Posting this here as well, so hopefully people can learn from it.
3.7 grams golden teacher.
I remember an intensity, an energy, buzzing throughout my body. Listening to music at the computer when my girlfriend came home. I didn't like the music (Started being negative), and changed it, and then I found myself staring as she made me a bed on the floor.
I then felt like I was going on a journey, and wasn't sure what was real. that when I laid down and closed my eyes I would be different. I took some time to, with difficulty, tell her how much I loved her and that no matter what happened she would always be a part of me and that I would always treasure the time we spent together.
Perhaps reality was the trip, and I would be leaving her behind to go ahead into objective infinity, which soon enough came.
The trip had a tidal quality to it; what I currently perceive to be reality came and went like waves lapping against a sandy coastline. I laid there and listened to the rain track, and began to hallucinate.
I remember an alien music, springing out, frightening at first, and then becoming more familiar. Electronic, clicks and whirs, and sounds I can't describe. This was the divine cosmic music, and every consciousness was a part of it. To realize and take part in it was pure joy.
I occasionally explored fractals in my mind, and would catch myself with eyes open as I returned to familiar subjective space.
The tide comes in, and I return to this reality and begin to speculate and understand everything, and what it is to be human, the joy of experience itself. The meaning of existence. Peeling away at layers of myself to reach my core. My pure existence.
The tide rolls out, and the person I am is smashed open on the reef and my consciousness seeps out to experience infinity and hallucination.
I let everything go, following Latherdome's advice, and gained everything in return.
When the tide came in I would call my girlfriend into the room, taking pleasure in the physical sensation of her name. I told her that I couldn't wait to share this with her, and she grabbed me and held me tight. I felt us together, entwined like the serpents around the staff of the caduceus. Surrounded by love and warmth and good. I told her to speak to me in different languages, and it was fascinating.
Eventually I realized infinite possibilities, and that everything IS. I understood the meaning of existence in the flash of a visceral, psychedelic lightning strike(which is a symbol I actually saw). An apple to the left side, an eye to the right, and a lightning strike in the center illuminating everything, and it was so SIMPLE.
I understood what it was to BE. That the point of existence was FAR simpler than people make it out to be. Consciousness is experience, and that is the whole point. To experience life. To experience period. There is no meaning to life that you don't give it. The experience is the life.
I would take journeys into deep thought and realize that everything I worry about is just a concept. Money, government, faith, monogamy, language; these things are all just concepts. What is real is the experience.
I was so interested in little things and ponderings in between my body morphing into different forms. I felt my face grow extra eyes above my first ones, deep and black like a chicken embryo's eyes. I also remember being a fish-like thing.
I remember returning and looking at my girlfriend and telling her how everything looked as though it was composed of little dots of color, like an old newspaper or comic book when you look really close.
There was really way too much to remember or describe... I was able to easily control it and a couple of times where I felt myself going negative, and caught myself. I reminded myself that negativity is just a concept, and that everything IS, and I would quickly return to that sublime state of just existing.
Music was Tool, APC, Ratatat, Pretty Lights, and the song War Pigs, which I grooved the fuck out to in my head.
Overall, it was simply life-changing. In total, it lasted about 3-4 hours, but felt like an eternity.
-------------------- Feed my will to feel this moment, urging me to cross the line. Reaching out to embrace the random. Reaching out to embrace whatever may come. Taking the Plunge: My First Trip The Tao te Ching
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