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Anonymous #1
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S&M, manipulation & fear
#13846528 - 01/25/11 08:06 AM (13 years, 6 days ago) |
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I few months ago I met this guy. He seemed awesome! We talked so much that, even though I'm shy, I confessed to him that I've always had submissive S&M fantasies but never acted on them. They're very deep, very perverted. So, he told me he had always had dominant fantasies.
Well, we acted out on these. Time went by and I've found out that he has a lot of mental health issues, as well as serious alcohol addiction. I believe that he may be manipulating me. Unfortunately, the idea that I'm being manipulated is a major turn on. I don't know what to do! He's actually gone past my limits and disregarded our "safe word". He's hurt me physically and scared me verbally way past the point of comfort. I've tried to breakup with him but he finds a way to manipulate me into seeing him again. I know it would seem easy to tell me just to be strong, but this is a SERIOUS fucking mind game that I can't handle. I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT I WAS GETTING INTO! Also, I am EXTREMELY strong. I've survived a lot of shit and have become stronger from it. IT'S JUST THAT THIS KINK I HAVE IS CAUSING ME TO STAY IN THIS POTENTIALLY VERY DANGEROUS RELATIONSHIP!
Any tips?
UPDATE: This is a HORRIBLE situation. I've formed an extreme attachment to this guy who'll probably destroy my life if I let it continue. He demands to see me all the time (of course, he masks his demands with various guilt trips and subtle language), and I'm falling behind on my work/various projects due to lack of time. He keeps me up late so that I drag through work. It's awful! I actually feel like I'm in love with him. I'm going to look into getting professional help to ease out of this situation. Its the only thing I can think of. Seriously, he is an expert manipulator, maybe even has a genius for it - and I'm the perfect victim.
Edited by Anonymous (01/28/11 08:16 AM)
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Sleepwalker
Overshoes

Registered: 05/07/08
Posts: 5,503
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Kinky and sexy could become dangerous and deadly.  Gather your willpower and get out while you can IMO. Find someone else to dominate you safely (but not too safely )
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Nightsky
Kingslayer



Registered: 01/10/11
Posts: 32
Last seen: 11 years, 7 months
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I too enjoy kinky stuff such as that, but there is also a level of comfort that must be maintained. Personally, if I'm not comfortable I would get out especially if he's as bad as you say.
I hope everything turns out well and your safe.
--------------------
I see. I grasp. I possess. I examine.
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arekusu
Stranger than You


Registered: 10/13/09
Posts: 501
Last seen: 12 years, 1 month
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Re: S&M, manipulation & fear [Re: Nightsky]
#13847453 - 01/25/11 11:52 AM (13 years, 5 days ago) |
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Get out of it. Some people are just rotten to the core.
-------------------- Moodion said: There's only one way to answer that frustrating question of "what was it like?". You hand the fucker The Machine packed with an 80mg dose and wave goodbye.
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andrewss
precariously aggrandized


Registered: 08/17/07
Posts: 8,725
Loc: ohio
Last seen: 1 month, 13 days
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Re: S&M, manipulation & fear [Re: arekusu]
#13847752 - 01/25/11 12:39 PM (13 years, 5 days ago) |
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shoot him
-------------------- Jesus loves you.
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dummy
I am you and what I see is me


Registered: 09/29/08
Posts: 3,973
Last seen: 1 year, 8 months
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Re: S&M, manipulation & fear [Re: andrewss]
#13847898 - 01/25/11 01:03 PM (13 years, 5 days ago) |
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i really don't think you needany tips at all. you know to do. if you want it you'll stay. if you don't you'll leave. wtf else can we tell you? come on now...
i guess to put it in another way; stop blaming him for the shit you do to yourself. he's just a tool that you use to hurt yourself. you get none of my sympathy, not to be a dick. but really... come on now...
-------------------- People never seem to know what they least suspect is coming next.
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Anonymous #2
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Quote:
Anonymous said: I few months ago I met this guy. He seemed awesome! We talked so much that, even though I'm shy, I confessed to him that I've always had submissive S&M fantasies but never acted on them. They're very deep, very perverted. So, he told me he had always had dominant fantasies.
Well, we acted out on these. Time went by and I've found out that he has a lot of mental health issues, as well as serious alcohol addiction. I believe that he may be manipulating me. Unfortunately, the idea that I'm being manipulated is a major turn on. I don't know what to do! He's actually gone past my limits and disregarded our "safe word". He's hurt me physically and scared me verbally way past the point of comfort. I've tried to breakup with him but he finds a way to manipulate me into seeing him again. I know it would seem easy to tell me just to be strong, but this is a SERIOUS fucking mind game that I can't handle. I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT I WAS GETTING INTO! Also, I am EXTREMELY strong. I've survived a lot of shit and have become stronger from it. IT'S JUST THAT THIS KINK I HAVE IS CAUSING ME TO STAY IN THIS POTENTIALLY VERY DANGEROUS RELATIONSHIP!
Any tips?
Mate if hes ignoring your safe word then you seriously need to either get out of the relationship or find a way of re asserting some bounderies.
However, i am wondering whether part of the problem is whether you are ignoring his ignoring your safe word...i am thinking that when you are aroused in a submissive way it may have added some more excitement to it all for you.
If this is the case, you need to get your head into gear. You are bang on when you refer to it as potentially very dangerous.
As the dominator he has a responsibility to be sensitive to your vulnerability as a being who gets off on being disempowered and assert some boundaries that will prevent you from getting hurt as someone that he cares about. If he is unable to do this, then he has a dark problem and you really need to stay well clear!
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k00laid
NEMO


Registered: 05/03/10
Posts: 19,636
Last seen: 6 months, 3 days
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Quote:
Anonymous said: I've tried to breakup with him but he finds a way to manipulate me into seeing him again.
protip: stop being his doormat.
-------------------- AMU - AMU Q & A - MyVideo Teks!
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psychedelico
day trippin


Registered: 06/30/10
Posts: 443
Last seen: 12 years, 10 months
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Re: S&M, manipulation & fear [Re: k00laid]
#13848750 - 01/25/11 03:50 PM (13 years, 5 days ago) |
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you could crazy him back and murk his ass.
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dshow
Nomad



Registered: 01/22/09
Posts: 5,255
Last seen: 12 years, 2 months
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Your saying your strong. Yet your still in this. Get out. Thats the tip.
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Lennyk
D-O-L-E Dole


Registered: 04/22/08
Posts: 2,385
Loc: Near the Ground
Last seen: 12 years, 6 months
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Quote:
Anonymous said: I few months ago I met this guy. He seemed awesome! We talked so much that, even though I'm shy, I confessed to him that I've always had submissive S&M fantasies but never acted on them. They're very deep, very perverted. So, he told me he had always had dominant fantasies.
Well, we acted out on these. Time went by and I've found out that he has a lot of mental health issues, as well as serious alcohol addiction. I believe that he may be manipulating me. Unfortunately, the idea that I'm being manipulated is a major turn on. I don't know what to do! He's actually gone past my limits and disregarded our "safe word". He's hurt me physically and scared me verbally way past the point of comfort. I've tried to breakup with him but he finds a way to manipulate me into seeing him again. I know it would seem easy to tell me just to be strong, but this is a SERIOUS fucking mind game that I can't handle. I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT I WAS GETTING INTO! Also, I am EXTREMELY strong. I've survived a lot of shit and have become stronger from it. IT'S JUST THAT THIS KINK I HAVE IS CAUSING ME TO STAY IN THIS POTENTIALLY VERY DANGEROUS RELATIONSHIP!
Any tips?
This isn't bdsm this is abuse! It makes a mockery of the lifestyle and gives it a bad name. I have domed gals my age, and even many years older than me (late 50's). I adapt my doming to their tastes from sadistic to mild and such. Always looking at their status, making sure they didn't slip into a bad place. Even though they are a sub, they have to trust you enough to let get, but know they are always in control if it becomes too intense. Always talking to them after to see what was good, bad, maybe could improve.
If you don't have this type of communication, care, and trust someone is going to be in the ER or dead one day. BDSM is not for selfish morons with mental issues. Doming is a challenge, you have to be creative and caring and put the safety of your sub above all else. Even the most 'sadistic doms that use you for anything they want' put up a good act or are too dangerous to engage in bdsm with.
Seriously, if all play isn't stopping and he isn't figuring out exactly what is wrong when a safe word is called, that is grounds to never see him again and I would look into pressing charges and suing him. No lie. That is bullshit.
-------------------- Stealth Lighting Cubensis benefits beyond cluster headaches Mush Extract! (You can even use Vinegar!) Flame your needle in style with a sexy mini butane torch ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ What happens in the Romper Room, stays in the Romper Room. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ All posts are written by the sex deprived helper monkey Curious George.
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Maharishi_2_U
Opt Out Super Fag


Registered: 10/21/09
Posts: 6,316
Loc: The Streets
Last seen: 8 years, 10 months
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Re: S&M, manipulation & fear [Re: Lennyk]
#13858444 - 01/27/11 07:17 AM (13 years, 4 days ago) |
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Get a tzaer.... New safe word = Bzzzzzzzzzt! BC
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German Kahuna
Facepalmer of Stoopid


Registered: 10/31/08
Posts: 15,798
Loc: On a Chemical Vacation
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Quote:
boredcertified said: Get a tzaer.... New safe word = Bzzzzzzzzzt! BC
-------------------- "Vegetarian" [ /ˌvedʒəˈteəriən/] - Ancient slang meaning "village idiot who can't hunt, fish or ride".
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Psychopathic666
Mycology and axolotl enthusiast



Registered: 12/26/10
Posts: 1,129
Loc: NE Ohio, USA
Last seen: 5 years, 12 days
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This is abuse. Abuse is illegal. I am turned on by people bleeding on eachother and tentacle rape (demon hentai) and shit like that, but not abuse. That's not kinky shit. Get the fuck away from him before he murders you.
-------------------- Like what I say? Add to my reputation! If you're interested in axolotls please PM me!
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Psilocyentist
Carbon based


Registered: 11/04/10
Posts: 858
Loc:
Last seen: 5 years, 6 months
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Get out. Just do it. Don't think about it anymore just leave. If you really want to do it you will. You should also really examine what personal issues led you to this type of relationship and cause you to want to stay.
-------------------- I know, I know you probably scream and cry That your little world won't let you go
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Anonymous #1
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Re: S&M, manipulation & fear [Re: dummy]
#13864910 - 01/28/11 08:23 AM (13 years, 2 days ago) |
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Quote:
dummy said: i guess to put it in another way; stop blaming him for the shit you do to yourself. he's just a tool that you use to hurt yourself. you get none of my sympathy, not to be a dick. but really... come on now...
When I say he's manipulative, I'm not blaming him. I mean, his manipulative behavior is a large part of the problem, true, but I put myself in the situation, I know. The trouble is it's like being in a canoe without a paddle. I'm going to have to jump out and swim to shore or find some other technique. It's hard to imagine if you've never been in a situation like this. It's a mind bender.
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Anonymous #1
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Re: S&M, manipulation & fear [Re: Lennyk]
#13864921 - 01/28/11 08:29 AM (13 years, 2 days ago) |
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Quote:
Lennyk said: Seriously, if all play isn't stopping and he isn't figuring out exactly what is wrong when a safe word is called, that is grounds to never see him again and I would look into pressing charges and suing him. No lie. That is bullshit.
It's really scary, but since this is my first time doing this I've somehow formed a really strong bond and feel like I've fallen in love with him. I know he's dangerous. His ex wife has a restraining order against him. I'm in trouble. I don't know what I was thinking. I guess I couldn't have known in the beginning. He seemed so sane and charming. He's out of his mind though. Apparently I am too.
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dummy
I am you and what I see is me


Registered: 09/29/08
Posts: 3,973
Last seen: 1 year, 8 months
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you're right i don't know what it is to be in a situation like that. it seems like you could just leave and never pick up his calls.
-------------------- People never seem to know what they least suspect is coming next.
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