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OfflineMrBump
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Registered: 10/01/02
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self-defeating thoughts
    #1348534 - 03/03/03 07:27 PM (13 years, 10 months ago)

I sometimes ( I mean most times) give up on things- love, career goals, approaching people- before they even start or have a chance to happen for me. I have a self-sabatoging attitude that prsesents itself at the weirdest times, times when self-improvement and personal advancement (gain) are completely in my grasp. Example-- I tend bar part-time at an up-scale, yuppyish jazz club (day job is a para-legal) and last Friday I hit it off well with a woman who I could tell really dug me. She was pretty, intellegent and not pretentious in any way- a very cool chick. She got her friend to bring up GF, BF shit and made it obvious that she was single. Her friend asked me if I had a GF and for some reason Yes came out of my mouth... although I am single. Regardless to say they left with in 15 min and the other bartender who noticed how this girl was looking at me asked what happened and why i didnt get her number... I couldnt answer him out of shame. I just kept thinking " Well she will find out later that I smoke weed, she will see me in more harsh a light and reject my appearence, she will see my apartment and think it was not stylish or clean or some crap and she wont call again. Basically I feel I am saving myself future embarrassment, rejection ect. by doing and saying things like this though i always feel like a complete dumb ass after the fact (shoulda coulda but didnt). Other examples include not having the balls to ask for advice and help from people who can help me get into Law School. Im afraid to ask for letters of reccommendation or general help with grad school out of fear an attorney wont give me one. Will they think Im too incompetent or stupid to risk putting their effort into helping me... I'm sure others feel this way as well and I cant think of any way to crawl out this self-depreciating attitude. Any advice would be great.


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If it weren't for the bloody corpses, I wouldn't have any corpses at all.

There are two ways to get to the top of an oak tree: start climbing or sit on an acorn.

Are you a carrot, an egg, or a coffee bean?


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OfflineJourney
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Registered: 06/27/04
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Last seen: 12 years, 2 months
Re: self-defeating thoughts [Re: MrBump]
    #1348645 - 03/03/03 08:35 PM (13 years, 10 months ago)

I used to be just like you. I know exactly what you mean. You have to take things one step at a time. Set small goals for yourself , and make sure you follow through with them, If you dont then you'll never get anywhere. Trust me on this one, It will help you build confidence.
Good luck!


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Anonymous #1

Re: self-defeating thoughts [Re: MrBump]
    #1348726 - 03/03/03 09:20 PM (13 years, 10 months ago)

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OfflineMrBump
Third prize is you're fired
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Registered: 10/01/02
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Re: self-defeating thoughts [Re: ]
    #1348749 - 03/03/03 09:44 PM (13 years, 10 months ago)

thanks, I know life is worse. i work for a non-profit firm that deals strictly with the indigent and elderly, life can be worse, I deal with that daily. It is a lack of self esteem and confidence and all that, I just cant shake it, I cant stop fearing what others think of me or how I reflect myself on others. I have the college degree (actaully 2) and some grad school and Im not bad looking either, not as bad as I think of myself. I just dont know, the negatives always outweigh the positives, thier is no getting around it. Im extremely shy most times, its hard to open up to anyone. Especially someoene I might hav a chance of caring about. So waht I recognize the problem, I cannot afford any therapy ( nor do I want it) but I also think punching holes into walls is not the answer-- I just have that much practical sense in me. Its a genral anxeity and fear in social situations that keeps me from living a normal life. And no prescription drugs do not work on me ( I last saw a Pychiatrist in my teens about 5 years ago, prozac and others are not helpful), sadly I only lose these inhibitions when drinking a few pints or something similar. I realize that using alcohol and pot and other things is a crutch, but realization ofthe problem is still not getting me farther into knowing myself or helping myself. Christ the last thing I need is some prescription-- by the way using is a crutch but also the only release of inhibitions that I feel works. I dont abuse either heavily, but I view them as a neccessary means.... sigh.


--------------------
If it weren't for the bloody corpses, I wouldn't have any corpses at all.

There are two ways to get to the top of an oak tree: start climbing or sit on an acorn.

Are you a carrot, an egg, or a coffee bean?


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Anonymous #1

Re: self-defeating thoughts [Re: MrBump]
    #1348762 - 03/03/03 09:52 PM (13 years, 10 months ago)

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InvisibleZero7a1
Leaving YourWasteland

Registered: 10/23/02
Posts: 3,594
Loc: Passing Cloud
Re: self-defeating thoughts [Re: MrBump]
    #1349872 - 03/04/03 01:09 PM (13 years, 10 months ago)

i have a simmilar problem. im willign to give up on stuff if it doesnt show any signs of improvement, except for my own psychological mental development, or my art or learning things i want to learn. ive always felt like ive been growing up like ive been in some dark cold wet rusty place. no comfort or shelter. im sure i could benefit from a loving relationship, but my last one fucked up horribly, and im not ready to get involved with the same kind of bs again. i can communicate with people but sometimes im cynical when i see what people find as weird or something and i will just keep acting that way and eventually they will stop talking to me. a part of me likes it, defying peoples expectations. I dont think it helped i never really had a father or didnt really have any friends growing up. ive been over run by self defeating thoughts. i feel like ive been checked. it sucks and i hate thinking about how my life hasnt really gotten anywhere. i really dont know whats happened when i look back at my life, its just not really gone anywhere or been very fufilling, dont really like looking back, i just try to look forward. maybe things will change for me and i wont be caught in the same cycle or stuck in the same bs. i guess i dont know too much advice. but from my own experience what Mr. Mushrooms says rings true to me along with journey. guess ill have to take it at baby steps and make a real effort at it. hope college will help sort things out, i need a change of lifestyle.


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