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Anonymous #1
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Desperately miss my ex
#14048311 - 03/01/11 12:40 PM (12 years, 10 months ago) |
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About a year ago I tried to do a long distance relationship with a close and beautiful friend of mine from high school and the entire thing failed miserably and destroyed my emotional and social intelligence for a long ass time.
I have come to terms with all of it and now see it in a positive and fairly enlightened light, but the only way I was able to properly do it was to try to shut her off completely from my life. I haven't seen her in the longest fucking time, and I usually do my best to ignore her on facebook or whatever because I don't know how to control my conversations with her without feeling anxious or like I am being tested.
The sad thing is though, I can never stop thinking about her. Her birthday was last week and I sent her a gift for fuck's sake. I have hooked up with 5 different girls ever since our break up, and although a couple of them were fantastic and just what I fucking needed, I still crave talking to her and having her in a comfortable, friendly position in my life. I come up with billions of scenarios when I am alone of how I can tell her what I think she needs to hear to take me back - like seriously, just talking to myself but pretending I am talking to her.
I don't know if I love her as much as I think I do or if I am just going insane again...
Bleh.
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masterfluffypants
The Psilocybin Psychospawn



Registered: 10/31/10
Posts: 3,312
Loc: Electric Ladyland
Last seen: 5 years, 3 months
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Ive had a similar experience. That shit can suck. Women are succubi. They suck your soul away and feed on your misery
-------------------- "You ever have that feeling where you're not sure if you're awake or still dreaming?" "Mmm...All the time. It's called mescaline, it's the only way to fly."
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Anonymous #1
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I wonder if telling her how I feel would bring her back to me...
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masterfluffypants
The Psilocybin Psychospawn



Registered: 10/31/10
Posts: 3,312
Loc: Electric Ladyland
Last seen: 5 years, 3 months
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I know how much it hurts to try and let go. But i would recommend against long distance relationships. Ive experienced first hand how painful that can be. And it never ends up working out in a good way. Honestly the best thing for you would be to try and just accept her as a friend, and find a nice girl that you can have a relationship with in your proximity
-------------------- "You ever have that feeling where you're not sure if you're awake or still dreaming?" "Mmm...All the time. It's called mescaline, it's the only way to fly."
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Anonymous #1
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We are on pretty weird terms though, I think that's why I am so bothered by everything. I think I just really need to talk to her; I have been avoiding conversation with her for so long. I don't know how she really feels about me or "us". I need some fucking closure, mang.
Do you think telling her all of this would help get me to properly let go?
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masterfluffypants
The Psilocybin Psychospawn



Registered: 10/31/10
Posts: 3,312
Loc: Electric Ladyland
Last seen: 5 years, 3 months
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Possibly. Talk to her. Dont avoid her, that only causes more tension. Settle things the way you need to. My last ex dumped me without any closure. She never gave me a reason. It was fucking lame. You owe it to yourself to live happily and you cant live happily if you have roadblocks that need to be moved.
-------------------- "You ever have that feeling where you're not sure if you're awake or still dreaming?" "Mmm...All the time. It's called mescaline, it's the only way to fly."
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CidneyIndole
www.shroomery.OG



Registered: 05/16/05
Posts: 4,761
Loc: Love's Secret Domain
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Quote:
Anonymous said:
The sad thing is though, I can never stop thinking about her. Her birthday was last week and I sent her a gift for fuck's sake. I have hooked up with 5 different girls ever since our break up, and although a couple of them were fantastic and just what I fucking needed, I still crave talking to her and having her in a comfortable, friendly position in my life. I come up with billions of scenarios when I am alone of how I can tell her what I think she needs to hear to take me back - like seriously, just talking to myself but pretending I am talking to her.
I don't know if I love her as much as I think I do or if I am just going insane again...
Bleh.
You sound like me, and for that I'm sorry. haha
Really, though,
I feel obsessive sometimes, and it was suggested by a therapist that I'm "co dependent." I don't really disagree with this view, when thinking about my past relationships, and also looking at my parents. If this is something you're not familiar with, check it out and see if it sounds like you.
I am the romantic type, and also the nostalgic type. I also am the loyal type. This has made breaking up, traditionally, kind of a hard thing for me to deal with.
I don't think I've ever really "stopped loving" any girl that I fell in love with. Not to say that I'm still IN LOVE with them... but I think you get the idea.
I do the whole "having conversations in my head" thing a lot. I wonder how many people do this. Seems to be a common feature of love... or at least my experience of it... and of girls I've dated (and talked to about this, who claim to do it as well.)
Thing is, it takes time. It always does, even if it ended horribly and she was abusive.
-------------------- ------------------------ I am me. We are You.
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durantz
Stranger



Registered: 05/09/09
Posts: 697
Last seen: 9 years, 29 days
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Hey dude first thing I'd like to say is that I understand the pain you're going through. There are some women out there who you become obsessed with (different for all of us). And for whatever reason they just don't share the same feelings. It's a really hard situation to deal with. I still have feelings for this woman I dated a year ago and even though she is just not suited to me at all.
But I am not desperate for her anymore. And while I may think about her a fair bit there is no pain or longing.
My advice to you would be that you need to address certain issues in your life (non-related to women). After my breakup I realised there were many things about my life that were holding me back. I set myself goals and worked towards them. Now 1 year later I feel like a new man! And I can look back on that relationship and smile knowing that I have probably gained far more from it than if I had stayed with her.
Try to find out what it was about this woman that made you feel so good. Once you identify this you can then start to think of other ways to achieve those feelings. You'll slowly begin to feel confident in your own abilities and you will find companionship with your friends. In the end the only thing you will be lacking is the physical aspect of the relationship but with more time and effort even that will not matter.
The friendships you develop outside of relationships will probably be the most valuable ones in your life. Once you are a happy and confident man then you will fill your body full of love and no woman in her right mind would mistreat you. Then it's just a matter of staying away from the crazy ones
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dummy
I am you and what I see is me


Registered: 09/29/08
Posts: 3,973
Last seen: 1 year, 8 months
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Re: Desperately miss my ex [Re: durantz]
#14049799 - 03/01/11 05:11 PM (12 years, 10 months ago) |
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op you're emotionally codependent. research it.
-------------------- People never seem to know what they least suspect is coming next.
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Anonymous #1
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Re: Desperately miss my ex [Re: dummy]
#14051120 - 03/01/11 08:58 PM (12 years, 10 months ago) |
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Dude, I have found 300 million psychological disorders I can label myself with, and now you're telling me I'm codependent too?
Jesus Christ...
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CidneyIndole
www.shroomery.OG



Registered: 05/16/05
Posts: 4,761
Loc: Love's Secret Domain
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Because of its nature, I'm pretty sure co-dependency typically comes with a handful of other problems (as I believe the running theory is that this is caused by being raised by parents who are this way...)
On the other hand, I would not worry too much about applying labels to yourself, or even the labels others are throwing at you either.
I was just pointing out you show some signs, and you should have a look at the literature.
When I read about what co-dependent parents are "typically" like, and the behavioral patterns, my jaw almost dropped. it was quite revealing for me.
Sadly, i don't think ever even realized how far this went for me, until recently.
-------------------- ------------------------ I am me. We are You.
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Anonymous #2
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Quote:
Anonymous said: I need some fucking closure, mang.
Do you think telling her all of this would help get me to properly let go?
it could just blow up in your face. the best closure is letting go. the end.
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Anonymous #1
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Quote:
Anonymous said: it could just blow up in your face. the best closure is letting go. the end.
it's impossible to let go without closure. i have already tried "letting go," but all the while my mind has been trying to convince me that there is still hope for us. once i am convinced that there is no hope, then i'll let go.
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durantz
Stranger



Registered: 05/09/09
Posts: 697
Last seen: 9 years, 29 days
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dude you need to find hope in something else...
You've gotta live with yourself every second of the day. So why not invest time into that relationship first?
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Grok
Has Been a Bad Boy


Registered: 12/03/03
Posts: 1,262
Loc: Greener Pastures
Last seen: 9 years, 4 months
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Re: Desperately miss my ex [Re: durantz]
#14053594 - 03/02/11 09:46 AM (12 years, 10 months ago) |
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You may not find closure in talking to her. It could just fan the flames and make you miss her even more, and if she doesn't feel the same way as you (likely) then you won't be any better off. There's a lot of good advice you've been given here. It probably isn't what you want to hear, and I suspect you'll ignore most of it. You're letting your mind be your master and like they say: the mind makes an excellent slave but a terrible master. Take hold and steer your life in a fresh direction.
-------------------- Entropy is increasing. To send me a PM, go to my journal
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Anonymous #3
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Re: Desperately miss my ex [Re: Grok]
#14057847 - 03/03/11 12:09 AM (12 years, 10 months ago) |
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lol. I just signed onto an old dead ex's AIM name and cried looking at a picture of her. She's been dead 8 years.
closure eh?
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