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Anonymous #1
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Sudden onset of ED?
#14044867 - 02/28/11 08:00 PM (12 years, 10 months ago) |
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Quick rundown:
I've been seeing this girl casually for the past 2 months. Sex has been pretty great, having sex 3-5 times per night. However, the past two weekends we've gotten together I've been unable to perform. I've never had the problem in the past with her, or with other girls I've been with.
The first of the two weekends we did LSD together, and I was entering that shitty 'its hour 11 and I'm really burnt out' period, so I just chalked it up to me not being in the mood.
The next weekend we tried to have sex twice, and while I got hard during foreplay, when it came time for penetration I went limp.
I'm in pretty good physical health and average weight, so I don't think it's a physical problem. Foreplay tends to be focused on her primarily. After a while of fingering her or going down on her I guess it turns more into some goal oriented task, and I lose excitement? Psychologically, I suppose I may be psyching myself out, trying to live up to the 3-5 times a night that's become standard.
I guess I'm making this post to just air out my ideas, and see if anyone has any advice. I'm on the verge of ordering some Cialis or something online and giving that a go
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Kid_Orgo



Registered: 09/24/03
Posts: 5,514
Loc: Hale-Bopp
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You're psyching yourself out, bud.
Accept your flaccitude; only then will the boner return.
-------------------- He was a cowboy in one of the seven days a week fights. No business, no hangout; no friends, nothing; just what you pick up and what you need.
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Anonymous #2
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Re: Sudden onset of ED? [Re: Kid_Orgo] 1
#14045531 - 02/28/11 09:39 PM (12 years, 10 months ago) |
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This has happened to me before in a variety of situations.
First off, your constant over-worrying of the situation is only hindering your performance more.
When you hear girls talking about "needing to be in the mood", at least in my experience, it isn't actually a lie. They just really aren't in the mood. As a guy, I didn't understand this until I was about 20 when it happened to me. Sometimes you just aren't in the mood right off the bat and you need something extra to get you there and sometimes you just can't get there.
Focusing the foreplay on her might be one of your problems. Does she ever return the favor? Your limp-i-sode might be because you feel taken advantage of or don't feel like an equal in the sex game. Men these days seem to over-do it on foreplay on their women these days (my woman commented on foreplay lasting too long occasionally when we first started hooking up) and women seem to under-do it as they have read from Cosmo and all of that shit that women take longer to heat up and men are just always in the mood (obvious bullshit).
When I'm in this "not having sex mood", I can easily tell as my attempts to get her off aren't as spontaneous and sexy, they are (as you said) goal-oriented. However, I feel that's completely acceptable from time-to-time. If the girlie wants to get off I can easily go down and make that happen. It won't be as intimate, but it is her own little treat. You aren't required to have sex for this, nor do you have to be in the mood, get it up, or finish. Just please your woman and go untouched. Understand that the favor will be returned sometime when you're in the mood and she isn't.
Other occasions this has happened: being too hairy made me self conscious, being too drunk, having too much sex in one sitting (takes a lot of energy to keep a raging one going), and thinking that the woman wasn't enjoying it.
It just happens man, you need to realize that it's not some huge problem and just accept it. Shit happens, your dick gets limp.
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Anonymous #1
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Quote:
Anonymous said: This has happened to me before in a variety of situations.
First off, your constant over-worrying of the situation is only hindering your performance more.
When you hear girls talking about "needing to be in the mood", at least in my experience, it isn't actually a lie. They just really aren't in the mood. As a guy, I didn't understand this until I was about 20 when it happened to me. Sometimes you just aren't in the mood right off the bat and you need something extra to get you there and sometimes you just can't get there.
Focusing the foreplay on her might be one of your problems. Does she ever return the favor? Your limp-i-sode might be because you feel taken advantage of or don't feel like an equal in the sex game. Men these days seem to over-do it on foreplay on their women these days (my woman commented on foreplay lasting too long occasionally when we first started hooking up) and women seem to under-do it as they have read from Cosmo and all of that shit that women take longer to heat up and men are just always in the mood (obvious bullshit).
When I'm in this "not having sex mood", I can easily tell as my attempts to get her off aren't as spontaneous and sexy, they are (as you said) goal-oriented. However, I feel that's completely acceptable from time-to-time. If the girlie wants to get off I can easily go down and make that happen. It won't be as intimate, but it is her own little treat. You aren't required to have sex for this, nor do you have to be in the mood, get it up, or finish. Just please your woman and go untouched. Understand that the favor will be returned sometime when you're in the mood and she isn't.
Other occasions this has happened: being too hairy made me self conscious, being too drunk, having too much sex in one sitting (takes a lot of energy to keep a raging one going), and thinking that the woman wasn't enjoying it.
It just happens man, you need to realize that it's not some huge problem and just accept it. Shit happens, your dick gets limp.
Thanks anon2.
Yeah she reciprocates occasionally, and it generally gets everything going. During 69 I went flaccid though. Guess I tend to focus more on my technique and pleasing her than living for that moment and enjoying myself.
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Joolz

Registered: 09/19/10
Posts: 3,614
Last seen: 11 years, 2 months
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THERE'S YOUR PROBLEM! Live in the moment man. Fuck the shit out of her. Forget about goals, those are for the crazy people who worry about the future. Fuck your woman, you can do it!
-------------------- Prohibition didn't work for God; Eve ate the fruit.
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Humility
Working on it



Registered: 10/07/08
Posts: 6,745
Last seen: 6 years, 11 months
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Re: Sudden onset of ED? [Re: Joolz]
#14048541 - 03/01/11 01:29 PM (12 years, 10 months ago) |
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I like what anon2 said about the spontaneity of it and how if you're really feeling it you behave more "sexily".
I definitely am much more capable when I'm really in the mood. It's easier to do the dance, switch it up, keep trying and inventing new things, tickling her here, pleasing her there.
When you don't care, you don't care as much and it isn't as much fun for either party.
I think being "in the mood" is all about the individual and not about gender at all. There may be some socio-cultural norms that American (not western, these issues don't exist in Europe) women have that may limit their libido, but that's dying off.
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CidneyIndole
www.shroomery.OG



Registered: 05/16/05
Posts: 4,761
Loc: Love's Secret Domain
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Re: Sudden onset of ED? [Re: Humility]
#14049559 - 03/01/11 04:32 PM (12 years, 10 months ago) |
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Anon 2 speaks much truth.
I also agree from your description that it sounds like you might be psyching yourself out by over thinking it.
Also, unless you're real young, or medicated, keeping up THAT MANY times a night, for extended periods, can be challenging.
Aside from being generally physically demanding for some, this can also lead to things feeling "routine." I would here insert the cliche'd and obvious advice of trying something new. Fetish, fantasy, etc, even just different positions.
Another great point from anon 2 was the foreplay being focused on her and goal-oriented. I've been through that exact process before.
Definitely be vocal, if she is not returning the favor and putting in the work to turn you on. And if she isn't really doing this (any work, to turn you on) she can't be too disappointed when she doesn't get the dick.
-------------------- ------------------------ I am me. We are You.
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