into each other despite a considerable age difference. Just when things seemed to be headed in a great direction, he decided to break it off to be with a woman he's known longer and had more history with.
The worst part is that I've had a lot of financial problems last year, losing my business and house. It was very hard and I met him just as I was starting to feel like I was rebuilding my life so it was like a blow while I was already down that it had to happen on top of everything else.
He was very sweet about it and that made it hurt a lot less but I'm still feeling pretty bad. I've had a lot of awful experiences with guys in the past and thought I'd finally found someone that was going to treat me with kindness and respect, not to mention I'm scared of losing his friendship. Staying friends means a lot to me because he's one of the few people I felt like I could easily talk to about anything. He insists we'll see each other again and work on building a friends only relationship, and I trust that he means what he says because he hasn't lied to me yet, but I've heard that so many time before it's hard to believe.
I miss the emotional connection I was developing for him and don't have anyone else that I'm really close to right now. What should I do to get through this? I haven't had a trip in a while but I have a few connections and thinking I don't have a lot to lose right now.
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dummy
I am you and what I see is me


Registered: 09/29/08
Posts: 3,973
Last seen: 1 year, 8 months
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you go and listen to a counselor about how to not be co dependent.
-------------------- People never seem to know what they least suspect is coming next.
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astral_stardust
Stranger


Registered: 10/02/09
Posts: 263
Loc: California
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Re: Best way to get over someone [Re: dummy]
#14084162 - 03/07/11 10:36 PM (12 years, 10 months ago) |
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Seriously? This is the best advice anyone has?
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owls
just let go!


Registered: 02/22/09
Posts: 6,485
Loc: dancing
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i'm a relationship newbie, but you might as well at least trust what he says and you'll at least have a positive friendship to enjoy. and you never know what the future may hold
i don't see why tripping would hurt, it helps me
-------------------- i love you ♥ you are beautiful! COME TOGETHER, JOIN THE PARTY!! "what beith a man if he doth not enjoy cannabis?"
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Cherk
Fashionable


Registered: 10/25/02
Posts: 46,493
Loc: International
Last seen: 1 year, 2 months
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plenty o fish in the sea
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I have considered such matters. SIKE
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mushiepussy

Registered: 02/06/11
Posts: 1,198
Loc:
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Re: Best way to get over someone [Re: Cherk]
#14084470 - 03/08/11 12:01 AM (12 years, 10 months ago) |
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There is nothing you can do that won't get you over it. Honestly, I've been through worse things today than this, and I had a good day. If you can't deal with it, drive down the highway with your eyes closed and it will fix your problem.
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jimmystubs
Backyard Chemist



Registered: 07/02/10
Posts: 212
Loc: Australia
Last seen: 2 years, 7 months
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Re: Best way to get over someone [Re: Cherk]
#14084863 - 03/08/11 02:04 AM (12 years, 10 months ago) |
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Quote:
cherokee said: plenty o fish in the sea
Good call.
You just need to move on with things and try to have a decent attitude in general, this always helps in finding someone else. I find that if I just move on, life falls into place. If you try too hard or get too upset about it, it never seems to work, at least for me anyway.
I believe that this is just a state of mind, if your positive, positive things happen. Sometimes we have to take the road that happiness is a decision and just try to go for it, even though this often doesnt feel like the case - if you try it helps.
Dont dwell, doesnt help anything and makes shit hard!
Plenty of fish in the sea!
-------------------- ------
None are more hopelessly enslaved than those who falsely believe they are free Journal of an Australian finding supplies
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dustinthewind13
Fool



Registered: 11/05/10
Posts: 5,219
Loc: Being a burden
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Re: Best way to get over someone [Re: mushiepussy]
#14085989 - 03/08/11 10:26 AM (12 years, 10 months ago) |
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Quote:
mushiepussy said: There is nothing you can do that won't get you over it. Honestly, I've been through worse things today than this, and I had a good day. If you can't deal with it, drive down the highway with your eyes closed and it will fix your problem.
-------------------- "It is the peculiar quality of a fool to perceive the faults of others and forget his own." - Marcus Tullius Cicero "A room without books is like a body without a soul." - Marcus Tullius Cicero "Do not bite at the bait of pleasure, till you know there is no hook beneath it." -Thomas Jefferson
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dustinthewind13
Fool



Registered: 11/05/10
Posts: 5,219
Loc: Being a burden
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Quote:
astral_stardust said: Staying friends means a lot to me because he's one of the few people I felt like I could easily talk to about anything
I would keep on trying to be friends. Also tell him how you feel. If he wants more than just a friendship he will eventually do something about it. Meanwhile enjoy the friendship, since that makes you happy. Hope this helps.
-------------------- "It is the peculiar quality of a fool to perceive the faults of others and forget his own." - Marcus Tullius Cicero "A room without books is like a body without a soul." - Marcus Tullius Cicero "Do not bite at the bait of pleasure, till you know there is no hook beneath it." -Thomas Jefferson
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dummy
I am you and what I see is me


Registered: 09/29/08
Posts: 3,973
Last seen: 1 year, 8 months
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I disagree. A friendship with a recent ex is like a really, really shitty and sad relationship.
-------------------- People never seem to know what they least suspect is coming next.
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JT


Registered: 02/28/07
Posts: 7,027
Loc: athens
Last seen: 4 years, 6 months
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Re: Best way to get over someone [Re: dummy]
#14086693 - 03/08/11 01:23 PM (12 years, 10 months ago) |
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Quote:
dummy said: I disagree. A friendship with a recent ex is like a really, really shitty and sad relationship.
qft
best way to move on is to find someone else.
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dustinthewind13
Fool



Registered: 11/05/10
Posts: 5,219
Loc: Being a burden
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Re: Best way to get over someone [Re: dummy]
#14087156 - 03/08/11 02:55 PM (12 years, 10 months ago) |
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Quote:
dummy said: I disagree. A friendship with a recent ex is like a really, really shitty and sad relationship.
Could be. I guess it depends on their past experiences and the experiences they had after they broke up. I don't see why it has to be shitty or sad. Unless the person who wants to make the relationship work emotions for their ex are too strong. Then it could turn out bad.
-------------------- "It is the peculiar quality of a fool to perceive the faults of others and forget his own." - Marcus Tullius Cicero "A room without books is like a body without a soul." - Marcus Tullius Cicero "Do not bite at the bait of pleasure, till you know there is no hook beneath it." -Thomas Jefferson
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shimishimiman
Jaded Optimist


Registered: 03/21/09
Posts: 469
Loc: Shmexas, Texas
Last seen: 1 month, 27 days
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Your best bet is to cut off communication with him for a while. Once you are able to get over your emotional attachment to him (which could take a long ass time based on where your life takes you within the next few months) then you can try to revive your friendship if it is something you would really like to do. But in all honesty, keeping in touch with someone that makes you feel bad about yourself is not gonna get your life moving in the direction you want it to go.
--------------------
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dummy
I am you and what I see is me


Registered: 09/29/08
Posts: 3,973
Last seen: 1 year, 8 months
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lol... what do you think this girl is doing?
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AlphaFalfa
imagine


Registered: 06/16/08
Posts: 3,857
Loc: 3 Seconds Ago.
Last seen: 9 years, 10 months
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Re: Best way to get over someone [Re: dummy]
#14087954 - 03/08/11 05:31 PM (12 years, 10 months ago) |
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God doesn't exist.
Repeat that over and over and over in your head.
You should feel better in no time.
-------------------- if you ever feel lost, just remember, life is not a journey, it is entertainment, all 4 fun...
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andrewss
precariously aggrandized


Registered: 08/17/07
Posts: 8,725
Loc: ohio
Last seen: 1 month, 14 days
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Re: Best way to get over someone [Re: AlphaFalfa]
#14088104 - 03/08/11 06:09 PM (12 years, 10 months ago) |
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best way?
kill him/her
-------------------- Jesus loves you.
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dustinthewind13
Fool



Registered: 11/05/10
Posts: 5,219
Loc: Being a burden
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Re: Best way to get over someone [Re: AlphaFalfa]
#14088112 - 03/08/11 06:11 PM (12 years, 10 months ago) |
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Quote:
AlphaFalfa said: God doesn't exist.
Repeat that over and over and over in your head.
You should feel better in no time.
-------------------- "It is the peculiar quality of a fool to perceive the faults of others and forget his own." - Marcus Tullius Cicero "A room without books is like a body without a soul." - Marcus Tullius Cicero "Do not bite at the bait of pleasure, till you know there is no hook beneath it." -Thomas Jefferson
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Microppose
Things Maker



Registered: 11/30/10
Posts: 849
Loc: Amongst you...
Last seen: 18 hours, 44 minutes
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Sorry OP, one thing I've learned is that it takes time and/or a replacement.
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irie.one
I Respect I Eternally



Registered: 03/07/11
Posts: 157
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Re: Best way to get over someone [Re: Microppose]
#14090415 - 03/09/11 12:40 AM (12 years, 10 months ago) |
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Don't go for a replacement immediately, a rebound relationship is unfair to both you and whatever poor guy you're replacing this guy with, because that's all it would be if it happened this soon.
It's tough getting over someone. Just remind yourself that this is a temporary situation and it will get better. I've found that communicating with an ex can extend the amount of time it takes to get over them, and even if you agree to be just friends, it's probably best to have some time apart by not communicating in any way. Do that until you feel that you can be around them and talk to them like they are just a friend. Never forget the experiences you shared with him and reflect on how he positively influenced you, and use that to remind yourself of how you grew during the period of time you had him in your life.
Love (or even an emotional connection) is a chemical addiction to another person, and it will take some time for your body and mind to re-adjust. The single best thing I've found to get over someone is to get selfish. Do whatever you wanted to do while in a relationship but couldn't. Redefine yourself. You have to find ways to fill the hole that was made when this person left your life, do that by rediscovering what makes you happy. Maybe it's a new hobby, mending relationships with old friends, or creating relationships with new friends.
The only other advice I can offer, and this is important, is to think positively in every moment. When you wake up, tell yourself it will be a good day, and believe it. Keep telling yourself that, as often as you think to. Take control of your thoughts, you've probably had a lot more thinking time lately anyway, and use that to your advantage, they are very powerful.
Along with that is the concept of acceptance.
Quote:
Acceptance is not submission; it is acknowledgment of the facts of a situation. Then deciding what you're going to do about it. - Kathleen Casey Theisen
Acceptance allows you to live in the present and not dwell on the past or the future, since that's what one usually thinks about while trying to get over someone. Accept the situation for what it is and remind yourself that you have the choice whether or not to be sad, upset, or happy.
Best of luck, you're not alone in your situation.
-------------------- gettin' high to balance out the lows
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