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Offlinechiefbowls
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Registered: 02/28/10
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What should I do about my dad
    #14043165 - 02/28/11 04:03 PM (13 years, 1 month ago)

Sorry in advance, this is going to be long, but I want to give you all a good idea of what kind of person my dad is.

-He's been overbearing and controlling my whole life.  He's very stubborn, everything he thinks is right no matter what.  Its made me the complete opposite, I'm not depressed, but have always been shy and quiet and lacked confidence.  He has gotten through life by being a bigger asshole than anybody else because it gets him what he wants.

-He's been an alcoholic since before I was born, which contributes to him being an asshole, but he's also an asshole when he's sober.  He's never been physically abusive except once when I was like 4, but I hardly remember that.  I told my mom, she told the police, and they talked to him but I don't think anything ever came of it.  He just sort of pushed my head hard and knocked me into my bed.  Mostly his alcoholism just makes him stupider and I have lost almost all my respect for him.  He has gotten several DUI's, one recently.  He gets super emotional and swears he'll never drink again, but hes drunk again within 2 days.  And he still drives drunk on a regular basis.  When I was little and still lived with him (I'm in college now) he would drive drunk with me in the car.  I was too young to know, but my step-mom would catch him sometimes and yell at him.  He basically thinks he can do whatever he wants because he has money and he knows a lawyer.  Next point...

-He is overly obsessed with his money, he thinks money is everything.  When I'm out in public with him I can tell he looks down on everybody with less money, and acts like he is better than most people.  He drives a nice car, but when he sees somebody with a nicer car than him or nicer clothes or whatever, he gets jealous and says stuff like "psh nice sunglasses douche".  Basically he's extremely self-centered, petty, and immature.

-He talks shit to people on message boards.  Like these basketball message boards for our favorite team, found his username and read some of his posts. He talks shit on people and challenges them to fights like "I'll beat your ass in a fight or a game of 1 on 1".  Hes a 52 year old fat drunk that can't make it up the stairs without being out of breath.  Again, extreme douche bag immature behavior.  I don't think I have ever been that immature, even as a 12 year old first exposed to the internet.

-On the same message board, in the off topic section, I found a post of his where he described doing fucked up things to my mom while she was passed out, back when they were in high school.  He was half joking half bragging about it.  I have hated him a little bit for that ever since.

-He's been through 2 divorces, one with my mom when I was like 1 year old, and then got remarried and divorced again. I don't know what specifically caused the first divorce because I was 1, but I know the 2nd divorce was basically because he was a drunk asshole and thought he had the right to be a drunk asshole because he made more money and paid a bigger % of the bills.

-He gets extremely angry over very little things.  Everything is always someone else's fault and never his.  He will never admit being wrong or making a mistake, he will just argue and win by being a bigger asshole than I can be.  The closest he ever comes to admitting being wrong is "yeah but I pay for it so fuck off" or something related to him having the money.  He gets angry but doesn't get violent, mostly because I am usually submissive in arguments (ie. "Yes dad I know I got 3 B's and that is horrible and I'll do better).  I think if I actually stood up to his shit he would be violent.  He goes through phases where everything is super awesome, and he would buy me videogames and stuff, then randomly just start flipping shit because my room was a little messy or something.  His only concept of parenting was buying me stuff, then getting unreasonably pissed off and taking it away.

He does all this and expects me to respect him just because he paid for everything for me growing up.  I've never been a bad kid.  I've never got in any kind of trouble and I've always gotten good grades and stuff, but more just for myself than respect for him.  I don't respect him at all, for what I think are pretty good reasons.  He is basically a bank account to me, and I don't respect him for anything more than that.  Part of me feels guilty for never standing up to him though, and I feel like its something I have to do before I can really grow up.  This shit has all been building up for a while, with his recent DUI and his lack of any effort to control his alcoholism.  I need to confront him on all this bullshit. 

He has nice things, a comfortable life, a job that he enjoys and pays well, and basically more than most people could ask for, but for some reason has to be drunk to get through the day, so obviously something is wrong.  I think what is wrong is that he is a pathetic human being and can't live with himself.  All of his problems are related.  He is an asshole because he is drunk all the time.  Because he is an asshole, he won't listen to anybody and admit he has any problems, so he will always be a drunk.  I want to make him see this so he can improve himself.  I want to have a dad I can respect.  The problem is he will not listen to anything, ever, and if I force the issue with him like I never have before, it will probably come to violence.  I basically want to yell at him and beat the shit out of him if necessary until he admits his problems.  He needs to be humbled and put back in his place.  Then I will make him see that he needed it, and tell him I'll respect him as long as he is making an effort to improve himself. 

Has anybody had to do anything like this or have any advice?

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Re: What should I do about my dad [Re: chiefbowls]
    #14043183 - 02/28/11 04:06 PM (13 years, 1 month ago)

It is what it is. Deal with it. Participate on his terms or walk away.


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Invisiblewaves

Registered: 04/03/10
Posts: 2,213
Re: What should I do about my dad [Re: chiefbowls]
    #14043317 - 02/28/11 04:30 PM (13 years, 1 month ago)

Is he paying for your education? If he is, you should probably just put up with it until you are out of school, then just go your separate ways. He sounds like a deeply unhappy person, and if he hasn't been able to fix the problem himself in 52 years, then chances are you probably aren't going to be able to help him.

I also don't recommend trying to "put him in his place". That will make things much, much worse between you two.

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Offlineargg
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Registered: 07/20/09
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Re: What should I do about my dad [Re: waves]
    #14043359 - 02/28/11 04:37 PM (13 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

TheDukeofLizards said:
Is he paying for your education? If he is, you should probably just put up with it until you are out of school, then just go your separate ways. He sounds like a deeply unhappy person, and if he hasn't been able to fix the problem himself in 52 years, then chances are you probably aren't going to be able to help him.

I also don't recommend trying to "put him in his place". That will make things much, much worse between you two.





I second this. Let him help you out with school and him being an asshole to you is kinda the only way he might know to show you he cares. He is pushing you forward the only way his pickled mind knows how it seems.


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