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Offline28064212
Special Agent Dale Cooper
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I heard two pretty funny jokes today...
    #14032448 - 02/26/11 08:08 PM (12 years, 10 months ago)

1. A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The egg is smoking a cigarette with a satisfied smile on its face and the chicken is frowning and looking a bit pissed off. The chicken, frowning and unsatisfied, mutters, "Well, I guess we answered THAT question!"

2. The Buddhist student asks the monk, "Can Buddhists email?"
The monk responds, "Only if there are no attachments."

:rofl2:

Have you heard any good jokes lately?


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OfflineDosile Kouki
derp

Registered: 03/08/10
Posts: 14,963
Loc: Paradise
Last seen: 11 years, 6 months
Re: I heard two pretty funny jokes today... [Re: 28064212] * 1
    #14032503 - 02/26/11 08:18 PM (12 years, 10 months ago)

***racist joke alert****


this one made me laugh the first time i heard it, so please dont take offence , its just a joke.



What is long, black and smelly?



















The unemployment line.









and another racist one thats semi-funny.....


Why does Beyonce sing that song ' to the left, to the left ' ?

























Because nigga's have no rights.




:eek:


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Invisible4HO-DMT
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Registered: 01/11/11
Posts: 5,073
Loc: County Line Road
Re: I heard two pretty funny jokes today... [Re: 28064212]
    #14032515 - 02/26/11 08:20 PM (12 years, 10 months ago)

(Say this one with an Irish accent)
An American exchange student walks into a pub in Ireland.  He pulls up a stool and orders a pint.  He says to the Irishman next to him, "I'm not from here could you tell me a little bit about this place?"  The Irishman responds, "Do ya see out the window, that bridge over yonder?  My Grandfather built that bridge with his bare hands, tilled each stone from the god loving earth and carried them, and placed em' one at a time.  His name was Harry and they called him Harry the bridge builder."
The American is impressed by this story.  The Irishman speaks up again, "Do you see that fence that runs along the hill side over there?  My father built that fence with his bare hands.  He cut the timber down and cut each board to size.  Then he lugged the whole lot up that hill on his back. Do you know what they call him?  He is Timothy the fence builder."
The American, awed by this story asks the Irishman, "What about you sir, what do they call you?"
The Irishman responds, "Well lad, my name is Peter.  I fish everyday from sunrise to sunset.  I built my boat with my bare hands.  But Do you think they call me Peter the fisherman?  No they don't because you just fuck one goat!


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Offline28064212
Special Agent Dale Cooper
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Registered: 01/15/11
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Re: I heard two pretty funny jokes today... [Re: 4HO-DMT]
    #14033075 - 02/26/11 09:54 PM (12 years, 10 months ago)

Quote:

physicist said:
(Say this one with an Irish accent)
An American exchange student walks into a pub in Ireland.  He pulls up a stool and orders a pint.  He says to the Irishman next to him, "I'm not from here could you tell me a little bit about this place?"  The Irishman responds, "Do ya see out the window, that bridge over yonder?  My Grandfather built that bridge with his bare hands, tilled each stone from the god loving earth and carried them, and placed em' one at a time.  His name was Harry and they called him Harry the bridge builder."
The American is impressed by this story.  The Irishman speaks up again, "Do you see that fence that runs along the hill side over there?  My father built that fence with his bare hands.  He cut the timber down and cut each board to size.  Then he lugged the whole lot up that hill on his back. Do you know what they call him?  He is Timothy the fence builder."
The American, awed by this story asks the Irishman, "What about you sir, what do they call you?"
The Irishman responds, "Well lad, my name is Peter.  I fish everyday from sunrise to sunset.  I built my boat with my bare hands.  But Do you think they call me Peter the fisherman?  No they don't because you just fuck one goat!





:rofl:

But, should the last line be more like: "No! You just fuck one goat and then...!"


Dosile, your were awesome too!


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OfflineHakim0777
aka RACKBONE!!!
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Re: I heard two pretty funny jokes today... [Re: Dosile Kouki]
    #14033185 - 02/26/11 10:09 PM (12 years, 10 months ago)

Quote:

DosileFlynn said:
***racist joke alert****


this one made me laugh the first time i heard it, so please dont take offence , its just a joke.



What is long, black and smelly?



















The unemployment line.









and another racist one thats semi-funny.....


Why does Beyonce sing that song ' to the left, to the left ' ?

























Because nigga's have no rights.




:eek:




why do black people only have nightmares?


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Invisiblemuistrue
Inspired by the mystery
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Registered: 03/20/05
Posts: 12,899
Loc: Behind the Redwoods
Re: I heard two pretty funny jokes today... [Re: 28064212]
    #14033204 - 02/26/11 10:14 PM (12 years, 10 months ago)

TWO CHEMISTS MAKING ECSTACY IN A CUSTARD FACTORY.

The police hear of it.

They raid the factory.

The chemists see the fuzz coming ,grab the E and jump into the giant vat of custard where they try to hide. The E dissolves into the custard.

But the police see this .

"Stand still and do not move " shouts the policeman.

"Why ?Why?" Say the chemists.

"Stand still and do not move! " Repeats the policeman

"Why?Why?"Says the chemists

"Because YOU ARE REMANDED IN CUSTARD E" says the policeman!  :hehehe:


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OfflineThe Vapor
Lost In A Tea Daze


Registered: 03/22/10
Posts: 8,433
Loc: Misty Mountains, B.C. Flag
Last seen: 1 year, 11 months
Re: I heard two pretty funny jokes today... [Re: Hakim0777] * 2
    #14033205 - 02/26/11 10:14 PM (12 years, 10 months ago)

RASCIST JOKE:

Why do black men cry during sex?

Because of the mace.


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Invisiblemuistrue
Inspired by the mystery
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Registered: 03/20/05
Posts: 12,899
Loc: Behind the Redwoods
Re: I heard two pretty funny jokes today... [Re: muistrue]
    #14033215 - 02/26/11 10:15 PM (12 years, 10 months ago)

Where do you put old worn out psychedelic jokes ??? (like the one I just posted)

IN THE SILLY PSI BIN


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OfflineHakim0777
aka RACKBONE!!!
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Re: I heard two pretty funny jokes today... [Re: Hakim0777]
    #14033227 - 02/26/11 10:17 PM (12 years, 10 months ago)

Quote:

Hakim0777 said:
Quote:

DosileFlynn said:
***racist joke alert****


this one made me laugh the first time i heard it, so please dont take offence , its just a joke.



What is long, black and smelly?



















The unemployment line.









and another racist one thats semi-funny.....


Why does Beyonce sing that song ' to the left, to the left ' ?

























Because nigga's have no rights.




:eek:




why do black people only have nightmares?




because the last one to have a dream was shot.



--------------------


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InvisibleSamuel L Jackson
Bad Motherfucker
Male

Registered: 12/10/09
Posts: 8,393
Re: I heard two pretty funny jokes today... [Re: Hakim0777]
    #14033267 - 02/26/11 10:24 PM (12 years, 10 months ago)

Quote:

Hakim0777 said:
Quote:

Hakim0777 said:
Quote:

DosileFlynn said:
***racist joke alert****


this one made me laugh the first time i heard it, so please dont take offence , its just a joke.



What is long, black and smelly?



















The unemployment line.









and another racist one thats semi-funny.....


Why does Beyonce sing that song ' to the left, to the left ' ?

























Because nigga's have no rights.




:eek:




why do black people only have nightmares?




because the last one to have a dream was shot.






OH MY GOD AHAHAHAHAHA


--------------------



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Offline28064212
Special Agent Dale Cooper
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Registered: 01/15/11
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Re: I heard two pretty funny jokes today... [Re: muistrue]
    #14033589 - 02/26/11 11:16 PM (12 years, 10 months ago)

Quote:

FractalDust said:
Where do you put old worn out psychedelic jokes ??? (like the one I just posted)

IN THE SILLY PSI BIN



:feelsgoodman:


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InvisibleEpilson Lyrae
Armed with hammers
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Registered: 04/07/09
Posts: 5,561
Loc: Woody Creek
Re: I heard two pretty funny jokes today... [Re: 28064212] * 2
    #14033631 - 02/26/11 11:22 PM (12 years, 10 months ago)

Two dyslexics walk into a bra...


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"Freedom is something that dies unless it's used." H.T.
I've come to believe that the heart is the filter of the enlightened mind. Epilson Lyrae


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OfflineNordique
Habs Suck


Registered: 02/04/11
Posts: 885
Last seen: 7 years, 5 months
Re: I heard two pretty funny jokes today... [Re: 4HO-DMT]
    #14033636 - 02/26/11 11:22 PM (12 years, 10 months ago)

Quote:

physicist said:
(Say this one with an Irish accent)
An American exchange student walks into a pub in Ireland.  He pulls up a stool and orders a pint.  He says to the Irishman next to him, "I'm not from here could you tell me a little bit about this place?"  The Irishman responds, "Do ya see out the window, that bridge over yonder?  My Grandfather built that bridge with his bare hands, tilled each stone from the god loving earth and carried them, and placed em' one at a time.  His name was Harry and they called him Harry the bridge builder."
The American is impressed by this story.  The Irishman speaks up again, "Do you see that fence that runs along the hill side over there?  My father built that fence with his bare hands.  He cut the timber down and cut each board to size.  Then he lugged the whole lot up that hill on his back. Do you know what they call him?  He is Timothy the fence builder."
The American, awed by this story asks the Irishman, "What about you sir, what do they call you?"
The Irishman responds, "Well lad, my name is Peter.  I fish everyday from sunrise to sunset.  I built my boat with my bare hands.  But Do you think they call me Peter the fisherman?  No they don't because you just fuck one goat!




Not getting it.


--------------------
It's a trip, it's got a funky beat, and I can BUG OUT to it.


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Offlinedestructo_low
Oh yeah!
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Re: I heard two pretty funny jokes today... [Re: 28064212]
    #14033764 - 02/26/11 11:43 PM (12 years, 10 months ago)

This isn't really a joke, but the other day my Grandfather poked my Grandmother with a tooth pick and asked her, "Did you get the point"? I though that was pretty funny as corny as it was.


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There is a molecule for every purpose. There are only actions and reactions. Cut out the middle men. Everything I say is a lie.


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OfflineHakim0777
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Re: I heard two pretty funny jokes today... [Re: destructo_low]
    #14033770 - 02/26/11 11:44 PM (12 years, 10 months ago)

Quote:

destructo_low said:
This isn't really a joke, but the other day my Grandfather poked my Grandmother with a tooth pick and asked her, "Did you get the point"? I though that was pretty funny as corny as it was.




awwww


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Offline28064212
Special Agent Dale Cooper
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Re: I heard two pretty funny jokes today... [Re: Hakim0777]
    #14033818 - 02/26/11 11:53 PM (12 years, 10 months ago)



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OfflineNatorade
LsDmThC
Male

Registered: 02/18/10
Posts: 1,568
Loc: WI Flag
Last seen: 2 years, 10 months
Re: I heard two pretty funny jokes today... [Re: destructo_low]
    #14033989 - 02/27/11 12:41 AM (12 years, 10 months ago)

Quote:

destructo_low said:
This isn't really a joke, but the other day my Grandfather poked my Grandmother with a tooth pick and asked her, "Did you get the point"? I though that was pretty funny as corny as it was.




bahahaha this kinda shit cracks me up


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OfflineDosile Kouki
derp

Registered: 03/08/10
Posts: 14,963
Loc: Paradise
Last seen: 11 years, 6 months
Re: I heard two pretty funny jokes today... [Re: Hakim0777]
    #14034324 - 02/27/11 03:25 AM (12 years, 10 months ago)

Quote:

Hakim0777 said:
Quote:

Hakim0777 said:
Quote:

DosileFlynn said:
***racist joke alert****


this one made me laugh the first time i heard it, so please dont take offence , its just a joke.



What is long, black and smelly?



















The unemployment line.









and another racist one thats semi-funny.....


Why does Beyonce sing that song ' to the left, to the left ' ?

























Because nigga's have no rights.




:eek:




why do black people only have nightmares?




because the last one to have a dream was shot.






haha




But really i'm not racist, a joke is a joke, i mean no offence to anyone.


:peace:


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InvisibleBodhi of Ankou
*alternate opinion blocks path*
Other


Registered: 06/02/09
Posts: 24,778
Loc: Soviet Canukistan Flag
Re: I heard two pretty funny jokes today... [Re: Dosile Kouki] * 1
    #14034326 - 02/27/11 03:26 AM (12 years, 10 months ago)

What do you call a horny turtle?














A slow poke :datass:


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Offlinepropensity
۞̷ ̶۞̷ ̶
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Re: I heard two pretty funny jokes today... [Re: Bodhi of Ankou]
    #14034331 - 02/27/11 03:33 AM (12 years, 10 months ago)

Here have some more racist jokes:

What was missing from the million man march?

About a thousand miles of chain and an auctioneer

What do you call a black woman who got an abortion?

A crimefighter.


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