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Anonymous #1
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Should I break up with her?
#13997960 - 02/20/11 08:51 PM (13 years, 13 days ago) |
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Hey guys, I need a little advice. I'm pretty unexperienced with relationships. I am currently in the only "real" relationship i've ever had. I've been with other girls but it was always like a "one night stand" situation or just a really short lived relationship (longest was 1 month). This is gunna be kinda long, and if any of you read it and can comment on my situation, I'd really appreciate it. Maybe my dilemma will even seem obvious. Maybe I'll come off as immature or insecure (sry, i'm only 20 years old. But I feel like my judgement is really clouded by my proximity to my problem...and I desperately need someone to talk to about this. so I could use some input from you guys. Thanks.
So, I've been dating my girlfriend for almost four monthes. But I'm thinking about breaking up with her . It's not that she's done anything wrong, and I can't really even pinpoint a problem with her. She's an awesome girlfriend. She's considerate, she's nice, she's attractive (or...idk...i used to feel she was and still do sometimes), and she'd do anything for me. Which makes me feel really bad that I'm not sure if I want her anymore.... I just know that when I hang out with her I often find myself wishing I was doing something else. Sometime I even feel like snapping at her and just being like "shut. UP." She gets on my nerves a lot now. I feel like we dont have that much in common. I thought we did when I first met her but its becoming painfully obvious that we really dont. We dont listen to the same music, appreciate the same art, enjoy the same activities, and just generally have different views of the world. It isnt that either of us have done anything wrong or pissed each other off (we've never had a fight). But it just feels like maybe we're too different. Plus she's really socially awkward. which makes it really hard to enjoy spending time with her around other people. She's really naive and sort of childish in a lot of ways. at first it was kinda cute. now its just annoying. Also, she's kinda clingy. She wants to hang out with me like...every other day. She would honestly hang out with me every single day if she could. and we did that for a week once. We talk via text like 3 or 4 times a day (which was nice in the beginning, now its just annoying). Any time I say anything critical about her (in the nicest words I can find while still getting the point across) she cries and says "I dont want to be doing anything that disappoints you." She's really self conscious and self critical. She seems really insecure. I really dont like the idea of being single again but...idk. i cant find someone i like more while I'm still dating her, and staying with her out of fear of being single doesnt sound like a good plan. I can't deny that I feel happier in general and have noticed an overall improvement in my mood since I started dating her, but thats also not a great reason to stay with her (it seems like). I really think I've decided that I cant date her for more than two years and definitely cannot, no way, marry her. (getting married is something I'd like to do one day). If I do break up with her I know it's gunna hurt. Obviously it'll hurt her but it'll hurt me too. I've gotten used to spending so much time with her. Without her I have huge chunks of time to fill and I'll definitely feel the loss of her and the relationship. I know there are things about her that I really like. I guess I'm just trying to weigh the negatives and the positives. So maybe it's a question of wether or not I can do better. Or something. Idk.
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lessthanjake
Pokémon Master


Registered: 08/15/10
Posts: 101
Loc: 480
Last seen: 10 years, 10 months
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Dude... That EXACT situation happened to me a few months back. Like EXACTLY. Every single part about it. The fact that i thought we had lots in common at first and slowly that proved to be false, The childishness the clingyness the non stop texting and wanting to hang out. Literally everything. Eventually it got to the point where every time i heard her voice it would piss me off. I broke up with her and I've been way happier. I suggest you take a break and see how you like things. I was skeptical at first, but I'm way happier now.
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Joolz

Registered: 09/19/10
Posts: 3,614
Last seen: 11 years, 4 months
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Sounds like my ex girlfriend a couple years back. I'd ask you to communicate your thoughts to her but she'd probably just go nuts thinking you're trying to change her. Plenty of fish.
-------------------- Prohibition didn't work for God; Eve ate the fruit.
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Meat_hod
sick shit



Registered: 09/27/05
Posts: 1,808
Last seen: 7 years, 10 months
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Re: Should I break up with her? [Re: Joolz]
#14001583 - 02/21/11 01:51 PM (13 years, 12 days ago) |
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break up with her.
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TTT
Cultivate the inside


Registered: 08/07/06
Posts: 4,340
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Re: Should I break up with her? [Re: Meat_hod] 1
#14001808 - 02/21/11 02:20 PM (13 years, 12 days ago) |
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My advice:
Break up with her.
And next time, maybe wait until you're friends with a girl for at least 6 months before you try dating her. That way you don't waste your time.
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Rebirtha
I really like bread




Registered: 09/22/03
Posts: 5,680
Loc: over there
Last seen: 15 days, 2 minutes
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Re: Should I break up with her? [Re: TTT]
#14002089 - 02/21/11 03:05 PM (13 years, 12 days ago) |
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I was in a similar situation and broke up with the girl. I feel great, though the decision is never easy.. or relaying the message either.
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I_was_the_walrus
eggshells



Registered: 05/01/02
Posts: 11,887
Loc: next door
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You both sound a little young to be taking things like this seriously. She sounds like a typical girl, and you sound like a typical 20 year old guy. No surprises here. Break up with her if you want
Youre young. If youre having feelings like this now, its just gonna get worse. Its an obvious dead end road, you may want to get out while youre still ahead.
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D3n3
Aspiring cultivator


Registered: 04/25/10
Posts: 138
Last seen: 9 years, 3 months
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Quote:
I_was_the_walrus said: Its an obvious dead end road, you may want to get out while youre still ahead.
Great advice, I stayed in a relationship for far, far too long when I was young only to realize later down the road it would never work out. It will suck for a few weeks or months but nothing is worse than realizing you've wasted 3 years of your life.. or longer.
-------------------- AMU Fooman's WBS no soak tek Damion5050's Elementary Coir Tek There is no life I know to compare with pure imagination. Living there, you'll be free if you truly wish to be.
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dshow
Nomad



Registered: 01/22/09
Posts: 5,255
Last seen: 12 years, 3 months
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Re: Should I break up with her? [Re: D3n3]
#14003216 - 02/21/11 06:48 PM (13 years, 12 days ago) |
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Lots of girls at that age act that way. Thats going to be near damn impossible to avoid. They all act a little childish.
If your thinking about breaking up now, you will wish you has 5 months from now if your still with her.
On the other side, you always want what you dont have. Meaning when your single you want a girl, when you have a girl, you want single.
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lessthanjake
Pokémon Master


Registered: 08/15/10
Posts: 101
Loc: 480
Last seen: 10 years, 10 months
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Re: Should I break up with her? [Re: dshow]
#14004924 - 02/21/11 11:50 PM (13 years, 12 days ago) |
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Quote:
dshow said:
On the other side, you always want what you dont have. Meaning when your single you want a girl, when you have a girl, you want single.
One of the most true statements I've heard in a while.
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andrewss
precariously aggrandized


Registered: 08/17/07
Posts: 8,725
Loc: ohio
Last seen: 2 months, 16 days
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maybe you should cheat on her
-------------------- Jesus loves you.
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Rebirtha
I really like bread




Registered: 09/22/03
Posts: 5,680
Loc: over there
Last seen: 15 days, 2 minutes
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Quote:
lessthanjake said:
Quote:
dshow said:
On the other side, you always want what you dont have. Meaning when your single you want a girl, when you have a girl, you want single.
One of the most true statements I've heard in a while.
Always so true. I miss my ex many times, but when I'm with her I want to be free!
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I_was_the_walrus
eggshells



Registered: 05/01/02
Posts: 11,887
Loc: next door
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Re: Should I break up with her? [Re: Rebirtha]
#14009269 - 02/22/11 07:03 PM (13 years, 11 days ago) |
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Same. Broke up with my ex in december. 5 years of your typical frustration and bickering. I totally missed my freedom. Now that Im single, I miss the love and affection. Sleeping alone, and waking up alone kinda sucks...
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Rebirtha
I really like bread




Registered: 09/22/03
Posts: 5,680
Loc: over there
Last seen: 15 days, 2 minutes
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Funny how that works isn't it? The way I think is very rational and logical but my emotions will really fog my logic. My ex wants to keep in communication with me but I have to control myself, because I know rationally I don't want to but emotionally I miss the love and affection. What a shame really.
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I_was_the_walrus
eggshells



Registered: 05/01/02
Posts: 11,887
Loc: next door
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Re: Should I break up with her? [Re: Rebirtha]
#14009374 - 02/22/11 07:24 PM (13 years, 11 days ago) |
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I know it man. Deep down I know we dont belong together, but its hard to be alone. She wants to talk and be friends, but its hard with these emotions. I have to keep telling myself I need to move on. Its hard, it may be hard for awhile, but its for the better
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Anonymous #1
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Well, I've been thinking about it a lot and I think I'm gunna break it off. I know its gunna suck to be alone again (and I'm headed right where Rebirtha and I_was_the_walrus are at. albeit the less severe, 4 month relationship version) but its worth it. I can take a few weeks of misery.
I'm not gunna do it just yet though. It's kind of a bad time (maybe i'm just making excuses ). and I need to think a little more about how this is gunna go. I've never had to break up with anyone before . I'm gunna go for the cleanest break I can possibly manage (which'll be difficult because shes really clingy and i know this break up will NOT go smoothly ). Gunna say "We need to talk" on the couch at her house. And just explain. And then I'll leave.
But yeah, the decisions been made. I havent even broken up with her yet and it sucks already. I mean, I feel really bad for her. I think she's gunna be really hurt But I really think it's for the best 
Thanks for all the input guys. Good luck Rebirtha and I_was_the_walrus.
When the deed is done everyone in this thread gets 5 shrooms. But I gotta wait because she browses the shroomery sometimes and I know I'm being paranoid but I dont want her to know this is me.
Edited by Anonymous (02/22/11 08:33 PM)
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