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Offlineencryptor
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Would You Tell Person Your Parents Are Deceased on 1st Date?
    #13981174 - 02/17/11 08:37 PM (12 years, 11 months ago)

This girl gave me her number and I took her out for b-fast.  She told me on the date her Mom has past away.  She was getting upset just telling me, so I didn't say anything about it and just changed the conversation because I didn't want her crying there.  I could see it behind her half smile that she was deeply hurt.  I could see the corner of her mouth sinking as she tried to smile.  Seriously I was keeping things on the brighter side of life b/c I was trying to get to know her w/o getting too personal.  Now she doesn't want to go on second date.  After b-fast, she pretty much told me she had to leave to pick up her kids after we were done eating.  wtf!:heart::sad:


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Offlinemeatcakeman
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Re: Would You Tell Person Your Parents Are Deceased on 1st Date? [Re: encryptor]
    #13981186 - 02/17/11 08:40 PM (12 years, 11 months ago)

People regurgitate thoughts because those thoughts are still running in their head. She's obviously not over the fact, and you did very little to support her, imo.


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Offlinepmb
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Re: Would You Tell Person Your Parents Are Deceased on 1st Date? [Re: encryptor]
    #13981187 - 02/17/11 08:40 PM (12 years, 11 months ago)

Thats weird, It's not something that just casually comes up in conversation. Unless it just recently happened within the past week and she was just saying that because she didn't want to be on a date.


--------------------
Don't smell the flowers, They're an evil drug to make you lose your mind


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Offlineencryptor
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Re: Would You Tell Person Your Parents Are Deceased on 1st Date? [Re: pmb]
    #13981240 - 02/17/11 08:50 PM (12 years, 11 months ago)

She was the one who asked for my number.  No I didn't support her there, b/c I thought it was weird she brought it up.  First she said she was a foster child, I asked about her siblings, and then she mentioned that.  I should have said "sorry to hear that".  I'm not sure I did b/c I'm not so sympathetic.  It was just weird she was telling me this b/c I would keep it to myself...It happened like 4-5 years ago.


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Offline57-71
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Re: Would You Tell Person Your Parents Are Deceased on 1st Date? [Re: encryptor]
    #13981264 - 02/17/11 08:55 PM (12 years, 11 months ago)

She was testing you, checking out your disposition to empathy.
do not walk - Run


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Offlineencryptor
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Re: Would You Tell Person Your Parents Are Deceased on 1st Date? [Re: 57-71]
    #13981286 - 02/17/11 08:58 PM (12 years, 11 months ago)

yeah right.  She's broke and there is no fixing it.:syringe::mushroom2:


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OfflineSprezzatura
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Re: Would You Tell Person Your Parents Are Deceased on 1st Date? [Re: encryptor]
    #13981688 - 02/17/11 10:06 PM (12 years, 11 months ago)

The last thing I want to hear is someone I don't know well talking about someone they knew well who just died.  I can relate, most of us has had someone they cared about die, it happens.  There is, however,  no way that someone who doesn't know the person that died is going to feel anywhere close to what you're feeling and it devalues, in my opinion, the sincerity of the situation and in a sense is disrespectful to the person who died.

A common code of ethics should be that people should reserve expressing their emotions during times of bereavement to those who were involved with you AND the person who died. 

You don't invite people you just met to your Mother's funeral, right?  Why express deep emotions about it to someone who can't possibly care as much as you do?

I really am not trying to be a dickhead or an asshole here, I know it sounds cold and cruel, but it's quite the opposite really; some things do require a certain level of discretion or quiet dignity, it's just a matter of honor and respect.


--------------------
Spectaculorum procedere debet





:mushroom2: :beer:


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OfflineShroomerette
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Re: Would You Tell Person Your Parents Are Deceased on 1st Date? [Re: Sprezzatura] * 1
    #13981721 - 02/17/11 10:12 PM (12 years, 11 months ago)

He said 4-5 years ago, which is long enough ago that you should be able to get through through first date without discussing it.


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Leaving the shroomery forever


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InvisibleJesusGoneRogue
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Re: Would You Tell Person Your Parents Are Deceased on 1st Date? [Re: meatcakeman] * 1
    #13981731 - 02/17/11 10:13 PM (12 years, 11 months ago)

Quote:

meatcakeman said:
People regurgitate thoughts because those thoughts are still running in their head. She's obviously not over the fact, and you did very little to support her, imo.



this


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OfflineShroomerette
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Re: Would You Tell Person Your Parents Are Deceased on 1st Date? [Re: JesusGoneRogue]
    #13981743 - 02/17/11 10:15 PM (12 years, 11 months ago)

Yeah you should have but if she's still obsessing over it that much after 5 years she might be emotionally unstable or something, it still seems weird to me.


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Leaving the shroomery forever


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OfflineSprezzatura
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Re: Would You Tell Person Your Parents Are Deceased on 1st Date? [Re: Shroomerette]
    #13981757 - 02/17/11 10:18 PM (12 years, 11 months ago)

Quote:

meatcakeman said:
People regurgitate thoughts because those thoughts are still running in their head. She's obviously not over the fact, and you did very little to support her, imo.




I think he did the right thing.  I think it was inappropriate to talk about her deceased mother during a first breakfast date.  Don't give this guy a hard time, he was put in an awkward situation and it is not necessary for him to have to extend support to her given the circumstances.

If she was still in bereavement to the severity that resulted in the outcome that it did, she should not have pursued a breakfast date during that time.

If I were forced to pick a villain in this story, I would declare it as her; for exhibiting utter contempt for her late mother by selfishly pursuing romantic conquest during bereavement, underestimating its potential emotional effect and as a consequence humiliating not only herself, but a person kind enough to take her out to breakfast.


--------------------
Spectaculorum procedere debet





:mushroom2: :beer:


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OfflineSprezzatura
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Re: Would You Tell Person Your Parents Are Deceased on 1st Date? [Re: Shroomerette]
    #13981764 - 02/17/11 10:19 PM (12 years, 11 months ago)

Oh, her Mom died 5 years ago?  I assumed it was recent.  I think you have a crazy one there bud, and you should consider yourself lucky enough to have dodged a bullet by her not wanting a second date.


--------------------
Spectaculorum procedere debet





:mushroom2: :beer:


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OfflineDrMambo
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Re: Would You Tell Person Your Parents Are Deceased on 1st Date? [Re: encryptor]
    #13981808 - 02/17/11 10:27 PM (12 years, 11 months ago)

Should've played her and had some fucked in the head kinky sex.

Then she can tell her next date that her parents are dead and the last dude she dated was a jerk.


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OfflineEnvix
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Re: Would You Tell Person Your Parents Are Deceased on 1st Date? [Re: DrMambo]
    #13981865 - 02/17/11 10:39 PM (12 years, 11 months ago)

i told someone the first time hanging out w/ them that my mom was addicted to crack LOL they seemed to act funny around me all the time after that


--------------------
smack a hoe out this dimension
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OfflineSprezzatura
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Re: Would You Tell Person Your Parents Are Deceased on 1st Date? [Re: DrMambo]
    #13981906 - 02/17/11 10:44 PM (12 years, 11 months ago)

Quote:

DrMambo said:
Should've played her and had some fucked in the head kinky sex.

Then she can tell her next date that her parents are dead and the last dude she dated was a jerk.





:lol:


--------------------
Spectaculorum procedere debet





:mushroom2: :beer:


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InvisibleAsante
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Re: Would You Tell Person Your Parents Are Deceased on 1st Date? [Re: encryptor]
    #13981947 - 02/17/11 10:50 PM (12 years, 11 months ago)

Quote:

I didn't say anything about it and just changed the conversation because I didn't want her crying there.





That's cold!


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OfflineSprezzatura
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Re: Would You Tell Person Your Parents Are Deceased on 1st Date? [Re: Asante]
    #13981972 - 02/17/11 10:53 PM (12 years, 11 months ago)

Quote:

Wiccan_Seeker said:
Quote:

I didn't say anything about it and just changed the conversation because I didn't want her crying there.





That's cold!




Perhaps, but what are you gonna do?


--------------------
Spectaculorum procedere debet





:mushroom2: :beer:


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InvisibleBodhi of Ankou
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Re: Would You Tell Person Your Parents Are Deceased on 1st Date? [Re: Sprezzatura]
    #13982176 - 02/17/11 11:23 PM (12 years, 11 months ago)

She seriously liked you if she was getting into something that personal on the first date, and you fucked it up :wave:


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OfflineSprezzatura
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Re: Would You Tell Person Your Parents Are Deceased on 1st Date? [Re: Bodhi of Ankou]
    #13982213 - 02/17/11 11:28 PM (12 years, 11 months ago)

Yeah, he should have DSHSB while he consoled her about her mother dying 5 years ago.


--------------------
Spectaculorum procedere debet





:mushroom2: :beer:


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OfflineKada
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Re: Would You Tell Person Your Parents Are Deceased on 1st Date? [Re: encryptor]
    #13982214 - 02/17/11 11:28 PM (12 years, 11 months ago)

It sounds like she might have gotten embarrassed bringing it up to you on your first date. She might have felt so dumb and/or emotional that she had to bail.

:shrug:



--------------------
~The Cultivators Motherload~

"I am free, no matter what rules surround me. If I find them tolerable, I tolerate them; if I find them too obnoxious, I break them.
I am free because I know that I alone am morally responsible for everything I do." -Robert A. Heinlein

"There is no need for temples, no need for complicated philosophies.
My brain and my heart are my temples; my philosophy is kindness."-Dalai Lama

Live long and prosper.



Edited by Kada (02/17/11 11:29 PM)


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InvisibleAsante
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Re: Would You Tell Person Your Parents Are Deceased on 1st Date? [Re: Sprezzatura]
    #13982235 - 02/17/11 11:31 PM (12 years, 11 months ago)

"Here's a kleenex and your coat bitch, go cry some place else" :rolleyes:


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OfflineSprezzatura
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Re: Would You Tell Person Your Parents Are Deceased on 1st Date? [Re: Asante]
    #13982310 - 02/17/11 11:41 PM (12 years, 11 months ago)

Nah, don't say that... she'll fall in love with your ass.

I was out with a friend of a friend once, kinda got stuck with this chick for the afternoon, she was abjectly pitiful and emotionally frail.  Everything made this girl upset, she was so idealistic and ultra-liberal that you just couldn't say anything around her.
Finally I stopped being polite and just spoke my mind... she was a feminist and I threw up some opposing ideas and eventually she started crying... and I started getting pissed off, and I said "Oh great, you've been a bitch all day and now you're crying, oh that's really what a feminist would do, you're a credit to your gender, why don't you pull your head out of your ass, wipe the shit out of your eyes and take a real look at the world around you and one good look at yourself, because you're pathetic." 


Took me 3 years to finally get rid of that bitch.


--------------------
Spectaculorum procedere debet





:mushroom2: :beer:


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InvisibleBodhi of Ankou
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Re: Would You Tell Person Your Parents Are Deceased on 1st Date? [Re: Sprezzatura]
    #13982327 - 02/17/11 11:43 PM (12 years, 11 months ago)

Quote:

Sprezzatura said:
Nah, don't say that... she'll fall in love with your ass.







:lolsy:


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OfflinecollinZzZz
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Re: Would You Tell Person Your Parents Are Deceased on 1st Date? [Re: Bodhi of Ankou]
    #13982350 - 02/17/11 11:47 PM (12 years, 11 months ago)

Quote:

Bodhi of Ankou said:
She seriously liked you if she was getting into something that personal on the first date, and you fucked it up :wave:



THIS

Personally I would tell someone about a deceased parent on a first date if I felt comfortable with the person enough.  The death of a parent is the kind of event that shakes someone to the core and can totally redirect a persons life and it feels good to open up enough to share those things, it can be healing as well.  She obviously misread you.


--------------------
"I have never freed myself from the suspicion that there is something very odd about this mission."


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OfflinecollinZzZz
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Re: Would You Tell Person Your Parents Are Deceased on 1st Date? [Re: Sprezzatura]
    #13982365 - 02/17/11 11:49 PM (12 years, 11 months ago)

Quote:

Sprezzatura said:
Nah, don't say that... she'll fall in love with your ass.

I was out with a friend of a friend once, kinda got stuck with this chick for the afternoon, she was abjectly pitiful and emotionally frail.  Everything made this girl upset, she was so idealistic and ultra-liberal that you just couldn't say anything around her.
Finally I stopped being polite and just spoke my mind... she was a feminist and I threw up some opposing ideas and eventually she started crying... and I started getting pissed off, and I said "Oh great, you've been a bitch all day and now you're crying, oh that's really what a feminist would do, you're a credit to your gender, why don't you pull your head out of your ass, wipe the shit out of your eyes and take a real look at the world around you and one good look at yourself, because you're pathetic." 


Took me 3 years to finally get rid of that bitch.



ego farts


--------------------
"I have never freed myself from the suspicion that there is something very odd about this mission."


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OfflineDrMambo
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Re: Would You Tell Person Your Parents Are Deceased on 1st Date? [Re: collinZzZz]
    #13982381 - 02/17/11 11:51 PM (12 years, 11 months ago)

Quote:

collinZzZz said:
Quote:

Bodhi of Ankou said:
She seriously liked you if she was getting into something that personal on the first date, and you fucked it up :wave:



THIS

Personally I would tell someone about a deceased parent on a first date if I felt comfortable with the person enough.  The death of a parent is the kind of event that shakes someone to the core and can totally redirect a persons life and it feels good to open up enough to share those things, it can be healing as well.  She obviously misread you.



Quote:

collinZzZz said:
Quote:

Bodhi of Ankou said:
She seriously liked you if she was getting into something that personal on the first date, and you fucked it up :wave:



THIS

Personally I would tell someone about a deceased parent on a first date if I felt comfortable with the person enough.  The death of a parent is the kind of event that shakes someone to the core and can totally redirect a persons life and it feels good to open up enough to share those things, it can be healing as well.  She obviously misread you.




true, but going all out like that also shows that she may lack some discretion

even getting into something like that in a more private setting on a first date would be easier to handle

BUT

I guess it's hard to control that shit if it's hard on your brain and just spurts out.


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OfflineSprezzatura
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Re: Would You Tell Person Your Parents Are Deceased on 1st Date? [Re: collinZzZz]
    #13982387 - 02/17/11 11:52 PM (12 years, 11 months ago)

don't cry man


--------------------
Spectaculorum procedere debet





:mushroom2: :beer:


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OfflineNIMH
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Re: Would You Tell Person Your Parents Are Deceased on 1st Date? [Re: Sprezzatura]
    #13982442 - 02/18/11 12:01 AM (12 years, 11 months ago)

Why do YOU wan't to go back out with her?


--------------------
I must not Fear. Fear is the mindkiller . Fear is the little-death that
brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over and
through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. ONLY I WILL REMAIN.


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OfflinecollinZzZz
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Re: Would You Tell Person Your Parents Are Deceased on 1st Date? [Re: Sprezzatura]
    #13982457 - 02/18/11 12:04 AM (12 years, 11 months ago)

dude, you're an asshole.


--------------------
"I have never freed myself from the suspicion that there is something very odd about this mission."


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OfflineSprezzatura
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Re: Would You Tell Person Your Parents Are Deceased on 1st Date? [Re: collinZzZz]
    #13982464 - 02/18/11 12:04 AM (12 years, 11 months ago)

so?


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Spectaculorum procedere debet





:mushroom2: :beer:


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OfflinecollinZzZz
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Re: Would You Tell Person Your Parents Are Deceased on 1st Date? [Re: Sprezzatura]
    #13982474 - 02/18/11 12:06 AM (12 years, 11 months ago)

eh, you're right.  I think you just really remind me of my room mate.  He's been sitting in my fucking chair lately.:crankey:


--------------------
"I have never freed myself from the suspicion that there is something very odd about this mission."


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OfflineSprezzatura
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Re: Would You Tell Person Your Parents Are Deceased on 1st Date? [Re: collinZzZz]
    #13982479 - 02/18/11 12:07 AM (12 years, 11 months ago)

It must be comfortable


--------------------
Spectaculorum procedere debet





:mushroom2: :beer:


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OfflinePreparationH
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Re: Would You Tell Person Your Parents Are Deceased on 1st Date? [Re: encryptor]
    #13982495 - 02/18/11 12:10 AM (12 years, 11 months ago)

Quote:

encryptor said:
This girl gave me her number and I took her out for b-fast.  She told me on the date her Mom has past away.  She was getting upset just telling me, so I didn't say anything about it and just changed the conversation because I didn't want her crying there.  I could see it behind her half smile that she was deeply hurt.  I could see the corner of her mouth sinking as she tried to smile.  Seriously I was keeping things on the brighter side of life b/c I was trying to get to know her w/o getting too personal.  Now she doesn't want to go on second date.  After b-fast, she pretty much told me she had to leave to pick up her kids after we were done eating.  wtf!:heart::sad:



kids? Who the fuck cares you did yourself a favor.


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Offlineigwna
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Re: Would You Tell Person Your Parents Are Deceased on 1st Date? [Re: encryptor]
    #13982854 - 02/18/11 02:03 AM (12 years, 11 months ago)

Quote:

encryptor said:
This girl gave me her number and I took her out for b-fast.  She told me on the date her Mom has past away.  She was getting upset just telling me, so I didn't say anything about it and just changed the conversation because I didn't want her crying there.  I could see it behind her half smile that she was deeply hurt.  I could see the corner of her mouth sinking as she tried to smile.  Seriously I was keeping things on the brighter side of life b/c I was trying to get to know her w/o getting too personal.  Now she doesn't want to go on second date.  After b-fast, she pretty much told me she had to leave to pick up her kids after we were done eating.  wtf!:heart::sad:





get out of date free card

brotha, you been played


--------------------
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OfflineNIMH
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Re: Would You Tell Person Your Parents Are Deceased on 1st Date? [Re: igwna]
    #13982880 - 02/18/11 02:17 AM (12 years, 11 months ago)

Bitch be crazy... Fact you be tryina get back at her show you be crazy too!


--------------------
I must not Fear. Fear is the mindkiller . Fear is the little-death that
brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over and
through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. ONLY I WILL REMAIN.


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