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Anonymous #1
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'Friends'
#14007159 - 02/22/11 12:23 PM (12 years, 11 months ago) |
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Do you trust your friends? Do your friends make up rumors about you? I am 27 years old and I still feel like in Highschool! I have this one 'friend' in particular that has been my 'friend' for over 15 years... Throughout those years, I never stood up to him when he made fun of me or talked shit about me... He would get me so worked up until I couldn't take it anymore... and to the point of a nervous breakdown.. then he would apologize and be nice to me again. As soon as things got back to 'normal' he would start the entire cycle over.
When it's just me and him... he is the nicest person to me and treats me like a best friend should. but As soon as someone else is in the picture, things turn around. For example EVERY time I had something to say, he would ALWAYS say something to make me sound stupid. For many years, I let him do this because I didnt know how to defend myself... I would also think to myself the reason he did these things is because of his own insecurities... He is the type of person who does everything in his power to impress other people... So when he noticed that people liked me better as a person, he did anything he could to make people see me in a different way.
I thought after so many years he stopped. But I learned that he isn't... He talks to my ex-girlfriend, he talks to my current friends, he talks to ANY new people we meet... about personal issues I thought I could trust him with. Over a year ago, I was a wreck because I was getting over a bad drug habit.. I truly thought I was going to be able to trust him and I had no one else to talk to...He acted very caring and loving, so I told him VERY personal things. Not long after, EVERYONE found it.
Because he is in my group of friends, there is no way to avoid him. It made me SOOO angry last summer, when he was talking to these girls we met, one who was attracted to me, and told them about my previous drug problems. I realized now my life is like an open book. EVERYONE knows about my darkest secrets because of him. and he still talks shit about me, so I dont make new friends...
and it is working. I am VERY VERY self conscious about what I say because I know he will have something to say about it to make me look like a fool. and now I have no self-esteem or confidence.
There is where I need your help... I am no longer going to let him do this to me... I am ready to stand up for myself... but because I have horrible social skills, which I can partially him, I cannot figure out how to word it.
Because my life is like an open book, there is nothing he can say that will embarrass me or hurt me. I basically wanna tell him in front of everyone that if he is disrespectful to me again, Im gonna beat the living shit out of him. So how can I do this the right way? ALSO when I do beat the shit out of him, hes gonna try and convince people that I am insane. So I want to figure out what to say when he does this.
Im very sorry about this thread. It is very important for me to end this... After this many years I realized that he is NO friend. friends dont try to sabotage other friends like this. I dont care anymore that jealousy and his own self esteem problems is the reason he does this. He is an enemy, so I am going to treat him like one.
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Moronicus
smokehousebacon.



Registered: 05/13/09
Posts: 4,430
Last seen: 11 years, 3 months
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Why are you on the Shroomery if you are trying to stand up to him? There's no need to do that, if you are strong like you are sounding, you should be able to stand up for yourself.
Also, if you have been friend with this guy for X many years, how do you NOT realize your friend is a big-mouth? ALSO, those jokes he says about you should probably be taken lightly, not harshly like you are taking them. My friends and I do that to each other, we never fight about shit or get hurt about it. Also, if you are 27 years old, why are you going to fight someone because they made you mad? Isn't that a bit high school-ish?
I am going to call you immature for even thinking of doing so, violence never solved my problems, it divided them and never were solved until someone ended up in the hospital. Yes, you can call my hypocritical for doing so.
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BACON RANCH, FUCK YEAH A post about m00nshine Anonymous #6 said: Yes, it is. The shine stands for his job title, which is Shoe Shiner, the moon stands for the time he comes out to be a nigger, which is best suited for the negroid camouflage.
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Anonymous #1
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Quote:
Moronicus said: Why are you on the Shroomery if you are trying to stand up to him? There's no need to do that, if you are strong like you are sounding, you should be able to stand up for yourself.
Also, if you have been friend with this guy for X many years, how do you NOT realize your friend is a big-mouth? ALSO, those jokes he says about you should probably be taken lightly, not harshly like you are taking them. My friends and I do that to each other, we never fight about shit or get hurt about it. Also, if you are 27 years old, why are you going to fight someone because they made you mad? Isn't that a bit high school-ish?
I am going to call you immature for even thinking of doing so, violence never solved my problems, it divided them and never were solved until someone ended up in the hospital. Yes, you can call my hypocritical for doing so.
I am immature because I let him walk over me and do what he did for so long without doing anything about it... I have tried to stand up to him COUNTLESS times and he always ends up on top, because he is a GREAT arguer, even when he knows he is wrong... I am not good at arguing.
I do not fight people... but how else will I get my point across when words dont work? I have gone through therapists on and off because of the evil things this kid has done to me.. I have almost killed myself because of the things he has done to me.
here's a couple examples of the types of things has done in the past... Just to hurt me.... Even though his birthday is a couple days after his.. hes NEVER said happy birthday. Hes intentionally made his birthday parties on my birthday so people wouldn't come visit me. He's NEVER said 'good job' 'im happy for you' etc... He has betrayed my trust with almost EVERY personal thing I told him. Whenever we meet new people, he intentionally says things to them about me to look stupid, weird, strange, or a druggie to give me a bad first impression. He LITERALLY says NOTHING positive about me EVER. He doesn't like seeing me happy, when he does... he will change his attitude until I am not happy.
Like I said - words will not fix this... WHAT ELSE AM I SUPPOSED TO DO? I am not immature... I am a smart, caring and kind person... But over this many years.... this topic has caused SEVERE psychological problems for me. I want help. I dont know how this makes me immature.
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Anonymous #1
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this is beyond just being mad... He constantly pushed me to the edge of sanity and close to suicide at times. One year in school, he had my entire group of friend stop hanging out with me for an entire summer... This isn't a normal bullying attitude. He absolutely hates to see me happy. Whenever I am in a good mood,and he will insult EVERYTHING I have to say in order to get me upset. He loves seeing me in distress... he loves when other people see me as 'messed up in the head' depressed, angry etc... and he will do and say anything in his power to make people think of me this way.
I am not letting him do this anymore. I am asking for your help. I do not want to fight him but I dont know what else to do... Nothing else works because this kid has a hard shell. Words do not bother him. But if I take him to the ground without hurting him, say straight to his face to not treat me this way, I think he will listen.
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Moronicus
smokehousebacon.



Registered: 05/13/09
Posts: 4,430
Last seen: 11 years, 3 months
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The most I can tell you to do is get away from him, totally break off the friendship.
You can find better friends than that, some of that shit has happened to me and I'm just fine, I broke off all ties with those drama-filled people. Sure, I might be a lot of friends short, but hey...that's what kept my sanity in place. I talk to a few select friends. Friends I can trust, drink, share secrets with, etc.
He is not a friend if he is psychologically abusing you. You should have done this a long time ago, if you are smart..you will. You can find a more caring friend elsewhere, I know I have. Please do this for yourself, I do not like seeing suicide threads on the Shroomery or even thinking of there being a future suicide thread due to your friend.
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BACON RANCH, FUCK YEAH A post about m00nshine Anonymous #6 said: Yes, it is. The shine stands for his job title, which is Shoe Shiner, the moon stands for the time he comes out to be a nigger, which is best suited for the negroid camouflage.
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Le_Canard
The Duk Abides


Registered: 05/16/03
Posts: 94,392
Loc: Earthfarm 1
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Quote:
Moronicus said: The most I can tell you to do is get away from him, totally break off the friendship.
You can find better friends than that, some of that shit has happened to me and I'm just fine, I broke off all ties with those drama-filled people. Sure, I might be a lot of friends short, but hey...that's what kept my sanity in place. I talk to a few select friends. Friends I can trust, drink, share secrets with, etc.
He is not a friend if he is psychologically abusing you. You should have done this a long time ago, if you are smart..you will. You can find a more caring friend elsewhere, I know I have. Please do this for yourself, I do not like seeing suicide threads on the Shroomery or even thinking of there being a future suicide thread due to your friend.
I agree. This asshole is no friend of yours #1.
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Anonymous #2
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Sounds like a sociopath. Give it up.
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android313
zzzzzz


Registered: 04/30/10
Posts: 77
Last seen: 11 years, 6 months
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cut all contact till' this asshole apologizes and even then, let him fucking have it you're better off without someone like this in your life, especially if you've NOTHING in common. And his friends, well they're equivalents of him, and who fucking cares what they think? Look elsewhere for friendship; show him up, really.
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Anonymous #1
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thank you. I know I should have done this a long time ago... but back then, I didnt have the proper tools to do it. also if I lost him as a friend... I would have lost all my friends. There would have been no way to avoid this kid, unless I stopped hanging out with everyone.
Things aren't too much different. Most of the people in my group of friends, and probably 90% of my graduating class are not fully mature even in their late 20's... Whenever one person has a problem with another person... The last thing they do is talk to each other! But in general, we have matured since high school.
Except for this kid, I have no problems with any of my friends. Everyone likes sees me as the kind,caring,fun person I am. Only thing is that no one stands up to this kid when he talks trash. They just let it slide because "it's just david...and david is david" So they just brush it away as personality trait.
So this becomes a problem ANYTIME we meet new people. Whenever we meet girls he makes sure they think Im "a low-life druggie who going nowhere in life". Since no one backs me up, it gives me a bad first impression.
I have been clean for almost two years. I met two groups of girls over the summer...after meeting david they straight up asked me if I was a druggy!!! So imagine him internationally doing this to EVERY person we meet for years and years? It would make ANYONE go crazy. personally I thought I was maybe paranoid, but I realized I wasn't when I overheard him talking about me... and thats exactly what he told those girls! My other friends are now coming up to me and telling me the same things about david. So after all those years... my friends are finally beginning to realize what hes been doing to me for so long.
The only reason I posted this anonymously was because in the past, he's even looked through my shroomery threads because he knows I talk about personal feelings. THIS is how fucked up this kid is.. and this is why I would like to resolve this. What would you guys and gals do in this situation?
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Moronicus
smokehousebacon.



Registered: 05/13/09
Posts: 4,430
Last seen: 11 years, 3 months
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When people talk shit about me, I just tend to nod and accept it in a sarcastic/ridiculing manner. Who gives a fuck what they think? At least I don't, cause I haven't known them that long, so I don't care for anyone elses opinion.
'Drugs' is a wide term, let them assume what they want. I smoke weed and drink, so I know for a fact I'm no druggie, although I can admit to experimenting with other things.
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BACON RANCH, FUCK YEAH A post about m00nshine Anonymous #6 said: Yes, it is. The shine stands for his job title, which is Shoe Shiner, the moon stands for the time he comes out to be a nigger, which is best suited for the negroid camouflage.
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damnyoumongorians
Kingdingdong



Registered: 11/05/10
Posts: 340
Loc: fuck outta here!
Last seen: 12 years, 9 months
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dude stop being his friend and everyone elses friend for that matter. go out and make new friends who havent had the druggy impression of you burned in their brain and whoever from your old group reaches out to you and wants to hang out then cool chill with them but before you do all this let it be known you have problems with david and you dont wanna hang with him...seriously though you shouldve kicked his ass when it was acceptable for youre age...fuck that ima get my respect.
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ZippoZ
Knomadic



Registered: 06/17/03
Posts: 13,227
Loc: Pongyang, North Korea
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Anon,
You also have to realize that it is your co-dependant nature, coupled with what I can only assume your low self esteem, that has ALLOWED You to continue to recieve this kind of treatment from this 'friend
Yeah, he's the one doing these things TO YOU, and your LETTING THEM HAPPEN.
Quote:
thank you. I know I should have done this a long time ago... but back then, I didnt have the proper tools to do it. also if I lost him as a friend... I would have lost all my friends. There would have been no way to avoid this kid, unless I stopped hanging out with everyone.
as much as this sucks, its kind of the truth. If you want to get out of this cycle, you're going to have to get rid of this negative influence in your life. I'd suggest strongly worded letter from you to him effectively ending your friendship. It really needs to be done.
Also, you cant just up and move groups of friends without confronting or dealing with this issue. The same part of you that has allowed this to go on for so many years, over and over again (low self esteem perhaps?) is part of you. And if you just move groups of friends again, you will more than likely unconsciously seek out that negative attention again, and end up in the same place, with someone new to Rag on you.
I know its tough to hear that you cant blame this all on the person you are very rightfully angry at, but it does take two to tango.
I've had to do the hard thing, and isolate myself from a number of bad influences over the years. The last time i pretty much had to start from scratch, and It was really hard for me to do. But over time i actually found that I had a lot more friends than I thought, and even some of the people close to the EX i was trying to get away from were still my friends regardless of what had happened, and what was said.
-------------------- PEACE
zippoz "in times of widespread chaos and confusion, it has been the duty of more advanced human beings - artists, scientists, clowns, and philosophers - to create order. In such times as ours however, when there is too much order, too much m management, too much programming and control, it becomes the duty of superior men and women and women to fling their favorite monkey wrenches into the machinery. To relieve the repression of the human spirit, they must sow doubt and disruption" "People do it every day, they talk to themselves ... they see themselves as they'd like to be, they don't have the courage you have, to just run with it."
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