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Anonymous #1
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Crushed for 5 years, Do I finally say goodbye?
#14040248 - 02/28/11 03:20 AM (12 years, 10 months ago) |
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Now I have tears in my eyes as I am writing this. I honestly don't know why I have held onto this for so long, and why I can't just drop it because lord knows I have tried.
I don't really even know how to explain this. I could recount the entire history of the relationship but it is rather boring if you haven't lived it yourself.
Basically I have been in love with him almost since I met him. At first I crushed, then crushed harder, then considered him a best friend and finally realized it was love I felt for him.
When I met him I was 23 and he was 19, so we have obviously done some growing up between then and now also. But for some reason, even though I have had a variety of other flings I have never been able to shake or forget my feelings for him.
He has been dating someone for about 2 and a half years now, he lives with her. I don't get to see him and we hardly get to talk or hang out. She doesn't approve of our friendship, me being a female and she saw the way we used to flirt and act before they were ever an item. I guess she feels threatened by me and although I am very jealous of her I would never want to destroy their relationship, at all.
That said, there has been a lot of talk about unhappiness in their relationship. He doesn't talk to me about it but I sometimes hear it second hand from a very close friend of both of ours. I think he knows my feelings for our mutual friend too, maybe they even talk about it.
Anyway, the other day this guy actually came to me directly and spoke of his unhappiness with his girlfriend, the state of their relationship, the fact that he might call it off soon and that if he did the two of us could maybe have something together. There were other intimate confessions as well, mutual feelings shared on various respects from the ideas of us thinking about each other often to missing the way we used to fool around - before this other girl ever entered the picture. Before I knew it though, things had gotten carried away and we were both taking naughty pictures for each other, telling each other what we think about when we masturbate to thoughts of each other, and things along that nature. This is not something I would normally partake in...it just...happened.
Now I feel somewhat guilty, but mostly confused. Because he is still in a relationship with her. Not only that but he has made himself scarce since this talk happened. The two of us haven't talked. I worry that maybe he's just mixed up, and we messed around and it was some kind of relief for him, but he has no intentions of breaking up with her.
Furthurmore, I don't want to just be a rebound girl. After everything, all my feelings I have for him, I still value him as a best friend. At the same time though, my heart fucking hurts just thinking about him. Just thinking about him being with her. Just having known and crushed for him for the last 5 years basically and never really gotten a chance to have a legit relationship with him. It's not like I can just sit around waiting forever for him to say, break up with her and maybe be available for something to happen between us. I could end up waiting forever. I wish I could just figure out how to be a friend, and nothing more and move on with my own dating life, but there are feelings for him I am not sure how to set aside.
I really don't know what to do. Maybe this isn't a question, or maybe I'm not even looking for advice of any type. I just want someone to read this.
Also, since he hasn't been around since we talked last...I mean I don't know. We usually talk online but he has been "offline". He has signed on to play video games, we're on each other buddy lists, but it's at times when I'm not around. I don't want to sound like a stalker or anything, I just notice these things and I don't exactly understand what is going on right now so I guess talking to him again would be a nice comfort. Do I go so far as to call him or text him? We rarely speak that way, because usually it makes his girlfriend freak out.
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Anonymous #1
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Re: Crushed for 5 years, Do I finally say goodbye? [Re: Anonymous #1]
#14043480 - 02/28/11 04:57 PM (12 years, 10 months ago) |
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Thanks for the response.........lol
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mr.711
thats whats up



Registered: 06/06/10
Posts: 176
Last seen: 6 years, 4 months
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Re: Crushed for 5 years, Do I finally say goodbye? [Re: Anonymous #1]
#14043951 - 02/28/11 05:57 PM (12 years, 10 months ago) |
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You probably should have told him how you felt in the beginning instead of letting it build up inside you. Maybe you should tell him how you feel now idk that's my advice.
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Kid_Orgo



Registered: 09/24/03
Posts: 5,514
Loc: Hale-Bopp
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Re: Crushed for 5 years, Do I finally say goodbye? [Re: Anonymous #1] 1
#14043952 - 02/28/11 05:57 PM (12 years, 10 months ago) |
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As a man I can tell you: the thoughts you have pre and post ejaculation are totally different. He could have changed his mind on breaking up with his girl and getting with you before the first rope of spunk hit the ground.
On the other hand, I wouldn't be too heartbroken just yet. It's clear he has feelings for you, and it's clear his shit with her is on the rocks.
Just be patient.
EDIT: DO NOT, I repeat DO NOT try to get in touch with him before he's ready. Nothing's going to ruin the mystery of what your snatch tastes like to him like having another woman nagging him for attention.
-------------------- He was a cowboy in one of the seven days a week fights. No business, no hangout; no friends, nothing; just what you pick up and what you need.
Edited by Kid_Orgo (02/28/11 05:59 PM)
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I_was_the_walrus
eggshells



Registered: 05/01/02
Posts: 11,887
Loc: next door
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Re: Crushed for 5 years, Do I finally say goodbye? [Re: Anonymous #1] 1
#14044915 - 02/28/11 08:07 PM (12 years, 10 months ago) |
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Yeah sounds to me youre just gonna have to keep doing exactly what youre doing. Waiting. Feeling it out. Its not really a subject to force, especially because hes in another relationship. Hes getting tired of it now, but if he leaves her...hes gonna miss her, and shes gonna miss him. His heart will be broken, even with you there. Its gonna be an awkward situation to be in. My best advice is give it time. Wait for him to come to you, when the time is right and the scabs from his past love have healed.
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Lynnch
Strangerer



Registered: 04/29/09
Posts: 7,855
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Re: Crushed for 5 years, Do I finally say goodbye? [Re: Anonymous #1]
#14045354 - 02/28/11 09:16 PM (12 years, 10 months ago) |
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Ive been in almost the exact situation. I was craaazy about this girl. But I had to give it up because it was killing me. Dont waste your life waiting.
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Anonymous #1
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Re: Crushed for 5 years, Do I finally say goodbye? [Re: Lynnch]
#14185341 - 03/26/11 03:09 AM (12 years, 10 months ago) |
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Well it's just over a month later. We've had a few casual chats but anytime conversation takes a serious turn then he suddenly has to go or changes the subject. He says he has been busy but he's just been at home playing video games. I care about him because he's been a long time friend of mine, but his behavior seems really immature and I don't particularly think I can handle his presence in my life right now. Talking to him just gets me worked up or confused or anxious, I can't really explain the exact emotion, but as much as I just want to be his friend and not care sometimes - it is hard to just 'let things be'. So I guess it actually is time to say goodbye.
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Cyclohexylamine
Turn on, Tune in, Drop out



Registered: 09/08/10
Posts: 14,327
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Re: Crushed for 5 years, Do I finally say goodbye? [Re: Anonymous #1]
#14185484 - 03/26/11 04:48 AM (12 years, 10 months ago) |
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Quote:
Anonymous said: Well it's just over a month later. We've had a few casual chats but anytime conversation takes a serious turn then he suddenly has to go or changes the subject. He says he has been busy but he's just been at home playing video games. I care about him because he's been a long time friend of mine, but his behavior seems really immature and I don't particularly think I can handle his presence in my life right now. Talking to him just gets me worked up or confused or anxious, I can't really explain the exact emotion, but as much as I just want to be his friend and not care sometimes - it is hard to just 'let things be'. So I guess it actually is time to say goodbye.
It is time to say good bye. Its not easy but its the right thing to do.
-------------------- Yes this is tymo - I just changed my name Have you ever had a dream that you were so sure was real? What if you were unable to awake from that dream? How would you know the difference between that dream world and the real world? There is NOTHING better than feeling that warm dissociative fuzz creeping up your body from IM K Something abut that anaesthetic rush... Qualitative Research Chemical Effects and Experiences The Wonderful World of Methoxetamine The 3-Meo-PCP Chapters, Part One
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Simms
Fuckwit


Registered: 11/17/08
Posts: 1,109
Loc: Somewhere in Europe
Last seen: 2 years, 6 months
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Re: Crushed for 5 years, Do I finally say goodbye? [Re: Kid_Orgo]
#14185542 - 03/26/11 05:32 AM (12 years, 10 months ago) |
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Quote:
Kid_Orgo said: As a man I can tell you: the thoughts you have pre and post ejaculation are totally different. He could have changed his mind on breaking up with his girl and getting with you before the first rope of spunk hit the ground.
On the other hand, I wouldn't be too heartbroken just yet. It's clear he has feelings for you, and it's clear his shit with her is on the rocks.
Just be patient.
EDIT: DO NOT, I repeat DO NOT try to get in touch with him before he's ready. Nothing's going to ruin the mystery of what your snatch tastes like to him like having another woman nagging him for attention.
Good advice 
But that aside, don't wait for him to come over. Go out with friends, meet someone, have a life. And maybe one day this situation is other way around, then you might even understand him. And when that is over, you two marry and have kids.
Edited by Simms (03/26/11 05:35 AM)
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Fleadh
Eh No....



Registered: 05/11/09
Posts: 2,355
Loc: Ireland
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Re: Crushed for 5 years, Do I finally say goodbye? [Re: Simms]
#14186113 - 03/26/11 10:23 AM (12 years, 10 months ago) |
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Life is way to short for over complicated relationships with anyone. Chalk it up to experience, laugh a bit about it to yourself and move the fuck on.
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Friendships have come and gone but I always regret the girls I didn't bang I just dont really care what you think
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D.C
#cultivation addict
Registered: 12/15/10
Posts: 38
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Re: Crushed for 5 years, Do I finally say goodbye? [Re: Kid_Orgo]
#14201843 - 03/29/11 01:42 AM (12 years, 10 months ago) |
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Quote:
Kid_Orgo said: As a man I can tell you: the thoughts you have pre and post ejaculation are totally different.
Truth.
I've kind of done the same thing. I didn't have a girl at the time and wasn't unhappy, but there've been times that innocent talk with a female friend turns into flirting, turns into sexy talk, turns into eroticism, turns into picture taking and downright smut... And like Kid_Orgo said, before I had even grabbed a Kleenex to wipe up, I was already in a headstate of "that was fun," but that was it. I was ready to turn off my phone so it'd quit making noise and keeping me awake; nevermind that the chick that had just supplied my masturbation fodder wanted a pic of my pearl jam splattered around.
A week later, she comes up to hang out on her birthday. A month later, she's got herself a new man, and somewhere in our chat slips in "why didn't you kiss me when I came to visit?"
Because we had two totally different views of it. I was just having fun. Does that make me a shithead? Perhaps... but if you never give me any indication that you're semi-serious about it, then I'll assume you're just having fun getting your jollies off like I am. That being said, if you let me know you want something "real" to go with that orgasm and I'm not down with that, expect me to back off gently and go back to the way things were.
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HELLA_TIGHT
Madge the Smoking Vag


Registered: 08/19/03
Posts: 84,387
Loc: Afghanistan
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Re: Crushed for 5 years, Do I finally say goodbye? [Re: Kid_Orgo]
#14203504 - 03/29/11 12:31 PM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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Quote:
Kid_Orgo said: before the first rope of spunk hit the ground.
I have nothing to add but "rope of spunk" made me LOL
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Anonymous #1
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Re: Crushed for 5 years, Do I finally say goodbye? [Re: HELLA_TIGHT]
#14212747 - 03/31/11 12:06 AM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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I told him last night he broke my heart, but that it wasn't necessarily his fault. He plays cute puppy dog eyes with me when I do things like this. IT IS SO HARD TO RESIST HIM BUT I SOMETIMES JUST WANT TO BACK OVER HIM WITH MY CAR. Anyway this can't continue that's for sure.
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skiddy
RockStar


Registered: 03/25/11
Posts: 366
Last seen: 12 years, 6 months
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Re: Crushed for 5 years, Do I finally say goodbye? [Re: Anonymous #1]
#14218462 - 04/01/11 01:08 AM (12 years, 9 months ago) |
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Don't give up what i would do is make it seem like you don't need him and even start something with a new Guy DO NOT TEXT OR CALL HIM let him make the connection and even then don't make yourself readily available.
He's not gone and i bet hell be back especially if he's messing around with you even for a short time.
-------------------- PESH : Pinning Transeski : colonizing Orrisa : colonizing Mex a : colonizing You're not a mycologist just because you grow mushrooms.
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