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OfflineShroom_i
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How my 15 year old brother accidentally committed suicide. * 7
    #13977239 - 02/17/11 01:09 AM (13 years, 16 days ago)

I'd like to credit "Upinthetrees" for inspiring me to write this out.

This story is completely and 100% truthful. I encourage you to ask questions and what not, but please, don't reply with negativity about my brother.

This may be too much information on the web for my taste, and I feel a little paranoid about it, but if it helps someone think for a second, and make a life changing choice, I'm willing to put it out there.

I'm just going to graze over the main points, because the story is so long and personal, it would take me an entire book to express it.

This will be scattered, poorly written, and not in order.



It started a year or two ago.

My neighbor, my BESTfriend, my fucking brother. He was around 13 or 14 when he began doing drugs. This was before I'd done anything more than taken a few drags off of a cigarette, when I thought weed was the devil, and anything harder than that meant you were a drug addict.

It started off innocent enough, he started smoking, cigarettes and weed. I would openly criticize his choices, and try to change him, to no avail. He begn having problems at home, tired of sneaking, and having no freedom. He felt alone, and like his family was against him, so he made a habit of running away for a few days, then coming home.

I remember sitting in his room, asking him to show me his bud, only a dime, but to me that was alot, telling him I'd give him $10 for it. I took it home, threw it near the woods, and pissed on it, just so he wouldn't be able to smoke it. I had no intentions of paying him, I was trying to help.
I know what a dick move it was now being a regular toker, but again, I was trying to help.

Eventually the weed wasn't enough. He begn his downfall, and constantly chased the dragon. All he did was get into trouble over drugs. He was back and forth between states, pawned off on other family members to try to "straighten him out." He moved on from weed, to... anything.

Coke, acid, mushrooms, heroin, angel dust, any kind of pill he could find.

He ended up halfway across the country at a rehab facility near a family members house. It was a little less than a week before his birthday. No one told him, but for his 16th birthday his dad was going to surprise him by picking him up and bringing him home.

He had a NEED for attention, it was an addiction in itself.

He would "attempt suicide" to get put on watch, just for the attention, and company.

The last time he attempted this, he broke out, for the 3rd or 4th time, stole a car, ran into another teen he had a problem with, no serious injury as far as I know. Got arrested and sent to "real" jail. In what I firmly believe to be another bid for attention, begging for the help he needed, but couldn't find himself, he strung a noose up in his cell. I've never been able to ask what he used, tied it around his neck, and "kicked the chair" so to speak. He was found a short time later, but it wasn't short enough. He died at 15 years old. We weren't related by blood, but that was my brother. I've never been so.. devastated in my entire life. There was evidence that he tried to get himself out. He fucked his arm up pretty badly trying to get out. (It was already broken.)

I've come to terms with what happened, even though I can't believe he's gone. I picture him strung up i his dark cell, fighting for life. Clawing at a chance to get out of what he'd done.

I went through the typical gult, feeling like it's my fault, because he felt like no one cared. I wasn't as close with him while he was gone, but everytime he was back, it was like nothing changed, because it hadn't. He still put me before himself, and I did the same.

Now all I have left is water-stained pictures, and his name across my wrists.

I'm not sure where this is going.

I'm all for doing what you want. Your drug of choice is just that; YOUR drug of CHOICE.

Do whatever the fuck you want, just stop to think of how bad it can be. How quickly it can go from a good time, to a disaster.
Just be careful guys, and if you see someone who needs help, give it to them.

Thanks.


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Prisoner#1 said:
[quote]destructo_low said:
Prisoner's posts by percentage.

Smart and witty - 9.9999922409044%

Kind and caring - 0.0000077590956%
[/quote]

worthy of a facepalm - 90%[/quote]

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InvisibleJesusGoneRogue
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Registered: 10/24/10
Posts: 9,495
Re: How my 15 year old brother accidentally committed suicide. [Re: Shroom_i]
    #13977256 - 02/17/11 01:16 AM (13 years, 16 days ago)

all i can say is:feelsbadman: and sorry for your loss.

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InvisibleP-O
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Registered: 05/13/09
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Re: How my 15 year old brother accidentally committed suicide. [Re: Shroom_i]
    #13977258 - 02/17/11 01:17 AM (13 years, 16 days ago)

wow.  thats an intense story. Sorry to hear about your bro

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OfflineShroom_i
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Re: How my 15 year old brother accidentally committed suicide. [Re: P-O]
    #13977268 - 02/17/11 01:26 AM (13 years, 16 days ago)

thanks alot guys, I really appreciate it. I just hope it'll kind of help someone out or something, you never know.

It's helped me.

Thank you to all the great members of the community who make this place great. A home away from home.


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Prisoner#1 said:
[quote]destructo_low said:
Prisoner's posts by percentage.

Smart and witty - 9.9999922409044%

Kind and caring - 0.0000077590956%
[/quote]

worthy of a facepalm - 90%[/quote]

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InvisibleCakk
Female

Registered: 01/30/10
Posts: 1,362
Re: How my 15 year old brother accidentally committed suicide. [Re: P-O]
    #13977275 - 02/17/11 01:29 AM (13 years, 16 days ago)

Sorry to hear it It must be really tough to lose a brother

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OfflinePreparationH
apply daily


Registered: 03/28/05
Posts: 18,335
Loc: Amsterdam
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Re: How my 15 year old brother accidentally committed suicide. [Re: P-O]
    #13977276 - 02/17/11 01:30 AM (13 years, 16 days ago)

eesh how long ago did this shit happen?

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OfflineShroom_i
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Re: How my 15 year old brother accidentally committed suicide. [Re: PreparationH] * 2
    #13977287 - 02/17/11 01:33 AM (13 years, 16 days ago)

It's horrible. But, it's done, and I can't change, so I don't dwell on the negative. I feel blessed that I had him, and I have all the crazy memories, and stories. He was a good hearted guy who couldn't deal with his problems.

Maybe I'll update this tomorrow, but probably not. I'd like to be able to tell the story a little better. It's just a jumbled mess in my head.

And march will be 8 months.


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Prisoner#1 said:
[quote]destructo_low said:
Prisoner's posts by percentage.

Smart and witty - 9.9999922409044%

Kind and caring - 0.0000077590956%
[/quote]

worthy of a facepalm - 90%[/quote]

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Invisiblebryguy27007
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Re: How my 15 year old brother accidentally committed suicide. [Re: Cakk]
    #13977290 - 02/17/11 01:34 AM (13 years, 16 days ago)

Wow, that's really terrible. My best wishes go out to you.

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OfflinePreparationH
apply daily


Registered: 03/28/05
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Re: How my 15 year old brother accidentally committed suicide. [Re: bryguy27007]
    #13977296 - 02/17/11 01:39 AM (13 years, 16 days ago)

was he older than you?

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Offlinekirilan
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Registered: 03/08/10
Posts: 3,791
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Re: How my 15 year old brother accidentally committed suicide. [Re: Shroom_i]
    #13977541 - 02/17/11 04:30 AM (13 years, 16 days ago)

:sad:

I'm sorry about your loss.
I don't know what else to say. It's a devastating story, I'm sorry you and your brother had to go through it.

Much love and good vibes
:hug:


--------------------
"The beauty of a living thing is not the atoms that go into it, but the way those atoms are put together"
Carl Sagan
:heart:

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OfflineNewbieS
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Registered: 07/18/04
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Re: How my 15 year old brother accidentally committed suicide. [Re: Shroom_i]
    #13977546 - 02/17/11 04:36 AM (13 years, 16 days ago)

I can relate.  My own mother committed suicide with pain meds when I was 17.  Things in this house haven't been the same since.  One day at a time, that's all that can really fix it.

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OfflineDrMambo
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Re: How my 15 year old brother accidentally committed suicide. [Re: Shroom_i]
    #13977548 - 02/17/11 04:37 AM (13 years, 16 days ago)

:um:

My uncle killed himself when I was that age.


--------------------
"Yeah, he's a professor...... OF BEING A DOG!"

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OfflineNewbieS
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Registered: 07/18/04
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Re: How my 15 year old brother accidentally committed suicide. [Re: DrMambo]
    #13977550 - 02/17/11 04:38 AM (13 years, 16 days ago)

My uncle killed himself in the garage with the car running just a year prior.  It seems to run in the family.

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Offlinekirilan
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Re: How my 15 year old brother accidentally committed suicide. [Re: Newbie]
    #13977553 - 02/17/11 04:42 AM (13 years, 16 days ago)

:sad:

:hug:


--------------------
"The beauty of a living thing is not the atoms that go into it, but the way those atoms are put together"
Carl Sagan
:heart:

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OfflineDrMambo
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Re: How my 15 year old brother accidentally committed suicide. [Re: Newbie]
    #13977554 - 02/17/11 04:44 AM (13 years, 16 days ago)

statistics do show such

Seeing my grandfather crying as he ordered flowers for his son's casket helped nullify suicide as a choice for me.


--------------------
"Yeah, he's a professor...... OF BEING A DOG!"

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Invisiblegerryjarcia
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Posts: 1,889
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Re: How my 15 year old brother accidentally committed suicide. [Re: Shroom_i]
    #13977668 - 02/17/11 06:22 AM (13 years, 16 days ago)

damn man, sorry to hear about losing your brother like that.


--------------------


"We are all intoxicated. We were born into an insane asylum, a world crazy-making. We believe what we see and hear. The real myth is the myth of sanity, of rationality: it's a disease that is eating away at the earth. All the poisons flow from our denial. We deny madness, we forget our crimes, we dismember the corpse, we imprison our children. We need poison to poison the poison, to remember the sacred nature of intoxication, the green body of the young god." ~ Dale Pendell

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OfflineDosile Kouki
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Registered: 03/08/10
Posts: 14,963
Loc: Paradise
Last seen: 11 years, 7 months
Re: How my 15 year old brother accidentally committed suicide. [Re: Shroom_i]
    #13977740 - 02/17/11 07:03 AM (13 years, 16 days ago)

:sad::sad::sad:


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InvisibleAsante
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Re: How my 15 year old brother accidentally committed suicide. [Re: Shroom_i]
    #13977748 - 02/17/11 07:08 AM (13 years, 16 days ago)

Thank you for sharing this. Unfortunately, these things happen, and a lot more often than most of us drug users like to admit.

We all feel for your loss, and that of the loved ones of your soul brother. Life has a way of being cruel like that, unfortunately.

An important matter in this getting so bad as it is is the fact that your soul brother was underage when he got in contact with hard drugs. Hard drugs exert strong influence on people's impulse control, and at an age of 14, the impulse control mechanisms of the brain have usually nowhere near developed completely. It might have been a completely different story if this had happend at 24 and probably would have been different if he was 34 or 44. He might not have gotten into his spiral of reckless drug taking and if he had, living on his own, he might have broken free of it without rehab, and without the nightmare of being ayoung teen being bounced around between caregivers.

This increased susceptibility of the underage to addiction and deleterious developmental and behavioral effects, along with forced dependency on caregivers, are among the reasons, alongside legal ones, that we can only allow people to be a member of this website ages 18 and over.

It's my duty as a staffer to ask you: how old are you now?


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Omnicyclion.org
higher knowledge starts here

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Invisiblememes
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Re: How my 15 year old brother accidentally committed suicide. [Re: Asante]
    #13977842 - 02/17/11 07:49 AM (13 years, 16 days ago)

:vibes:

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OfflineMello KittyS
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Re: How my 15 year old brother accidentally committed suicide. [Re: Shroom_i]
    #13977933 - 02/17/11 08:32 AM (13 years, 16 days ago)

i would like to take a second to thank u for posting this. i feel i am at rock bottom. i have had Suicidal Ideation almost my whole life even as a child. that is the one thing me and H.S.T. have in common. the one thing that draws me to him the most. i am a person of constant change. but the one comforting thing that has always stuck in my mind is the one true easy way out -suicide.

in truth, i think i was born at the wrong time or wrong era. i dont think or feel like i was meant for this world or time. i am an old soul or maybe have no soul. i am empty. purposeless. i feel any purpose i do or did have has maybe been replaced with the times/ society. most people i come across want to use and abuse me as a tool.

so i sit in my room, surrounded by 4 Walls of Hell. a Prison i have created for myself. i felt abandoned by the world at a young age, so at a young age i abandoned the world. now i have nothing, no-one, nobody. maybe i should have sent this in a PM i dunno didnt think it would come out this way..

sorry and thanx again


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