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Offlinewyldtouch69
You heard ofhell well i wassent from it

Registered: 09/25/02
Posts: 2,817
Last seen: 8 years, 5 months
WTF? I am going crazy
    #1350777 - 03/04/03 08:17 PM (13 years, 9 months ago)

I think I have major insecurities and abdoment issues.

Like, when my girl doesn't call me, or she's too busy to talk to or see me, I go all crazy and think she's tweaking. Even though she usually calls around 10:30-11pm every night half-asleep to tell me goodnight. or if I see her and she's acting the least bit jittery I get all crazy, and accuse her of it. It really puts a strain on an already shaky relationship. Sometimes if I just wake up in the morning and see she didn't send me a text message on the phone, like she usually does in the morning, I just freak out and am thrown into this deep depression for the whole day, only to get my usual nightly call and feeling like an idiot afterwards. I know she's really trying to clean up and not do that anymore cuz her brother is really on her case about it now. It's an everyday battle, I worry too much about it. My stomach ties in knots, I race and pace, millions of thoughts go through my head... than she'll call and as soon as I hear her voice suddenly everything is OK and the rest of my day is just fine and dandy.

I guess I'm afraid I'm going to lose her to meth again. She's done so good, she's come so far, and I am proud of her... and in my heart I have faith in her, that's she's gonna make it, but everyday my brain just goes haywire.

This is driving me crazy


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Offlinejoeshitragpicker
Home Sweet Home

Registered: 10/17/02
Posts: 1,265
Loc: Atlanta
Last seen: 3 years, 2 months
Re: WTF? I am going crazy [Re: wyldtouch69]
    #1350802 - 03/04/03 08:32 PM (13 years, 9 months ago)

I know how ya feel, wyld.
I have lost many of my closest friends to crank. It is a fucking evil thing. Nothing that you say to them can make them change. It is the most helpless feeling in the world. Like watching a train wreck in slow- mo.

It sounds like you need to trust her which is something that is earned over time. If she just recently relapsed, there is no reason for you to trust her at all right now.
But you feeling all fucked up if she doesnt call you twice a day is def. a problem. Have you told her that you are worried about her?


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Offlinewyldtouch69
You heard ofhell well i wassent from it

Registered: 09/25/02
Posts: 2,817
Last seen: 8 years, 5 months
Re: WTF? I am going crazy [Re: joeshitragpicker]
    #1350818 - 03/04/03 08:40 PM (13 years, 9 months ago)

yeah... she knows that aside from her immediate family, I'm the person that cares for her the most. and she's really trying I think. she doesn't really do anything wrong, I just get so crazy when I get just a hint of suspicion... I know that it will be hard trusting her right now, but I think I'm going a little too crazy and I don't know how to stop my mind from assuming the worst when I don't hear from her.


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OfflineSkikid16
fungus fan

Registered: 06/27/02
Posts: 5,666
Loc: In the middle of the nort...
Last seen: 11 years, 8 months
Re: WTF? I am going crazy [Re: wyldtouch69]
    #1350929 - 03/04/03 09:31 PM (13 years, 9 months ago)

I think you have to realize that there is only so much that you can do. She can make her own choices. Let go of the fear that you may loose her one day, cause that is a very real possibility. Just try to do the best that you can, and if you loose her, at least you did all you could.



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Re-Defeat Bush in '04


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Offlinewyldtouch69
You heard ofhell well i wassent from it

Registered: 09/25/02
Posts: 2,817
Last seen: 8 years, 5 months
Re: WTF? I am going crazy [Re: Skikid16]
    #1351040 - 03/04/03 10:40 PM (13 years, 9 months ago)

I know she can make her own choices. I also know that I can't stop her from doing it, she has to want to stop herself. We've had several talks about this... If she chooses to include it in her life, then she chooses to exclude me... I love her more than anything, but I will not stand by while she ruins herself... main thing is i don't want her sneaking behind my back and lying to me. she has always been honest when it came to this, telling me when she did it... granted it's always after the fact. that's why i get so worried when she doesn't call, cuz in the past, when i was stupid and thought i could stop her, she would go days without calling me, not answering the phone when I called, and not talking to me when we saw each other at work... then she would comedown and call me and say sorry and it wont happen again blah blah blah... and i'd always be a pushover and let it happen.

last time she went on a little binge i stopped by her house and caught her smoking that shit... I left town for two weeks and didn't talk to her any... and when she called I wouldnt answer my phone... then she started calling from mutual friends' houses and calling cards so i didnt know it was her... I think that last time when she saw i was serious it really hit hard. not to mention i told her brother... see her dad is in prison for manufactoring and trafficking that shit, and her older brother is the closest thing to a dad she has. now i think she's really trying to be better, i think she realized what she was doing to herself and the people who love her.

but i still go crazy when she doesn't call, i just see it as the familiar pattern starting again.


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OfflineSkikid16
fungus fan

Registered: 06/27/02
Posts: 5,666
Loc: In the middle of the nort...
Last seen: 11 years, 8 months
Re: WTF? I am going crazy [Re: wyldtouch69]
    #1351696 - 03/05/03 07:18 AM (13 years, 9 months ago)

Quote:

but i still go crazy when she doesn't call, i just see it as the familiar pattern starting again.


It's the hardest thing to see someone that you care about go through something that you know will only hurt them in the end, but that is part of caring, being able to respect that person enough to allow them to make their own decisions, and deal with the consequences of those decisions.

Best of luck.


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Re-Defeat Bush in '04


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