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Anonymous #1

My "straight" best friend blatantly hitting on me and more
    #14026480 - 02/25/11 04:55 PM (12 years, 11 months ago)

I'd written a relatively long post describing all sorts of events, but decided that was unnecessary.  Instead, I think I'd rather pose a question.  I'm a guy in my mid twenties, who enjoys the (sexual) company of both men and women but I prefer guys.  My best friend identifies as "straight", but you probably wouldn't think that he was if you listened to most of our conversations, or if you had seen the several opportunities he'd taken to randomly "play" with my rather surprised penis - in my hot tub, while we were in the shower heating up after freezing while running in from the hot tub, and so on.  He has expressed an enormous interest in having a threesome with me and this girl - a number of times.  It actually almost happened once but I decided to say no to that.  His friendship matters a great deal to me and a night of sexual gratification isn't worth complicating and ruining it.

I sort of think that he's bisexual but afraid of admitting it, but he seems as interested in avoiding limiting himself with labels as I am, except (apparently) for the several occasions he's identified as "straight" - always when other folks are around, though.  If it's just the two of us, he's "sexual".  hah.

Ok, so I'll get to the point.  There have been a number of opportunities where I could have taken things to the next level with him.  On new years, for example, he was grinding up against me, he kept turning so his lips were within about a centimeter of mine - while breathing shallowly and rather seductively, in such a way that I think anyone would recognize that as an invitation to close the gap and seal the deal.  I did not.  Once again, I simply value our friendship so much that I don't want to seriously risk it.  While I know that I would be able to have a sexual experience with him and be fine with it the next day, I have serious doubts about how HE would feel the next day. 

What is one to do?  I've practically reached a breaking point.  He's even, in a classic roundabout way, asked if I would suck him off to test the theory that guys give better head than girls.  He didn't say it like that, but if one were to subtract the various arbitrary and meaningless clauses from his statements, that's what it would boil down to.  A rather large part of my psyche is saying 'just get it over with - he needs to grow up and come to terms with his sexuality, whatever it is', but I still worry about putting our friendship at risk.  So with all of this as a preface:

If you're bi/gay/whatever (as in you don't limit yourself as 'straight' identified), have you ever had a close 'straight' friend come on to you rather blatantly?  Maybe not as blatantly as in this situation, but to the point where there was little doubt in your mind as to what s/he was thinking/getting at?  If so, what did you do?  Did you act on it?  What happened?

If you're "straight", or if you identified as "straight" at the time, have you ever decided 'what the hell' and that you'd like to experiment with the dark side (haha) and get it on with a good friend of yours?  What were your motivations?  Were you weirded out afterwards or what?

If you don't fall into either of these categories, what do you think?  I'm happy to live in a community where people are comfortable enough with themselves that they are willing to explore their sexuality like this, but I must admit it can be awfully frustrating when someone's continually beating around the bush and leaving it up to you to make a move.  What would you do if you were me?  Do you think it would be possible to be friends with benefits, while (I suppose) your friend would otherwise go on with a relatively 'straight' lifestyle (plz excuse the term "lifestyle", I couldn't think of a better word)?  Do you think (as I worry) that it would be more likely that this friend would wake up the next day and basically run away in a fit of self-loathing? 

I could try to list all the various possible outcomes here, but I'm sure I'd still leave many out, so I'll stop here.  I've left out a lot of details, but those details would only further color these questions such that people would probably tend to answer one particular way, and I'm more interested in a somewhat more general case. 

And who else finds British accents irresistible?


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Offlinebarbaloot
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Re: My "straight" best friend blatantly hitting on me and more [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #14026700 - 02/25/11 05:38 PM (12 years, 11 months ago)

I'm straight. But in terms of experiences where I've gotten together with friends, it seems to go one way or another - either both parties are mature enough and/or the communication is good enough to get over it and get on with the friendship afterwards. Or else one person has feelings that aren't reciprocated and the friendship falls apart. Or if you and he both want a relationship then it might work out.
Sounds like a difficult situation. Would you want an ongoing relationship with him? Maybe you could make up a story to communicate things without doing it directly, like "I've got this friend and he has a good friend who got drunk and tried to come onto him but they've known each other since they're kids and he doesn't want to wreck the friendship. That would be a difficult situation to be in, because either (name scenarios you are concerned about in your own relationship)"


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InvisibleKid_Orgo
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Re: My "straight" best friend blatantly hitting on me and more [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #14026971 - 02/25/11 06:40 PM (12 years, 11 months ago)

Are you fucking retarded?

This man is obviously at the very least bisexual, and any claims to "straightness" made are laughable.

Tell him you're worried about fucking up your friendship, then blow him.

EDIT: If the friendship does get fucked up, it's not your fault. There's only so much a man can take.

To be perfectly clear, this man is begging for gaysex.


--------------------
He was a cowboy in one of the seven days a week fights. No business, no hangout; no friends, nothing; just what you pick up and what you need.


Edited by Kid_Orgo (02/25/11 06:46 PM)


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OfflineHumility
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Re: My "straight" best friend blatantly hitting on me and more [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #14029689 - 02/26/11 10:26 AM (12 years, 10 months ago)

!


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Edited by Humility (02/26/11 10:27 AM)


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Offlinebarbaloot
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Re: My "straight" best friend blatantly hitting on me and more [Re: Humility]
    #14031107 - 02/26/11 03:57 PM (12 years, 10 months ago)

Actually I reckon just be up front with him that you only want sex. I have had some casual sex relationships and the result is usually that one person wants more eventually. Though if you make it clear you only want sex at the beginning, then the person who doesnt have expectaitons and if they start getting involved, can withdraw at that point so they don't get hurt. Withdraw or else negotiate. I reckon that is the way to go.

If one person gets involved and the other doesn't reciprocate, you can agree on a break of 2 or 3 months so that the person who got involved can see and treat the other as a friend once more.

I reckon the up front discussion can also prevent the running away in self loathing thing. Or if you do want a relationship, don't say anything and see what happens. Or if you think he would only want sex, and you are afraid of that, ask him at the outset "do you only want sex" and then you don't risk getting hurt or at least can chose not to go ahead with it if you feel too vulnerable. I think that covers all scenarios!


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