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sillycy
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Living in TV, Gods voice. Unidentified Voices External Auditory Conversations
#13980008 - 02/17/11 05:09 PM (12 years, 11 months ago) |
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So for years now I've tried to find someone to experience the same things that have effected me for some years now.
As a senior in high school in '98 and the couple years that followed I had a roller coaster of experiences which in turn shaped my current life standings, perceptions, beliefs and unanswered questions.
I've actually only ever had shrooms once but used LSD heavily in that time and smoked quite a bit of weed. I've always gotten paranoid around my closest partners while smoking and it really aggravated me.
I had a little knowledge of salvation that was learned from a friend and attending various congregations of various faiths.
I had a bad experience in a smoke session with the very some friend whos Dad was a Pasteur. Told us that if we took that money to buy drugs that something bad would happen. Sure enough after we got our sack it was as if some deep hatred began to harvest and we lost friendship with one another for a very long time. Best bros for life ended in an instant.
At that time I went back to where we were staying and walked in the house to find the family members watching TV and walking past them to complete some homework that I brought with me while away. The members of the household seemed to not even notice I was present or that I even walked past them. I attempted to complete some homework but could not even function cognitively yet I could process and observe my situation to a certain degree.
I tried to take a nap and sleep this eerie feeling away. I began to hear the grandfather clock in the living room ticking but ticking with intent. Was as if it was telling me time was running out. I proceeded to walk out to the TV room where some family was gathered and a voice was present within the TV that seemed to have targeted me for some sort of conversation.
This experience with the voices with the TV I can't remember if this was the first time or if this other experience came first. It's not too relevant what's important is that it was an evil motived voice that needed something for me. Whether you call it a soul or your own permission or whatever that's what it wanted. From the earliest time it started I knew that it was or labeled it as Satan.
I'm now remembering past experiences with the TV but these other times they were good voices with well meant intentions.
So for the longest time it was as if whatever was on the tube or where ever I was, I was followed by this being that bothered me.
I've had a checkered past but nothing none of it ever caught up with me. Some deeds could be left unforgiven to most and even myself. It seems this past was catching up with me and even the real people in my life (not to say that this being wasn't real because it was and there are beings today that have communicated and that I have slightly communicated with today)seemed to be a part of this big experience that had finally crept to the surface.
Normal people in my daily walk had red eyes for a season and when I drove through town people had eyes on me before I even noticed they were there. The biggest thing of all though was that everyday conversation was linked to my thoughts as if the words they were saying meant what was needed for their talks but what I heard was something under the tone that came from the same source or disguised itself into the conversation.
The things I heard and had no choice to not listen were always in tune with my thoughts as if they knew what I was thinking. and the reality of it for me was that they did. They could know my past without any knowledge of it and without me speaking a word of it.
It was a hell in a sense for me. Very intolerable and worrisome for me.
I had some knowledge as I said of salvation and I made an effort to fast and pray and read. I want to tell you that it really was something I had to do because it was getting really bad. Living behind a family friends home in a 1/5 wheel with my family and the step dad that sleeps with the tube on 24/7 in my hell this was terrifying.
My fast began very unprofitable and turned into both a scary experience and a magnificent one. I'm grateful for it and I was able to rid myself of that experience for a time. It comes back, more less the paranoia and the reality of the past being present with everyone but with the maturity that I've gone through I'm able to manage the past a bit better and still merge all of the plateaus.
My mother freaked out after the fast and admitted me where I spent 3 weeks under observation in which the psychs monitored me and I took their trusty meds. They booted me out and said nothing was wrong with me pretty much.
After that initial fast and extreme withdrawal from the experience of the fast the force that plagued me returned and stay for some time again. Had a nervous breakdown at work and eventually they man made labeled me Paranoid-Schizophrenic. I stay medicated for over 6 years and tried every new thing the docs wanted to try. Most of the meds took that happiness away and replaced it with severe drowsiness with a stupor of thought. My cognitive functions were minimal. I've since been off meds since about 2005 and doing well. Paranoia is lifted and I'm very outgoing and able to make friends with peers and perfect strangers quite well. (Until I talk about most of the things present in this post)
So those are some of the workings of the bad experience that comes with my walk.
I've since studied with many religions and thought I've found my place a couple times. But lately with me sparking up again I'm getting revisits to that realm where I hear the voices. For the most part they are good ones and at times I've wanted to say it was God and different times ghosts of a sort with a good mission, angels testing the heart then slowly revealing bits of evidence of their presence after passing a good heart test. i don't know what else you'd call it.
So lately I've gathered courage to approach the beings on a different level in order to have them reveal who they are. Because they really are there it's not in my head and there's been enough evidence that can prove to me that they know everything about me some things about family and my current situation and even current thought. I get feedback in phrases and at times when in need of comfort in times of worry I have had a voice recently comfort me "are you okay?" When these sorts of things happen it's boggling because my body fights that it's really happening. Yet my mind is struggling to get my body to believe. I so wish the doubt would dissipate and I had a significant amount of time to understand from this being why this is happening.
It's at such a level that when it happens it feels like I'm someone of important stature and that I'm needed for something. Not that Im going to start some cult or church. I don't know what though. I've longed to find someone or people that have similar questions and have had some of this happen to them.
One more example and I'll shuddup already.
Not to get all cliche on all of you who may be reading but Tupac has brought some great things into my life via his music and lyrics.
I've believed for a long time now that he knew of something similar that I'm talking about which is why he always said you can't kill me and he'll come back. I've felt at times that he's been near me and took over the track and I hear things that I haven't heard before. Have you ever heard that line? Sure some of you have.
When killing happened and when any artist in general is on the mic I take all the heat as if whatever is said is truth and it damages me at times because what they say hurts but at other times it's a lift either way I'm not allowed to listen in the 1st person.
But this last year when I started toking again after 10 years of sobriety...LOL I've had some really neat feedback from the voices. It seems like a test of faith and an honest view of that reality that I have to consciously be aware of happening and believe it 100% then I have access. And again receive bursts of live track that doesn't seem to be there. The voices with leave proof throughout that they knew what ran through your mind and sometimes you catch it and then when you do there's another confirmation that they are there and sometimes I cry that it's nearly touchable. Literally unnatural and my body again struggles to believe it's happening which hinders a lot of my discoveries.
That's all I'm going to say for the moment. I haven't been in sync with this for a couple weeks and maybe if I get some replies I'll give some more away and share a more current situation.
If this helps anyone that's great. If anyone can relate to this even better. If anyone can quote any of it nice. I really am searching for folks who have this happen. I used to dreams of flight, spiritual resurrection and death. I also have had this power in the past that seemed to reset in a sense the earth. Hard to explain. I've had the phenomenon of perceiving I was Jesus Christ. I Hope that doesn't discredit anything above for anyone. it was a reality at the time that I couldn't deny that came on incrementally and lasted for sometimes up to a week. my interpretation of that was that he let me experience certain traits that belong to him for a time. I know know I am not the real JC I cannot say that at the time I knew I wasn't. It was more like I saw things happen and I started to believe and once I started having pride leak in from the powers that were present with me my gift was stripped.
Anyways. If anyone is too shy to post personal walk such as this or even comment feel free to PM me. I have no choice because I am searching for you!
Thanks again to anyone who read through this and any apologies to those who couldn't get through it.
Blessed Journey Friends
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lasttime
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Re: Living in TV, Gods voice. Unidentified Voices External Auditory Conversations [Re: sillycy]
#13980260 - 02/17/11 05:53 PM (12 years, 11 months ago) |
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I sympathize with you. You sound very troubled. You have to admit to yourself that these thoughts aren't real. Imagine if someone saw you talking to yourself and randomly crying... If they get worse please go get help from a doctor.
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sillycy
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Re: Living in TV, Gods voice. Unidentified Voices External Auditory Conversations [Re: sillycy]
#13980540 - 02/17/11 06:45 PM (12 years, 11 months ago) |
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I appreciate your sympathy. the past has been reconsiled to a certain extent. I can't say that it would trouble me to have someone see my crying whilst talking to the beings. Not only that, I don't verbally have to communicate they know my thoughts so it's something entirely different. Though verbally confiming things helps to eliminate doubt.
As for the telling myself they aren't real I suppose for someone to understand why you just can't do that they'd have to experience it themselves.
I don't wish it away in fact I pray for the realizations to be more frequent and for more discovery. I spent years listening to the people and filling in bubbles like Do you believe that you have special powers and having to lie to get out of places I was kept.
I enjoy the realities that occur and look forward to the good ones and have enough experience to know that there is some greater force that can protect me in greatest times of need.
I don't classify any of it as a trip really just having access to something that people normally can't and trying to find people that think alike.
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Cosmicjoker
Remember be here now


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Re: Living in TV, Gods voice. Unidentified Voices External Auditory Conversations [Re: sillycy]
#13980633 - 02/17/11 07:00 PM (12 years, 11 months ago) |
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The troubles you are having are ego related, the more oneness you get into your consciousness, the more the voices, the visions, and the thoughts, feelings and perceptions, tune into the a functioning and humbled being of higher consciousness...
-------------------- http://www.youtube.com/user/Cosmicjokester1 Check out my channel and if you want to explore further into my point of view, my website is linked on some of my videos depending on which one you watch... The channel is called "THE COSMIC JOKE (ONENESS)
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lasttime
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Re: Living in TV, Gods voice. Unidentified Voices External Auditory Conversations [Re: Cosmicjoker]
#13980730 - 02/17/11 07:18 PM (12 years, 11 months ago) |
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In my personal opinion these delusions probably stem from a desire to feel important or special in some way. That said, there are really two ways to go about this. You can either believe they are delusions, or you can believe that they are even more normal than the rest of reality.
Edited by lasttime (02/17/11 07:18 PM)
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sillycy
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Re: Living in TV, Gods voice. Unidentified Voices External Auditory Conversations [Re: lasttime]
#13980859 - 02/17/11 07:38 PM (12 years, 11 months ago) |
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The 100% of our brain that only normally gets 10% use leaves a lot of unknown. To have all the unknown labeled as delusion by so many that haven't even experienced any of the other 90% leaves me in doubt as to whether what they say is reliable. Am I the person that says my yellow is orange and everyone else needs to see orange or is everyone else that sees yellow supposed to tell me that what I'm seeing is yellow but your misfiring seeing orange.
I see what you are saying but when the unmistakable things happen that are very much separate from my own self it's hard to see it any differently. I can't just say, "ahh that's there but I shouldn't pay it any mind." It's like discovering something great and then discounting it saying none of it is worth much so I won't pay into it. I don't know. This has been my struggle to find the people that I can connect with that enjoy that sort of thing and can't deny any of it. I'd like to dissect it and figure it all out and have resolution and longer periods of intervention with it. I'm finally at a space where I'm not afraid like I was as a child and willing to further approach. If I were to discount it as invalid then there would be no motives for going any further with it.
Thank you for the continued replies. I am curious how others perceive all of this and willing to hear all sides.
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lasttime
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Re: Living in TV, Gods voice. Unidentified Voices External Auditory Conversations [Re: sillycy]
#13980973 - 02/17/11 08:01 PM (12 years, 11 months ago) |
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I understand that it's hard to "give up" on those thoughts. But that is exactly why they are delusions. but keep in mind that there are people who end up killing their wife and children thinking that they are the anti christ on a holy mission from god. and they don't think they have delusions either. Just because your experience has been friendly and pleasant so far doesn't mean it will always be that way. and trust me, I've been there man.
But it really doesn't sound to me like your thoughts are healthy. I really think you should consider talking to a psychiatrist and considering the possibility of giving up that lifestyle. You don't sound too messed up. With medicines (which, from my understanding, have improved) you could still live a normal life...But then again, I really don't expect you to take my post seriously. You will rationalize it one way or another. I know that, already. I've had a manic episode and it's almost impossible to give up those feelings...
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Cosmicjoker
Remember be here now


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Re: Living in TV, Gods voice. Unidentified Voices External Auditory Conversations [Re: lasttime]
#13981007 - 02/17/11 08:09 PM (12 years, 11 months ago) |
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Ram Dass, a spiritual teacher of mine, used to say, "If you think you are the messiah, you are probably not..."
Implying the real messiah is in us all, and we don't have to think we are the messiah... we just have to be the messiah.
It is all ONE!
-------------------- http://www.youtube.com/user/Cosmicjokester1 Check out my channel and if you want to explore further into my point of view, my website is linked on some of my videos depending on which one you watch... The channel is called "THE COSMIC JOKE (ONENESS)
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lasttime
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Re: Living in TV, Gods voice. Unidentified Voices External Auditory Conversations [Re: Cosmicjoker]
#13981029 - 02/17/11 08:13 PM (12 years, 11 months ago) |
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Yeah, ok.
where do you think that fits in with having paranoid thoughts about television?
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retrospect
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Re: Living in TV, Gods voice. Unidentified Voices External Auditory Conversations [Re: lasttime]
#13985620 - 02/18/11 04:33 PM (12 years, 11 months ago) |
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i think you would do well to go and see some sort of spiritualist healer, like a shaman..
here are a few links worth checking out, some people do stuff online;
http://www.spiritreleasement.org/NSITE/index.html http://www.soulrescuesite.com/spirit-releasement-therapy.htm http://www.insightsfromwithin.com/spirit-releasement/index.htm http://www.deeptrancenow.com/spirit-releasement.htm
i have had a similar experience, i started chatting to a "voice" or a spirit and it seemed great at first, but after a long ordeal i finally realized that all it was doing was leading me astray, decieving me, with complete nonsense
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deCypher



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Re: Living in TV, Gods voice. Unidentified Voices External Auditory Conversations [Re: retrospect]
#13989917 - 02/19/11 12:54 PM (12 years, 11 months ago) |
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OP, I would avoid from doing any kind of drug ESPECIALLY cannabis or psychedelics until (or even after) your condition improves. I wish you the best of luck! 
-------------------- We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.
 
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FishOilTheKid
Ascended


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Re: Living in TV, Gods voice. Unidentified Voices External Auditory Conversations [Re: sillycy]
#13990258 - 02/19/11 02:20 PM (12 years, 11 months ago) |
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Hi.
Truth: I have been looking for people who are willing to talk about 'the entities' too. Its all too perfectly schizophrenic to bring up around people. But, from what I have experienced... They are there; real. Both supportive and not. Mostly indifferent and judgmental. Sometimes Playful and sexual.
Also, the awakening drama of experiencing yourself as god or christ is very real too. There is this area of experience that begs to be addressed that is hard to get into before everything slides off into 'mental illness.'
Its awesome that you are talking about it all. I for one would like to hear more.
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sillycy
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Re: Living in TV, Gods voice. Unidentified Voices External Auditory Conversations [Re: FishOilTheKid]
#13991481 - 02/19/11 06:32 PM (12 years, 11 months ago) |
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Just a quick post, then I'm off to watch a flic. I appreciate the comments. Actually found a site last night with some other intellectuals at a DMT site that talk of the communication and such that I've spoken about. Found a post even about some TV interaction similar to mine. Didn't read one post of any sort in reply to the OP there that suggested any mental unwellness there. To be honest out of all the places to talk about something such as the topics I have opened up with, I expected a much different view from my replies here. No offense to anyone. I'm reading up on the mysticism or what not that refers to that God moment as the awareness of consciousness and such and that we are all god. Some interesting things I've been taking note on. But I think I might just stop talking here and bring my topic elsewhere. As for my TiT project though hoping to continue that here. I didn't bring any of this up here to get some sort of assistance as if there were a problem. Just wanted to see if there were anyone else that had similar experiences really and wanted to share things with that sort.
Thanks
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deCypher



Registered: 02/10/08
Posts: 56,232
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Re: Living in TV, Gods voice. Unidentified Voices External Auditory Conversations [Re: sillycy]
#13991526 - 02/19/11 06:40 PM (12 years, 11 months ago) |
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apologies for misinterpreting your post, then! So you're not bothered by these "flashbacks" from your bad trip at all?
-------------------- We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.
 
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lasttime
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Re: Living in TV, Gods voice. Unidentified Voices External Auditory Conversations [Re: deCypher]
#13991744 - 02/19/11 07:27 PM (12 years, 11 months ago) |
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Alright, well this will be my last post in this thread.
You are only seeking confirmation/validation to help you deny that you have a problem, which you don't want to admit. Of course you will find it here and on similar sites, where many mentally unstable people hang out.
There are many people who have had "similar experiences" - mostly schizophrenics. And, while modern medicine and treatment is no walk in the park, many of their lives have been greatly improved after they decided to seek help.
You're going to believe what you want to believe, because that's what most people do. It's much more comforting to believe that you are special in some way than to believe that you are ill.
I'll leave you with that to ponder.
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deCypher



Registered: 02/10/08
Posts: 56,232
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Re: Living in TV, Gods voice. Unidentified Voices External Auditory Conversations [Re: lasttime]
#13991825 - 02/19/11 07:45 PM (12 years, 11 months ago) |
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If he's happy with the way he is and isn't harming anyone then some would argue he doesn't have a problem.
-------------------- We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.
 
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beatnicknick
The Innovator



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Re: Living in TV, Gods voice. Unidentified Voices External Auditory Conversations [Re: deCypher]
#13994406 - 02/20/11 07:27 AM (12 years, 11 months ago) |
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Quote:
deCypher said: If he's happy with the way he is and isn't harming anyone then some would argue he doesn't have a problem. 
agreed 1000 percent.
not to hijack the thread, but,
i've felt like i'm god before and no one else exists, but that wasn't comfortable, it was lonely. i felt like i had tricked myself my entire life into believing the people around me were concious. it made me feel like communication was pointless.
i since have seen the great organizations of intelligence outside myself that i can't deny must run on their own system, whether they're in my perception or not. but it was all too real at the time i was high as fuck. anyone ever experience this?
-------------------- I don't think for myself. I think as though I'm explaining my thoughts to someone else. I'm concerned only for those listening.
Edited by beatnicknick (02/20/11 07:27 AM)
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sillycy
Stranger


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Re: Living in TV, Gods voice. Unidentified Voices External Auditory Conversations [Re: beatnicknick]
#14001226 - 02/21/11 12:57 PM (12 years, 11 months ago) |
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Beatnicknick:
Thanks for your reply. I've had these things happen both high and not high. When i am high it's seems to break down any walls I've put out and allow me to more freely see things. I'm not sure if that's the ego that goes away or not. When the communications are open it's very real and unmistakable. The duration of time inbetween these experiences are usually for me, processing the events. I wish it never ended and have been trying to figure things out for a while. The bad experiences are from the past and I dealing with some sort invisible judge now that opens a door once an inward scan if you will, a test of purity. The events usually end with me falling asleep and in the morning as if I didn't finish something.
Anyways thanks for your input. Feel free to elaborate on some of your experience(s). Also the god experience hasn't happened in a long while. I can say I wouldn't trade that type of experience for anything though. It's seeing the world through the purest eyes I know of.
Also for the posters that seems to think that these sorts of things have some link to Schizophrenia, perhaps that is the term used by those that misunderstand everything having to do with these experiences. It's their job and maybe needed for somethings IDK. My belief is that depression is caused from sin(whether it be sins of omission or commission). It's against our natural course of that divine fragment within us. As for the auditory "hallucinations" they maybe perceived as such by some and to my knowledge typical to those that have never had them as well as those that have but dismissed it merely as a trip.
I guess I chose to follow it up. The term too real is not even enough to compare these things with me. And I don't seek to obtain any sort acceptance to help me rationalize my own realities. Not for boastful purposes but I have had wonderful spiritual experiences with both religion and spirituality without the use of drugs. My biggest problem of the moment is trying to figure out how to work out these other awesome things with all of that. How does it all fit in. Why?
Just looking for others who have dealt with this sort of thing that adapted it into their life and chose not to deny it, or dismiss it as just something strange.
Spell check not needed on this one. Hurray! LOL
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foliocb
always running



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Re: Living in TV, Gods voice. Unidentified Voices External Auditory Conversations [Re: sillycy]
#14005202 - 02/22/11 12:53 AM (12 years, 11 months ago) |
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Sin implies objective good/bad. Just saying.
-------------------- ^v^
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sillycy
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Re: Living in TV, Gods voice. Unidentified Voices External Auditory Conversations [Re: foliocb]
#14005305 - 02/22/11 01:27 AM (12 years, 11 months ago) |
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You're right foliocb. Just to wing it and defend my mistake...LOL ...I feel bad even when I accidentally screw up big or small. I beat myself up over the little ****. It's actually a problem of mine. Not to devalue the depression and other things that I feel are coupled with the sins we commit, but I think it's just a natural occurrence that's manifest when we've done something wrong whether knowingly or unknowingly so we don't do it again. It's just that one we're probably held accountable for and the other we are not.
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