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28064212
Special Agent Dale Cooper




Registered: 01/15/11
Posts: 12,115
Loc: Twin Peaks
Last seen: 2 years, 9 months
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I heard two pretty funny jokes today...
#14032448 - 02/26/11 08:08 PM (13 years, 7 days ago) |
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1. A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The egg is smoking a cigarette with a satisfied smile on its face and the chicken is frowning and looking a bit pissed off. The chicken, frowning and unsatisfied, mutters, "Well, I guess we answered THAT question!"
2. The Buddhist student asks the monk, "Can Buddhists email?" The monk responds, "Only if there are no attachments."

Have you heard any good jokes lately?
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Dosile Kouki
derp

Registered: 03/08/10
Posts: 14,963
Loc: Paradise
Last seen: 11 years, 7 months
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Re: I heard two pretty funny jokes today... [Re: 28064212] 1
#14032503 - 02/26/11 08:18 PM (13 years, 7 days ago) |
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***racist joke alert****
this one made me laugh the first time i heard it, so please dont take offence , its just a joke.
What is long, black and smelly?
The unemployment line.
and another racist one thats semi-funny.....
Why does Beyonce sing that song ' to the left, to the left ' ?
Because nigga's have no rights.
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4HO-DMT


Registered: 01/11/11
Posts: 5,073
Loc: County Line Road
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Re: I heard two pretty funny jokes today... [Re: 28064212]
#14032515 - 02/26/11 08:20 PM (13 years, 7 days ago) |
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(Say this one with an Irish accent) An American exchange student walks into a pub in Ireland. He pulls up a stool and orders a pint. He says to the Irishman next to him, "I'm not from here could you tell me a little bit about this place?" The Irishman responds, "Do ya see out the window, that bridge over yonder? My Grandfather built that bridge with his bare hands, tilled each stone from the god loving earth and carried them, and placed em' one at a time. His name was Harry and they called him Harry the bridge builder." The American is impressed by this story. The Irishman speaks up again, "Do you see that fence that runs along the hill side over there? My father built that fence with his bare hands. He cut the timber down and cut each board to size. Then he lugged the whole lot up that hill on his back. Do you know what they call him? He is Timothy the fence builder." The American, awed by this story asks the Irishman, "What about you sir, what do they call you?" The Irishman responds, "Well lad, my name is Peter. I fish everyday from sunrise to sunset. I built my boat with my bare hands. But Do you think they call me Peter the fisherman? No they don't because you just fuck one goat!
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28064212
Special Agent Dale Cooper




Registered: 01/15/11
Posts: 12,115
Loc: Twin Peaks
Last seen: 2 years, 9 months
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Re: I heard two pretty funny jokes today... [Re: 4HO-DMT]
#14033075 - 02/26/11 09:54 PM (13 years, 6 days ago) |
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Quote:
physicist said: (Say this one with an Irish accent) An American exchange student walks into a pub in Ireland. He pulls up a stool and orders a pint. He says to the Irishman next to him, "I'm not from here could you tell me a little bit about this place?" The Irishman responds, "Do ya see out the window, that bridge over yonder? My Grandfather built that bridge with his bare hands, tilled each stone from the god loving earth and carried them, and placed em' one at a time. His name was Harry and they called him Harry the bridge builder." The American is impressed by this story. The Irishman speaks up again, "Do you see that fence that runs along the hill side over there? My father built that fence with his bare hands. He cut the timber down and cut each board to size. Then he lugged the whole lot up that hill on his back. Do you know what they call him? He is Timothy the fence builder." The American, awed by this story asks the Irishman, "What about you sir, what do they call you?" The Irishman responds, "Well lad, my name is Peter. I fish everyday from sunrise to sunset. I built my boat with my bare hands. But Do you think they call me Peter the fisherman? No they don't because you just fuck one goat!

But, should the last line be more like: "No! You just fuck one goat and then...!"
Dosile, your were awesome too!
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Hakim0777
aka RACKBONE!!!




Registered: 08/25/06
Posts: 8,071
Loc: PNW
Last seen: 1 year, 4 months
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Re: I heard two pretty funny jokes today... [Re: Dosile Kouki]
#14033185 - 02/26/11 10:09 PM (13 years, 6 days ago) |
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Quote:
DosileFlynn said: ***racist joke alert****
this one made me laugh the first time i heard it, so please dont take offence , its just a joke.
What is long, black and smelly?
The unemployment line.
and another racist one thats semi-funny.....
Why does Beyonce sing that song ' to the left, to the left ' ?
Because nigga's have no rights.

why do black people only have nightmares?
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muistrue
Inspired by the mystery


Registered: 03/20/05
Posts: 12,899
Loc: Behind the Redwoods
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Re: I heard two pretty funny jokes today... [Re: 28064212]
#14033204 - 02/26/11 10:14 PM (13 years, 6 days ago) |
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TWO CHEMISTS MAKING ECSTACY IN A CUSTARD FACTORY.
The police hear of it.
They raid the factory.
The chemists see the fuzz coming ,grab the E and jump into the giant vat of custard where they try to hide. The E dissolves into the custard.
But the police see this .
"Stand still and do not move " shouts the policeman.
"Why ?Why?" Say the chemists.
"Stand still and do not move! " Repeats the policeman
"Why?Why?"Says the chemists
"Because YOU ARE REMANDED IN CUSTARD E" says the policeman!
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The Vapor
Lost In A Tea Daze


Registered: 03/22/10
Posts: 8,433
Loc: Misty Mountains, B.C.
Last seen: 2 years, 8 days
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Re: I heard two pretty funny jokes today... [Re: Hakim0777] 2
#14033205 - 02/26/11 10:14 PM (13 years, 6 days ago) |
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RASCIST JOKE:
Why do black men cry during sex?
Because of the mace.
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muistrue
Inspired by the mystery


Registered: 03/20/05
Posts: 12,899
Loc: Behind the Redwoods
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Re: I heard two pretty funny jokes today... [Re: muistrue]
#14033215 - 02/26/11 10:15 PM (13 years, 6 days ago) |
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Where do you put old worn out psychedelic jokes ??? (like the one I just posted)
IN THE SILLY PSI BIN
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Hakim0777
aka RACKBONE!!!




Registered: 08/25/06
Posts: 8,071
Loc: PNW
Last seen: 1 year, 4 months
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Re: I heard two pretty funny jokes today... [Re: Hakim0777]
#14033227 - 02/26/11 10:17 PM (13 years, 6 days ago) |
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Quote:
Hakim0777 said:
Quote:
DosileFlynn said: ***racist joke alert****
this one made me laugh the first time i heard it, so please dont take offence , its just a joke.
What is long, black and smelly?
The unemployment line.
and another racist one thats semi-funny.....
Why does Beyonce sing that song ' to the left, to the left ' ?
Because nigga's have no rights.

why do black people only have nightmares?
because the last one to have a dream was shot.
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Samuel L Jackson
Bad Motherfucker


Registered: 12/10/09
Posts: 8,395
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Re: I heard two pretty funny jokes today... [Re: Hakim0777]
#14033267 - 02/26/11 10:24 PM (13 years, 6 days ago) |
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Quote:
Hakim0777 said:
Quote:
Hakim0777 said:
Quote:
DosileFlynn said: ***racist joke alert****
this one made me laugh the first time i heard it, so please dont take offence , its just a joke.
What is long, black and smelly?
The unemployment line.
and another racist one thats semi-funny.....
Why does Beyonce sing that song ' to the left, to the left ' ?
Because nigga's have no rights.

why do black people only have nightmares?
because the last one to have a dream was shot.

OH MY GOD AHAHAHAHAHA
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28064212
Special Agent Dale Cooper




Registered: 01/15/11
Posts: 12,115
Loc: Twin Peaks
Last seen: 2 years, 9 months
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Re: I heard two pretty funny jokes today... [Re: muistrue]
#14033589 - 02/26/11 11:16 PM (13 years, 6 days ago) |
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Quote:
FractalDust said: Where do you put old worn out psychedelic jokes ??? (like the one I just posted)
IN THE SILLY PSI BIN
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Epilson Lyrae
Armed with hammers


Registered: 04/07/09
Posts: 5,561
Loc: Woody Creek
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Re: I heard two pretty funny jokes today... [Re: 28064212] 2
#14033631 - 02/26/11 11:22 PM (13 years, 6 days ago) |
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Two dyslexics walk into a bra...
-------------------- "Freedom is something that dies unless it's used." H.T. I've come to believe that the heart is the filter of the enlightened mind. Epilson Lyrae
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Nordique
Habs Suck


Registered: 02/04/11
Posts: 885
Last seen: 7 years, 6 months
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Re: I heard two pretty funny jokes today... [Re: 4HO-DMT]
#14033636 - 02/26/11 11:22 PM (13 years, 6 days ago) |
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Quote:
physicist said: (Say this one with an Irish accent) An American exchange student walks into a pub in Ireland. He pulls up a stool and orders a pint. He says to the Irishman next to him, "I'm not from here could you tell me a little bit about this place?" The Irishman responds, "Do ya see out the window, that bridge over yonder? My Grandfather built that bridge with his bare hands, tilled each stone from the god loving earth and carried them, and placed em' one at a time. His name was Harry and they called him Harry the bridge builder." The American is impressed by this story. The Irishman speaks up again, "Do you see that fence that runs along the hill side over there? My father built that fence with his bare hands. He cut the timber down and cut each board to size. Then he lugged the whole lot up that hill on his back. Do you know what they call him? He is Timothy the fence builder." The American, awed by this story asks the Irishman, "What about you sir, what do they call you?" The Irishman responds, "Well lad, my name is Peter. I fish everyday from sunrise to sunset. I built my boat with my bare hands. But Do you think they call me Peter the fisherman? No they don't because you just fuck one goat!
Not getting it.
-------------------- It's a trip, it's got a funky beat, and I can BUG OUT to it.
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destructo_low
Oh yeah!




Registered: 10/07/08
Posts: 4,328
Last seen: 10 years, 9 months
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Re: I heard two pretty funny jokes today... [Re: 28064212]
#14033764 - 02/26/11 11:43 PM (13 years, 6 days ago) |
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This isn't really a joke, but the other day my Grandfather poked my Grandmother with a tooth pick and asked her, "Did you get the point"? I though that was pretty funny as corny as it was.
-------------------- There is a molecule for every purpose. There are only actions and reactions. Cut out the middle men. Everything I say is a lie.
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Hakim0777
aka RACKBONE!!!




Registered: 08/25/06
Posts: 8,071
Loc: PNW
Last seen: 1 year, 4 months
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Re: I heard two pretty funny jokes today... [Re: destructo_low]
#14033770 - 02/26/11 11:44 PM (13 years, 6 days ago) |
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Quote:
destructo_low said: This isn't really a joke, but the other day my Grandfather poked my Grandmother with a tooth pick and asked her, "Did you get the point"? I though that was pretty funny as corny as it was.
awwww
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28064212
Special Agent Dale Cooper




Registered: 01/15/11
Posts: 12,115
Loc: Twin Peaks
Last seen: 2 years, 9 months
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Re: I heard two pretty funny jokes today... [Re: Hakim0777]
#14033818 - 02/26/11 11:53 PM (13 years, 6 days ago) |
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Natorade
LsDmThC


Registered: 02/18/10
Posts: 1,568
Loc: WI
Last seen: 3 years, 16 minutes
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Re: I heard two pretty funny jokes today... [Re: destructo_low]
#14033989 - 02/27/11 12:41 AM (13 years, 6 days ago) |
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Quote:
destructo_low said: This isn't really a joke, but the other day my Grandfather poked my Grandmother with a tooth pick and asked her, "Did you get the point"? I though that was pretty funny as corny as it was.
bahahaha this kinda shit cracks me up
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Dosile Kouki
derp

Registered: 03/08/10
Posts: 14,963
Loc: Paradise
Last seen: 11 years, 7 months
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Re: I heard two pretty funny jokes today... [Re: Hakim0777]
#14034324 - 02/27/11 03:25 AM (13 years, 6 days ago) |
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Quote:
Hakim0777 said:
Quote:
Hakim0777 said:
Quote:
DosileFlynn said: ***racist joke alert****
this one made me laugh the first time i heard it, so please dont take offence , its just a joke.
What is long, black and smelly?
The unemployment line.
and another racist one thats semi-funny.....
Why does Beyonce sing that song ' to the left, to the left ' ?
Because nigga's have no rights.

why do black people only have nightmares?
because the last one to have a dream was shot.

haha
But really i'm not racist, a joke is a joke, i mean no offence to anyone.
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Bodhi of Ankou
*alternate opinion blocks path*



Registered: 06/02/09
Posts: 24,778
Loc: Soviet Canukistan
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Re: I heard two pretty funny jokes today... [Re: Dosile Kouki] 1
#14034326 - 02/27/11 03:26 AM (13 years, 6 days ago) |
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What do you call a horny turtle?
A slow poke
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propensity
۞̷ ̶۞̷ ̶



Registered: 01/06/10
Posts: 11,056
Loc: Bedrock America
Last seen: 3 years, 7 months
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Re: I heard two pretty funny jokes today... [Re: Bodhi of Ankou]
#14034331 - 02/27/11 03:33 AM (13 years, 6 days ago) |
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Here have some more racist jokes:
What was missing from the million man march?
About a thousand miles of chain and an auctioneer
What do you call a black woman who got an abortion?
A crimefighter.
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۞̷̛̗̗͉͇̰̅͒ͯͩ̆ͯ̑͘ ̶̖̭ͧ͛ͬ͑ͣͦ̍ͧ͐͟͢ www.cactophage.com ۞̷̛̗̗͉͇̰̅͒ͯͩ̆ͯ̑͘ ̶̖̭ͧ͛ͬ͑ͣͦ̍ͧ͐͟͢ ̸ۨ͜۞̷̛̗̗͉͇̰̅͒ͯͩ̆ͯ̑͘ ̶̖̭ͧ͛ͬ͑ͣͦ̍ͧ͐͟Dolphins of Dank۞̷̛̗̗͉͇̰̅͒ͯͩ̆
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