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InvisibleComputerism
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How Do You Let Go of Grudges?
    #13405643 - 10/29/10 11:05 AM (13 years, 4 months ago)

I'm a pretty uptight guy in general and I notice I can really hold a grudge. I remember people who did me wrong as early as Junior High and probably even earlier than that. I remember it all and I fantasize about doing harm to them somehow.

What should I do? Should I use the forbidden rituals I found in a grimoire to spread death and disease among those who anger me? Or is there some way I can just let it go? I'd be fine with just ridding it from my consciousness so it's no longer part of my day-to-day life.

There was one guy that was lowly enough for me to bully in school. If anyone put a curse on me, you'd think it would be him... but usually it's the ones you least suspect. The ones you didn't even know you hurt.

:wizard: :feelsbadman:

Remember this kids: You never know who's going to grow up to buy a grimoire.


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Butterfly in the sky, I can go twice as high. :gethigh:

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Offlinekelpfish
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Re: How Do You Let Go of Grudges? [Re: Computerism]
    #13405663 - 10/29/10 11:09 AM (13 years, 4 months ago)

Its easy you just let go
You forget about it and move the fuck on no matter who got hurt you or him.
You can't live in the past but you can remember if you choose to.

A grudge is worthless and something you will regret. But if you live free then you regret nothing.

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InvisibleFunkadelics
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Re: How Do You Let Go of Grudges? [Re: kelpfish]
    #13405698 - 10/29/10 11:18 AM (13 years, 4 months ago)

You need to forgive, that has been the fastest way for me. But forgiving is hard. You need to flex it like a muscle so it gets stronger.

:peace:


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OfflineChronicCluster
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Re: How Do You Let Go of Grudges? [Re: kelpfish]
    #13405724 - 10/29/10 11:23 AM (13 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

kelpfish said:
Its easy you just let go
You forget about it and move the fuck on no matter who got hurt you or him.
You can't live in the past but you can remember if you choose to.

A grudge is worthless and something you will regret. But if you live free then you regret nothing.



Just forget about it?  It's not important enough for me to waste brain cells on.


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InvisibleComputerism
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Re: How Do You Let Go of Grudges? [Re: ChronicCluster]
    #13405759 - 10/29/10 11:27 AM (13 years, 4 months ago)

Yeah, it's easy for some of you. For some of us it doesn't come so easy. We can't just snap out of it. Just when you think you've forgotten, it's back.


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Butterfly in the sky, I can go twice as high. :gethigh:

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Offlineclctvsl
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Re: How Do You Let Go of Grudges? [Re: Computerism]
    #13405776 - 10/29/10 11:29 AM (13 years, 4 months ago)

So what if he/she hurt you.  The actions that people took against you are likely because of deep seeded insecurities of theirs.  The law of destiny will take care of them.  Just let it pass and live your life to the fullest.

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InvisibleComputerism
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Re: How Do You Let Go of Grudges? [Re: clctvsl]
    #13405805 - 10/29/10 11:32 AM (13 years, 4 months ago)

So anyone gonna give me any techniques for letting go of grudges? Or am I just barking at a brick wall here?

(I apologize if I sound cranky.) :smile:


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Butterfly in the sky, I can go twice as high. :gethigh:

Edited by Computerism (10/29/10 11:35 AM)

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OfflineChronicCluster
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Re: How Do You Let Go of Grudges? [Re: Computerism]
    #13405831 - 10/29/10 11:37 AM (13 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

Computerism said:
Yeah, it's easy for some of you. For some of us it doesn't come so easy. We can't just snap out of it. Just when you think you've forgotten, it's back.



Quote:

Computerism said:
So anyone gonna give me any techniques for letting go of grudges? Or am I just barking at a brick wall here?



Either its easy or it isn't.
Those of us who just don't care about such things cannot give you advice.
It's almost like a normal person telling a depressed person to 'snap out of it.'

It'll probably take a lot of work on your part to get rid of the deep seated habits that cause you to get that angry to begin with.

Personally I get pissed as hell at some things.  and then my attention wanders around and I forget all about it.
:shrug:


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InvisibledeCypher
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Re: How Do You Let Go of Grudges? [Re: Computerism]
    #13405840 - 10/29/10 11:38 AM (13 years, 4 months ago)

http://viewonbuddhism.org/Meditations/love_forgiveness_meditation.html

Or you could always annihilate them with black magick and rest satisfied knowing that you have become a living Agent of Karma.  The trouble with cursing, however, is that it generally relies on the exercise of darker emotions such as rage, and things only tend to get easier with practice.

Quote:

An old Cherokee is teaching his grandson about life. "A fight is going on inside me," he said to the boy.

"It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One is evil - he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego." He continued, "The other is good - he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. The same fight is going on inside you - and inside every other person, too."

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, "Which wolf will win?"

The old Cherokee simply replied, "The one you feed."




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We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.

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InvisibleComputerism
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Re: How Do You Let Go of Grudges? [Re: deCypher]
    #13405858 - 10/29/10 11:43 AM (13 years, 4 months ago)

Yes, I have huge amounts of apocalyptic rage and I need to channel it somewhere, but ritual magick isn't really my thing. It's tempting, but not right for me.

I have a temper problem in general, like ChronicCluster asserted. So I guess if I didn't get so pissed in the first place, there would be no trauma to remember.


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Butterfly in the sky, I can go twice as high. :gethigh:

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Offlineivander
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Re: How Do You Let Go of Grudges? [Re: Computerism]
    #13405943 - 10/29/10 12:02 PM (13 years, 4 months ago)

The process of forgiving is easy as much as you want and make it to be. And its not just about forgiving them for something they did. You should forgive yourself first, and them move on to others.
I am certain there is some voice inside of you telling you, hey, these guys did wrong on me, and then all the fantasies come in about torture and revenge. But if you forgive the part of you which is creating these fantasies, then you can move on ..


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Those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music. - Nietzsche

I've never faked a sarcasm in my life. True story.

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Offlinedeff
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Re: How Do You Let Go of Grudges? [Re: ivander]
    #13406341 - 10/29/10 01:46 PM (13 years, 4 months ago)

you could try metta bhavana meditation

it involves first visualizing white light of love filling healing and wishing happiness on yourself, then you do this to a close friend, then to a neutral acquaintance, then to an enemy. next you visualize all four people and give love to all four equally - then expand this loving light to all beings in all directions equally. each time you do it you could switch the enemy you choose, or you could mix it up a bit and include more than one enemy at a time. the goal is to cultivate universal lovingkindness and also equanimity - seeing all beings as equal.

also understanding karma helps a ton. when someone harms you it's really a product of your own karma ripening. by retaliating, not only do you not solve the original problem (the past cannot be changed) but you then plant more negative karmic seeds for more future suffering. i've heard using black magick is very bad karma, and makes for a very difficult life if one goes down that route. also, being a victim of black magick sucks - it can be very very difficult to get rid of, and can ruin someone's entire life - please don't use it ! also, understanding karma means you know they've harmed themselves through harming you - so karma will already "get revenge" without your aid (not that getting revenge is a good thing - forgiveness is amazing)

also, one of the six perfections in mahayana buddhism - the necessary traits to perfect to reach buddhahood - is patience. this means being harmed and not getting angry in return. in order to cultivate this we actually need to be harmed, just as to cultivate charity we need charitable causes and people/beggers. so you can look at negative situations as great teachers in your development of patience, and even be glad. also, for someone to act nonvirtuously towards others, odds are they were already in a pretty low state of mind and suffering. happy people are ususally compassionate i think.

patience, forgiveness, letting go etc are all skills though, so they take practice. it isn't something that will likely change overnight but with enough repeated meditations and contemplations on the matter, it's very possible to change :sun:


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InvisibledeCypher
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Re: How Do You Let Go of Grudges? [Re: deff]
    #13406420 - 10/29/10 02:09 PM (13 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

deff said:
i've heard using black magick is very bad karma, and makes for a very difficult life if one goes down that route. also, being a victim of black magick sucks - it can be very very difficult to get rid of, and can ruin someone's entire life - please don't use it !




Yeah, it just doesn't seem to be very nice.  :lol:

Some interesting quotes from Confessions of a Dark Sorceror:

Quote:

There is a seductive joy in wielding dark power that is difficult to resist, and difficult to explain, but in the end, it will consume you, as it consumes all things, for that is its nature. As far as I know, none of what I did was technically illegal in the criminal law sense of the word, but that matters little in the court of the soul.

...

You cannot know (God I hope not!) how seductive and fiendishly clever the dark side is. It calls to me still, even now as I write this. As I write of my foolish misadventures, I feel my dark self within me, smirking, probing for weakness, whispering of dark majesty to me.




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We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.

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OfflinejivJaN
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Re: How Do You Let Go of Grudges? [Re: Computerism]
    #13406478 - 10/29/10 02:27 PM (13 years, 4 months ago)

Techniques ?
you wanna make a soup and drink it and magically feel no resentment towards them anymore ?

Forgiveness comes through understanding.
If you randomly run into me on the street and i end up knocking your lights out , you will be angry and wish for bad things to happen to me.

But if you knew that i found out i had cancer that day.. you would instantly forgive me because you would know that i was merely carrying out my own revenge.

Knowledge and understanding.


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---------------------

All my posts in this forum are strictly fictional.
They are derived from an acute mental illness , from which i am forced to lie compulsively.
I have never induced any kind of mind altering substance in my life  and i have no intentions whatsoever of doing anything illegal.
If I have ever suggested such a thing it would have most likely been , due to my personality disorder and i probably do not remember it at all..

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Offlinefoliocb
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Re: How Do You Let Go of Grudges? [Re: jivJaN]
    #13406560 - 10/29/10 02:45 PM (13 years, 4 months ago)

Live in the moment. simplest answer/technique I can suggest. If you live in the now, then you won't be dwelling on the past, nor worrying about the future. Instead, you'll reflect on the past, and plan ahead for the future, but you will live in the now.

I have an awkward memory system as well, infact I still remember bad things people did to me when i was in grade school, even when i was in kindergarten infact, and I still see some of my old classmates loafing around sometimes back home. I would speak to some of them sometimes, even the ones that used to bully me and such- and us being 21 now, most of them didn't even remember that far back into their childhood, they simply moved on and deleted it from their heads somehow. I've come to the conclusion that i have above average long term memory, and no longer bother with these type of memories... we were all young and we all did stupid, hurtful things back then. It is interesting though, all of those people in school who were the 'badasses' and jocks, bullies and such are the most miserable looking people to me, all either really depressing with kids and such, and just overall lowlifes back here at home...

I guess i'm just one of those 'forgive but never forgets' type of person... but just do whatever makes you happy in life and just move on- as to what you should do in order to move on, well that's up to you... I prefer music/playing guitar/boxing/working out... just about anything that focuses on my betterment :cheers:


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^v^

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Offlinecircastes
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Re: How Do You Let Go of Grudges? [Re: foliocb]
    #13406652 - 10/29/10 03:08 PM (13 years, 4 months ago)

Keep replaying negative events in your life over and over until you no longer care/react, then just forget about them. You'll condition your brain not to give a shit about others and their stupidity. You'll become immune. That's how you deal with egotistical people.


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My solitude...
My shield...
My armour...

TESTED
WITH
FULL
FORCE

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InvisibleComputerism
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Re: How Do You Let Go of Grudges? [Re: jivJaN]
    #13406702 - 10/29/10 03:18 PM (13 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

jivJaN said:
Techniques ?
you wanna make a soup and drink it and magically feel no resentment towards them anymore ?




There is alcohol and opiates, but those are only temporary.


Quote:

Forgiveness comes through understanding.
If you randomly run into me on the street and i end up knocking your lights out , you will be angry and wish for bad things to happen to me.

But if you knew that i found out i had cancer that day.. you would instantly forgive me because you would know that i was merely carrying out my own revenge.





I wouldn't forgive you, but if you knocked my lights out, I would be glad to hear you were dying of cancer. Since you were getting what you deserved, I could let it go emotionally. You'd still deserve to get clocked in the face.


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Butterfly in the sky, I can go twice as high. :gethigh:

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OfflineChronicCluster
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Re: How Do You Let Go of Grudges? [Re: circastes]
    #13406765 - 10/29/10 03:31 PM (13 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:



I wouldn't forgive you, but if you knocked my lights out, I would be glad to hear you were dying of cancer. Since you were getting what you deserved, I could let it go emotionally. You'd still deserve to get clocked in the face.



So people deserve to die if they hit you?
:awewtf:

Quote:

circastes said:
Keep replaying negative events in your life over and over until you no longer care/react, then just forget about them. You'll condition your brain not to give a shit about others and their stupidity. You'll become immune. That's how you deal with egotistical people.




Everytime that I replay negative events over and over,  it just gets me more and more angry... 
It doesn't stop.  it just keeps building and building.... 
You don't become immune to it.


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InvisibleComputerism
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Re: How Do You Let Go of Grudges? [Re: ChronicCluster]
    #13406818 - 10/29/10 03:42 PM (13 years, 4 months ago)

Quote:

ChronicCluster said:
So people deserve to die if they hit you?
:awewtf:





People also deserve to die if they cut me off on the interstate or install my dishwasher wrong or vote Republican.


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Butterfly in the sky, I can go twice as high. :gethigh:

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Offlinekelpfish
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Re: How Do You Let Go of Grudges? [Re: Computerism]
    #13406864 - 10/29/10 03:56 PM (13 years, 4 months ago)

Sally, take my hand
Travel south crossland
Put out the fire
And don't look past my shoulder


...Don't dwell on the days of yesterday the only reason why you remember what happen so far back is because it made a mark on you either bad or good it made you happy or angry and what we remember the most is how we feel at that time...our own emotions.

Forgive and always forget if you can't forget then how can you forgive to move on? Simple...You can't...hypocrites !

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