The day is July 2, 2010, And I'm about to go to the Phish show in Charlotte N.C.
I get off work at about 2PM from the hippie grocery store i was working in at the time. Since I worked in the produce department, I was able to obtain like 4 cases of organic berries. There were like 3 bad berries in every pack, and my boss just wanted to throw away EVERy case that was like that. Needless to say, I knew those hundreds of dollars worth of berries could get consumed by the lot hippies that afternoon.
So I depart for Charlotte, which was a little less than two hours from my house. (I'm getting dropped off by a friend, with intentions to get a ride back from a random phisher.)
I'm dropped off in the lot and I just constantly walked around the lot for about 2 hours, giving out all the berries I had brought,.
Now if youve never been to a jam band lot scene, then its important to understand this: Its like a goddamn wall mart of drugs/hippie goods. All the lot kids are trying to literally sell anything they can obtain/make to try and continue touring with the band.
Everyone is trying to sell you something!
So here I am, this goddamned BURNER, walking around a commerce driven society just handing out packs of $6.99 organic blueberries to people for absolutely nothing!
It was sooo goddamned funny how surprised everyone was when they found out what I was doing. It just would NOT register with some of them. I had to reject funds from like 100 people. lolz, a few conversations went like this: "dude those were the best berries I have ever had, take this goddamn 5 dollar bill, or else!" Me-"I'm really not going to take any of your money, you owe me nothing. I was glad to help." Them-"take the 5 bux, Why dont you want 5 bux?" Me-"I don't want your money, I demand nothing for the berries, just that you enjoy them" Them-"whats your motive??? (angrily) WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME????" "Nothing" "At least eat this sassy or have a beer or something" Me- "OoOOOOOOOkay you convinced me...."
Anyhow, I'm walking around for a few hours giving out berries. People are SHWERING me with drug gifts/booze/good company.
I'm walking through the lot, talking with literally EVERYONE I passed, just handing out berries when I spy this really fucked up kid.
Hes Standing in the middle of the path staring at the sun with eyes closed, ferociously licking his lips and fondling himself Intensely in some sort of self-hug with his arms wrapped around his own abdomen.
I Don't know why I decided to do what I did next, perhaps just fate, but I could feel him communicating with me telepathically, so I walked over to him.
I sat down the Box and pulled out a pack of rasperries. UPon firmly placing them on his chest, I did an immensely exxagerated "Spirit Pull" on him, using the berries to suck his soul out through his chest.
All the while I'm holding these berries to his chest, I'm vibrating and pulsating Strongly, shaking him with my arm. I'm also shouting AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH really really loud and giving him a crazy look.
He throws his arms back And flails about while paralyzed like he was licking a light socket. He shouts AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH at the top of his lungs for like 10 seconds while i did this to him.
Then after I stop doing it, he instantly just stands there acting normal for a second or two, just trying to process how easily it was that I stole his soul.
He says: "What the FUCK just happened MAN?" me-"I stole your soul and put it into this pack of berries." He begins sobbing and Intensely weaping like a little girl. Me-"Whats the matter man? Here have berries.." Him: (while still crazily weeping) "I can't afford the berries and I have never wanted anything more...... I spent all my money on drugs..... I'm vegan and I NEED these berries man!" me-"DUDE< I've already given you the berries, just have them. They werent for sale!"
It takes a while for him to understand that I was actually just trying to give him the berries from the beginning.
This dude proceeds to eat an entire pint of berries in like 12 seconds. He SCARFS them down. Then He gets this devilish grin on his face and says: "Do you like ACID?" "Yeah, but you don't have enough to get me high so don't even worry about it, I'm a REAL Hardhead man"
Then he opens the backpack he was wearing and pulls out an ENTIRE SHEET of WoW 'cid. He rips off a strip, the entire length of one side.
I'm thinkin' :"Hell yeah, dudes gonna dose me a strip, this is gonna be fun!"
To my surprise he eats the strip himself and begins maniacly folding the rest of the ENTIRE SHEET into tinier and tinier geometric shapes. At this point I didnt know what the fuck was happening, it looked like he was just freaking out.
Like a minute later he had the 80-90 remaining hits folded into a little origami swan. "YOu think this will get you high" he said. (I just proceeded to nod and open my mouth)
Then the dude flies the origami acid swan into my mouth with sound effects and flapping wings and all.
Within about 3 seconds my tongue felt numb, similar to licking a 9 volt battery. I knew I was in for a hell of a trip.
Sensing that I was going to be too high to mobilize after a while, I left the dudes company after making some small talk and headed for the gates to enter the show.
I'm standing in line about 10-15 people from the front when the dude in line in front of me begins to freak out.
He saw that people were checking the book bags/ satchels that everyone had brought. he turns around, opesn his backpack and pulls out a GINORMOUS sack of MDMA CRYSTAL. Big fucking shards (A sandwhich bag like 1/4 full). HE then begins to dole out the entire bag in HANDSCOOPS to anyone that wanted one. I swear he was giving like half gram hits to everyone, just trying to kill it. I walk into the show gnawing a MOUTHFUL of mdma shards and a HUGE piece of paper.
Phish begins to play and I try to dance, but It was futile. I was immobile. I Laid down in the middle of the dance pit and just laid there, becoming one with the dancefloor.
It felt soo goo to just lie there and get danced on by like 10 people simultaneously. So I basically black out and wake up After the show, being poked by a stick by a security guard. guard-"YOu alright? Shows over get out of here" Me-" Yeah yeah, I'm leavin"
I get up, dust myself off And walk out to the lot. i estimate the show had been over for about 15-25minutes, because the lot was starting to rage out.
As soon as I walked into the lot I saw the nitrous truck from afar and I knew that i had to hit it up.
I bought a 5-pack and walked over betwixt two vans to huff the fuck out of it. This nitrous slut walks up to me and convinces me to give her a balloon, so I do.
The next thing I know, I'm waking up in my bed (About two hours from Charlotte NC) the NEXT AFTERNOON, High AS FUCK on that acid. Melty stardust fractallized number algorhyths everywhere.
So this is when I convince Myself that I Died in the Lot, and this is my purgatory. I had wholeheartedly decided that i died in the lot, and I was now in my afterlife.
I go out into the living room of my house, and my roommate an I have like a 4 hour converation to convince me that I am indeed alive. He was basically talking me down from doing some real stupid shit, cus he knew I was regularily a space cadet.
Anyhow, to this day.................... I have NO IDEA HOW I got home from that phish show. Heres the funny thing though, I woke up with a hundred dollars more than what I took to the phish show. I Don'tknow if in my blacked outtness I sold the Berries or hustled my drug stash or what. All I know is that I earned moneys doing something, but I have NO Idea what.
Ps.... If anyone reads this and remembers giving me a ride home, please tell me what the fuck happened that night!
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No. No, man. Shit, no man. I believe you'd get your ass kicked sayin' somethin' like that man.
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