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dummy
I am you and what I see is me


Registered: 09/29/08
Posts: 3,973
Last seen: 1 year, 9 months
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wow that is an incredibly novel perspective.
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Hakim0777
aka RACKBONE!!!




Registered: 08/25/06
Posts: 8,071
Loc: PNW
Last seen: 1 year, 4 months
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Re: Am i gay? [Re: dummy]
#14006418 - 02/22/11 09:07 AM (13 years, 12 days ago) |
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Quote:
dummy said: wow that is an incredibly novel perspective.
its hella common.
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Loncho
Stranger


Registered: 02/21/11
Posts: 14
Loc: Toronto
Last seen: 10 years, 4 months
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I don't see the need to put a label on everything.
If you like girls and enjoy sucking cock, good.
Does that make you "gay"? Who cares?
-------------------- When I dive in the sea of fertility A visual silence is the abyssal fauna Reflecting the colour of the sun
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Rebirtha
I really like bread




Registered: 09/22/03
Posts: 5,680
Loc: over there
Last seen: 15 days, 5 hours
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Re: Am i gay? [Re: Loncho]
#14009252 - 02/22/11 07:00 PM (13 years, 11 days ago) |
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I agree, who needs a label like gay or not, do what you are going to do.
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sixxy
infidel delux



Registered: 01/24/11
Posts: 117
Loc: behind the irony curtain
Last seen: 10 years, 2 months
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I have a few sexual fantasies that I masturbate to that I know if the situation ever manifested it wouldnt be as hot. Why not get a dildo and try it out?
and if you are gay, all i can say is I love the cock too...who can blame you?
-------------------- taste the effing rainbow
Edited by sixxy (02/22/11 07:55 PM)
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Anonymous #3
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Re: Am i gay? [Re: sixxy]
#14011302 - 02/23/11 12:40 AM (13 years, 11 days ago) |
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Instead of opening a new thread, i will just use this already created one. And sorry this is so long, and not the best organized, just writing, would love it if some people who think they could help would read through!
Am I gay? That is a question that I have stressed over in my head quite a bit in the last month or so.
I am 19, almost 20, and since I was young I have always liked girls, been attracted to girls, got those "feelings" around girls, etc. There has never been a question in my mind to if I was straight (besides when I was an early teen and at the age to explore sexuality and I thought I'd better asked myself to make sure I knew who I was, but that was never a serious thing, only reason I pondered the idea was because of an everybody loves raymon episode when robbert thought he was gay.)
Through out all of high school I liked a few girls, but never really dated or had sex; but I still never doubted my sexuality. Last year I had my first real relationship, I loved her very truly and we had sex a lot with tons of passion. (not sure if its relavent but she was bi, but only admitted it to me- and herself- after i convinced her its nothing to be ashamed of) And I almost always felt euphoric after sex. This relationship was my confirmation and I defiantly knew my sexuality.
The problem started occurring a few months ago when I started thinking too much as I fell into depression (as my dad is dying of an incurable disease), and although I didn't know it at the time started getting a lot of anxieties. I tripped some 2CI, and I was so tense and anxious the entire time, the week after my mind was on rappid fire. It was normal thinking to me, but I created links between just about anything to convince myself things, usually problems that had to do with me. I even thought I was insane, but my parents talked me through it and told me I was experiencing a lot of free floating anxieties.
I have since worked through most of my anxieties and see now that its not rational thought, but the fear of me being gay is still present sometimes.
My thought process of me being gay, when I knew I was straight, started with racing thoughts like these: watching porn, i see a dick, maybe im turned on by that dick instead of the girl, cant be im straight, but theres nothing wrong with being gay, so why wouldn't i let myself be gay if i believe that, well i guess i've always believed sexuality is pretty subjective and you can turn yourself on to whatever you want, so im straight but if i wanted to i could look at that dick an wack it, i see dicks so often in porn it doesn't even phase me like it used to, wait or maybe that just means im gay, etc.
I then started noticing things like.. a guy and girl both on the tv, my eyes dart to the guy, fuck im gay.
When I learned that a trip could literally rewire your brain I rationalized that maybe while i was tripping that 2CI i rewired my brain to be gay, as i did think about being gay for a portion of my trip, along with many other anxiety induced thoughts (example my sanity).
I just had sex with my ex like a week ago and although it felt good, and i was pretty passionate, i didn't get that euphoric feeling afterward. Which of course led me to get worried I was gay lol.
I have confronted most of my social anxiety and my other racing thoughts in the past week by talking to a counselor and calming my mind and making myself face things i would beforehand try to avoid, but my gay anxiety is still present.
Oh and when i was like 5 there was a 7 year old who made us touch penises a few times in the bathroom and i didn't really think much of it, and it has only crossed my mind at most once a year, but now with this anxiety it came to mind that maybe i was gay cuz of that. lol i think i just think to much. I have no problem with gays, and if i truly was i would want to know, but i would much rather stay straight as its easier in society. Someone please give me some words of wisdom. Its not even that pressing of a concern, i just want to stop questioning myself.
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Hakim0777
aka RACKBONE!!!




Registered: 08/25/06
Posts: 8,071
Loc: PNW
Last seen: 1 year, 4 months
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Quote:
Anonymous said: Instead of opening a new thread, i will just use this already created one. And sorry this is so long, and not the best organized, just writing, would love it if some people who think they could help would read through!
Am I gay? That is a question that I have stressed over in my head quite a bit in the last month or so.
I am 19, almost 20, and since I was young I have always liked girls, been attracted to girls, got those "feelings" around girls, etc. There has never been a question in my mind to if I was straight (besides when I was an early teen and at the age to explore sexuality and I thought I'd better asked myself to make sure I knew who I was, but that was never a serious thing, only reason I pondered the idea was because of an everybody loves raymon episode when robbert thought he was gay.)
Through out all of high school I liked a few girls, but never really dated or had sex; but I still never doubted my sexuality. Last year I had my first real relationship, I loved her very truly and we had sex a lot with tons of passion. (not sure if its relavent but she was bi, but only admitted it to me- and herself- after i convinced her its nothing to be ashamed of) And I almost always felt euphoric after sex. This relationship was my confirmation and I defiantly knew my sexuality.
The problem started occurring a few months ago when I started thinking too much as I fell into depression (as my dad is dying of an incurable disease), and although I didn't know it at the time started getting a lot of anxieties. I tripped some 2CI, and I was so tense and anxious the entire time, the week after my mind was on rappid fire. It was normal thinking to me, but I created links between just about anything to convince myself things, usually problems that had to do with me. I even thought I was insane, but my parents talked me through it and told me I was experiencing a lot of free floating anxieties.
I have since worked through most of my anxieties and see now that its not rational thought, but the fear of me being gay is still present sometimes.
My thought process of me being gay, when I knew I was straight, started with racing thoughts like these: watching porn, i see a dick, maybe im turned on by that dick instead of the girl, cant be im straight, but theres nothing wrong with being gay, so why wouldn't i let myself be gay if i believe that, well i guess i've always believed sexuality is pretty subjective and you can turn yourself on to whatever you want, so im straight but if i wanted to i could look at that dick an wack it, i see dicks so often in porn it doesn't even phase me like it used to, wait or maybe that just means im gay, etc.
I then started noticing things like.. a guy and girl both on the tv, my eyes dart to the guy, fuck im gay.
When I learned that a trip could literally rewire your brain I rationalized that maybe while i was tripping that 2CI i rewired my brain to be gay, as i did think about being gay for a portion of my trip, along with many other anxiety induced thoughts (example my sanity).
I just had sex with my ex like a week ago and although it felt good, and i was pretty passionate, i didn't get that euphoric feeling afterward. Which of course led me to get worried I was gay lol.
I have confronted most of my social anxiety and my other racing thoughts in the past week by talking to a counselor and calming my mind and making myself face things i would beforehand try to avoid, but my gay anxiety is still present.
Oh and when i was like 5 there was a 7 year old who made us touch penises a few times in the bathroom and i didn't really think much of it, and it has only crossed my mind at most once a year, but now with this anxiety it came to mind that maybe i was gay cuz of that. lol i think i just think to much. I have no problem with gays, and if i truly was i would want to know, but i would much rather stay straight as its easier in society. Someone please give me some words of wisdom. Its not even that pressing of a concern, i just want to stop questioning myself.
no youre not gay. Just anxious. your mind likes to play tricks on you by putting images in your mind that you dont want to see and because it happens so much you cant help but question it.
Is it limited to gay thoughts or do you sometimes see fucked up things also like people dying or for instance sexual images of family members even though you dont want to.
this is very common with sex abuse victims.
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Anonymous #3
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yeah while writing that last night it really helped me work through it cuz i got to see just how ridiculous my anxiety was. And i have at times seen my mom bend over and similar things happen (and trust me she is not a good looking lady lol), along with so many other random things within my life. Now that i realize what anxiety really is to an extreme, i also realize that i have had anxieties like this to certain degrees all my life. Last time i tripped i convinced myself that my brains wires crossed themselves to make me anxious all the time, but really that was just me giving myself a reason to open the flood gates and let my anxiety pour. Within the last 3 days when i have found this site i have come to terms with so many issues i barely even knew i had. Thank the lord for people who do mushrooms, they are so insightful.
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Anonymous #4
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I may be able to help. Bit reluctant to do this, but you seem sincere enough. I'm actually quite fascinated, when you describe certain aspects of your mind and sexuality, it reflects my own. Then as I read your posts, I found you had 2 similar experiences growing up.
I am and always have been predominantly attracted to females. I can look at a guy, and tell he's attractive, but it doesn't do that same thing as looking at an attractive girl... the reaction is far different. On the other hand, I'm ambivalent toward gay sex, and the idea is sometimes arousing.
My first sexual experience was at 5 or 6 years old with a boy just slightly older. He said he wanted to put my penis in his mouth. I remember thinking (or maybe I asked) "why would you want to do that?" Because I genuinely didn't get it. But I let him. Then I understood why. 
Sadly, I'm pretty sure that was the start of a lifelong oral fetish that persists today. (primarily hetero, tho)
When I was about 15-16 I started exploring my sexuality and even ideas of bisexuality. I read a lot.
Went on a camping trip with 3 friends and a bottle of whiskey. One was my best friend for years, the other two I knew a shorter time. That was my first time getting drunk. I ended up chugging almost 1/3 of the bottle (a fifth) all at once. So did my best friend.
Some of my last memories before it went to blackout were of playing truth or dare, or talking about it, and somehow it came out that my friend had jerked off a friend of his before.
To this day I'm not entirely sure how that led to me on my knees in front of him, blowing him in front of our other two very-straight and pretty-mortified camp mates.
Don't remember a lot, but I do remember going down on him in various places, 69 in the tent, and trying to fuck him in the ass at one point, but I think I wasn't hard enough.
That was pretty embarrassing and hard to deal with the next day. Got made fun of pretty bad for years after that. I can imagine that may have affected me in some way. It was especially frustrating because while the actual sex wasn't much to complain about (nor was it that great) I didn't really "like" guys.
After that, though I thought of the experience and questioned my sexuality, I never considered guys much at all. No real interest.
My only other experience was years later with a guy at a party, in a similar situation... except this guy purposely got me drunk and was annoyingly persistent until I gave in.
I think of sexuality in a way similar to kinsey (the sex researcher.) I think there is a whole scale of hetero to homo, and I believe that there very few people who are at absolute ends of each, or dead in the middle. If i realy had to label myself, maybe I would say that I'm 5-10% bi?
Which means I don't normally do stuff with dudes or have interest. But I have. Would I again? Fuck knows....in certain ways it was enjoyable, but not enough where I've actively sought to do it again.
I just seriously dislike the social stigma that comes with it. It might be totally different if I were real passionate about blowing a tranny. But I'm not. So I would rather not be labeled and hated for something that I did, even though I'm not "ashamed" of it.
It's a weird thing.
Society really sucks sometimes.
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AlphaFalfa
imagine


Registered: 06/16/08
Posts: 3,857
Loc: 3 Seconds Ago.
Last seen: 10 years, 3 days
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Sexuality is flexible. You can love both all sexes, different ages and colors/shapes simultaneously.
However, most the time we suppress looking at our sexuality for what it is, because of our social upbringing.
Now that you are becoming more independent of your parents and your social conditioning environments, you actually are simply able to see what was always there!
A sexually flexible appetite.
-------------------- if you ever feel lost, just remember, life is not a journey, it is entertainment, all 4 fun...
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Anonymous #1
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Yep that's pretty much how I feel. Sorry bout the unfortunate ending in yours though, I got lucky nobody knew about mine.
I think alot of it is just a mind game, cause bein with a guy is wierldy pleasurable but I am not attracted to them. I think from now on im just gonna say fuck it, sexual orientation is stupid and I'll have sex with anybody I want, but I'll probably stick to chicks. If I wanna blow a dude everyonce in a while, whatever.
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sixxy
infidel delux



Registered: 01/24/11
Posts: 117
Loc: behind the irony curtain
Last seen: 10 years, 2 months
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I am so unattracted to females I cant watch porn with them in it (im a female) I watch gay (man on man) porn and the guys cant be feminine or it ruins it...I dunno..what ever you feel embrace unless youre hurting others. being gay doesnt hurt anyone, unless you have a really big penis.
we will require pics.
-------------------- taste the effing rainbow
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Anonymous #5
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Only you know if your gay. i don't think anyone is an extreme homosexual or straight honestly/ im not gay but sometimes those thoughts come into my head of "I wonder what sucking dick is like?" I don't think it's because im gay and i wanna suck cock i think it's because im just curious
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LSDXM
What Doth Life?



Registered: 08/20/08
Posts: 2,505
Loc: The 518
Last seen: 7 months, 21 days
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Quote:
Also, the reason you want to suck a dick, is because you feel comfortable in your ability to pleasure a dick and see whether or not that person is horny for you.
That's a pretty bold statement there, buddy...
Personally, the reason I like sucking dicks is the same as why I like eating pussy; because it turns me on.
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The number of times I edit my post is directly related to the number of times I've hit the bong
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CidneyIndole
www.shroomery.OG



Registered: 05/16/05
Posts: 4,761
Loc: Love's Secret Domain
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Re: Am i gay? [Re: LSDXM]
#14018168 - 02/24/11 03:24 AM (13 years, 10 days ago) |
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Quote:
Krash Kharma said:
Quote:
Also, the reason you want to suck a dick, is because you feel comfortable in your ability to pleasure a dick and see whether or not that person is horny for you.
That's a pretty bold statement there, buddy...
Personally, the reason I like sucking dicks is the same as why I like eating pussy; because it turns me on.
lol I thought that was a pretty bold statement too, but I think the meaning was misconstrued, and I might be able to translate. (But I'm kind of stoned, so forgive me if it doesn't make tons of sense. ha)
I think what was being said, is that a hard cock is like a visual invitation to sex. You know, whereas looking at a vagina, unless it is throbbing or dripping or something, you don't know if it's aroused, and thus ready for you to pleasure it.
Get it?
-------------------- ------------------------ I am me. We are You.
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LSDXM
What Doth Life?



Registered: 08/20/08
Posts: 2,505
Loc: The 518
Last seen: 7 months, 21 days
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Oh, yeah, I get it... I'm just sayin, what I love about giving head is like, having a dick in my mouth/pussy on my tongue; ya know, feeling the skin of male/female genitals on my mouth. It's erotic because it implies sex to the mind. Giving head doesn't make you cum, but it makes me hard; the same way porno does or as I suppose a strip club might do for some.
It's like making out, but with the thing that's gonna fuck you/that you're gonna fuck, instead of tongues and lips.
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The number of times I edit my post is directly related to the number of times I've hit the bong
Edited by LSDXM (02/24/11 03:36 AM)
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CidneyIndole
www.shroomery.OG



Registered: 05/16/05
Posts: 4,761
Loc: Love's Secret Domain
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Re: Am i gay? [Re: LSDXM]
#14018281 - 02/24/11 04:45 AM (13 years, 10 days ago) |
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Quote:
Krash Kharma said: It's like making out, but with the thing that's gonna fuck you/that you're gonna fuck, instead of tongues and lips. 

I have a feeling I'm going to remember that description for a very long time.
Or at least until I come down.
Either way--classic. 
-------------------- ------------------------ I am me. We are You.
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Kid_Orgo



Registered: 09/24/03
Posts: 5,514
Loc: Hale-Bopp
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Re: Am i gay? [Re: sixxy]
#14018856 - 02/24/11 09:05 AM (13 years, 10 days ago) |
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Quote:
sixxy said: being gay doesnt hurt anyone, unless you have a really big penis.

I lol'd
-------------------- He was a cowboy in one of the seven days a week fights. No business, no hangout; no friends, nothing; just what you pick up and what you need.
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yogabunny
fancy cat



Registered: 11/01/09
Posts: 11,281
Loc: Nasty Women Get Shit Done
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im finding this thread wildly fascinating. i was dating a guy back in november who was a "little bit bi". like, he said he found other guys attractive but would probably only be with one again if there was a girl involved as well. this led to us having a conversation about experimentation and he confessed that he had experimented with his friends in high school, and that "all boys do". i know that girls do, and we're able to be open about it because it's socially acceptable.
anyway, im really glad that some of you are sharing, i bet it feels good to get it out there!!!
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thoughts
imagining.


Registered: 10/06/07
Posts: 16,816
Loc: here.
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Your childhood run-ins with penises and going as far as sucking one explains everything, OP.
You have had intense experiences that have messed with your sexuality. Wether you're gay or not is hard to say, you've definitely done some extremely homosexual acts. I'd say you're in the gray.
Quote:
yogabunny said: this led to us having a conversation about experimentation and he confessed that he had experimented with his friends in high school, and that "all boys do".
 That is complete BS, by the way.
Edited by thoughts (02/25/11 10:07 AM)
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