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beatnicknick
The Innovator



Registered: 05/25/05
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How to get over the problem of being lonely
#13994369 - 02/20/11 06:53 AM (12 years, 11 months ago) |
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"I don't think for myself, I think for those listening.
Listen to yourself. It knows best."
From the seperation of creator and audience inside you come to love yourself. You come to be sympathetic towards the audience when you realize the show sucks, and you come to be the most amazing performer ever when you the audience starts cheering for you and roaring in applause.
For me the audience usually cheers pretty loud when I might another cute self thats down to flirt.
-------------------- I don't think for myself. I think as though I'm explaining my thoughts to someone else. I'm concerned only for those listening.
Edited by beatnicknick (02/20/11 07:03 AM)
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circastes
Big Questions Small Head


Registered: 01/14/10
Posts: 8,781
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Re: How to get over the problem of being lonely [Re: beatnicknick]
#13996152 - 02/20/11 03:16 PM (12 years, 11 months ago) |
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Hmm yeah, well, I sort of do this too. I sometimes imagine myself talking to other people and working things out as I go along. It's kind of fun.
Once you find love inside yourself, though, the need for anything else vanishes. Love is all you need.
-------------------- My solitude... My shield... My armour... TESTED WITH FULL FORCE
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JohnnyZampano
Registered: 11/03/10
Posts: 325
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Re: How to get over the problem of being lonely [Re: beatnicknick] 1
#13996451 - 02/20/11 04:17 PM (12 years, 11 months ago) |
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"I have never found a companion so companionable as solitude."
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NastyDHL



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Re: How to get over the problem of being lonely [Re: beatnicknick]
#13996522 - 02/20/11 04:29 PM (12 years, 11 months ago) |
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if you are going feel lonely then you should do that alone in isolation. get to the bottom of whatever is causing all these negative feelings instead of continually trying to distract yourself from them.
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auxiliary
Mr.



Registered: 05/03/09
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Re: How to get over the problem of being lonely [Re: NastyDHL]
#13997165 - 02/20/11 06:31 PM (12 years, 11 months ago) |
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Just figure yourself out, but don't mind fuck yourself- it's entirely a matter of occupation. If you wish to meet a special someone I suggest finding something you love doing- those of whom to love will be doing the same thing.
I hope this has helped because, to be truely honest, I have no idea what the OP meant.
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Cups
technically "here"


Registered: 12/24/09
Posts: 1,925
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Re: How to get over the problem of being lonely [Re: auxiliary]
#13997240 - 02/20/11 06:45 PM (12 years, 11 months ago) |
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Quote:
I hope this has helped because, to be truely honest, I have no idea what the OP meant.

Me either.
-------------------- What's up everybody?!
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Icelander
The Minstrel in the Gallery



Registered: 03/15/05
Posts: 95,368
Loc: underbelly
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Re: How to get over the problem of being lonely [Re: Cups]
#13997375 - 02/20/11 07:13 PM (12 years, 11 months ago) |
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I understood. I think.
It was a sermon,
right?
-------------------- "Don't believe everything you think". -Anom. " All that lives was born to die"-Anom. With much wisdom comes much sorrow, The more knowledge, the more grief. Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC
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the bizzle
the joke that no one spoke


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Re: How to get over the problem of being lonely [Re: Icelander]
#13997478 - 02/20/11 07:37 PM (12 years, 11 months ago) |
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this is how i get over the feeling of being lonely:
the feeling of being lonely is so shitty...i just try to remember that i'm going to die someday anyway, so i should let the part of me that feels so lonely just die
it helps to have it in a song because sometimes your own bullshit is too distracting to remember what gives you personal peace
btw, aside from songs, mantras, philosophies, etc that help you cope with loneliness,
the best thang, in my opinion, is staying busy. Find a hobby. it's hard to feel lonely when you're doing something productive and enjoyable. Besides...there's not too much that's better for helping you be less lonely in the longrun, than being productive right now, even if its doing something by yourself. The trick is to switch focus from the lonliness you feel right now, to the task at hand, eyes on the goal, even if it's something that's going to take a long time.
If you're constantly working at it, time doesn't drag anywhere near as bad as it does waiting for it
-------------------- MY HAIR IS A BIRD YOUR ARGUMENT IS INVALID
  
Edited by the bizzle (02/20/11 07:41 PM)
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Icelander
The Minstrel in the Gallery



Registered: 03/15/05
Posts: 95,368
Loc: underbelly
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Re: How to get over the problem of being lonely [Re: the bizzle]
#13997484 - 02/20/11 07:39 PM (12 years, 11 months ago) |
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That is all very excellent advice.
-------------------- "Don't believe everything you think". -Anom. " All that lives was born to die"-Anom. With much wisdom comes much sorrow, The more knowledge, the more grief. Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC
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Cups
technically "here"


Registered: 12/24/09
Posts: 1,925
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Re: How to get over the problem of being lonely [Re: Icelander]
#13997598 - 02/20/11 08:01 PM (12 years, 11 months ago) |
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Quote:
btw, aside from songs, mantras, philosophies, etc that help you cope with loneliness,
the best thang, in my opinion, is staying busy. Find a hobby. it's hard to feel lonely when you're doing something productive and enjoyable.
Coping with a problem doesn't remove the problem.
Loneliness is a joke IMO. Everyone is alone all the time period. You can distract yourself from this with friends and hobbies, but it doesn't change actually change the fact.
When the gun is pointed at your head it's just you.
-------------------- What's up everybody?!
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Icelander
The Minstrel in the Gallery



Registered: 03/15/05
Posts: 95,368
Loc: underbelly
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Re: How to get over the problem of being lonely [Re: Cups]
#13997720 - 02/20/11 08:20 PM (12 years, 11 months ago) |
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If you understand death anxiety (root of loneliness imo) you must realize that distraction is all we have. The facts of course don't change but that is beyond our power.
-------------------- "Don't believe everything you think". -Anom. " All that lives was born to die"-Anom. With much wisdom comes much sorrow, The more knowledge, the more grief. Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC
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Cups
technically "here"


Registered: 12/24/09
Posts: 1,925
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Re: How to get over the problem of being lonely [Re: Icelander]
#13997738 - 02/20/11 08:24 PM (12 years, 11 months ago) |
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I know man, but I find it to not be enough. It's not good enough.
Life should be something you have to distract yourself from to be happy.
It's a personal problem I have. I'm working on it.
-------------------- What's up everybody?!
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Kickle
Wanderer


Registered: 12/16/06
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Re: How to get over the problem of being lonely [Re: Icelander]
#13997747 - 02/20/11 08:25 PM (12 years, 11 months ago) |
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Yin and Yang... Push and Pull...
No sense trying to end one for the other.
-------------------- Why shouldn't the truth be stranger than fiction? Fiction, after all, has to make sense. -- Mark Twain
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Icelander
The Minstrel in the Gallery



Registered: 03/15/05
Posts: 95,368
Loc: underbelly
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Re: How to get over the problem of being lonely [Re: Cups]
#13998605 - 02/20/11 10:30 PM (12 years, 11 months ago) |
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Quote:
Cups said: I know man, but I find it to not be enough. It's not good enough.
Life should be something you have to distract yourself from to be happy.
It's a personal problem I have. I'm working on it.
I'm guessing that you were not socialized completely. Something in childhood was not "normal" and you did not absorb the complete program from your parents/ home life most likely.
So your challenge is to find shields that are outside the normal ones used by the masses. This is compounded by the fact that you are very aware of what is going on. I wish you much luck.
-------------------- "Don't believe everything you think". -Anom. " All that lives was born to die"-Anom. With much wisdom comes much sorrow, The more knowledge, the more grief. Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC
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the bizzle
the joke that no one spoke


Registered: 04/14/09
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Re: How to get over the problem of being lonely [Re: Cups]
#13998626 - 02/20/11 10:33 PM (12 years, 11 months ago) |
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Quote:
Cups said:
Quote:
btw, aside from songs, mantras, philosophies, etc that help you cope with loneliness,
the best thang, in my opinion, is staying busy. Find a hobby. it's hard to feel lonely when you're doing something productive and enjoyable.
Coping with a problem doesn't remove the problem.
Loneliness is a joke IMO. Everyone is alone all the time period. You can distract yourself from this with friends and hobbies, but it doesn't change actually change the fact.
When the gun is pointed at your head it's just you.
???
coping doesnt need to remove a problem. It's a fact of life that loneliness occurs.
if loneliness doesn't bother you, then in the context that i meant it, you must be coping quite well.
i'm not entirely sure what you thought i meant by coping,
but my general point was that it's more about shifting focus.
sometimes, people get painfully lonely
its not about changing the alleged fact that you are ultimately alone in the universe, it's about changing how it affects you
for example, death used to be one of the most frightening things i could think of... but now my perspective has changed, and i'm a lot happier
i don't see what you are finding fault with other than a misunderstanding
maybe it was the word "distraction"...
in a fight, being distracted could cost you... that's not what i'm talking about
it's more like when you have a broken bone in a fight, but instead of focusing on how less than ideal it is, or on how bad it hurts, you block it out and stay in the zone of doin thangs
-------------------- MY HAIR IS A BIRD YOUR ARGUMENT IS INVALID
  
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Cups
technically "here"


Registered: 12/24/09
Posts: 1,925
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Re: How to get over the problem of being lonely [Re: the bizzle]
#13998998 - 02/20/11 11:59 PM (12 years, 11 months ago) |
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Hey Bizzle,
What I thought you meant by "coping" is exactly what you said-
Quote:
btw, aside from songs, mantras, philosophies, etc that help you cope with loneliness,
the best thang, in my opinion, is staying busy. Find a hobby. it's hard to feel lonely when you're doing something productive and enjoyable.
All this is in IMO but it's true as far as I know.
As Icelander pointed out loneliness is an expression of death anxiety....the part involving that little voice in the back of all of our heads that we are alone. We are, of course, scared of being alone so we try not to be.
All the things you list as "coping" skills can just as easily be labeled "distractions". When distraction is sufficient, the fear is hidden. When it's not, the fear emerges.
It is not true, however, to say that you become lonely...only that that you became aware of how lonely you are.
All the emotional pairs work in this way- happy/sad, fear/safe etc. Since the slightest thing can flip the coin what can be believed?
The answer is simple- Strip a man of everything he "has" and see what remains. Take his possessions, kill his family, and drop him off in the wilderness alone. He will feel fear, he will feel lonely, he will feel angry, he will feel sad.
This is obviously the default state of the Ego. 
Quote:
but my general point was that it's more about shifting focus.
Society is about shifting focus. Human civilization is about shifting focus. Religion is about shifting focus. Anything to shift the gaze away from the mirror because what looks back is scary as fuck.
Quote:
it's more like when you have a broken bone in a fight, but instead of focusing on how less than ideal it is, or on how bad it hurts, you block it out and stay in the zone of doin thangs
I rest my case.
-------------------- What's up everybody?!
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beatnicknick
The Innovator



Registered: 05/25/05
Posts: 1,074
Last seen: 12 years, 8 months
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Re: How to get over the problem of being lonely [Re: Cups] 1
#13999141 - 02/21/11 12:41 AM (12 years, 11 months ago) |
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What's scary about the big picture is that when you look in the reflection, it's just us, it's the self, the potential, AKA nothing. Freedom to go wherever. Nothing stable. That can be scary. But when you look at the big picture that came from the nothing, you realize how beautiful it is. The happiness, the sadness, the love, the fear, it's beautiful. It all exists inside the artist's painting. The painting continues to paint itself, and the artist lives within the painting. Yes, the artist may be nothing. But the painting is so much. Think about how much is going on right now, through out the entire world, in this very breath, in this very beat of your heart. Fireworks are going off, people are falling in love, people are exploring, creating, and it's all just so alive. As the Beatles said, it's all too much. Sure, we may ultimately be nothing but the shapeless, colorless, formless artist we come from. But just look at what we made, and it's making itself. It's colors are dazzling, its sounds are awe inspiring, it's just simply the most beautiful work of art, and we're all inside of it, most of us completely unaware that the paint we are comprised of is what we are, and since the paint never existed we are the nothing, the potential, the artist. All of a sudden being the artist isn't so scary, when you stop looking in the reflection of nothing, and instead look at the painting of everything.
-------------------- I don't think for myself. I think as though I'm explaining my thoughts to someone else. I'm concerned only for those listening.
Edited by beatnicknick (02/21/11 01:13 AM)
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circastes
Big Questions Small Head


Registered: 01/14/10
Posts: 8,781
Loc: straya
Last seen: 7 years, 8 months
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Re: How to get over the problem of being lonely [Re: beatnicknick]
#13999253 - 02/21/11 01:11 AM (12 years, 11 months ago) |
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Life is not supposed to be an ordeal. Death is just a concept. Possibly, due to conditioning or due to the power of fear, wonder and awe focused so intensely in one area, it most likely envokes archetypes from the collective unconscious, such as the great lonely cold journey, the wanderer, making death feel sublime and thus real. But I think under that, there is nothing physical there to die in the first place. What you are, is not physical, and thus has nothing to do with any of this really.
New problem: bordom in eternity.
-------------------- My solitude... My shield... My armour... TESTED WITH FULL FORCE
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circastes
Big Questions Small Head


Registered: 01/14/10
Posts: 8,781
Loc: straya
Last seen: 7 years, 8 months
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Re: How to get over the problem of being lonely [Re: beatnicknick]
#13999257 - 02/21/11 01:14 AM (12 years, 11 months ago) |
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Quote:
beatnicknick said: What's scary about the big picture is that when you look in the reflection, it's just us, it's the self, the potential, AKA nothing. Freedom to go wherever. Nothing stable. That can be scary. But when you look at the big picture that came from the nothing, you realize how beautiful it is. The happiness, the sadness, the love, the fear, it's beautiful. It all exists inside the artist's painting. The painting continues to paint itself, and the artist lives within the painting. Yes, the artist may be nothing. But the painting is so much. Think about how much is going on right now, through out the entire world, in this very breath, in this very beat of your heart. Fireworks are going off, people are falling in love, people are exploring, creating, and it's all just so alive. As the Beatles said, it's all too much. Sure, we may ultimately be nothing but the shapeless, colorless, formless artist we come from. But just look at what we made, and it's making itself. It's colors are dazzling, its sounds are awe inspiring, it's just simply the most beautiful work of art, and we're all inside of it, most of us completely unaware that the paint we are comprised of is what we are, and since the paint never existed we are the nothing, the potential, the artist. All of a sudden being the artist isn't so scary, when you stop looking in the reflection of nothing, and instead look at the painting of everything.
-------------------- My solitude... My shield... My armour... TESTED WITH FULL FORCE
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beatnicknick
The Innovator



Registered: 05/25/05
Posts: 1,074
Last seen: 12 years, 8 months
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Re: How to get over the problem of being lonely [Re: circastes]
#13999261 - 02/21/11 01:15 AM (12 years, 11 months ago) |
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-------------------- I don't think for myself. I think as though I'm explaining my thoughts to someone else. I'm concerned only for those listening.
Edited by beatnicknick (02/21/11 01:19 AM)
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